Do you ever wonder about people?

[Keli]

I hope I've never lectured anyone on the DIS, certainly was never my intention. I do worry that I sometimes lecture IRL though. I teach adults/young adults and sometimes I worry that I'll carry that 'teacher tone' over when talking with friends. So far i haven't caught myself doing that but I do watch out for it.

 

[mumom95]

I'm more surprised by the amount of personal information people post on public forums. information about personal finances, relationship troubles, even asking for medical and legal advice. Do these people go up to complete strangers and tell them intimate details about their marriage? The majority of people on these forums aren't "friends". Airing dirty laundry in a public place is inviting the public to comment - good, bad or otherwise.


I guess I don't fault the lecturers, but the people who put themselves in the situation to get lectured.

On some threads yes, I agree, people set themselves up to be lectured.

What I'm talking about are the threads like "do you think it's ok to buy rosart crayons instead of crayola for my kids schools supply". And then there always seems to be the one poster who will go on a long rant about school supplies today and how teachers and schools ask too much out of parents and what are their tax dollars going to and so on and so on".

Threads like that. They really are a simple type yes or no answer, but for some reason some posters feel the need to let everyone know what is right or wrong in the world when it comes to that subject. They aren't being mean, but they seem to feel the need to make sure everyone is aware of their point of view. And there are certain DIS posters that are like this on certain subjects.

I guess when I say lecture, I don't necessarily mean it in a bad way, I mean it more in a college professor lectures type of way.

And I just wonder if those people are the same in real life. I don't think it makes them mean though.

 

[denisenh]

There's a difference between caring, in the sense that it affects my life, and not wanting myself or others to be played for a fool. When you listen (read) other people's stories and feel badly for them, and then find out they were lying, it erodes your trust and builds cynicism.

In the case of people who take extravagent WDW vacations and then declare bankruptcy (which seems to happen a lot), it does affect me. And you. And everybody. Somebody has to pick up that cost. I care in that sense.

yes, i understand your point. but one has to approach this type of communication board with the understanding of what it is...a bunch of strangers (mostly) who may or may not be telling true "stories". i read stories that are sad, funny, interesting, inspiring etc. I take what i can use, discard the rest. thats all.
I'm a caring person, in real life but how much can a person invest in a stranger? i try to be reasonable.

as far as people costing you.... frustrating, i agree. but there is a lot more to that equation...too much to think about.

I use spreadsheets, easier to cross reference.

thats pretty funny

 

[PollyannaMom]

I'm more surprised by the amount of personal information people post on public forums. information about personal finances, relationship troubles, even asking for medical and legal advice. Do these people go up to complete strangers and tell them intimate details about their marriage? The majority of people on these forums aren't "friends". Airing dirty laundry in a public place is inviting the public to comment - good, bad or otherwise.

I guess I don't fault the lecturers, but the people who put themselves in the situation to get lectured.

Actually, people do share a lot with "perfect strangers". I am always amazed at what a first time client will share with me. I can know more about him/her in 30 mins. than I know about a long time friend!

I think it may be exactly because they don't know people that they are willing to share these things.

For instance, if x asks a question related to a personal relationship or a financial hardship on the DIS, she gets answers from a source she trusts (rightly or wrongly, due to a shared interest) and it ends there. If she asks the same advice of a neighbor, that person may change her perception of x, feel guilty if x brings an expensive dish to her party, be put in an uncomfortable position, etc. - You can bounce things off strangers without them sticking.

P.S. - The use of "x" is not intended to resemble any real DISer's screen name! - It's just the mathematician in me.

 

[KristaTX]

LOL! Yes, I noticed this on one of the "Cash for Cluckers" threads! LOL!

Is the government doling out cash for chickens now?


Sorry - I don't normally lecture about misspellings, but that one made me chuckle and I just had to comment .

 

[CathrynRose]

I don't know that the lecturing bothers me, as much as just the gang-mentality icky mean-ness (that's a technical term btw )

The lecturing (of course) comes from knowing that 99.9999% of DIS'ers are debt free, have perfect children, never bounced a check, never ever buy anything out of 'want' and not 'need', have money in savings to cover 10-15 years, as well as full college funds for their children by age 5, get along with their spouses/SO's wonderfully - never having bickered with them - and pretty much live an absolutely perfect life, in every sense of the word. This we know must be true. I take all that with a grain of salt.

I hate the gang mentality. I drop my jaw at some of the horrible things said to people. It's mean. I, myself, may come off harsh - point blank to the point - but I'm telling you, I'm not mean. I don't want to make someone feel stupid, or hurt anyone's feelings.

Some of the things which are said to people, step over that line. I can't even imagine saying some of the things which are said to people, IRL or on a message board.

Not to mention the *composition notebook* (I imagine a stalk of those black and white notebooks, next to people's PC's, labeled "DIS'er Name" and then those little post it neon tabs - VACATION / BANKRUPTCY / AFFAIR ) memory some people have about others. I can't remember what I wore yesterday, let alone that "DIS'er" filed bankruptcy three years ago, yet is planning a fancy trip.....nor do I care, at all. No skin off my back.

I've been on Disney message boards a looooong time. I was on AOL ones beginning in 1995 - then a private Yahoo board with misplaced AOLWDW Board'ers, then RADP (I think??) and bouncing all over until I found the DIS.

I've read a million times "I would never say anything online, I wouldn't say to someone's face" I absolutely beg to differ. I've seen it too many times. Not to mention the fact I can't imagine walking up to someone and saying "Hey! You're a lazy slob!" and still having all your teeth, after wards.

I've met a lot of message boarders over the years, and you know what? The meekest, weakest, couldn't even maintain eye-contact people IRL were the loud mouth rude one's, online. I personally saw them as the most insecure.....JMHO, again - of course.

Another one, who seemed nice enough, but a little obnoxious at times, turned out had a major drinking problem (hence these strange rants and psycho posts some of the time, and rather normal, other times) She ended up getting divorced, losing her kids, all sorts of stuff. No one really saw her again. I rode RnRC with her though, at a meet. Seemed like a nice lady.

Another one, I know she has little to no social life. None. Her husband was kind of a weenie. Just removed and not a friendly dude. IRL she barely made a peep, yet - not mean - was very opinionated online. Maybe it was the only chance she had to ever say anything, to anyone?

That is all.

 

[ginna74]

I'm more surprised by the amount of personal information people post on public forums. information about personal finances, relationship troubles, even asking for medical and legal advice. Do these people go up to complete strangers and tell them intimate details about their marriage? The majority of people on these forums aren't "friends". Airing dirty laundry in a public place is inviting the public to comment - good, bad or otherwise.


I guess I don't fault the lecturers, but the people who put themselves in the situation to get lectured.

I know I have a tendoncy to put my life story out there. Some times it does feel good to get it out and get opinions from people who are not in the know Or just get it out there period in venting.

 

[Kickapoo Joie Juice]

But it makes me wonder what they are like in real life.

IRL if people ask me I'll tell them the truth. Most people are smart enough to only ask me once what I think about something

My best friend says talking to me in real life is sometimes like getting shot between the eyes. I hope she means that in a good way

Weirdly, though I have no trouble telling people what I think, I am absolutely unable to tell people what to do.

I can't delegate to save my life because it requires me to say to people "go do that" and I simply can't.

I'm demented and sad, but social

 

[Angelhalo]

I think monitors make some people feel big and bold.

JMHO, of course.

I completely agree. I think people feel "free" on the internet to say whatever they want to whomever they want, often forgetting that there is a real person on the other side of that monitor who has brains, and feelings. I think deep down, most people feel that on any given subject, (even if they are willing to hear other people's opinions) they still believe that their own opinion is the correct answer. The internet is a way to always be able to tell people what you think without any reprocussions other than empty words replied through a screen. I doubt that half the things said here would ever be said to someone's face.

Not complaining, or saying people are jerks or anything like that, just sharing my opinion of why I think it happens.

 

[mumom95]

I have to admit, I'm one of those people that remembers things that have made an impression on me. Sometimes I read a thread on the DIS boards that makes some kind of impression, either because it's a very sad story, a very funny story, a thread that ends up turning into a big debate or a story that is so far fetched you just have to know the person is making it up.

So when I've read a person's thread one week where they are about to declare bankruptcy because they can't pay their bills and the food stamps didn't come in on time and they're mad because aunt Edna won't keel over so they can inherit their share of her trailor, then the next week they are asking what level room is best at the Poly because they just booked a 10 day vacation, I don't mind when the other people call them out on it. I don't think that the other people are keeping a little notebook, it's just that certain threads and certain posters make an easy impression on some people.

 

[LuvOrlando]

OK, is it just me or is anyone else out there TOTALLY creeped out over the notion that some posters actually purposefully accumulate information about each other on here? To be honest, I try to be careful because of kooky stuff I read on the news but not in a paranoid sort of way. I don't expect to mean all that much to anyone anyway. For heavens sake, I can barely remember the names of my kids' friends' parents never mind offenses in cyberspace. Mostly, I remember people I like and/or respect, the bad eggs barely register so the idea that someone would go through all this trouble is just, well, unsettling.

Once I started a post and someone who was a little, lets just say 'off' popped up and proceeded to call me out on posts I had made previously which weren't germain necessarily, but which might have cast an unflattering shadow on my character without an opportunity for my explanation. I was left to wonder if this person A, actually felt I was important enough to remember or B, took the time out of his/her life to go back over old posts to see what they could dig up. TO be honest, BOTH scenarios came off as wacky to me because of the time & dedication involved. I kind of wrote it off as an oddity but if other people suspect the same thing and some people really make a habit of this then I have me a serious case of the willies.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I have to say I wonder how you all live among such kinds and nice people I have lived many places and there are always kind and nice people, people who "tell it like it is" but have good advice, people who "tell it like it is" even when there is no reason to and end up hurting a lot of people, people who are just down right rude and mean, people who seem a bit off, etc. Same as on the DIS. Honestly every time I see someone post that IRL people wouldn't be saying X,Y or Z I always wonder where that real life is The only things I notice in much greater abundance on the DIS than in life are peole who love Disney (obvious) and people in unhappy marraiges ( at least who are willing to talk about that)--otherwise seems pretty much like what I encounter anyway. There are MORE responses of every type to any given thing htan in real life--but the percentage of nice, vs. rude, vs. whatever seems to be siilar. What I do like is that with so many posters discussions can garner a lot more perspective and go on much longer than they are likely to face to face.

ETA: for the record--I tend to be MORE careful about what I post than I am about what I say in real life. I get more time to think about my response here and I am very aware that my tone does not come through easily in writing.

 

[Philagoofy]

I have to admit, I'm one of those people that remembers things that have made an impression on me. Sometimes I read a thread on the DIS boards that makes some kind of impression, either because it's a very sad story, a very funny story, a thread that ends up turning into a big debate or a story that is so far fetched you just have to know the person is making it up.

So when I've read a person's thread one week where they are about to declare bankruptcy because they can't pay their bills and the food stamps didn't come in on time and they're mad because aunt Edna won't keel over so they can inherit their share of her trailor, then the next week they are asking what level room is best at the Poly because they just booked a 10 day vacation, I don't mind when the other people call them out on it. I don't think that the other people are keeping a little notebook, it's just that certain threads and certain posters make an easy impression on some people.

In my defense, my Aunt Edna keeled over the day before my Poly post, hence the room level question. Therefore I did have enough moolah to get the conceirge level but still didn't have enough to pay my utilities or rent, even though I did save $12.50 pp by bringing our old refill cups with us.

 

[BelleWDW]

I'm more surprised by the amount of personal information people post on public forums. information about personal finances, relationship troubles,


I guess I don't fault the lecturers, but the people who put themselves in the situation to get lectured.

I posted on a thread locked yesterday like this. the amount of personal information on it was baffelling. I would never share so much stuff to perfect strangers.

 

[raysnkaysmom]

There is a thread about elderly people losing their "filter". I think that most people think like they post, but their "filter" will not allow them to say what they think around people that they know. The "filter" can be willingly removed on the internet.

very true...

It's easy to perceive something as a "lecture" when someone is expressing an opinion that is opposite to yours.

True, but there is definitely a different tone between a lecture and an expression of a differing opinion. I like the people who are the voice of dissent, who play devil's advocate, but holier than thou and lecturing isn't cool.

Difference of opinion and holier than thou attitudes are very different...

NOW i remember what I wanted to say...


i think it is SO weird that some posters really get into who said what in a prior post..... I'll be reading along and come upon something like....

"you said in a post 2 years, 3 months 17 days and 12 hours ago that your mother hit you with a baseball bat , heres the link ....and now you are saying how much you miss her and what a wonderful mother she was."

or....

"you said that you will be having boiled potatos for supper because you are broke but in your siggie it says that you are going to Animal Kingdom lodge in a month"

those posts just make me wonder about people......the ones that are so "into it" that they keep track of other posters lives. cracks me up.

And I've seen people do this!! They creep me out

I'm more surprised by the amount of personal information people post on public forums. information about personal finances, relationship troubles, even asking for medical and legal advice. Do these people go up to complete strangers and tell them intimate details about their marriage? The majority of people on these forums aren't "friends". Airing dirty laundry in a public place is inviting the public to comment - good, bad or otherwise.


I guess I don't fault the lecturers, but the people who put themselves in the situation to get lectured.

I think its easier to get unbiased advice here than spreading your personal information to people who know you.... Out of the billions of people in the world, personal relationship information shared is really of no matter because, who are 'you' anways to an internet forum...

I don't know that the lecturing bothers me, as much as just the gang-mentality icky mean-ness (that's a technical term btw )

The lecturing (of course) comes from knowing that 99.9999% of DIS'ers are debt free, have perfect children, never bounced a check, never ever buy anything out of 'want' and not 'need', have money in savings to cover 10-15 years, as well as full college funds for their children by age 5, get along with their spouses/SO's wonderfully - never having bickered with them - and pretty much live an absolutely perfect life, in every sense of the word. This we know must be true. I take all that with a grain of salt.

 

[Aisling]

It's easy to perceive something as a "lecture" when someone is expressing an opinion that is opposite to yours.

Yes, but when you ask if Coke tastes better than Pepsi, and people reply that soda is bad for you, you're a bad parent if you give it to your kids, we're in a recession so why are you spending money on soda when you could be paying bills, blah blah blah...lecture lecture lecture...

Geez, all I asked was an opinion on the TASTE of sodas!

 

[Kickapoo Joie Juice]

Yes, but when you ask if Coke tastes better than Pepsi, and people reply that soda is bad for you, you're a bad parent if you give it to your kids, we're in a recession so why are you spending money on soda when you could be paying bills, blah blah blah...lecture lecture lecture...

Geez, all I asked was an opinion on the TASTE of sodas!

See, that's where the threads get interesting. If you posted on there "Billy Joe Bob, 4, keeps telling me he prefers Coke to Pepsi. I'm worried about feeding him aspartame, so do you think I should give him regular old Coke or try new Pepsi Zero on him? Betty Sue will drink either one out of her bottle, though, so we're not worried about her."

Now, these people get all PO'ed when the topic veers, like a bug into a headlamp, off topic. And they wonder why!

You put info out there, and people will comment on it, whether you asked for it or not. I think it's because people "think" they want to ask one question, but they're really asking another...

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

Yes, but when you ask if Coke tastes better than Pepsi, and people reply that soda is bad for you, you're a bad parent if you give it to your kids, we're in a recession so why are you spending money on soda when you could be paying bills, blah blah blah...lecture lecture lecture...

Geez, all I asked was an opinion on the TASTE of sodas!

These forums would be boring if all that you received were direct responses to your question. Those responses will be mixed in there. Just ignore the stuff that you don't like and read the stuff that you like...

 

[Aisling]

These forums would be boring if all that you received were direct responses to your question. Those responses will be mixed in there. Just ignore the stuff that you don't like and read the stuff that you like...

That's good advice. The problem is when a benign thread get's nasty because people start to lecture about a simple question. The Coke and Pepsi thread really happened, a simple "which tastes better", and ended up getting closed because some posters questioned the OPs mothering skills because she bought soda! LOL BY the way, I like Coke.

 

[mumom95]

In my defense, my Aunt Edna keeled over the day before my Poly post, hence the room level question. Therefore I did have enough moolah to get the conceirge level but still didn't have enough to pay my utilities or rent, even though I did save $12.50 pp by bringing our old refill cups with us.

Oh, I was thinking you said the trip was a gift from aunt Edna. Wait, was the gift trip the one where aunt Edna was too cheap to pay for anything but a value, but you didn't mind because you said you can always pool hop to SAB?