Do you remember your childhood differently than your parents remember it?

[princesspumpkin]

My childhood wasn't the worst, but I remember my mother as not being a loving mother (besides being very strict). On the other hand, my mother seems to remember my childhood as being quite happy . Every once in a while, we'll talk about things from my youth and I'll say how awful I felt, or how mean I think she was, and she looks at me like I have two heads. People always say that you'll understand when you have children. But, now that I am a mother, I still don't understand. I feel like I show DD how much I love and cherish her every day! That being said, I wonder how she'll feel about her childhood when she grows up Anybody else have different memories than their parents?

 

[ElizaB39]

Not only do my parents remember my childhood differently than I and my sibs, but, my sibs and I all have very different memories of our childhood and our household.

 

[Disney Doll]

Not really. I had a truly idlyllic childhood, like something out of a 1950's sitcom litreally. We had woods behind our house to play in, my brother & I got along fine, my parenst were happily married, didn't spank us, didn't even really yell a lot, we went on a nice family vacation every year...it was almost sickening!!! I have wonderful childhood memories, and I assume my parents memories of that time period are the same.

Now my DH's family is another story. There are 4 siblings all together, 3 of whom remember their childhood pretty much the same way...maybe a little different on some of the details, but the overall perception of their childhood is exactly the same. The 4th sibling makes it sound like she grew up in the house next door or something. Completely different perceptions and memories from the rest of them. But, she's also the bizarre one now, so it doesn't surprise me.

 

[lecach]

My Mom appologizes every so often for my childhood. She's sorry she couldnt give me more (single Mom with little help from my Dad), etc. etc. All I remember is a mostly happy childhood. I never once remember going without. I had my dance lessons, and toys that my friends had, and clothes like my best friend, and summer camp, etc. I tell her that I had a wonderful childhood. So in our case we remember it very differently.

 

[NMAmy]

My mom and I pretty much agree that she wasn't the best mom to me (she actually apologized about it 10 years or so ago) but I know she did the best she could. She had a really awful childhood and she did better than her own mom. I'm very different than her and she just didn't know how to do what was best for me. Now I just try to do better than she did.

You know, older generations were brought up without a lot of love being shown at home. Spare the rod and spoil the child; Children should be seen and not heard. She may think that you should have known how she felt even though she didn't express it.

I do think becoming a parent myself has allowed me to be much more forgiving about it than I was before. I think in the hopes that dd will be forgiving to me for my mistakes!

 

[lewdyan1]

This is the running joke in our family. My mom doesn't remember our childhood. She didn't remember I had chicken pox or that my sister had her appendix out (7 days in the hospital). So, I can definitely say we remember things differently! And no she doesn't have any medical reason for not remembering.

 

[RealMickeysGirl]

My mom says I only remember the bad things but that isn't true. I did have some wonderful times in my childhood. There are just things that we have discussed where I told her how I felt about what happened and she got all defensive and said I only remember the bad things. There are some things that she just doesn't remember - guess it just goes to show how some things are important to parents and others are important to the kids.

 

[FionaLovesShrek]

Not really. I had a truly idlyllic childhood, like something out of a 1950's sitcom litreally. We had woods behind our house to play in, my brother & I got along fine, my parenst were happily married, didn't spank us, didn't even really yell a lot, we went on a nice family vacation every year...it was almost sickening!!! I have wonderful childhood memories, and I assume my parents memories of that time period are the same.

Now my DH's family is another story. There are 4 siblings all together, 3 of whom remember their childhood pretty much the same way...maybe a little different on some of the details, but the overall perception of their childhood is exactly the same. The 4th sibling makes it sound like she grew up in the house next door or something. Completely different perceptions and memories from the rest of them. But, she's also the bizarre one now, so it doesn't surprise me.

I'll bet if you asked them, your parents would have different memories. I thought my parents had the same memories as me until I got to talking with them. Times I remember as wonderful "50's family type of times" they remember as some of their worst times. Wow, it blew me away. I had this idyllic life in my memories and talking with them made me see that kids perspectives are totally different. We might remember the most beautiful Christmas Tree that was (in our minds) 12 feet tall, but in actuality it was lucky to be 6 feet and spindly cause it was a last minute purchase and money was tight. I'm glad I have my perfect memories and it gives me hope for my DD, because I know I fail all too often.

 

[Amy]

You betcha! There is SO much I don't remember about my childhood - I'm always questioning if there are horrible memories that I'm supressing!

My mom would always say that I never wanted to learn how to cook, but I remember her telling me that she couldn't stand to teach me to do things because I'm left-handed and it always looked so awkward to her. She refused to teach me to cook, or to sew or crochet or any of that other "normal" stuff. I taught myself to crochet - bought a book and held it up to the mirror to see how to do it lefty. I ended up a better crochet-er than her. So there!

Another horrible memory that I have is senior year of high school - I got straight A's, ended up 6th in my class. No congrats from my parents, just "why weren't you 5th?"

Yep, I remember all the hurtful remarks and they think they were perfect parents. I'm curious to see what MY kids remember!

 

[pixiemomma]

My MIL remembers my husband and his sister's childhoods differently than they do. I think it has alot to do with guilt and not protecting herself or them againest really awful physical, emotional and sexual abuse at the hands of their father. I feel awful for all of them. (My husbnad and one of his sisters have worked through it pretty well but the other sister, who was molested by her father, has been a drug abuser for 20 years. It breaks my heart too because I think she is good person with alot to offer and had things been handled differently she could have had a very nice life.)

 

[SamIAm21]

I am still a bit of a Peter Pan about my childhood. I'd love to go back, but then when I think about a lot of it, I wonder why? I was scared to death of my Mom in my younger years and my Dad was my only salvation half the time. I was the only girl and the baby. Dad was thrilled as I was the fifth child. My Mom was a good Mom, but often quite critical and packed a heck of a wallop. Because of her criticalness, I am sort of a pleaser and I never want anyone to dislike me or be mad at me. I'm also a conformist. I heard "it's my way or the highway a lot as a child".

I don't remember a lot of hugs or kisses and never any "I love you's". But I do remember she made snacks every Saturday night, one week popcorn, one week ice cream or black cows (rootbear and icecream floats). My Mom was the best when you were sick though. She got very "motherish" then, very comforting! Christmas and my birthday were always really nice, but I can remember her yelling at me one Christmas Day about "patronizing" her? I think I was 10, and I had no idea what patronizing meant?

I also remember some family vacations that were a lot of fun, so it definitely wasn't all bad. I did spend 80% of my teenage years grounded to my room though. Thank God for dormers right beneath your bedroom window!! I'd never have seen the sun

I try to be as completely different from my Mom as I can be with my daughter. Lots of hugs, lots of affection, and lots of kisses. I try not to ever be critical of her -- guiding, but not critical. I try not to spoil her and I am somewhat regimented with meal times and bed times. I just want her to have a nice schedule where she feels very safe in knowing what happens every day at what time. I found that very comforting as a kid.

My Mom thinks she was far too easy with me and I can't imagine that? So there was good and bad and I don't hold it against her, but I also haven't forgotten it.

 

[mtblujeans]

My childhood wasn't the worst, but I remember my mother as not being a loving mother (besides being very strict). On the other hand, my mother seems to remember my childhood as being quite happy . Every once in a while, we'll talk about things from my youth and I'll say how awful I felt, or how mean I think she was, and she looks at me like I have two heads. People always say that you'll understand when you have children. But, now that I am a mother, I still don't understand. I feel like I show DD how much I love and cherish her every day! That being said, I wonder how she'll feel about her childhood when she grows up Anybody else have different memories than their parents?

OH MY GOSH....ARE WE SECRETLY SISTERS??? I wouldn't be surprised if 'mom' didn't tell me about you!!

My relationship with my mother is the very same way! She says my sister and I should just "grow up about it and move on". I have strived in every way to be a complete opposite of my mother....sometimes I feel I have been successful and sometimes I still struggle! My kids all see me as a loving mother, tho', and they hug me frequently. I feel like that part I have gotten as close to right as I possibly can!

 

[jodifla]

My childhood wasn't the worst, but I remember my mother as not being a loving mother (besides being very strict). On the other hand, my mother seems to remember my childhood as being quite happy . Every once in a while, we'll talk about things from my youth and I'll say how awful I felt, or how mean I think she was, and she looks at me like I have two heads. People always say that you'll understand when you have children. But, now that I am a mother, I still don't understand. I feel like I show DD how much I love and cherish her every day! That being said, I wonder how she'll feel about her childhood when she grows up Anybody else have different memories than their parents?

From your description, it make sense your mom was happy. She was very strict, so you weren't much trouble to her. You, on the other hand, had very little control or support, so you weren't happy. Makes perfect sense to me.

But I'm glad you're not repeating the process. I do think that pattern is a hard thing to break.

 

[pearlieq]

My mom and I really don't talk about--it's way too sensitive, and for the moment we seem to have decided being polite is more important than being honest.

I'm sure we remember it differently.

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

I think I remember my childhood pretty close to my DM's memory. But I got to tell ya, my DSis must have been raised by someone else. The horrible memories that she has..... She told me at one point that DM didn't take her to the dentist for over 4 years and she never reminded her to brush her teeth. This is supposed to explain why she has bad teeth brushing habits. I just tell her that DM loved me more and they only had enough money for one child to see the dentist. My 2 Dsis were out of luck!! Sometimes its easier to just laugh it off.

I did read an interesting article that stuck with me, prior to becoming a mom. They interviewed parents and their adult children and asked for the best memory. Can't remember what the parents' memories were but EVERY adult childs' response had to do with a quality time issue. Like one woman remembered walking to the diner to get the paper with her Dad every Sunday morning and he would buy her a donut. The Dad barely remembered doing this. All responses were similar. It definitely illustrated that kids remember time spent and not items purchased. I always try to keep this in mind.

 

[irishbosoxfan]

My mom and I actually had it out a couple of years ago over my upbringing--She had moved in w/us and would pitch a fit anytime something didn't go her way and stomp up the stairs and slam her door--MANY times I'd asked her not to do this--Well one night I followed her up and again asked her not to do this as I didn't want the kids to think it was acceptable-Her reply was "well they don't listen to you anyways,they walk all over you,what you need to do is beat their ***" to which I replied that it wasn't going to happen they were going to be raised differently than I was and that I would appreciate it if she didn't yell...She said "Oh act like you had it so bad and all we did was beat you"---I was speechless---I asked her if she didn't remember all that my sis and I went thru or if she just wanted to forget it but either way don't pretend it didn't happen because it wasn't pretend scars I have on my body.
Well she was mad and continued to insist we were never beat in any way and all we ever got was spanked---BIG difference between the two!

I have a scar on my elbow from a plate that was thrown at me because it wasn't clean enough.===I have a scar above and below my eye on the lid and wear glasses because I was hit in the face w/a metal shelf because my sis and I used some milk to make pudding while they left us locked in the house while they went shopping===I was hit w/an aluminum baseball bat because I got detention my frshman year and missed the bus so they had to pay for a taxi to bring me home==I have a bump in the middle of my forhead from the 3rd grade when my dad cracked my head into the edge of the kitchen table for playing w/an african american kid on my way home from school====I have an irrational fear of mice(rats)because my sis and I were mad to kneel on rice in a pitch black cellar where the mice roamed free because we ate something when it wasnt given to us===We were made to eat Tablespoons full of black or red pepper for any little indiscretion.....

The list could go on but I know and my sister knows how we were brought up and if my mom wants to continue viewing her rosy picture I can't stop her but it would have been a little nice to hear her apologize for even 1/4 of what happened.

 

[SleepyMom]

We have talked about it at different times over the years and it is totally different. My brothers and I all have pretty much the same memories concerning our Mom, I don't really know if her memories are different because she is in denial or if she really remembers it that way.

I do know though that my memories aren't something I dreamed up. I recently ran into a very good friend of my Moms and we were able to sit and visit for hours and during the visit something was brought up and when I told her my Mom claimed it never happened she assured me it did, along with a lot of other things my Mom still denies.

 

[mylightshines]

My mother sent me and my sisters to live with my dad all away across the country when I was in the fourth grade. I never heard from her until I was a senior in high school. No birthday cards, no Christmas presents, no phone calls, nothing. Although my older sister ended up moving back with her when I was in the sixth grade, she still had no contact with me until I was 16.

She moved here about four years ago and she's raising my niece. My sister is still in California. Anyway, she gets mad every birthday and holiday when my sister doesn't call my niece. It's so hard not to blow up at her. I know she did what she thought was right.

It's actually kind of funny because she remembers my childhood before I was 9, I remember it after I was 9. She remembers cooking dinners for us, being the perfect mom, etc. I remember being beaten by a wicked stepmother and being told she wished I was dead and how ugly and stupid I was and how my mother didn't love me. I remember crying myself to sleep every night wanting my mother. I tell my children I love them like 20 times a day. I could never send my children away.

Every now and then she'll try to give me "parenting advice" and I just kind of look at her and change the subject.

 

[Simba's Mom]

We remember things differently-not so much what happened as how I reacted to it. I was put in full time daycare from the age of 3 (and this is back in the 50's) because my mother wanted to go back to college. My parents think this was wonderful, but all I remember is how lonely I felt being an only child and in day care at a time when no one was.

 

[lbgraves]

My parents are dillusional about the life that I had in their house. When I confronted them about it they were shocked that I would dare say such things. Somewhere out in the garage are the diaries I kept so I could pull them out & give them dates if I wanted to. I call it denial on their part.