Do you allow kids friends for your trip?

[Jimwaddles]

In 2013, we took our first trip to Disney World and we brought along our daughters friend who was thirteen at that time. We payed for everything for her to come along since it was our idea for her to go. We thought it would make the trip by having a her best friend along and of course it did. Now fast forwarding to this next trip we thought it would be a great idea to ask her to come along again but after writing her mom a letter asking for her permission to go, her mom never responded. We don't really know her mom that well but I gave her mom over a month to think about allowing her daughter to come along again for our family trip but she never responded. I know her mom got the letter because we asked her daughter and she said she read it. Maybe I'm over thinking this but if someone was going to take my daughter on a trip, and asked for a response even if the answer was no, I would have answered them. Do I call her mom to ask even though in my letter I asked for a response by a certain date or do let it go and bring another one of my daughter friends along for this next trip? The other friend we could take would otherwise never get to Disney World due to her parents financial hardship. We would be happy to have either child along because they are both considered like family but I guess I'm just a little irritated by the no response from the mom. What would you do in this situation?

 

[mom2AidanAndEli]

Why did you write a letter instead of just picking up the phone and talking to the mom? My thinking is that if they kids are close enough to be going on vacation with one another, the parents should at least be close enough to call one another and discuss details. I just can't imagine sending a note to the other parents--seems very odd to me. And I don't know how I'd react if I got such a note from a parent. I think my first reaction to my child would be, "I'm not even discussing it until I talk to Mrs. So-and-So."

 

[Jimwaddles]

The reason I wrote a letter was because of the difference in our work schedules, her mom is hard to get a hold of because she owns her own restaurant and is all ways working. Also I didn't want to put her on the spot if her answer was no with her daughter being there. Keep in mind she allowed her daughter to come for our first trip and had no issues with us taking her then.

 

[Hezzy04]

Could your daughter just ask her friend what her parents said?

 

[dprincessmom]

If it were me I would call and just confirm that she can/can't go so you can continue planning.

 

[mom2AidanAndEli]

The daughter's friend knows you sent the note, so don't see how that's any less putting the mother on the spot. If she can't answer the phone, you leave a message. Just seems that something like planning a vacation together needs to be done in person or by phone, not with a letter.

 

[Cambray]

Wow, we just started the same "friend" conversation today! We are considering taking two of my son's friends with us to camp in our RV at FW. I travel extensively with school students, so I'll need to meet with their parents and ask for details about any allergies or other health issues. I'll also need a copy of Health insurance cards for them - getting treatment at any medical facility on school trips has been much harder for us in the past without insurance info. If communication with their parents is as tough as you're describing, their not coming with us!

 

[DisneyWishes14]

I would call the mom and at least leave a message, perhaps saying you are assuming the answer is no, but just want to check in with her before asking the other child's parents. You could simply say you understand she is very busy so if you don't hear from her by the next day or end of the week (whenever you need to know), you will assume the answer is no. If the mom is very busy, it could be it just slipped her mind.

 

[Tiffylv]

.

 

[sharona]

Not responding is terribly rude but par for the course with a lot of people today. Did you ask her in your letter to give you a call to discuss? I think a phone call would be a better method of communicating going forward. Pick up the phone and call her. If she's not home, leave a message with a friendly reminder that you are finalizing your plans and need to know by X day if Suzie can come with you.

I have to say though, as a parent I would be a little po'd that you let the children know you were asking. It really does put the mom on the spot and having to be the bad guy if she doesn't want to let her go (for whatever reason).

I have just one child, DD12, so I know how having another child along can really make it more fun for them. Up until now we have usually traveled with aunts and uncles and cousins. Now that DD is older, she has been asking for one of her friends to join us. I told her 12 was too young but maybe next year. When we are going somewhere, even just to the beach or the movies, and DD wants to invite someone I usually text or call the mom first to see if it's ok for DD to invite Suzie. If the mom says yes then I let DD text/call and invite her friend. If the mom says no then I just say no, not today.

 

[MandiC]

I don't know. I get busy, and with notes, they often get misplaced. I know I haven't responded on occasion to my kids friends' parents. Not in an attempt to be rude, but we are just busy. Picking up the phone and calling me, or leaving me a voicemail is much more likely to get a response and honestly I would be pretty turned off if I got a letter from my child's friends parents asking to take the child out of state for an extended period of time. Even when my one daughter's friends parents invited her to celebrate their daughter's birthday 3 hours away for a weekend they called me to discuss the specifics and see if I was comfortable with it.

All that said, at 15 does the girl really have no idea what her parents thoughts on the matter are? I can't imagine a 15 year old getting an invite to a vacation like that with a good friend and not even discussing it with their parents or their friend afterwards?

 

[DopeyDame]

Yeah, pick up the phone and call. Definitely don't invite the other girl until you've confirmed one way or the other with this one. I understand that you felt like the letter was easier for logistical reasons, but at this point you just need an answer.