Do you factor in financial issues before getting married?

[happybratpack]

Would you have second thoughts before marrying someone w/ credit issues or other responsibilities that will affect your financial future? (Bankruptcy, IRS trouble, child support/alimony payments, etc) Or do you just accept whatever problems they have and go on?

 

[Hercules10]

Heck yeah...I'm always lookin' for a sugah momma.

 

[mickeyboat]

Yes, I think I would take it into consideration. It is party of who that person is, and comes into play in deciding whether or not that person would/could make me happy.

This is especially true now that I have two kids' lives and futures to consider.

Denae

 

[goodeats]

You definitely need to talk about it and how you're going to deal with. When I got engaged to now DH he had credit card debt (less than $10K) that we paid off together before the wedding. We talked about how we would make sure that we never had cc debt again. But if he had major problems (i.e. super bad credit, high alimony/child support payments), it's hard to say what I would have done. I think a smart person should definitely take those things into account. But love doesn't always make you smart!

My friend chose a very pricey private grad school over a state school. And she's not getting a degree that she would be highly paid for (like law or MBA). I would have a hard time marrying her knowing we would have these super high loans to pay off. ESPECIALLY because she had the choice.

 

[rigs32]

I would absolutely take that into account. If you take on that burden and it doesn't work out or your partner is disabled or dies, YOU now bear a lot of their burden. In that case, I'd say live together until the credit issues are more resolved.

 

[mickeyfan2]

Not only financial but also previous marriages and kids. Some people come with far too much baggage for me.

 

[apirateslifeforme]

Maybe I'm shallow, but if I had known at the time that my now-ex was $47k in credit card debt, I would NOT have married him. He was a master at hiding it from me. I had no clue whatsoever...until after the wedding when the $1500 we received as gifts disappeared, then the $5000 I'd saved since I was 13 years old got wiped out...

I stuck with him for years, though. He got himself into massive credit card debt 2 more times. Like a fool, I used all of MY money to help him out of it every time.

Believe me, if there's another man in my future, there's going to be a credit check!

 

[CEDmom]

Of course I'd factor it in. I think all those things play a part in a person's overall character. Of course we all make mistakes in life but it's how we stand up and deal with them that matters.

 

[noodleknitter]

Not only financial but also previous marriages and kids. Some people come with far too much baggage for me.

Ditto.

I also wouldn't take my "baggage" into a relationship either, if I were divorced. (That would involve kids, not financial issues.) Just my feelings.

 

[palmtreegirl]

Did I? No, honestly it never even entered my mind but we didn't have any major issues before we married, we racked up all our debt together after we were married.

 

[wendy46001]

I think its a topic people dont discuss enough before marriage...you seriously need to sit down and figure out each others views on savings and account management before jumping into any partnership....I'm not saying i'd run a credit check before dating someone...but once two people are committed i think they need to put it all on the table and see if they can mesh financially

 

[Frantasmic]

Since most experts state that financial matters rank right up at No 1 (with child rearing issues/expectations) as to the impetus for most marital strife, you definitely should factor this in.

 

[noodleknitter]

I think its a topic people dont discuss enough before marriage...you seriously need to sit down and figure out each others views on savings and account management before jumping into any partnership....I'm not saying i'd run a credit check before dating someone...but once two people are committed i think they need to put it all on the table and see if they can mesh financially

Exactly. How many divorces could be averted if people found out beforehand how their potential spouse manages his/her finances?

 

[LoveBWVVBR]

This should absolutely be taken into consideration before marriage IMHO. If a person is trying to change, pay off the debt, fix their credit, etc., maybe it's worth giving them a set amount of time to do so before you move on.

My sister had a boyfriend that we weren't terribly fond of. I even posted about it here. Aside from his sometimes treating her badly and his being a drama queen (drama king?), he had piles of debt and fairly lousy credit. My sister kept trying to figure out where he stood in terms of his feelings on finance/debt, and he wouldn't give a straight answer. I'm proud to say that she got rid of him recently!! She knows that marriage is difficult enough w/o being married to someone with tons of debt, bad credit, and no real desire to change his ways. She is dating again, and she recently brought up the debt thing on the second date I did tell her that that seemed a little soon, but hey, whatever works for her as long as she finds out before she invests too much of herself in another deadbeat.

 

[disykat]

I can't even imagine not taking it into consideration. By the time we got engaged, we definately knew each others spending habits and debt loads (only a few college loans). By the time we got married, even though we were living separately we had pretty much combined finances. We knew each others exact salaries, bills, how much we were paying on debt, how much we had saved, etc. I find it hard to believe couples could get through wedding and honeymoon planning, not to mention buying or renting housing, without having that all out on the table.

I would have married someone who made considerably less or came with school or medical debt, but I wouldn't have married someone who was a big spender and simply lived beyond his means.

 

[VAN]

Do any of you watch the Suzie Orman show? She gets many guests/callers that deal with this exact situation. It's unbelieveable how many of the people know that something isn't quite right, but continue to justify their relationships with these losers!!!

Life is hard enough without having someone drag you down!!! You are suppose to be partners. If someone is old enough to make the decision to marry and has gotten themselves in such a financial mess, I'd run as fast as I could!!!

Having said that, sometimes things happen - like illness, bad business decisions, etc.

Usually, if you are questioning anything about your intended, it means THEY AREN'T THE ONE FOR YOU you should RUN ... "Run, Forrest, Run!!!"

 

[hiwaygal]

I guess I'm dumb or something.

I did not ask, nor did I care.

My DH lost his job shortly after I met him...things happen. Because of my schedule at work, it ended up being a huge benefit to both of us when he moved in. He runs errands, takes care of our dogs, does pretty much anything I ask of him (he proudly admits he's a house-husband).

I wasn't aware of just how bad the financial situation was until we decided to refinance my house (I had an 10 year old ARM and those rates were starting to creep up again!). I told my mortgage broker to use my credit info and keep his out of it!

We have never argued about money. Our marriage is a true partnership (not that anyone elses isn't! ) and is more about the love than the money.

Yes, it will be a PITA to clean up his credit mess, but we'll get it done together.

To me, credit/financial problems can be fixed...other "emotional" baggage can't.

 

[FreshTressa]

Yes. That is one area my husband and I have never fought about. For that I am grateful we knew each other's spending habits before we got married.

Now we have a deal. He makes the money, I spend it. Works out great!

 

[ransom]

Yeah, I'd take it into consideration. I'd consider it along with everything about the person, and their past, though. For example, if they were in massive credit card debt because they paid for their mother's heart transplant, that would be pretty forgivable! But if they went into massive debt because they couldn't control themselves, then that'd be another thing.

But honestly, if the person was decent but simply unable to control him/herself, then I'd still have a hard time accepting the situation. There would have to be some preconditions, such as allowing me total control of the finances - right down to calling the credit reporting agencies and putting a password on his/her account that only *I* know, so that no new credit lines would be extended without my involvement.

Sorry to be so unromantic, but I do believe spending can be an addition just like gambling or drugs. I wouldn't marry even a recovering gambling addict without some similar preconditions.

 

[cardaway]

I think somebody would be a fool not to take notice.

No way I could even live with somebody who was in debt because of their spending habits. Who is to say they wouldn't decide again that something was more important than the bills alreayd due?