Do you stay home with your kids or work?

[DznyLvr2005]

I've been a stay at home mom for a year and DH is telling me I need to go back to work. Of course I don't want to, but I'm really going to have to at least part time, but I'm curious at how many mom (or dads) actually do stay home with their kids.
I was going to post a poll, but don't see the poll thing

 

[hentob]

I have been at home for 11 years. My children are in school now, so I do sub a few days a week.

It is such a great job, as I get to be in the same building as my children

Can you do something like that?

 

[RN4Babies]

I work 3rd shift; three 12 hour shifts per week from 7pm until 7:30am. My ex works 1st shift; he also works in healthcare, so we've always been able to plan our schedules so that neither of our kids has ever needed to be in daycare. There don't seem to be very many families in my neighborhood with a stay at home parent anymore, and I only know of one nurse at work who's husband stays home with their SEVEN children (9 years old and under).

 

[DMickey28]

I have been a SAHM since April 1, 2007. My DS was born on April 24, 2007. Needless to say, we expected him a bit earlier!

I love it and would not have it any other way. We (DH and I) made the decision when we first met that I would stay home with the kids. As a result, I moved 1/2 way across the country for his first job promotion back in 2004. We have since moved many times, three big moves for his job.

I plan on starting my own small business within the next 18 months, once we get home and settle down. It's tough to do something or build a career when you are moving for someone elses.

I am very lucky and very blessed that we are able to do this, especially in this economy.

 

[MoniqueU]

I stay home. I have all my kids lives. I have a 16 year old, a 12 year old and an 11 year old. The year I finally got them all in school at the same time I got diagnosed with something that pretty much took going back to school or work off the table. I enjoy being with the kids but it gets really boring here while they are in school. When they were littler there is no way I could work. My DH doens't have the kind of job where he can get time off to take a kid to the dr's because I have a meeting or gets off at 5. He works lomg crazy hours and any money I would of made would be sucked up by daycare costs. It just wasn't worth it for us as a family. Other then being bored I am content with how things are.

 

[mrsv98]

Um, why is your DH "telling" you anything??? If you have a family discussion about finances and decide together, that is a different matter.

I stayed home with DD until she was in second grade and then I got totally lucky and found the perfect PT job. I work 9.15 -2.45 while DD is in school and my boss is totally flexible about days when DD is not in school.

Really it depends on what skill set you have, and what flexibility you require. Unless you can work an opposite shift from your DH then you will need childcare which can be very expensive so that is something to factor in also.

The two of you should sit down, work out a budget and see if it make financial sense for you to go back.

 

[LisaNJ25]

Right now I am home but I do babysit. I worked full time since the time my oldest son was 3 weeks old but when I had the last 2 back to back 12 months apart and the day care would of been to much.

 

[DMickey28]

My Dh's is also a job that is not 9-5 and he can't split the duties with me. If he found a job that would allow that and I got a job we would probably not make as much money as he makes alone by having the freedom he does.

We actually had a long talk yesterday about it because my housekeeping skills have been pretty lacking lately. I contend that part of it is that we keep moving so it's hard to get into a routine or organized when you know you are moving in a few months. We have moved every year or less for the last 6 years. Once we get back up North and buy a house I think it will be much better.

Once we are done having kids, if my business hasn't worked out, then I would LOVE to find a job in a school cafeteria. It works with my education and my background so I'll keep my fingers crossed for that!

 

[DznyLvr2005]

I was supposed to go back part time 6 weeks after my DD was born. As it got closer to the time (2 weeks before) DH saw how upset I was that I had to go back. We had some money coming in (retro checks from his job and also income tax checks, AND he got a raise at the same time, he's a cop) so 2 weeks prior, DH said, "Just quit and we'll make it work". So I quit my really good paying job (for not being a college graduate) and stayed home. Now that the funds are lowered, I HAVE to go back. I can't even go back to the same job, I have to find another one for probably 1/2 the pay and 1/2 the hours I worked before.
DH likes to spend money on video games and new electronics. I can't totally say I'm an angel with spending money, but I'm the kind of person that looks towards the future, DH doesn't.
He's a cop and works 11pm-8:00am. So if I got a job during the day, I'd never see the guy, he doesn't have weekends off so I'd literally never see him, but he said "well if we can afford to buy a house it will be worth it" well I don't see it that way. We rent a house that I love and also live in a very expensive city, STATEN ISLAND!
He told me that "everyone works" so this is why I wrote this post, I want to see how many people actually do compared to those who stay home with their kids.

 

[maciec]

I am sort of a stay at home mom and dh is sort of a stay at home dad. I work as a Supervisor in an Emergency Services dispatch center. I work Sun-Mon 6:45pm-6:45am and Tuesday night 7pm-1am. When I get home in the morning dh is up with the kids getting ready to go to work (he is a police officer and works Sat-Tues 7am-5pm). We switch off and I get them on the bus. I am in bed at 8 and sleep until around 2. One of us is always home with the kids (5 & 8). On Sundays they spend the day with my parents so that I can sleep and dh picks them up on the way home. Until this summer we have always worked opposite days so that one of us is always home with the kids. It has worked out great for our family!

 

[RadioNate]

I have been a SAHM since April 1, 2007. My DS was born on April 24, 2007. Needless to say, we expected him a bit earlier!

I love it and would not have it any other way. We (DH and I) made the decision when we first met that I would stay home with the kids. As a result, I moved 1/2 way across the country for his first job promotion back in 2004. We have since moved many times, three big moves for his job.

I plan on starting my own small business within the next 18 months, once we get home and settle down. It's tough to do something or build a career when you are moving for someone elses.

I am very lucky and very blessed that we are able to do this, especially in this economy.

Story of my life. I've only been a FT SAHM for a little over 2 years but before that I worked from home (PT web design and content management) and did some retail at night when DH could be home with DS.

Together, we have moved 5 times but seem to be settled for awhile so I'm hoping to finally get my act together so by the time DD starts school I'll be ready to work FT.

 

[cltk78]

I've been a SAHM for over 4.5 years. I stopped working when I was 7 months pregnant with DS#1. DH and I decided before we even had kids that I would stay home with them until they started school. Then I could either go to grad school or get a job if I wanted. We're very fortunate that DH makes more than enough money for us to be a single income family.

 

[DznyLvr2005]

I've been a SAHM for over 4.5 years. I stopped working when I was 7 months pregnant with DS#1. DH and I decided before we even had kids that I would stay home with them until they started school. Then I could either go to grad school or get a job if I wanted. We're very fortunate that DH makes more than enough money for us to be a single income family.

I think no matter what, even if we did have a house, DH would want me to work, more money the better, he thinks.. I don't think that way though. I told him the other day to just sell my car, I don't want it. I'd rather be home with my daughter. We have 2 car payments and a $500 a month consolidation credit card bill that we owe... gasp.... $19,000 on!!!!!

 

[RN4Babies]

I was supposed to go back part time 6 weeks after my DD was born. As it got closer to the time (2 weeks before) DH saw how upset I was that I had to go back. We had some money coming in (retro checks from his job and also income tax checks, AND he got a raise at the same time, he's a cop) so 2 weeks prior, DH said, "Just quit and we'll make it work". So I quit my really good paying job (for not being a college graduate) and stayed home. Now that the funds are lowered, I HAVE to go back. I can't even go back to the same job, I have to find another one for probably 1/2 the pay and 1/2 the hours I worked before.
DH likes to spend money on video games and new electronics. I can't totally say I'm an angel with spending money, but I'm the kind of person that looks towards the future, DH doesn't.
He's a cop and works 11pm-8:00am. So if I got a job during the day, I'd never see the guy, he doesn't have weekends off so I'd literally never see him, but he said "well if we can afford to buy a house it will be worth it" well I don't see it that way. We rent a house that I love and also live in a very expensive city, STATEN ISLAND!
He told me that "everyone works" so this is why I wrote this post, I want to see how many people actually do compared to those who stay home with their kids.

If you get a daytime job, who's going to watch your little one so your DH can sleep? If you'd be working part time, would the income you make be negated by taxes, day care costs, a wardrobe for work, etc? Perhaps a 2nd shift job might make more sense for you with your family situation. 'Working opposite shifts is tough, but it can be done (we've been doing it for 18 years). Part of your husband's remarks are probably due to your admission that your housekeeping is lax. IMHO, when my house is orderly and clean, everyone is happier and more content.

I'm a big fan of Dave Ramsey and his budgeting philosophies. Following his plan is hard work, but so worth it in the long run. He has a great website, or you could check out one of his books from your library. Perhaps if the two of you tackled your budget together and became more disciplined with spending you could continue to stay home with your child.

 

[wowsmom]

I stay home. I have all my kids lives. I have a 16 year old, a 12 year old and an 11 year old. The year I finally got them all in school at the same time I got diagnosed with something that pretty much took going back to school or work off the table. I enjoy being with the kids but it gets really boring here while they are in school. When they were littler there is no way I could work. My DH doens't have the kind of job where he can get time off to take a kid to the dr's because I have a meeting or gets off at 5. He works lomg crazy hours and any money I would of made would be sucked up by daycare costs. It just wasn't worth it for us as a family. Other then being bored I am content with how things are.

This sounds a lot like me! My kids are almost 15 and 11½ and I've been a SAHM since about a month before the first one was born.

My DH works crazy busy hours and also travels and even if he could leave work, it would take at least 30 minutes for him to get here.

I don't really get too bored, most of the time, although I do get tired of doing the laundry and shopping and cleaning.

ETA: OP, I live in a very expensive area of SoCal - just so your DH doesn't think all us SAHMs live in inexpensive places.

When we found money was tight, due to buying things like DVDs and books and such, we put ourselves on an allowance. No more spending household money on things like that - if we wanted it, we had to use our allowance. We found that made for a lot more extra $ in the budget.

Also, as another poster points out, would you going back to work cover the wardrobe, the dry cleaning, the day care, the taxes, the gas, the meals out when you're too tired to cook or grocery shop, etc?

 

[Ephany]

I work part-time right now (would prefer full-time but the hours just aren't there). Starting in the fall I'll be back in school in a very demanding program, so it'll be more like full-time+. DH on the other hand is gone 3-4 months in the fall and 3-4 months in the spring, but when he's home, he's home so he's the primary parent. This means he's home for Thanksgiving & Christmas breaks and summer break so we only have to worry about daycare during the school year.

Our street has no stay at home moms (or dads) as far as I know, and I only have one friend who is completely a SAHM. Most of the people I know work at least part time.

 

[golfgal]

I was a stay at home mom for 15 years. I loved it, kept busy when the kids were in school with volunteer work at the school and in the community. When we moved and I knew no one here I went back to work. I love my job but I do wish there were days I was still a SAHM because nothing ever gets done around the house now .

 

[SCHBR'smom]

I've been a SAHM for 10 years now. Every time I think of going back to school (I was a year from graduating when I got preggers with #1), I end up pregnant again. DH doesn't want me to work, he says I shouldn't have to. Luckily, we both agree that it is best for our family if to have me stay home. (Not him since he doesn't have the patience and there is no way I could bring home the pay he does.) It has been great for our family and we both see the value in it for our children. Once they are all in school, I might do something at the schools, volunteer or sub. But, DH still says I don't have to. It would only be if that is something I want to do.

 

[DznyLvr2005]

If you get a daytime job, who's going to watch your little one so your DH can sleep? If you'd be working part time, would the income you make be negated by taxes, day care costs, a wardrobe for work, etc? Perhaps a 2nd shift job might make more sense for you with your family situation. 'Working opposite shifts is tough, but it can be done (we've been doing it for 18 years). Part of your husband's remarks are probably due to your admission that your housekeeping is lax. IMHO, when my house is orderly and clean, everyone is happier and more content.
.

Well before the extra money ran out, it was that I'd go back to work when DD went to school. They when DH gets mad at me, I'm told that I "get a free ride around here", etc... So I think he's jealous that he has to literally go to work, but he also doesn't understand that I DO WORK... AT HOME, it's hard watching a baby all day and he's never done it, so he doesn't get it. DH thinks that he will watch her in the AM, so he will get about 6 hours of sleep a day, then work, then do it all over again the next day. He's also thrown in that his mother can watch her. That's a NO NO from me. She's on "disability" because she was in a car accident. If she can't work, she can't watch my kid IMO!!!!!! But this is another argument we get into. Plus there's been alot of bad stuff she's done, more recently in the summer she told DH that she didn't like me and DH stopped talking to her for months. Too bad that didn't last
Anyway, yeah, free ride, I don't think so... Then I hear people tell me "everyone has to work, deal with it" but obviously reading these posts, that's not true.
I don't know what i"m gonna do...I definatley don't want the MIL watching her, she's said numeruos times that she doesn't want to watch her other grandchildren just for a day, so I can't imagine her watching my DD all week, every week.

 

[luvmy3]

I've been a SAHM for 11.5 years. I plan on finishing my online study program and work from home next year when my youngest is finally in school full days. I also hope to volunteer more at my kids school. I am lucky enough to not have to work but I feel that once all the kids are in school all day, its my responsibilty to start to contribute financially to our family.