Do you think it is possible to "unspoil" kids?

[THESCHULTZFIVE]

I agree with other posters that said having alot of material things does not make you spoiled. My girls have more material things than anyone I know. They are the first grandchildren on both sides(I'm the only child so they're actually the only grandchldren from my side) and we are close with extended family. But I know they would just as soon give any of it up if someone else needed or really wanted it. We have given so much stuff away, and they do it without thinking twice. My DD9 goes to a Frends school(Quaker) and they are really big on taking care of people around you(not just in our immediate neighborhood but they actually view the entire world as one big neighborhood). At 9 she has helped raised money for more charities than most adults. amongst themselves, they don't fight over things. We teach that just because you get something for your bday or Christmas dosen't mean that it's yours alone. we share everything. That's what makes family.My kids are also well behaved, well mannered and well rounded. My DD9 is the only one that goes to school and she is an excellent student despite her tough dance schedule. So anybody that would walk into our house and look at all they have, knowing how they are and called them spoiled I would have to challenge. As for teaching them the value of money, I don't know how old they are, but I'm sure you could take them somewhere or let them watch the news or find stories of people who are not as fortunate as they are and they will begin to see for themselves. Goodluck

 

[Lynn CC]

Our DS is almost 19 a college freshman, he's an only child so he's been very spoiled, materials etc. He turned out just fine! He volunteers a countless amount of hours to tutor in English and Calculus and he enjoys helping others and loves to see them succeed! I don't think you can spoil your kids too much. As long as they have a good heart they will do just fine!

 

[pixiemomma]

You can have them donate all their old toys at holiday times to make room for the new ones. I read somewhere that Pam Anderson has her sons do this.

I don't really have any ideas. We only buy stuff for them at holidays (aside for hockey equipment, which is really pricy since my guy is a goalie, and books.) But they do get large gifts for smaller holidays.

 

[Sandy V.]

My DD is in college and is on a budget. Her summer earning are supposed to go for all teh extras she needs throughout the school year and last summer (her first year out of high school) she got a job where she hardly worked any hours and turned down some lucrative babysitting jobs for neighbor kids. When she was home for winter break she could have earned $50-60 on her birthday when they called her to babysit, but she didn't want to wake up early on her birthday. She turned down another job, too, so she lost out on a good $80 and now is broke and is complaining to me about her lack of money. She has frittered the money that she has earned and does not have a drive to earn it, partly because we handed too much to her, but mainly because she's very material and wants umpteen pairs of flipflops, tons of beauty products, etc, etc and basically lives beyond her means. She's having to learn a very hard lesson now.

We will be in this situation next year with our oldest, DD18. I agree that they have to learn the hard lessons themselves.

DD did not have a summer job last year because of some time commitments, and she really needed to be putting some money away for the "extras" for school next year. Unfortunately, she wasn't. Plus, she had a boyfriend and didn't want a job to cramp her social life. We really stressed that after all college applications were done in January, she had to go out and get a part-time job 10-15 hours a week. I kept on her about this because she really dragged her feet. But she did get a job 2 weeks ago at a retail clothing store. So far she's only worked 3 evenings, but I hope this is the beginning of learning what it's like to have to earn $$. I can hardly wait to see her face when she gets her first paycheck and sees all of the deductions from it!

To the OP, it doesn't sound like your kids are spoiled rotten. I do think that the volunteering thing is a good idea. It's really opened my kids' eyes as to just how fortunate they really are.

 

[rt2dz]

I haven't read the whole thread, but here's my two cents anyhow.

IMO, spoiled is an attitude. Think about it, when we make judgements on people's kids being "spoiled" we are doing it on their behavior. A spoiled child is a child who doesn't understand the word "no". Whether it is with stuff, candy, activities, vacations, etc.

Now, if you want to teach your children about money, that's a whole different issue. Have them do chores to earn money. Make them learn about saving, donating, and have them pay for certain things (going to the movies with friends for ex) themselves.

Anything you don't plan on keeping forever that they no longer use, have them go through and give to Salvation Army, or that type of charity. Have them clean out their closets twice a year. Do some family volunteer work--soup kitchens, animal shelters. Adopt a family at Christmas or at least have them pick out a needy child same gender & age as themselves to pick gifts out for.

 

[EthansMom]

I agree with the other posters who've said that your kids don't sound "spoiled rotten". In fact, they sound a lot like my kids. My kids have MORE than enough of pretty much everything (toys, clothes, vacations. And it is all MUCH MORE than DH or I ever had as kids.

But the important thing to me is that my kids don't get that snotty sense of entitlement that so many kids have these days. I'm raising my children to know that I will not replace toys that have been intentionally broken. I won't buy my kids something every time we go to the store. We don't even go look at the toy section every time we're at the store. When DS4 wanted to look in the toy section at Walmart in January, I said, "Why? You just got a lot of new toys for Christmas. You aren't getting any toys right now."

We'll start giving DS4 an allowance on his next birthday and I've already started having him work on his "responsibilities" (I don't like the term chores.) to show that he should get an allowance. Also, DS already has a penny bank that he puts his birthday money and bottle deposit money into. When he asks for something that I don't want to get him, I tell him to think about whether he wants to pay for it himself and if he does, we'll come back in a few days and he can buy it. (He rarely wants to spend his money on the item two or three days later. )

We go through and pick out toys to donate to "the poor kids" (Goodwill) before Christmas and Birthdays. I also give the in-laws recommendations of gifts for the kids... often clothes, books, videos, games in addition to a toy. They've been pretty receptive to that and it's cut down on some of the junk toys.

Basically, I want my kids to understand that they're very fortunate. I don't want my kids to grow up thinking that being born entitles them to a cell phone, an IPOD, and a wardrobe from Ambercrombie & Fitch. I want them to realize that someone has to work for the luxuries that they enjoy and that, eventually, that someone is going to be them.

 

[RealMickeysGirl]

I didn't read all the replies so I don't know if this has been suggested before but this is what I would if I were trying to teach a child about the value of money and how to budget.

I would show the child how much per week a person makes - you can do an average middle class or upper middle class salary or if they have asked you questions about minimum wage you can make it a minimum wage salary, you may want to do this anyway just to show them that not everyone makes a decent living.
Show them what the weekly paycheck would be, listing the taxes that come out of it and what they are for.
Give them a list of bills and explain to them that these bills have to be paid every month - distinguish between those that are set, like rent and those that vary like electricity.
Let them take the bills and the pay check and on paper, pay the bills for 6 months - remind them that they still have to have money for things like food, clothing, medical bills, and any of those things that may come up but are usually not planned for.

I know a single mother who did this with her children when they were complaining that they couldn't have some new gadget or toy. She sat down with them and showed them how much she made, how much the bills were, how much she was trying to save for their future college bills, how trips to the doc for illnesses could wipe out what she had been trying to save. Her kids had a great respect for what it took to make the household work and to live comfortably on her wages. They were more selective about what they asked for and about turning out lights and other things that could help the budget. Her kids were pre-teen (I think 9 and 11 if I remember correctly) so you may have to vary this for younger children but I know it worked for her.