Do you find this offensive?

[unfreshdiva1]

On facebook my niece post photo of her dancing with one of her male friends. Someone posted "oh, it's okay that she is dancing with him because he is a f@g!". (I think this word gets blocked so I'm being creative in my spelling). This is second time on of my nieces friends has used this word (my niece does tell them it is not right). Person came back and said it's okay to use the word as he calls himself one. Now I know this opens up a huge discussion, but I personally hate this word and do not use it to describe myself or any of my gay friends. Just curious if I am over reacting or if any of you feel same way i do about this word.

 

[olwyngdh]

My general reaction to that word is "What, he's a cigarette?" or "Wow, that must mean he's smokin'!"

If they expand it, adding the -ott ending, then they are calling the person a bundle of wood....

Throwing alternate definitions at the offenders tends to make them at least not use the word around me for fear of what I am going to say next. And correcting the kid in this way tends to embarass my kid enough that she makes sure that it doesn't happen in front of me again! (this was when my older daughter was a teen--the younger one and her friends haven't hit that stage yet.)

I agree with you--it is offensive. It is a "hate" word, and I don't like it. People who use words like that are not the kind of people I want in my life or around my family.

 

[skiingfast]

In that case, no, and I would find it semi offensive even though it isn't anything personal to me. I would have said gay.

Maybe at the time of tagging the photo she wasn't in a normal state of mind. I imagine I could use that word if I was excited like I could exclaim that someone is a A hole, B or total F. Thinking back I'm not sure of the last time I said that though it may have been quite a while back.

 

[jeffmilw]

Have you seen the television commercials condeming the "that's so gay" comments?? Anytime a word is used to associate a negative comment, it is wrong.

Personally, I think the comments on the facebook page are negative and should not be allowed!

 

[OrlandoMike]

Have you seen the television commercials condeming the "that's so gay" comments??

Post a link to this on her page!



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sWS0GVOQPs0&feature=related

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

Yep, I'm in the camp of "If it's used to be derogatory, then it's wrong." I'm not really comfortable with self use either, but then, I use d y k e to describe myself from time to time and do not consider it derogatory in that sense.

Much depends upon context, and who is using the term... as with anything else in this society.

There really is always an alternative to the derisive use of an epithet. Always. (And without compromising the speaker's meaning).

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

If someone posted that on my son's FB page I would make him delete it. Even if the poster claimed to use it to describe himself.

I get that sometimes words that are generally considered slurs are used as terms of endearment within certain demographics, but I don't think it needs to be written on someone else's FB page.

If you are going to use it to refer to yourself, refer to yourself on your OWN page.

 

[C&G'sMama]

I think using it as a teaching moment is a good idea. Post the link Mike gave you. Good for your niece for standing up and saying it's not right.

I haven't had that issue on FB. On the other hand I found out about Nat'l Coming Out Day from straight friends' and family posts on FB.

We have had the neighbor kids (10) use the word and they are told it is not allowed in our home and then they get the teacher stare from DP.

Here in New York we have issue with the Republican Gubernatorial candidate and some things he said/implied. Words have to be chosen very carefully and can be very powerful.

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

I've read about Paladino's comments. What's up with that?! Does he really think that New Yorkers are going to hold still for that sort of ignorance being spread under the guise of a campaign?

Sheesh.

 

[glenpreece]

i for one hate that word and equate it to the n word.

 

[C&G'sMama]

I've read about Paladino's comments. What's up with that?! Does he really think that New Yorkers are going to hold still for that sort of ignorance being spread under the guise of a campaign?

Sheesh.

Trying not to make this political so Mike if you need to strike my comments, please let me know as I don't want this thread to be closed because of them as I don't think it would be fair to the OP.


It all depends on a particular voter's view point. He has said he is "just" against Gay Marriage but he's not anti-homosexual. While New York City is Liberal/Democrat, the rest of the state isn't. Even where I live, the city itself is liberal, the surrounding towns and outlying counties are conservative.

It will be interesting to see how it plays out.

 

[OrlandoMike]

He has said he is "just" against Gay Marriage but he's not anti-homosexual.

That was what he gave the morning shows.....

What he actually said was actually very offensive in my eyes....

Won't post it here, but you can find the video out there easy enough.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I was recently reading a blog on this very topic (well it was on the word queer and then the F word was brought up in discussion).
My conclusion is the big issue is that at the end of the day every single word that has been used to describe gay (or term of your choice) men has been used (widely) in a derogatory fashion It seems that whichever was/is used that way the most when YOU are a teen/young person is the word that bothers YOU most and that each generation latches on to one or two words that are either new or have been out of use as an insult for a while so they are reinventing it on their own terms.

For me, the F word is still one that makes me shudder--but I know people who are gay who are fine with it. Whereas, I know gay teens who do not like "gay" because right now that is the in vogue word for small minded people to make fun with ("that's so gay")--but gladly describe themselves as queer (which I know bothers many older people).

Being a straight girl, I have to be super extra careful about which term I use and when and there seems to truly be no term I can always safely use with no fear of offending someone accidentally.

 

[OrlandoMike]

Let's go "retro"....

Confirmed Bachelor!

 

[sirJeffrey90]

You know, I don't like hate words which attack a specific group of people, however, the use of that word(s) have become so mainstream, it rarely means it's hateful meaning, at least where I am. I mean I hear people go up to their friends and say "What up, f@gg#tt!" or "You're so gay!"

REGARDLESS, i would love for these words to stop being used. Period. Same goes for all hate words, btw.

 

[postage stamp]

I tread lightly when I see things on facebook that shock me.

A lot of my friends have friends and family members that I don't know. I don't know their sense of humor, their relationship with said friend and their other friends, their demeanor. They are total strangers to me.

Does that mean I have to LIKE it when people say things that bother me? Absolutely not and when people say things that bother me on MY page I take care of it either by removing it or by explaining to that person why it bothered me.

But I'm not the Facebook Police and I can't make everyone behave the way I want them to all the time either. If your niece doesn't say anything to them that's her choice and as sad as it would make me to see that kind of talk that's pretty much where it ends for me.

 

[gotrojansgo]

I think it's unfortunately a sign of the times...I've noticed a lot of younger and younger people using that word to describe themselves as if they don't even know the meaning or find it offensive. Personally, I would never use that word to describe myself or anyone else, but I know several people in my age group who use that word quite liberally. Because they do, all of their friends think it's ok to use that word, too--which it's not.

I wouldn't use it as a teaching moment on Facebook, but maybe approach her separately and talk to her about it? I think the more people are poo-pooed from using that word, the better.

 

[unfreshdiva1]

Thanks for the comments everyone! Kind of a hot-button topic for me right now. Being the Glee fan I am I forwarded clip of exchange between Kurt's father and Finn.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Thanks for the comments everyone! Kind of a hot-button topic for me right now. Being the Glee fan I am I forwarded clip of exchange between Kurt's father and Finn.

That was such a well done scene and a great teaching moment for so many of the young fans. (obviously Glee fans here too--but we are about 3 episodes behind--harder to get them legally and in English over here)

 

[OrlandoMike]

Just a quick reminder....

A lot of us, myself included, are using tricks to bypass the word filter on this thread. I've let it slide considering the topic at hand. But please be advised, doing this on other areas of the Dis is a big no no!