Do you know your SO past?

[Alex2kMommy]

I know in general terms about his romantic history, and a bit more about those he really cared deeply about. And that is totally fine. I don't really want gory details, and I don't think his past is really my business since it occurred before me, except where it may affect his relationship with me.

I had a college boyfriend who loved to throw his past girlfriends in my face, tell me details about their relationship (particularly their sexual relationship ), and I just found that unnecessary and distasteful. I think he was proud of all his conquests and thought I should be impressed. I just found it pathetic, and yet another sign of his poor character.

 

[ProudMomTo3Boys]

I picked other because there really isn't a past. We started dating when I was 17 and he was 19 but I knew him for a year before that. He only had one other girlfriend before me, so I guess that is a past, but not really a past.

 

[raysnkaysmom]

My spouse conveniently forgot to tell me that he had filed for bankruptcy to avoid paying a rather large judgement against him for a drunk driving incident. Evidently both drivers were drunk, no insurance and ended up suing each other. I found this out years later when I did credit checks for banking, etc. I would have never married him had I known he was so financially irresponsible and lacking in judgement and common sense. This has been a sore spot between us for the last 6 years. Oh well, I don't know what I expected when I married a ghetto rat from Flint, Michigan we are now in the process of separating!!

Although everyone views it differently, I hope there are other reasons than just this for the separation... Shame, guilt, or the fact that he totally loved you and didn't want to lose you over this sometimes overshadows past details. People make mistakes, but I would think there was a reason you s tayed together for 6 yrs, and money shouldn't tear that apart (like I said, unless there are other reasons as well)

I wish I knew how to multi-quote people....ugh

Anyways -
Stitchfans - I agree... I want to know important stuff, but if the girl wasn't important, I don't think I wanna know details...

Froglady - So sweet what your FIL wrote

 

[december]

Although everyone views it differently, I hope there are other reasons than just this for the separation... Shame, guilt, or the fact that he totally loved you and didn't want to lose you over this sometimes overshadows past details. People make mistakes, but I would think there was a reason you s tayed together for 6 yrs, and money shouldn't tear that apart (like I said, unless there are other reasons as well)

I wish I knew how to multi-quote people....ugh

Anyways -
Stitchfans - I agree... I want to know important stuff, but if the girl wasn't important, I don't think I wanna know details...

Froglady - So sweet what your FIL wrote

To multiquote, click on the button next to the quote button ("+). You can keep reading, and just click that button everytime you see something you want to quote. When you finish reading all the responses, then hit quote or post reply, and every post you wanted to quote will show up! Easy.

 

[raysnkaysmom]

Thanks December! I'm gonna try that SOOON
That way I dont take up 5 replies in a row anymore...LOL

 

[Stacerita]

I know everything about my SO's past. I have known him and his family since we were kids. For about 20 years. I know about his past relationships and such. He knows about mine. We decided very early in the relationship that we don't need to know details and how many, but we do know the major events that happened before we were together. As a matter of fact, I was even a guest at his wedding. Also, we are very open and honest with each other. He has made sure I knew everything about his past that was important.

 

[worm761]

We know everything about each other and we are ok with it. His past is just that, the past. I am more concerned with the present and future to worry about some woman that wasn't smart enough to know what a great guy he is.

 

[ndelaware]

I met my wife when she was 28 and I don't know, and don't care, what she did or who she dated before I met her.

That was 20 years ago.

 

[raysnkaysmom]

I met my wife when she was 28 and I don't know, and don't care, what she did or who she dated before I met her.

That was 20 years ago.

I think thats a good mentality...
I remember a friend of mine said she asked, and he was honest...and she wished she hadn't have asked. The past isn't something you could have changed, and knowing certain details only hurt and leave photographic reminders. She's learned that if you truly think you may not like the answer, don't ask!! Of course, that is only for things like this... that don't really matter, its just the ol' saying 'curiosity killed the cat'

 

[jimmiej]

DW started going together in Jr. High. She told me about this one fellow in elementary school...

 

[Kath2003]

I've known my partner since we were 19 so not much time to get any skeletons hidden in our respective closets. We're honest and open and I think I know virtually everything about him (I ask a lot of questions generally, I'm nosey!).

 

[ndelaware]

I think thats a good mentality...
I remember a friend of mine said she asked, and he was honest...and she wished she hadn't have asked. The past isn't something you could have changed, and knowing certain details only hurt and leave photographic reminders. She's learned that if you truly think you may not like the answer, don't ask!! Of course, that is only for things like this... that don't really matter, its just the ol' saying 'curiosity killed the cat'

Actually, fear had nothing to do with it. She was the most wonderful person I had ever met. How she got to be that person didn't matter. All I care about is that she is who she is. Everything that happened before I met her is irrelevant. At least to me and how I feel about her.

 

[lil mermaid]

I don't know every detail of DH's past relationships, but I basically know who the major players were. I know he was never engaged or married before, and never had any children.

I honestly don't need to know all the details. They don't really matter to me and don't affect me at all. I met him when he was 33, so of course he had relationships before me.

 

[Disney Doll]

My DH didn't have any really wild past history....dated women, lots of carrying on with his buddies when he was in his late teens and early 20's. It was a pretty "typical" life. Doesn't really bother me.

I was 27, he was 31 when we met, so I didn't expect that he had sat home for 31 years watiing for the moment when he would meet me.

 

[Took]

LOL Since I probably had more "past" than DH, perhaps he should be answering this!


Met him when I was 29 and he was 27, so we'd both dated a bit. However, neither of us had been married or had children, so we didn't have major past issues to deal with.

That said, we've always told each other anything and everything. Since I can say with complete and total sincerity that he is the BEST man I've ever known (well, maybe barring my wonderful dad), he is not jealous at all or even remotely concerned. We both laugh a lot about our silly romances in the past since that's how they feel in comparison to our relationship. As DH put it when he first knew me, "I love the woman you are now, and I know you are a product of your past, even (especially) your mistakes. So I don't regret your past, at all." As for his past, I feel the same way.

We've now been together 15 years, so I think we got ONE relationship right, anyway!

 

[twinklebug]

my now ex DH loved telling me stories about his past - the names of his GFs, what he did for jobs etc... turned out most of it was fabricated in his own mind.