Do you parent differently then your spouse?

[WeLoveLilo05]

Yes, I am the "meanie" in our house, the disciplinarian! Husband is the "provider" and backs me up on occasion when I need it, otherwise it is all me! We parent totally different and since I am with the kids most of the time, I do most of the guiding and raising!

Same here, but for some reason if I say "Ok I'm calling Daddy" due to a bad behavior and is my last resort, she'll stop. IDK why, neither of us spank, its just something we both personally don't believe in. I think it's b/c his voice is louder and scarier than mine DD is 5.

 

[clh2]

In theory - DH and I have very similar ideas on how to raise kids.

The execution of parenting in our house is very different. DH was the 6th out of 8 kids. So - when he was growing up, the discipline most often came from an older sibling...not one of his parents. DH just isn't the disciplinarian in our house. I feel this is because his parents were not, it was his sibs.

The one thing we strive for (and DD is now 16) is consistency in our different methods. We do - for the most part- back each other up. If he deals with a problem, in his own manner, I back it up. When DH and I have issues with either of our parenting styles - we work that out privately, and not in front of DD.

Rule number 1 - eventhough there may be different styles - don't let let the kids "find the divide" and use it to their advantage.

 

[golfgal]

I would say that our basic philosophy is the same, we are raising responsible kids that are good people. We don't have a lot of "rules" in place just to have "rules" we pretty much deal with things on a case by case basis. Now, because we have expected the kids to be responsible since they were toddlers, they pretty much are and haven't done anything, yet, to "need" a lot of rules.

Our APPROACH is very different. One example, DD15 is a slob, it bugs DH to no end that her room is a mess. I, however, can close her door and not think about it. Well, we are getting ready for DS's grad party and she needs to clean her room. My approach is "DD, go clean your room." DH's approach is 'your room is a pigsty, it is always a pig sty, you can't do anything until that room is perfect" and then keeps popping in while she is cleaning with comments like "this is all you got done, what are you doing in here..." Guess who get's better results from the kids?

 

[RitaZ.]

Here are a couple "minimal" examples. I do not believe in paying for good grades. NOW, do I think good grades should be rewarded,, HECK YES!!! I feel maybe taking the child to a movie, or buying a new CD they wanted is a good reward...HE feels like he has to pay for each A, B ,and even C grades. I totally DONT agree with this..but he does it anyways.

I disagree with paying for grades, too. For what it's worth, the research indicates that paying for grades basically kills intrinsic (innate) motivation in children.

As for your question, I think it's important for both parents to be involved in parenting decisions. Parents may not have identical views when it comes to raising children, but presenting a unified front is a must. If not, once children become teens they will pit one parent against the other. I have seen marriages end because one parent consistently overruled the other parent in front of the kids.

In a nutshell, whatever disagreements the parents may have when it comes to parenting decisions, it's best to have them in private. When dealing with the children be sure to be on the same page and back up one another.