I always worry about that. However, I look at it this way: I've done a ton of great things. I've donated tons of money to hurricane relief. I've donated money to provide heating assistance to military families who lost income when soldiers got called to active duty. I'm a good, generous person.
What do I get in return? Nothing. Not a single thing in my life is going good. I'm not even asking for a lot....I don't expect to win the lottery. I just want to get pregnant. That's it. Simple. Any idiot can go out and get knocked up, I'm just asking for that.
So, what goes around does NOT come around. If the good stuff doesn't come around, I try to believe the bad stuff won't either. So, if I lie to my best friend about having to work the day she wants to go to some stupid Faire, I don't think I should fear retribution by karma.
Plus, at this point, I'm angry and bitter and enjoy tempting fate. Go ahead, bad karma....come and get me. I'm already miserable....the past 2 years have been a living nightmare. Bring it on.
I'm still generous money-wise because, through hard work, I am doing well in that regard, but I'm definitely not as nice as I used to be. I'm not the problem-solver anymore. I'm not the shoulder people can cry on anymore. I'm not someone people can talk to and expect to get advice or assistance anymore.
I still get pangs of worry, but that's generally replaced with the thrill of admitting I liked getting out of the Faire and didn't care if I lied. Then I wonder if I'm sadistic....maybe I am. Oh well....
Bad things keep happening to me whether I'm a good person or a not-so-good person. Why beat myself up over being a not-so-good person sometimes when it doesn't seem to make a difference?
