Do you let your elementary kids handle their own problems

[Nancy]

I stay out of it. My DH on the other would would go in screaming if I let him.
My oldest daughter and her freiend used to fight about stuff all the time, they would write little notes and say really nasty things about each other (both did this, my kid is no saint!) My DH wanted to sit down with the other girls parents to discuss these letters. I told him to stay out of it, the whole thing will blow over and they'll be friends again in a few days..I was right. He couldn't figure out how I would know that and I informed him that I used to be a 13 year old girl, I know how things work!

 

[lowie]

I think that's insane. Part of growing up is learning to solve your own problems without Mommy and Daddy getting involved. It's not like a parent confronted the child.

What do you think??

(Understand too, that we live a very small town. Most of the kids know each other - we only have one elementary school of 200 kids.)

i try try try to let my daughter sort out her own social problems.. and it's easier said then done, especially with kids who have self-esteem problems or ADHD, both of which my dd has. although you'd never know it if you met her, she's great with adults and little kids, but kids her own age just walk all over her and she can't effectively stand up for herself... unfortunately the 2 girls who live on our street are very advanced socially and they don't treat her fairly, instead of my daughter trying to work it out she comes home upset.. this is when i wish THEIR parents would step us and teach their kids how to be nice! but they are all of the mindset that kids have to work things out themselves... but it's not their kids coming home in tears.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I guess at that age..unless they were doing something more harmful with the writings--I'd let them solve it. If it continued I would step in.

At some point we must remember that kids are still kids and not mini-adults.

Of course my kid is just entering first grade. Maybe with more parental experience, my thoughts will change.

In your case--the story was retracted..so I guess it should have been left alone.

 

[Beth76]

My son is 5 and try to have him work it out. But that sometimes involves me "guiding" the children to work it out. He has one friend who is particularly whiney and a tattler. It gets frustrating that sometimes I just have to say "Work it out, I'm not getting involved. If you can't get along, you can't play together". Actually, today it was so bad I had to send him home.

 

[Karel]

Goodness Gracious Karel,
I never said that kids should not speak to other adults.
thanks for quoting my comments and taking them entirely the wrong way. We are talking about 'problems' (disagreements or battles).
And, as far as, "at some point" according to the OP, we are talking about elementary aged children here.

Sorry, sorry. I meant that children at some point need to deal with adults and disagreements. Not battles; no adult should have a battle with someone else's kid.

I think fifth and sixth graders - starting at 11 or 12 - should be more responsible when dealing with adults and problems. Supervised with adult advice if need be. For instance, going to talk to a teacher about a grade etc.

I've worked with children for years and have no problems asking a kid to stop doing something that's annoying or dangerous. I know others aren't comfortable talking to kids or having people talk to their kids. I just wish parents realize that not all people are going to eat your kids alive or curse at them.

No popcorn, OK??