Do You Think It's Incredibly Rude To Bring Uninvited Siblings To Bday Parties?

[Sleepy]

I have to agree that when an invitation is sent, if it does not say Little Johnny AND his brothers and sisters, then ONLY Little Johnny is invited.

I feel it is important to teach children at a young age that they cannot always go everywhere their siblings go.

 

[golfgal]

Not only do I think it is rude to bring uninvited guests to a party it is also rude to ask if you can do that! Wow, it never would have occured to me to ask if one of my other children could go to a birthday party to which they were not invited. I have never had anyone bring uninvited siblings to parties, nor have I taken uninvited siblings to parties. There have been a couple of parties where the twins have both been invited and when I called to RSVP I asked if the other twin was invited just because he/she was a twin. Usually the parent said yes. If they were going to be the only boy or girl at the party, I would give that child the option of going. They usually chose not to go.

 

[hentob]

My boys are 19 mos apart, one school year apart... many of their friends are friends with both boys. That's where the line gets blurred - sometimes it's an individual invitation, sometimes *gasp* even if the invitation is for one or the other, I ask the parents if both can come. Of course, I always offer to pay if it's that type of party. One difference for us, though, is our boys are at a small school...............

I am not being rude, but I have a question--If this is a small school, then the parents know that your child has a sibling. They did not invite the other one for a reason. To ask if the other one can come is putting the hostess in a bad position.

I have twins and then an "older" sibling. Older by only 16 months. My children are not a package deal. They learned at a very young age that they are individuals and that *gasp* one may be invited to a party without all three being invited. That is life.

To offer to pay isn't enough. Most times the hostess will be embarrassed and say "No no, I will pay. No biggie".

Again, if your child's siblings weren't invited, the hostess had a reason. Why put them in a bad spot by asking to bring an uninvited guest?

 

[BuzznBelle'smom]

Wow, Dakota Lynn, your story really takes the cake! (no pun intended!)

I usually have big birthday parties and invite the entire class--we have the room for it. Although DD9 is a summer baby and has switched to pool party/sleepovers, which have fewer kids. I don't mind the idea of siblings coming along--I understand about moms wanting to stay and not getting a sitter. However, (a) if the mom can't get a sitter, she should CALL THE HOSTESS!!!, (b) make sure the child knows they may not get exactly what the other kids are getting! (I try, but can't always do it), and (c) supervise the extra siblings.

DS8 just had his party this past weekend. No unexpected siblings--one girl was even a twin, wouldn't have minded her sister, but Mom didn't ask. We did have 1 kid who didn't RSVP (another pet peeve of mine), but I always have extra favor bags (boxes, in this case). I wouldn't dream of showing up to a McD's, Chuck-E-Cheese, etc. expecting another sibling to be fed and entertained. That's just plain rude!

 

[poohandwendy]

I agree that it is very rude and inconsiderate. Even asking is putting the hostess on the spot, IMO. If they wanted siblings there, they would have invited them. Seems to me that people think that 'they' should be the exception.

 

[momof2inPA]

Without exception, we are friends with our kids' friends' families, so inviting their siblings is pretty much expected and asking if another kid could come along is no big deal. We live in a small town, and we home school, so our situation may be different than other posters'. I have also not been to a party yet where the parents did not stay.

My son had a pool party with a limit of 25 swimmers over the summer, and my goal was to reach that number so that we wouldn't waste pool space. When my friend asked if her kids could bring a cousin who was in town for the week, I counted the guests up, and saw that we had room for one more. He was a nice kid. I agree- the more the merrier!

 

[meandtheguys2]

I think there are very few reasons to take a sib to a party. If nothing else, the sibs and I go for a drive or a park while one is at a party. It isn't a big deal. People treat their children like they will break if they are told "no." Kids are a heck of a lot tougher than that.

 

[KirstenB]

We just had our daughter's 7th birthday at Chuck E Cheese on Saturday. We've done this the last 3 years. Since the kids are young, the parents stay too. I always order extra pizza/drinks for the parents anyway. There have always been extra siblings, which the parents have offered to pay for. I'm not comfortable letting them pay, so I just cover it. No big deal, in some cases, the child couldn't attend without the little sibling coming along (single parent/other parent working, whatever). I just budget for # of invited kids plus extra for parents/siblings. Our daughter is thrilled to see her friends, and birthdays only come once a year. If this becomes too expensive, then I'll just change to cake/punch at our house, no biggie.

 

[sha_lyn]

My kids are not really into parties anymore and I can't say I'll miss them. Now they prefer to have 2 or 3 favorite friends come over and spend the night.

We've had so many problems with "big" planned parties that that is what we now do too. Last YR DD had a wonderful time inviting 3 families to pizza and a movie. For several yrs DS has had a friend or 2 over for a weekend. This yr however most of his friends are girls, so we are doing pizza and a movie. The same friend that stayed over last yr, will probably stay over again

Well, at school, they are with a teacher who has had many years of college and hands on training on how to handle 20+ children at a time Most parents do not. So, I think staying with your child until he is at least 5 is almost expected by the hostess. At least around here it is.

I understand not wanting to leave a smaller child, but if the parent knows they don't have anyone to watch the siblings they should either ask when they RSVP if they can bring the siblings, or they should not plan on attending.

Personally I don't think it is rude to ask about siblings, if bringing the sibling is the only option.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Dakota Lynn, when I've said I don't think it's a big deal to ask the parent about bring a younger sibling if there is no younger alternative, that would only be if the parent is going to be attending the party and there is nobody else to watch the younger child. I cannot believe the nerve of those parents expecting the invited guests to watch little siblings while they were at a party. That just amazes me! What is wrong with the internal wiring of some parents?

I would only ask a parent if it's ok to bring along a sibling if there was no other choice and if I was going to be attending the party. Like I mentioned, I only did that once and I was going to pay for my child and hang out in a different part of the place, but there was a paid place for my child since an invited guest didn't show up and it ended up being a win-win situation.

There was one time that my son had a party somewhere out of home and a neighbor boy called and asked if he could bring his brother. We didn't even know his brother and the place charged per person. I told them "no". As a parent I had the backbone to say what I was thinking. I later had another neighbor tell me I did the right thing because when they allowed the brother to be brought to one of their parties, the cousin also showed up. Better to nip those things in the bud. As it turned up, the one boy did come, but his parents didn't come to pick him up (it was at Discovery Zone), not did they call and tell me what had happened, so we had to bring him home. Turns out this family is kind of out of it, which everyone else already knew, but being new to the neighborhood we hadn't yet figured out.

T&B

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I think there are very few reasons to take a sib to a party. If nothing else, the sibs and I go for a drive or a park while one is at a party. It isn't a big deal. People treat their children like they will break if they are told "no." Kids are a heck of a lot tougher than that.

I've never brought a sibling to a party for the sake of a sibling. It's either been because they've been invited or because the party has been in a very public place and I haven't been secure in leaving my child there alone. Also, with one exception, my children tend to want me to stay at the party with them until they are about 6yo. At that age they don't want to be seen with me, so I'll take what I can get. My second child never minded, from the time he was 3yo, being dropped off alone and the ironic thing is that he's the one that now doesn't mind going places with us, being silly with me, etc. Go figure.

T&B

 

[Kimberle]

How about if someone drops off siblings and the host doesn't realise the extra child(ren) are there? The "extra" child(ren) might wonder off and nobody would realize they were gone until the parent showed up looking for them. Or, someone might kidnap them.

I barely let my 6yo go to the bathroom w/out me. I can't imagine "parents" just leaving their children without knowing about their care......

(I've had 3 parties for Brittany. Everyone has had parents bring sib's along. However, the parents have all stayed and watched the sib's. They did not interact with the party children at all.)

 

[Castlebound]

Our DS's first party that he was invited to and DD was not was hard on DD. She lived through it. She was with me when I dropped DS off and the mom offered for DD to stay since she knows DD but I told her no and explained that DD needed to learn that if she can't do everything that DS does just because she is his little sister. DD still got a little play time in with the boys when we picked up DS, but she did learn that some things are just for one or the other and not both.

 

[meandtheguys2]

I've never brought a sibling to a party for the sake of a sibling. It's either been because they've been invited or because the party has been in a very public place and I haven't been secure in leaving my child there alone. Also, with one exception, my children tend to want me to stay at the party with them until they are about 6yo. At that age they don't want to be seen with me, so I'll take what I can get. My second child never minded, from the time he was 3yo, being dropped off alone and the ironic thing is that he's the one that now doesn't mind going places with us, being silly with me, etc. Go figure.

T&B

You must live somewhere where there are options. The parties here are almost always in a home. Small town life, I guess. And, I didn't say "no" reason, I said "few reasons".

 

[dis4me]

Yes it is incredibly rude even when you ask. How could someone say no. I have had parties for my dds where there were strict maximum numbers ie swimming, hair salons, ans had the mother stand there with the other sibling saying sorry honey but the mommy said there is no room for you.

 

[Castlebound]

Yes it is incredibly rude even when you ask. How could someone say no. I have had parties for my dds where there were strict maximum numbers ie swimming, hair salons, ans had the mother stand there with the other sibling saying sorry honey but the mommy said there is no room for you.

I just love it when that happens! That happened to my cousin. Our kids go to each others parties. My cousin had her DS's party at the Magic House here in St. Louis. She paid for 10 kids and the Magic House had everything set up in the activity room for 10 kids. Well this mom showed up with two extra kids. She did not call my cousin or anything. It was made clear to everyone before the party that only the 10 kids and one parent each were paid for. So this woman is standing there asking my cousin what she was suppose to do with these two kids. My cousin offered to watch the woman's child who was invited in the activity room while the woman took the other two kids to the cashier and paid for them to have access to the rest of the house. She told her that they would not get to do the activity room stuff because that was only for 10 kids. The woman got mad that she would have to pay for the two extra kids and that while they would get to do everything else in the house they would not get to be in the activity room with the party. Sorry but you just don't show up with extra kids at an event that the host has to pay per child and expect to be welcomed with open arms.

 

[grlpwrd]

I think it's very rude whether you ask or not. It's still imposing.

 

[Lachesis00]

This happened to my son all the time. His friend's twin siblings were... nightmares constantly going against what the other kids wanted or doing. Had to have it their way.

We once took J's friend on a 10 day road trip (well actually 3, as we were in Skagway @ my parents for 7). The parents wanted us to take the 2 younger kids with us. And if they couldn't go, neither could Jeff (had nothing to do with not being able to say yes or no for just Jeff... they didn't think it was fair he got to do stuff and they didn't.) Problem is the siblings (2 years younger) were beyond a handful.

Sadly over time my son and his friend lost contact... grew apart. His friends siblings are still having a hard time making their own friends.

One of my daughter's best friends wasn't allowed to sleep over unless her THREE younger siblings were also invited becuase she was responsible for baby sitting them until late at night. Unreal. Needless to say, that child doesn't regularly sleep over!

 

[Tigger&Belle]

You must live somewhere where there are options. The parties here are almost always in a home. Small town life, I guess. And, I didn't say "no" reason, I said "few reasons".

We have tons of options for parties here and they can get so expensive. We moved here almost 14 years ago and my 2 kids (at the time) were 3 1/2DD and 9 monthsDS. In that first year my DD was invited to many parties. With one exception, none of those parties were at home. The were at a variety of places--gymnastics, Chuckee Cheese, Discovery Zone, etc, etc. One party was at someones house, a mini mansion and they had a moon bounce, a magician, and tons of children. My thought that that they did things different in Maryland (we'd moved here from Houston). That year we had her a simple party at our house with her preschool and neighbor friends and played party games. We used to alternate between home parties and parties in other places. I know have 4 children 5-17yo and parties have gotten simpler and less frequent.

When we have home parties I have no problem with siblings and I actually prefer to invite families and have done that for a couple of my 5yo's parties. Really doesn't cost much more to make or buy a bigger cake (I always have a lot of leftover cake), have extra pizza, extra soda, etc. It's the expensive entrance fees for the out of home parties that are a real killer.

Nothing wrong with small town life, either. Much cheaper! And you don't have to put up with Chuckee Cheese...

T&B

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Yes it is incredibly rude even when you ask. How could someone say no. I have had parties for my dds where there were strict maximum numbers ie swimming, hair salons, ans had the mother stand there with the other sibling saying sorry honey but the mommy said there is no room for you.

You say no the way I did... "no".

I wasn't prepared for the question and I did it, anyway. I was caught off guard and if it happens again (as it probably will since I still have one more child to go through this whole birthday party thing) I will give the same answer. I think what helped me is that the mother actually had her child call. Maybe she figured it would be harder for me to say no to the child. In reality, though, I'd never been put in this situation before with my older two children before (maybe I'd had people ask, but nobody that I felt was out of line)
and maybe I won't ever be faced with it again.

T&B