Do you make kids say "Trick or Treat"

[ClaraOswald]

Dang, I'm thankful I don't live in some of your neighborhoods. My 12 year old is minimally verbal. It doesn't matter how many times we tell him to say trick-or-treat or thank you...it's still a massive struggle. And the few times he would say it, it was too quiet for the homeowners to hear anyway.

Actually, maybe a few of you DO live in my neighborhood because I did get a few dirty looks on Friday night. And at least 1 eye roll that I noticed.

It's just a bummer because he's finally able to do the action of trick-or-treating with no prompting...he can walk up to a door and ring a doorbell. So it would be nice to give him some independence. But since there are some old biddies in our neighborhood, I feel like I have to shadow him and harp on him at every....single...door. I'm sure it makes it slightly less enjoyable for him to have me giving him the same verbal prompt all night.

I don't believe in making kids jump through hoops like that. In my experience most children do say trick or treat and thank you without prompting, if they are able. And I pass out candy because I want to see children having fun, not to enforce some kind of etiquette lesson.

Those of you who are saying you won't give them candy unless they say trick or treat? Do you actually send them away from your doorstep empty handed? Do you ever think that some of those children might be disabled in ways you can't see?

I have a nonverbal teenager daughter. She still likes to trick or treat with her cousins. We shouldn't have to walk up to doorsteps with her for the sole purpose of explaining to demanding adults that she can't speak. But we do. Or her cousins have to. And it makes her feel terrible.

Maybe a child is deaf. Or painfully shy and anxious around strangers. There are so many reasons why a person might not say "trick or treat". And that's not my business. If someone comes to my house they can have a treat. That's why I pass out candy in the first place.

THIS. All of this.

I just wish people would be more understanding about these sorts of things. And it's a freaking holiday so how about just let us enjoy it, you know? As if everyday life isn't hard enough for my child...especially with the lack of understanding in our society. Can they just let him have a nice Halloween without getting weird looks?? I really don't think I'm asking too much.

I should have make notes about which houses to avoid next year but, like I said, I don't really want to make the holiday less fun by taking notes. Ha!

I also plan to let my son trick or treat for as long as he likes. I don't care if he's 30 years old...I will take him. I can't wait to see the look we'll get then!

The kicker is....my son doesn't even like candy much. He'll eat the Kitkats but doesn't really care about the candy. He just enjoys the activity. It's his favorite holiday.

 

[mmouse37]

I don't really pay attention honestly - I was non-verbal until 4, and would have hated to have someone gate-keep candy on Halloween just for not saying "trick-or-treat".

What does kind of surprise me is how many try to take more than one piece - when did multiple candy at a house become a thing? That never would have crossed my mind as a kid......

This!! I don't make kids say ToT but most do but I definitely noticed more kids asking for/trying to take more than one piece of candy.....and I hand out full sized bars. I politely tell them no....I need enough for everyone that comes after you.

 

[nancipants]

I don't really pay attention honestly - I was non-verbal until 4, and would have hated to have someone gate-keep candy on Halloween just for not saying "trick-or-treat".

What does kind of surprise me is how many try to take more than one piece - when did multiple candy at a house become a thing? That never would have crossed my mind as a kid......

Our rule of thumb, with no other instructions from a sign/person handing out candy, is "take two."

 

[EACarlson]

Dang, I'm thankful I don't live in some of your neighborhoods. My 12 year old is minimally verbal. It doesn't matter how many times we tell him to say trick-or-treat or thank you...it's still a massive struggle. And the few times he would say it, it was too quiet for the homeowners to hear anyway.

Actually, maybe a few of you DO live in my neighborhood because I did get a few dirty looks on Friday night. And at least 1 eye roll that I noticed.

It's just a bummer because he's finally able to do the action of trick-or-treating with no prompting...he can walk up to a door and ring a doorbell. So it would be nice to give him some independence. But since there are some old biddies in our neighborhood, I feel like I have to shadow him and harp on him at every....single...door. I'm sure it makes it slightly less enjoyable for him to have me giving him the same verbal prompt all night.



THIS. All of this.

I just wish people would be more understanding about these sorts of things. And it's a freaking holiday so how about just let us enjoy it, you know? As if everyday life isn't hard enough for my child...especially with the lack of understanding in our society. Can they just let him have a nice Halloween without getting weird looks?? I really don't think I'm asking too much.

I should have make notes about which houses to avoid next year but, like I said, I don't really want to make the holiday less fun by taking notes. Ha!

I also plan to let my son trick or treat for as long as he likes. I don't care if he's 30 years old...I will take him. I can't wait to see the look we'll get then!

The kicker is....my son doesn't even like candy much. He'll eat the Kitkats but doesn't really care about the candy. He just enjoys the activity. It's his favorite holiday.

If you want to involve him in a mainstream activity, then you need to be prepared for different reactions when he doesn't act in accordance with the rules of that activity. For every one child like yours that has a legitimate reason, how many others are not because their parents didn't teach any manners or how to interact with others in polite society? If you want understanding, there has to be an explanation, you sending him up to the door to knock isn't one.
I don't care if he trick or treats when he's 30, but you'd better be prepared to explain why he's doing so. I feel it's an unrealistic expectation on your end to expect that everyone is going to understand or know what issues your son has and to bend over backwards to accommodate.

 

[Marrila]

If you want to involve him in a mainstream activity, then you need to be prepared for different reactions when he doesn't act in accordance with the rules of that activity. For every one child like yours that has a legitimate reason, how many others are not because their parents didn't teach any manners or how to interact with others in polite society? If you want understanding, there has to be an explanation, you sending him up to the door to knock isn't one.
I don't care if he trick or treats when he's 30, but you'd better be prepared to explain why he's doing so. I feel it's an unrealistic expectation on your end to expect that everyone is going to understand or know what issues your son has and to bend over backwards to accommodate.

Wow.

 

[tinkerbellandpeterpan]

If you want to involve him in a mainstream activity, then you need to be prepared for different reactions when he doesn't act in accordance with the rules of that activity. For every one child like yours that has a legitimate reason, how many others are not because their parents didn't teach any manners or how to interact with others in polite society? If you want understanding, there has to be an explanation, you sending him up to the door to knock isn't one.
I don't care if he trick or treats when he's 30, but you'd better be prepared to explain why he's doing so. I feel it's an unrealistic expectation on your end to expect that everyone is going to understand or know what issues your son has and to bend over backwards to accommodate.

Who is bending over backwards by giving any kid or adult a piece of candy on Halloween for crying out loud? No one needs to be prepared to explain anything to me (medical or otherwise) to get a piece of candy.

I genuinely wonder how people enforce some of the ridiculousness I've seen in this thread. Do you ask for birth certificates to confirm that the kids are too young to speak in your opinion before you give out candy? IEPs for the older ones in school so you can confirm to your satisfaction that they may have a reason not to use the exact phrase you need to hear? Perhaps a doctor's note will suffice and they can just pin it on their costume. Or maybe you hand out a survey so they can check off for your review why they are not participating in a way you deem required for polite society? Please, do us all a favor and just turn off your porch light and just don't hand out candy. It's not worth the angst it's causing you and it's definitely not worth the risk a child has a bad experience and rather than having ONE night of fun and then they just go home because they are frustrated or embarrassed. I genuinely expected more understanding from adults especially those on a Disney themed message board.

 

[dreamer17555]

If you want to involve him in a mainstream activity, then you need to be prepared for different reactions when he doesn't act in accordance with the rules of that activity. For every one child like yours that has a legitimate reason, how many others are not because their parents didn't teach any manners or how to interact with others in polite society? If you want understanding, there has to be an explanation, you sending him up to the door to knock isn't one.
I don't care if he trick or treats when he's 30, but you'd better be prepared to explain why he's doing so. I feel it's an unrealistic expectation on your end to expect that everyone is going to understand or know what issues your son has and to bend over backwards to accommodate.

OR you could assume parents are teaching their children and it is not your responsibility to try to instill some sort of lesson over a piece of candy on Halloween. If the parents want their child to say Trick or Treat they can make sure their child does (or not). And the idea of seeing an adult out trick or treating and wanting an explanation vs just giving them candy is wild.

This is such a compassionless take. You know next to nothing about what a child (or adult even) might be dealing with- assume that you don't know the whole picture and either give the candy with an open heart or just don't give it out at all. Gifts with strings attached are not gifts

ETA: I was talking about this subject with a friend tonight who reminded me that my eldest (who is not neurodivergent) had strong feelings against saying "Trick or treat" when she was in 3rd grade because she thought it sounded like she was threatening people and proceeded to encourage my friend's child and others in their group also not to say it because they shouldn't threaten people. I had completely forgotten about that year. Not super relevant but thought it was interesting that there might be lots of reasons a child might not say Trick or Treat

 

[TippyThomas]

And again, not shocked at all. Par for the course.

 

[PollyannaMom]

I'm not a stickler for saying Trick-or-Treat, but I do appreciate it if they say thank you or Happy Halloween after they get the candy.

(I leave any prompting to the parents, though!)

For non-verbal kids, I saw a great idea on Instagram this year where they had those recordable buttons attached their bag so they could just press it to say the things for them.

 

[Kitty 34]

Dang, I'm thankful I don't live in some of your neighborhoods. My 12 year old is minimally verbal. It doesn't matter how many times we tell him to say trick-or-treat or thank you...it's still a massive struggle. And the few times he would say it, it was too quiet for the homeowners to hear anyway.

Actually, maybe a few of you DO live in my neighborhood because I did get a few dirty looks on Friday night. And at least 1 eye roll that I noticed.

It's just a bummer because he's finally able to do the action of trick-or-treating with no prompting...he can walk up to a door and ring a doorbell. So it would be nice to give him some independence. But since there are some old biddies in our neighborhood, I feel like I have to shadow him and harp on him at every....single...door. I'm sure it makes it slightly less enjoyable for him to have me giving him the same verbal prompt all night.



THIS. All of this.

I just wish people would be more understanding about these sorts of things. And it's a freaking holiday so how about just let us enjoy it, you know? As if everyday life isn't hard enough for my child...especially with the lack of understanding in our society. Can they just let him have a nice Halloween without getting weird looks?? I really don't think I'm asking too much.

I should have make notes about which houses to avoid next year but, like I said, I don't really want to make the holiday less fun by taking notes. Ha!

I also plan to let my son trick or treat for as long as he likes. I don't care if he's 30 years old...I will take him. I can't wait to see the look we'll get then!

The kicker is....my son doesn't even like candy much. He'll eat the Kitkats but doesn't really care about the candy. He just enjoys the activity. It's his favorite holiday.

As a grandma of a mostly nonverbal autistic granddaughter (age 9)........I agree.

 

[TippyThomas]

I'm not a stickler for saying Trick-or-Treat, but I do appreciate it if they say thank you or Happy Halloween after they get the candy.

(I leave any prompting to the parents, though!)

For non-verbal kids, I saw a great idea on Instagram this year where they had those recordable buttons attached their bag so they could just press it to say the things for them.

Those buttons are a wonderful idea! I'd never heard of them, but they sound fabulous for helping in such potentially tough situations for them.

 

[dreamer17555]

I'm not a stickler for saying Trick-or-Treat, but I do appreciate it if they say thank you or Happy Halloween after they get the candy.

(I leave any prompting to the parents, though!)

For non-verbal kids, I saw a great idea on Instagram this year where they had those recordable buttons attached their bag so they could just press it to say the things for them.

Those buttons are not always encouraged, depending on if the child is working through speech therapy. I understand it makes it easier for others around them to feel like they have communicated with them, but if you are working on encouraging communication in a child giving them a shortcut to communicate less is something that is often discouraged. Pre-recorded statements do not necessarily reflect what they want to communicate And only make the others around them feel more comfortable vs fostering real communication. When my son was nonverbal, the best gift he could give a stranger was to look at them directly, and that was the highest form of thank you and communication. Pressing a button without looking at somebody would've been much easier just to pacify the adult in the situation without actually encouraging growth in the child.

I totally understand why some parents choose to use them. Like I totally understand why some parents choose to use things that are signifiers like sunflower lanyards so that people will treat their child with more kindness, but I don't always think it's necessary for a child or a family to disclose a disability to make others feel more comfortable. I think we should all just be treating each other kindly.

 

[ClaraOswald]

My son has an AAC device but he has never really taken to it. Even if we were to have a "trick or treat" button for him to push, we'd still have to prompt him to use it just like we prompt him to say "trick or treat" and "thank you." Of course, he has some verbal abilities with cueing whereas I know others are completely non-speaking so it's quite a bit different.

 

[kdonnel]

I missed Halloween this year but what is typically done is we hang out with our neighbors on the cul-d-sac at the end of my driveway, it is the first driveway. We all sit around a fire pit and place the buckets of candy from each home a reasonable distance from the fire.

When kids show up we tell them to get candy from each bucket and that this is all the homes so no need to go to anymore in the cul-d-sac.

I don't think anyone cares if they say anything in particular. We do interact with the kids by commenting on their costumes but again don't care if we don't get a response.

The adults are too busy drinking, eating candy, and talking to care.

 

[dreamer17555]

I missed Halloween this year but what is typically done is we hang out with our neighbors on the cul-d-sac at the end of my driveway, it is the first driveway. We all sit around a fire pit and place the buckets of candy from each home a reasonable distance from the fire.

When kids show up we tell them to get candy from each bucket and that this is all the homes so no need to go to anymore in the cul-d-sac.

I don't think anyone cares if they say anything in particular. We do interact with the kids by commenting on their costumes but again don't care if we don't get a response.

The adults are too busy drinking, eating candy, and talking to care.

This reminds me of how my extended family did Halloween. My uncles would hand out cans of pop or beer to adults taking the kids out for trick or treating.

 

[kdonnel]

This reminds me of how my extended family did Halloween. My uncles would hand out cans of pop or beer to adults taking the kids out for trick or treating.

That was the case in our neighborhood years ago when I still went trick or treating with my kids. There were 3-4 homes that offered drinks to the adults. Back in those early years our street was really into Halloween. There were 20+ kids aged 5-13 spread across the homes. One home would throw a kid Halloween party complete with an outdoor movie that always ended the night with a showing of Thriller. Another threw an adult oriented party with a boozy witches brew and lots of food and snacks.

The original kids are aged out and the one that threw the adult party moved. Luckily another took on the adult party role and now we now have a tradition of chili at their house followed up by sitting around the fire pit in my driveway.

 

[sam_gordon]

This reminds me of how my extended family did Halloween. My uncles would hand out cans of pop or beer to adults taking the kids out for trick or treating.

I thought about bringing out the deep fryer and using it to heat up apple cider for the adults. But then I figured no one would want to carry cups around, and they'd get thrown onto the ground a couple houses away.

 

[flyingdumbo127]

I don't celebrate traditional Halloween and no kiddos come on my quieter street. One of my favorite songs is an older one called, "Hands," sung by Jewel. A line from it is, "in the end kindness is all that matters." I pray to pass that on and thank all of you for doing likewise

 

[anrew]

We had fewer than 10 kids in total this year, all of whom said something. But I would have given them sweets anyway