Do you have a 12YO? Spending $?

[Ityldu]

We're bringing 12YO nephew with us and our two DS's (8 & 4.5). All three were told they had to save their own spending money. My DS's have saved like crazy and have a ton of money. DN has chosen to spend all his money of video games.

We really want him to have a great time and want him to feel he is being treated equally to our own two boys. We're already paying for his entire trip and we know him mom won't even give him spending money.

I know I'll cave and give him some money, but how much? What's reasonable for a 12YO, especially one that has made his own decisions to not save? Am I asking too much of a 12YO? I have no idea what expectations I should have, so any advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

[WDW2002]

IF you want to treat you DN like your own children, then if you give him $$$ you need to give your children $$ also. IMO, I would only give him a "token" amount, it is his own fault he spend the $$ on video games.

 

[Fargoman2]

We made our first trip to WDW last summer with our 3 kids--ages 12,9 and 2.
Our two oldest kids had ample opportunity to save money prior to the trip--and
they did. Both came to appreciate...at least to some degree...how to evaluate
the wisdom of their purchases. For example, do I want to buy the big-ticket item or
buy more smaller-ticket items. Funny how much more thought goes into that when
it's their own money--and a finite supply at that.

For openers, it is a generous gesture to pay for the nephew's trip. Second, I would be
extremely reluctant to provide him with any cash--perhaps a very modest amount
at best. And, yes, your kids should receive an equal stipend. Otherwise you're sending
the wrong message to both the nephew and your kids.

This appears to me to be a very good opportunity to demonstrate to your nephew
a lesson about the consequences of his spending decisions. Watching his cousins lavish themselves
with wonderful Disney merchandise will make him realize that maybe it wasn't
such a great idea to blow all his money on video games. Otherwise, if you bail
him out, it sends him the message that "I can spend as I like and someone will
be there to bail me out." This philosophy won't serve him well in the
long run.

Equally important, your kids will clearly see the merits of their disciplined spending.
This will definitely serve them well as they grow older.

Hope I'm not sounding too harsh on the nephew. Good luck!

 

[Ityldu]

Fargoman2 - Yes, you are sounding harsh on the nephew, but I agree with both responses, life is full of harsh lessons and it is best to learn it at 12. I just wish I wasn't the one who had to teach it and his mother would step up to the plate for once. Then again, that's why we're taking him and footing the whole bill. She is an unfit mother, to be nice. (Believe me, it goes WAY beyond saving money and trips to Disney).

When we gave him his trip for Disney, we included $20 in Disney money, my thinking is maybe $20 more and that's it. Thanks for your input, it makes me feel better knowing that I'm not the only one that feels I should take a stand here.

 

[pwoodham]

I agree with the idea of giving all the kids a "little extra," including your nephew, but you might want to think about what you already plan to pay for in terms of snacks, etc. that your kids won't be pulling out $$ for. If you're paying for all the snacks they want and the only things they'll have to pay for are toys and souveniers, I'm not sure I'd give the nephew very much. If you're making them pay for that soda pop or ice cream cone, I'd certainly give him enough to cover that type of item.

I have an 11yob, 10 yob, 7yob, 4yob and 1yob. We don't start allowances until age 8, so I'll be giving the 7yob spending money (or setting a limit to what I'll buy for him). The 11yob and 10yob, on the other hand, have had plenty of warning about saving their $$ for this trip and they are old enough to understand the consequences of their choices. As a result, my 11yob will have about $50 to spend (partly because he broke a $90 window which he had to pay for) and my 10yob will have about $200. Them's the breaks. I don't plan to even things out for the 11yob. At 12yo, your nephew could have made a better choice - and MUCH better for him to learn that now than when he can't pay the rent because he spent all his money on something else!!

All that said, it sounds like you feel a bit sorry for your nephew. I'll be the first to admit I want to "give" to kids in less-than-perfect situations more than I might otherwise. Follow your heart, but do consider the message you'll be sending.

 

[Jordan's MOM]

ityldu,

I guess I am a softy and if it was my child that I know has had lots of chances to learn about spending habits and knows that what I say goes I would not give him more. HOWEVER, it sounds like your DN has had a hard knock life and has never had the chance to learn good spending habits, limits or self control. While I know it is important to teach him these things, I am not so sure I would use what may be for him a once in a life time trip to teach him those lessons.I would decide what you feel comfortable giving the kids for disney, and then give all three that amount telling them" it's just because we love you." Your children could choose to spend or save their own money. You could also buy them all a t-shirt, hat etc and agree to buy snacks etc. Don't forget everything cost more at disney.Have a great trip with the boys and know you will do the right thing.

Jordan's mom

 

[Fargoman2]

I appreciate Jordan's mom perspective on the nephew situation, but have to
respectfully disagree.

Indeed, it sounds like there may be some issues with the nephew's mother. But the
original post referred to "DN HAS CHOSEN TO SPEND ALL HIS MONEY ON VIDEO GAMES"--so obviously
he has had some disposable income to use at his discretion. And again, he did so
knowing that the big Disney trip was ahead of him. Yes, it hurts a little--but he made
his choice. Ityldu's kids made their choice--TO SAVE. And now they will enjoy the
benefit of that hard work. THERE ARE POWERFUL LESSONS TO BE LEARNED ON
BOTH SIDES OF THIS EQUATION.

Sound a little cold to the nephew? Perhaps. But I think he'll survive just fine. After all,
he still gets to go to WDW.

 

[Ityldu]

You are all making such good points, but I think I'm going to defer back to my career. I teach severe emotional support and at least 90% of my students became this way due to zero parental guidance. It's amazing how much respect they have for me when I hold my ground. I think I'm going to do that with my nephew.

Trust me, he's going to be spoiled rotten even without a dime of spending money. We've been able to save up enough to splurge on 4 nights at Polynesian Conceirge, so obviously snacks will be readily available for free for the 1st 1/2 of trip. I'll get him a T-shirt and after that he'll just have to spend his $20-$40 wisely. It might hurt a little, but the amount of spending at Disney gets out of control anyway. It's not like there aren't a million other things to do. Where it will hurt is at the arcades. We'll pay for one trip to DQ, but that's it. If he wants to play more video games, he can use his own money or what until he gets home. I hate those arcade rooms anyway, what a waste of Disney time, so I won't feel bad at all if his time there is limited.

 

[DNSDisney]

My .02
You will be teaching him a lesson that will serve him well in life. Hopefully he will learn from this. You are doing right. Just the trip alone is a great gift. He should be very greatful.

 

[travelcoupons]

Give all three children a small amount of money, the same amount to each, right before leaving to ''top off' what they have been saving (or not saving). That way he will have something, albeit not as much as if he had saved, while you are not punishing your's for saving.