Do you read your teen's texts, instagram, etc. ?

[mefordis]

Simple question. Do you read your kid's private communications ? Just wondering how many parents do this. No judgement, as different kids require a different level of trust.

 

[wenrob]

Simple question. Do you read your kid's private communications ? Just wondering how many parents do this. No judgement, as different kids require a different level of trust.

As minors in my home my kids do not have an expectation of privacy. At this point they’re still learning how to navigate things. It’s my job to make sure they’re not finding trouble. Right now they are not allowed any social media, online game play is limited and regularly checked and text messages are occasionally skimmed through. I’ve always been very up front about it and they know that’s the deal if they want to have electronic devices.

 

[design_mom]

Yes. Periodically. They know I do it.

My kids are good kids, but there have been a few issues I have been able to "nip in the bud," or have been able to spur discussion.

As an example. We had a student die by suicide earlier this year. Rumor is that he overdosed on Xanax. He was a junior, just like my son. The "word" on my son's school group chats was that it couldn't possibly be true because "everyone knows you can't OD on Xanax." Um, what?! So we had another drug discussion and specifically looked up Xanax. "Everyone" was wrong.

I do not know the circumstances surrounding the student's death or whether Xanax was actually involved, nor is it any of my business. But I was concerned about the misinfo being spread around (and, yes, my son apparently believed it because the kid who said it "probably knows" and he didn't realize that Xanax was a depressant.) We've had the drug talk before... multiple times. I'm not sure we'd *specifically* discussed Xanax by name, but we'd discussed depressants and their effects. I thought I'd done things right, but misinformation still finds them.

 

[SteveH]

Through middle school yes. However, I limited which social media they were allowed to use through a block on our routers. Since we have paid for their phones and service and they are in our names I have no issues with checking their phones or computers. I told my kids once they (a) go to college or (b) start paying for them they are freed to do whatever they like. We have never allowed TVs or computers in their bedrooms either.

I firmly believe in the old Ronald Regan adage; Trust by Verify.

 

[kimblebee]

Nope. I did when she was younger, but only rarely even then.

 

[mombrontrent]

I have three kids 18, almost 16 and 11. Obviously no I don’t read my 18 year olds messages as he is an adult now but my dh did a couple times in the past when he was concerned about drug use. He had an old phone of his that was still logged into his accounts and such and my dh snooped out of concern. I was still against it even though I knew my dh had good intentions it just felt like such an invasion of privacy I don’t know if I could have done it myself. He was 16-17 years old at the time.

DD15, again my dh has looked on occasion when he was concerned about issues with boys when she was 13 years old. He’s more of a snoop then me and I wouldn’t be surprised to learn he’s looked at other times since then. I wouldn’t do it. She has a boyfriend of 2 and a half years and there is just no way I would want to know what they talk about, it’s just not my business and I don’t want to know.

Dd11 does use limited social media and texts and messages a lot with friends. So far no need to get involved with her.

 

[Disney Ella]

Never did it, but may have considered it if kids had been in trouble (drugs, skipping school, abusive boyfriends, etc.)

 

[wenrob]

I wanted to add that for me, it’s not that I don’t trust my kids. They’re pretty great kids and have never given me reason to not trust them. It’s more about this crazy, jacked up world we live in. I’m checking to make sure they’re not being cyber bullied/stalked/targeted by predators etc. Grown adults get sucked in by these things, young kids are especially vulnerable to it.

 

[Jaspers]

My parents never monitored my messages or my general activity on the internet except for telling me and my brother not to play violent games or go on suspicious websites. Telling us that was enough and I'm glad they did trust us enough and respected our privacy. There's nothing more anguishing or frustrating than feeling like everything you do will be watched and judged.

 

[QueenIsabella]

I have all passwords and reserve the right to check on anything at any time. What I tell my kids is--don't give me a reason to pry, and I won't have to. I would check stuff (phones, email, laptop) in a hot second if I was concerned, but the fact is, my kids are pretty good at keeping me in the loop on stuff. The worst thing I've had to shut down were marginally inappropriate videos--even those, probably some parents here would have no problem with, it was more a matter of DS12 developing a smart mouth, versus, say, porn.

It was kind of funny, a couple weeks ago, DD15 needed me to do something on her laptop while she was at school. First, I couldn't get the thing open, then I couldn't figure out how to get into whatever document/server thing I needed to. Clearly, I spend a lot of my time checking up on her!

 

[soccerdad72]

Occasionally, yes. Not my 17-year old at this point, but my 13-year old.

 

[Hikergirl]

I have in the past when my youngest was in middle school because I knew of things that were going on.
I have never randomly checked, and haven't checked since that time since none of them have ever given me a reason too.
My kids do know that if I want to get in to their phone I will, but unless I really feel the need, I won't.
My dd is an adult now so I don't check up on her social media, my middle ds doesn't do social media. My youngest can't get away with anything because he is followed by alot of family and friends of dd- so I hear about everything anyway LOL
When they were all younger we did monitor their online game playing because some of it was open chat. We did have to contact administrators once because of someone on one of dd's games. I can't remember the details anymore, it was a long time ago.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

We used to read our kids texts, but stopped that after awhile. We do follow both of them on instagram, mostly because one is at college and the other will be going this fall.

 

[DizneyMommy]

Yes, but they know I do. I have a 10 and 13 year old. The 10 year old has an iPod with limited access to things, FaceTime to talk to friends I approve and grandmas out of state, and the 13yo has an iPhone with verizon’s Family monitoring, Mobicip browser filter, restrictions set for graphic content, and our family Apple account requires her to Ask for any purchases of app, music, etc (that’s more about not racking up a cc bill!) Neither has social media. I also have Mobicip on their computer, no tv’s or computers or any electronics in the bedroom, and the devices sit on a charger in our living room at night - so there sleeping and not texting happening!

It is not about trusting my child, it is about giving her access in doses as she matures and learns to be responsible with it. I do not think a 13 year old has any business being on FB or Twitter or Instagram, and do not allow social media accounts for my kids until I feel they have been responsible with what they’ve been given. (My oldest also has Asberger’s and being naive/gullible or things going over her head is something we have to watch out for a little more than most kids). I think we throw these powerful little devices at our kids without any boundaries or guidance and they just don’t know how to handle it.

I have friends who don’t believe in (or have a clue how to) monitoring their kids’ usage and honestly they are the ones who send the most inappropriate content. I’ve enlightened a couple of parents before who had absolutely no clue what their 12 TWELVE year old was doing online and were horrified. I’ve also blocked kids who were communicating in group texts in a way that was not appropriate or safe. We don’t use phones to trash talk, gossip or make fun of other kids. And I remind them that I expect them to do the right thing and remove themselves from a group text that goes that direction.

They are good kids and the only things I’ve found that I objected to were mentioned above, stuff being sent in group texts from kids who maybe need a little monitoring themselves. I think just knowing they are expected to be responsible with it and teaching them what that means goes a long way.

 

[mjkacmom]

Yes, but they know I do. I have a 10 and 13 year old. The 10 year old has an iPod with limited access to things, FaceTime to talk to friends I approve and grandmas out of state, and the 13yo has an iPhone with verizon’s Family monitoring, Mobicip browser filter, restrictions set for graphic content, and our family Apple account requires her to Ask for any purchases of app, music, etc (that’s more about not racking up a cc bill!) Neither has social media. I also have Mobicip on their computer, no tv’s or computers or any electronics in the bedroom, and the devices sit on a charger in our living room at night - so there sleeping and not texting happening!

It is not about trusting my child, it is about giving her access in doses as she matures and learns to be responsible with it. I do not think a 13 year old has any business being on FB or Twitter or Instagram, and do not allow social media accounts for my kids until I feel they have been responsible with what they’ve been given. (My oldest also has Asberger’s and being naive/gullible or things going over her head is something we have to watch out for a little more than most kids). I think we throw these powerful little devices at our kids without any boundaries or guidance and they just don’t know how to handle it.

I have friends who don’t believe in (or have a clue how to) monitoring their kids’ usage and honestly they are the ones who send the most inappropriate content. I’ve enlightened a couple of parents before who had absolutely no clue what their 12 TWELVE year old was doing online and were horrified. I’ve also blocked kids who were communicating in group texts in a way that was not appropriate or safe. We don’t use phones to trash talk, gossip or make fun of other kids. And I remind them that I expect them to do the right thing and remove themselves from a group text that goes that direction.

They are good kids and the only things I’ve found that I objected to were mentioned above, stuff being sent in group texts from kids who maybe need a little monitoring themselves. I think just knowing they are expected to be responsible with it and teaching them what that means goes a long way.

Well, I don’t think you need to worry about Facebook or twitter with teens, they’re for old folks.

 

[wenrob]

My parents never monitored my messages or my general activity on the internet except for telling me and my brother not to play violent games or go on suspicious websites. Telling us that was enough and I'm glad they did trust us enough and respected our privacy. There's nothing more anguishing or frustrating than feeling like everything you do will be watched and judged.

It’d a parents job to be aware of what their kids are doing. Same as I verify they’re showing up to school, speak to the parents of their friends, make sure they’re not getting into strangers cars. I suppose those things could be considered as not having trust or an invasion of privacy as well. I’m not “watching and judging,” I’m parenting. It’s my job to be all up in my kids business until they’re old enough to handle it on their own.

 

[wenrob]

Yes, but they know I do. I have a 10 and 13 year old. The 10 year old has an iPod with limited access to things, FaceTime to talk to friends I approve and grandmas out of state, and the 13yo has an iPhone with verizon’s Family monitoring, Mobicip browser filter, restrictions set for graphic content, and our family Apple account requires her to Ask for any purchases of app, music, etc (that’s more about not racking up a cc bill!) Neither has social media. I also have Mobicip on their computer, no tv’s or computers or any electronics in the bedroom, and the devices sit on a charger in our living room at night - so there sleeping and not texting happening!

It is not about trusting my child, it is about giving her access in doses as she matures and learns to be responsible with it. I do not think a 13 year old has any business being on FB or Twitter or Instagram, and do not allow social media accounts for my kids until I feel they have been responsible with what they’ve been given. (My oldest also has Asberger’s and being naive/gullible or things going over her head is something we have to watch out for a little more than most kids). I think we throw these powerful little devices at our kids without any boundaries or guidance and they just don’t know how to handle it.

I have friends who don’t believe in (or have a clue how to) monitoring their kids’ usage and honestly they are the ones who send the most inappropriate content. I’ve enlightened a couple of parents before who had absolutely no clue what their 12 TWELVE year old was doing online and were horrified. I’ve also blocked kids who were communicating in group texts in a way that was not appropriate or safe. We don’t use phones to trash talk, gossip or make fun of other kids. And I remind them that I expect them to do the right thing and remove themselves from a group text that goes that direction.

They are good kids and the only things I’ve found that I objected to were mentioned above, stuff being sent in group texts from kids who maybe need a little monitoring themselves. I think just knowing they are expected to be responsible with it and teaching them what that means goes a long way.

Said WAY better than I did. This.

 

[Lilacs4Me]

DS17 never really got into social media when he was younger…all there was was Facebook when he was in Middle School, and it was already starting to trend toward older people, and Instagram was just beginning and he didn’t have any interest in it. He is on Snapchat all the time now…his sports teams communicate via Snap, and apparently, there are “dating rules” involving social media now. You can’t just call someone on the phone anymore…you have to work your way up to that via social media first. Lol So he in on Snapchat constantly with all his girlfriends.

DS12 uses social media, but mostly still just for games and videos. I’m sure that is changing now that he is in the throes of middle school, but he is a laid-back, go with the flow kind of kid who hates the spotlight, so I’ll probably ask him to see his SM randomly, but I really don’t expect to see anything crazy on it.

DD though. Different story. Luckily nothing too terrible, but we’ve kept a closer eye on her. I checked DD's instagram regularly when she was younger. She had gotten into a spat of sorts with a 7th grade boy when she was in 6th, which resulted in her calling him a dumb***, and he retorted back with something similar. He didn't know exactly who she was, apparently, because a day later he came back and asked if she was a cheerleader for the league he played football in. I was monitoring the post by then, and knew the kid and his parents, so I told her to say yes, she was and she was sorry it got out of hand. He replied he was sorry, too, and that was the end of it. I had a good long talk with DD about conducting herself appropriately on social media, and continued to monitor. I was glad I caught that incident, but honestly, I really monitored so I can get a feel for who was who and what the kids her age were into so that when/if she came to me with a problem, I would have more background than just her version.

Then she came to me a couple weeks ago, in a social media jam. She forwarded a meme of a very nice, wholesome tween celebrity-type person that had a caption saying something very, very racist. I’m talking, I gasped when I read it, racist. DD knew it was a fake quote because the person in the meme would never, ever say anything like that (I guess that was the point of the meme? I don’t get it personally, but SMH - whatever) but there were a TON of comments about it. DD forwarded it and said “I can’t believe anyone thought this was for real”. However, one girl in her class just read the racist remark in the picture and not DD’s words, and took HUGE offense to DD forwarding the meme at all and started a bunch of drama. I walked DD through talking to the girl and apologizing and making it clear that it was a misunderstanding, but then DD and I had a long discussion about how anything that you put on the internet with YOUR name on it, can be edited, cropped, etc and blasted out any way the other person wants to do it – and YOU CANNOT TAKE IT BACK!!!!! I told her that if it is even a LITTLE BIT controversial, DO NOT POST IT because people will automatically assume that you agree with what you have forwarded not to mention anything with your name on it is representative of you. We also talked about how forwarding something so awful is what the person who created it WANTS to happen, and the best thing to do with that kind of stuff is to delete it and stop it from moving along in the first place.

The good thing is, she doesn’t put many pictures of herself on social media, and her username is a series of numbers that she has connections with, so not all of the kids know it was her – not even totally sure the offended girl knows exactly who it was - and her name can’t be screenshotted under the meme, but still!

 

[Klayfish]

Nope

 

[mamacatnv]

I do not read texts/emails
We are all Facebook/Instagram friends so yes, I have always seen what they wanted me to see (I do not nor did I ever have passwords etc).
My DD is very active on Tumblr, Twitter and Snapchat - I don't have the time and never bothered to get those accounts set up.

My DS is 10 years older than DD, he was the generation of the birth of social media and I remember all they hype and fear over MySpace - I never bought into it, we just discussed and discussed and discussed as new subjects, things none of us ever thought of etc. came down the pike with the growth of social media. Heck, I remember when texting was limited and overages were like .10 cents each - a cell bill could explode quickly. I remember when as a reward for good grades in high school we rewarded DS with unlimited texting. Now, toddlers can't go to the grocery store without their tablet and access to wifi