Do you get snubbed at church (of all places)?

[ButchJohnson]

Just remember anyone at a Church thats acting snotty and above others, don't sound like real Christians to me anyway, so I wouldn't worry about it. Real Christians (in my opinion) are very loving, open to everyone, and do not act this way.

There are lots of Churches like that, just remember, its not supposed to really be about the people there anyway, its about God/Jesus and your own personal relationship with them.

We usually just sit in the balcony and typically do our own thing, don't do much of the social thing. To me Church is not really about socializing, so we are typically in and out, and just say hi and chat to those that come across our path when were there.

 

[ckay87]

We are getting DS#1 through confirmation and then shopping for a new church for this reason. I've been a member for 8 years, have taught Sunday School, led youth group, ring on the bell choir, taught VBS and still I sit in a corner alone at most functions. The heck with that.

 

[Celluloidgal]

I so love my church! Mosaic
If someone caught someone else being snooty, or treating anyone disrespectly...we'd kick their butt. Our church isn't for everybody. We've had people walk out, and some really harsh feedback...but I love it. Especially when I hear comments like who'sgirls mom.

Sounds like you have gotten some good advice & comments.

I'd add one more. Invite one of them to dinner, or even just coffee/dessert. Welcoming someone into your home tears down a lot of walls. It is easier to get to know them. Maybe invite one couple a month. If they don't respond, consider moving on.

Like others had posted, maybe this isn't the right fit for you. There are so many churches available, don't let this experience stop you from experiencing a relationship with God. Be sure and let the leadership know your reason for leaving, so they can evaluate how they are doing. If said nicely, most people appreciate feedback.

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

This is one of the MAIN reasons WHY I don't Attend Church! Cannot stand the Uppity people who think they are better than you, its a Church to worship God for Heavens sake, worship and move on!

You hit the nail on the head. Too many Christians are Christians precisely because they wish to feel better than someone else. They go to church, the preacher rips this or that other group, they see the nice show on the stage, and then go home. And they don't want to hear that they themselves are less than worthy (the truth.) They don't want to hear that they themselves are just as guilty (the truth.) They don't want to hear that they themselves have to make a change in their behavior. (the truth.) They don't want to hear that they are sinners (the truth.) None of em would ever cop to it. In fact, they'd say just the opposite. But if you observe closely enough, it's simply that way. They want to hear that others are sinners. They want to learn God's word perverted to match their lifestyle and hear that it's someone else's fault. And many a church will accomodate them. The church itself becomes a clique and therein develop cliques within the clique. But not all churches are like that. You just have to look around carefully for a church where that element isn't dominant. Human nature being what it is, I can't claim that there isn't at least a little of that in any church including mine. But there are churches where that isn't the dominant culture and I believe you'd do yourself a service by trying to find one.

 

[ButchJohnson]

Also, don't forget any body that has the attitude that "I'm a better person/Christian than you and you and you" or whatnot is in a bad spot anyway. The bible speaks on that point on many occasions, "yea who is without sin cast the first stone" etc etc., we are all sinners and fail in God's eyes, none of us are better than any others, so anyone who has that attitude at Church is fooling themselves into a false sense of security.

But I think you may be thinking along the lines of the "Church lady" syndrome from SNL. Now isn't that special.

 

[TheGoofster]

If I get snubbed I'm really in trouble - I'm the pastor
But I do understand 100%. The last church we were members at had a clique of about 20 people (led by the Pastor), and everybody else were just extras.
One of the things we strive hard to do is to make sure that EVERYBODY is welcome. We live in Mexico, and believe me, you've never seen discrimination until you've seen upper class Mexicans totally ignoring the lower class. We don't allow that in our church. We have a pretty good mix of all classes, and we make sure that everybody is treated the same - no cliques allowed.

 

[sha_lyn]

One of the things we strive hard to do is to make sure that EVERYBODY is welcome. We live in Mexico, and believe me, you've never seen discrimination until you've seen upper class Mexicans totally ignoring the lower class.

I see you are in Mexico City. My sister's best friend if from there. Her father works(ed?) for the government. she was raised very sheltered from the conditions of the poor in Mexico. It wasn't until she moved to the US that she learned about the conditions that many Mexicans live in.

 

[binny]

I'm sorry that you feel that way about your church. I do know what that is like. We have left churches before for that reason as well. My dad was a minister and his specialty was putting churches back togther that had been torn apart for whatever reason. You would be amazed at the stories we heard.

My mom was sitting in the front pew for the few weeks we were at one church, which is where the pastors wife used to sit. We had been there a few weeks when this little old lady tapped my mum on the shoulder and said in a not so quiet voice " My family has sat in that pew for 57 years!" She was livid that my mother came in and sat in HER pew!
omgosh people seriously?????

We were greeted by some people at our church for a couple of years they must have thought we were new but our church has over 800 people in it. I cut them some slack LOL

We have been at our church for 5 years now we love it and dont notice a lot of cliques thankfully. Im sure there are some but I havent seen any. Everyone I have met and worked with are wonderful.

 

[goofygirl]

I'm closer with a handful of church members than the rest of the parish, I will sit with the same group of people over and over again, but its not because I'm clique-ish. It just kind of fell that way. I try to make an effort to get to know everyone. I will never snub anyone.


I was warmly welcomed by the church and in a short amount of time I went from newbie to a very active member involved in a lot of activities. There are a few old stuffy church lady types, but they are a minority. I would never stay with a clique-ish church.

I've encoutered cliques in the workplace though. We are all in one department, but spread out over a few floors in a building. For example, a clique on the 1st floor will order in a lunch or get a free luncheon without sharing this info the rest of the dept because "we were busy and didn't have time to tell you and track you down." Yet if they want something from me, they suddenly have all the time in the world to track me down. I must say though the sitaution has improved a bit because I've opened my mouth about it and they are probably sick of me chewing them out!

So the moral of the story is: if there's cliques, leave. If you can't or won't leave, speak up! Don't let them get away with that!

 

[letterdavidman]

OK, I just have to vent somewhere, so I'll just do it here. Does anyone else get sick of the queen bees at their church (and probably school, too) snubbing people? I'm just naive, I guess, thinking that you should be nice and SPEAK to everyone, especially those looking directly at you saying "hi"! There's a whole pack of people, men included, that make it feel like a country club function instead of church every time the doors are open. Don't get me wrong, I know there are nice people at church, not like this, but the ones that are, are so obviously snobby it's sickening. My husband even feels this, and how many men pay attention to social status? So, it must be bad. We have had several good friends leave this church, and one of the main reasons cited, is that they don't feel welcomed. We have been there 5 years, and should not feel like an outsider half the time.

So, why do I care? Most of the time I don't, but during Christmas you'd think people would make a little extra effort to be polite, instead of acting like they are walking by the unwashed. I wish everyone could just get along without the money thing getting in the way, and the social thing.

How does everyone else deal with this? I don't want a psychological examination of why I care, I just want to know what to do about it! (And if you're wondering, I feel worse for my good friends still at this church, and for my husband, than worrying about myself. I don't want to be bosom buddies with a lot of these people, I just want a hello and some small talk now and then!)

I don't go to church for that reason, among others. I don't feel it makes me any less of a Christian. I pray and read the bible regularly. A lot (certainly not all) of the time, I try to treat others as I would like to be treated.

But that's just me.

 

[poohandwendy]

Edited...not sure how I posted on the wrong thread, LOL

 

[TheGoofster]

I see you are in Mexico City. My sister's best friend if from there. Her father works(ed?) for the government. she was raised very sheltered from the conditions of the poor in Mexico. It wasn't until she moved to the US that she learned about the conditions that many Mexicans live in.

Unfortunately these conditions roll over into every apsect of life, including church.
For example, it is customary here to greet people with a kiss on the cheek. (Men kiss women, and women kiss women on the cheek). Even if you don't know the person you still normaly give them a quick peck on the cheek. The exception is the lower class. You will NEVER see a middle or upper class person give a lower class person a kiss on the cheek. Mabye a handshake, but usually just ignoring them completely is the norm. Now, in the church, you wouldn't expect this, but all too often it happens. In the last church we were at here (before starting our own), I remember the pastor's wife greeting four of five ladies in a row with the customary kiss, but when she got to a lower class visitor, she gave a very quick handshake, and rapidly went on to greet the next person. I hate that with a passion. If Christ sat and dined with the poor and lowly, who are we to not do the same? Am I better than Him? Like I said before, we do not allow any cliques, groups, or special attention to anyone in our services.

 

[letterdavidman]

You just described my work situation. Very few people here speak to me. Most of the ones that do are the guys. The women - it's amazing, the looks I get when I so much as walk by their desks! And the whispering...

Oh, and let's not forget, when I walk into the bathroom, there's a whole group of them in there having a powwow - well, that conversation stops, they glare at me, then they leave en masse. When I first started working here, I tried - I'd come up and try to add to the conversation, but 9 times out of 10, they'd make a face and walk away. I don't know how I've stood it for six years, but I'm looking for a new job.

You just described my new work situation. I do love it so. I wish you the best of luck with your job hunt.

 

[letterdavidman]

Sounds like what happened at our church
Committ adultry and have $$- pay for new carpet and you retain your position as a deacon

don't have $$ and file for divorce against your husband who walked out 10 yrs ago and has several kids with the new GF- you are asked to leave the church because your sins make you a bad role model

*Sigh* It's reading about crap like this that starts to get the old cynicism (toward organized religion) percolating again. Gotta keep it in check, though. I've been (too far) down that path before, and I'm not looking to make another trip.

 

[Hixski]

When I was a child and into my teens we went to a very cliquish church. We had a fire and brimstone pastor. We were all going to hell for everything. The church seemed to thrive on the rich clique. Except they were the ones doing the sinning like crazy. We stopped going when the pastor ran off with the choir directors wife. And all of us were going to hell for sneezing wrong. Certainly tainted my outlook on organized religion.

 

[CapeCodTenor]

In the last church we were at here (before starting our own)...

Sorry, but an off topic question for you. I heard that the Mexican Gov. was pretty stricked with letting non Mexican's work in their country...including the religous area. How were you able to get around this? Just out of curiosity. Thanks.

 

[YachtClubWoman]

Time for a new church - I left a church for this reason and could not be happier where I ended up.

 

[bevtoy]

However - I still wonder "Why dont they like me?" I dont get it.

Its not that they don't like you or me.
The problem is theat they feel either jealous or else threatened by you in some way.
Insecure people act this way.
Some super shy people appear to be snobby when they are actually tremendously timid.

 

[TheGoofster]

Sorry, but an off topic question for you. I heard that the Mexican Gov. was pretty stricked with letting non Mexican's work in their country...including the religous area. How were you able to get around this? Just out of curiosity. Thanks.

Actually it's not bad at all. There are two ways of doing it. The best way is if you have an FM3. This gives you the right to not only buy property, but get any job you want as well as start a church (there is a whole bunch of paperwork involved, but it can be done).
The other way, is to come in on a six month tourist visa. Although you cannot formely start a church, you are free to hold Bible studies in your home (as long as you don't preach / teach against the government). On occasion you might run across a problem (with either an FM3 or tourist visa) if there is a Catholic church in the area, and they don't want you there, but to be honest that is not very common. If you do start a church, and you want to get it recognized by the government, it takes about 5 years before they will give you the recognition (plus you need another church that is already recognized to "sponsor" you, and a letter of permision from a certain percantage of your neighbors). Again, not exactly easy, but it definately can be done. Before Fox became president, it was a bit easier, but he added a whole new department of the Gov. dealing with religious issues (not including the Catholic church). Now with Calderone as pres, we are waiting to see if there will be any new changes. Probably not, because he is of the same party, and he wants better relations with the US.

I hope that answers any questions you might have. And now - back on topic!

 

[cybrkitn]

Our church is a bit like that as well (I'm Lutheran). I joined a women's Bible study group last year and only held out for the 12 weeks. A few of the women were so closed minded that I felt looked down upon because my views were different than their views. Now, one thing to realize is that I have grown up in this church since I was in Sunday school and some of the women in the Bible study I have known for a long time. But it's not only the women's Bible study group. There are a lot of people in the congregation that are like that.

Our church is more along the lines of "traditionalism" and because of that they have put man's limitation on God and have kept Him in a box. A few of us have grown in our relationship with God and have become more intimate with Him in our every day lives.

We are also still going through a transition period. The one pastor that we had for 20 years retired and it took a year and a half to find another pastor. Our new pastor was telling a few of us that he was "fighting" with God because he really didn't want to stay here. Of course God won. Pastor realized that God needed him here to make the changes that are necessary for us to grow. We talked yesterday after service and he agreed with me when I said to him that we are stale and that I'm looking forward to his upcoming changes in the next few months.

So far from what I could read (w/o the thread locking up on me) reminded me of one passage that a friend of ours shared with us last weekend. It's Matthew 15:1-20 (Jesus Challenges the Pharisees' Traditions; God's Word Translation). It pretty much sums up what some in the churches are doing.

You may want to find another church unless God is telling you to stay where you are. I may not like what my church has become, but I know that God has both DH and I staying with our church because we are needed to help it grow and get out of the "traditionalism" that has plagued it for far too long.