Do you think the groom's sister should be in the wedding party?

[browneyes106]

ll

 

[mrsv98]

My best friend is really hurting right now. She only has one brother. She had another brother that died 8 years ago. Her brother is getting married to a woman with four children. Two boys and two girls. My friend has never been in a wedding and was really hoping she would at least get to be in her brother's wedding. Just a couple of days ago my friend found that the woman's four children will be in the wedding and they will each have partner that is their cousin. Nobody from the groom's side will be in the wedding party. I think it is really unfair to the groom's family. A wedding is about two people and two families coming together. I don't think it looks right for only the bride's side of the family to be in the wedding party. What do you all think about this? Please share opinions, thoughts or experiences.

It seems fairly short-sighted at the very least. Snubbing the groom's entire family does not seem to be the best way to start out. Our wedding party was very small, I had only my then best friend and DSis, DH had his two brothers. However, DH's sister was a reader and we included all the "big" kids (nieces and nephews) in some fashion.

Maybe they are planning to have her read or something of that fashion. to your friends, weddings can be great but they can also be very difficult.

 

[lil mermaid]

Well, maybe she doesn't want to have a large wedding party because she has already been married (actually, not sure of this, the OP doesn't say) and has four children.

As far as it only being "the bride's side of the family" - well, of course she is going to include her children in the wedding. They are her children, and soon to be the brother's children too.

I honestly don't get what your friend is so upset about. It isn't as if there are all kinds of adults in the wedding and she is being snubbed.

 

[MichelleVW]

Honestly no, I wasn't in my brothers wedding and it wasn't a big deal to me. People read way too much into this stuff.

 

[browneyes106]

They aren't asking her to do a reading. There are having Catholic mass wedding and usually two readings are done but the groom's aunts are doing the readings.

 

[bekkiz]

That is a really petty thing to be upset about. The bridal party is about the people most important to the bride's family. Would it be nice for your friend to be included? Of course. But it sounds like the woman just wants her children to be involved.

Why doesn't the brother/groom ask his sister to be best woman? I've seen that done, and it's very sweet.

Otherwise, tell your friend being a bridesmaid is not really that fun and a huge hassle. She's not missing anything.

 

[disykat]

I agree. I don't think she is being snubbed.

I had my sister and dh had his BIL. That was it. Everyone else got "left out" according to your definition.

The grooms sister is not the family that is coming together. The bride, the groom, and any of their children are the family that is coming together.

If she had everyone but the kitchen sink in the wedding and just left out one person, that's one thing. But being upset because she chose her children?

 

[browneyes106]

Well, maybe she doesn't want to have a large wedding party because she has already been married (actually, not sure of this, the OP doesn't say) and has four children.

As far as it only being "the bride's side of the family" - well, of course she is going to include her children in the wedding. They are her children, and soon to be the brother's children too.

I honestly don't get what your friend is so upset about. It isn't as if there are all kinds of adults in the wedding and she is being snubbed.

The bride has only been married once before. She started having kids when she was 16. Her oldest two children are from her ex-husband. The younger two children are from relationships in which she was never married to the fathers. I can understand the children being in the wedding. But the children are each going to be partnered with two of her nieces and nephews. I feel that the older two kids could be partners and the younger two could be partners. The older two kids are boy that is 20 and a girl that is 19. The younger kids are boy that is 15 and a girl that is 9. I think my friend is upset about the nieces and nephews being in the wedding party.

 

[lil mermaid]

The bride has only been married once before. She started having kids when she was 16. Her oldest two children are from her ex-husband. The younger two children are from relationships in which she was never married to the fathers. I can understand the children being in the wedding. But the children are each going to be partnered with two of her nieces and nephews. I feel that the older two kids could be partners and the younger two could be partners. I think my friend is upset about the nieces and nephews being in the wedding party.

She is upset about the nieces and nephews? About children?

Some people don't want to do the big wedding party thing for a second wedding.

Your friend needs to get over it, she is being petty IMO.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Is she close with her brother?

My take on it is to for your friend to keep her mouth closed. Been there, done that.

Just give her lots of hugs.

 

[Mom2Nick]

My best friend is really hurting right now. She only has one brother. She had another brother that died 8 years ago. Her brother is getting married to a woman with four children. Two boys and two girls. My friend has never been in a wedding and was really hoping she would at least get to be in her brother's wedding. Just a couple of days ago my friend found that the woman's four children will be in the wedding and they will each have partner that is their cousin. Nobody from the groom's side will be in the wedding party. I think it is really unfair to the groom's family. A wedding is about two people and two families coming together. I don't think it looks right for only the bride's side of the family to be in the wedding party. What do you all think about this? Please share opinions, thoughts or experiences.

Their choices are not unfair to the groom's family because the family is not the most important part of this wedding - it's the bride and groom and who they choose or do not choose - is up to them and what THEY want for THEIR day.

 

[Cool-Beans]

IMO, your friend is coming off as a whiny brat, stamping her foot and saying, "But I wanna be in the wedding! It's not fair! I hate her!"

The bride and groom each select the people they want to have in the wedding. If the bride and SIL-to-be aren't close and she doesn't ask her to be in the wedding, it isn't an insult. And especially when there are children involved...they're starting a family and they want the ceremony to be done that way, as a family.

Tell her not to say anything to anyone. One day, she and her SIL may be very close...or they may not. Crying to you is one thing, but throwing a fit because you want to be in a wedding and nobody asked you to be in it...not a smart idea.

 

[MichelleVW]

The bride has only been married once before. She started having kids when she was 16. Her oldest two children are from her ex-husband. The younger two children are from relationships in which she was never married to the fathers. I can understand the children being in the wedding. But the children are each going to be partnered with two of her nieces and nephews. I feel that the older two kids could be partners and the younger two could be partners. I think my friend is upset about the nieces and nephews being in the wedding party.

Who cares when she started having children and with who. That is really irrelevant. Everyone can't be in the wedding.....I don't see why people get so bent out of shape over these things.....

 

[Anewman]

My best friend is really hurting right now. She only has one brother. She had another brother that died 8 years ago. Her brother is getting married to a woman with four children. Two boys and two girls. My friend has never been in a wedding and was really hoping she would at least get to be in her brother's wedding. Just a couple of days ago my friend found that the woman's four children will be in the wedding and they will each have partner that is their cousin. Nobody from the groom's side will be in the wedding party. I think it is really unfair to the groom's family. A wedding is about two people and two families coming together. I don't think it looks right for only the bride's side of the family to be in the wedding party. What do you all think about this? Please share opinions, thoughts or experiences.

I think it is up to the bride and groom to decide... PERIOD.

 

[FinallyBoughtDVC]

My best friend is really hurting right now. She only has one brother. She had another brother that died 8 years ago. Her brother is getting married to a woman with four children. Two boys and two girls. My friend has never been in a wedding and was really hoping she would at least get to be in her brother's wedding. Just a couple of days ago my friend found that the woman's four children will be in the wedding and they will each have partner that is their cousin. Nobody from the groom's side will be in the wedding party. I think it is really unfair to the groom's family. A wedding is about two people and two families coming together. I don't think it looks right for only the bride's side of the family to be in the wedding party. What do you all think about this? Please share opinions, thoughts or experiences.

The groom should have her as his "best woman".

I do agree the bride should be considerate and ask her future SIL, but the onus has to fall on her brother for not stepping up.

JMHO

 

[browneyes106]

Is she close with her brother?

My take on it is to for your friend to keep her mouth closed. Been there, done that.

Just give her lots of hugs.

They are very close. Well a week ago my friend asked her brother about it and he made up an excuse that his fiancee's family is bigger and more important. Then the next day the fiancee called my friend's mom and told her off and used the excuse that her and her family are very close and that her side of the family deserves to have more involvement in the wedding. She also told the mom that her family wasn't close likes her so they shouldn't be involved. I'm trying my best to comfort my friend. She was really upset earlier when she came over to visit me.

 

[Michelle67]

I'm sorry that your friend is hurting. When I read this, though, I think of it from another angle. A very similar situation came up with my best friend's wedding, and the groom's sister was very upset at not being in the wedding. The thing is, the bridal party is the BRIDE'S party. I'm not trying to be harsh at all, and please don't think I'm being mean, but nobody has any say in a wedding except for the bride and groom. The bride has every right to decide. The groom could have chosen to have his sister be his "best gal" but obviously he didn't. Unusual, but not impossible. My husband had a "best gal" instead of a "best man" at our wedding.

Another thing that stands out to me about the situation you described is the inclusion of her children in the wedding. I think that is a wonderful thing to do. Yes, a wedding is about bringing two families together, and what better way to assure the step children that they are an important part of the marriage and the family being created?

Again, I'm very sorry that your friend is disappointed, but I hope that she will shake it off and celebrate the wedding joyously. I'm sure she is very happy for her brother and his new family.

 

[ALittleDisneyFan]

The bride has BTDT - so I understand she wants her children in the wedding - that is no snub to your pal. ALSO, the bride could be getting bugged by her siblings to have the nieces/nephews in the wedding party. If not, it is up to the bride anyway whom she chooses. Maybe her brother feels like she's not interested in being apart of it. Could she ask to handle the guest book? Oh, does the bride even LIKE your friend?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

They are very close. Well a week ago my friend asked her brother about it and he made up an excuse that his fiancee's family is bigger and more important. Then the next day the fiancee called my friend's mom and told her off and used the excuse that her and her family are very close and that her side of the family deserves to have more involvement in the wedding. She also told the mom that her family wasn't close likes her so they shouldn't be involved. I'm trying my best to comfort my friend. She was really upset earlier when she came over to visit me.

At this point she needs to look at as dodging a bullet.

 

[DawnCt1]

I may be the odd person out here, but I think she should talk to her brother and tell him how she feels. Maybe he doesn't have a clue and just assumed that she wouldn't care. If he knows that she does care, she should be offered a role in the wedding. There is nothing wrong with having another person march down the aisle in another ugly dress and it does wonders to keep the relationship between families running on an even keel. The DD of friends of ours, didn't include her brother in the wedding party because her fiance was afraid he would embarrass them. (completely bogus charge without merit). The father rightfully said, "no brother, no wedding". It was a beautiful wedding and the brother was every bit the gentleman that he always is.