Do you all ever get jealous of non-savers?

[maxie]

It's all a personal decision and I just don't it's fair that people make judgements of other parents without knowing the facts. I do think that kids who are left in FT daycare from a young age (6 months) MAY have some bonding issues. Perhaps ...I don't know. Depends on lots of variables.

As for me I went thru a bitter divorce in 1997 when I was a full time student and had to struggle to get things above ground financially as I was only working part time when my DH left. I am NEVER going to give up my financial independence to my husband. I want to know that I can always take care of myself in case the marriage was to break up. beetn there done that.

In my field of work if I stayed at home for several years I would be so out of date I would have to go back and get retrained. I may consider working part time after my 2nd child (if there is one) but I will see.

A happy parent will raise a happy child. A parent stressed out about being a home will pass on that stress. Each to their own.

I'm just glad I live in Canada where I got my 1 year maternity leave so I could have that time with my guy. My sisters were so jealous as they only got 6 months back when they had their children!!!

 

[Shelle&Dave]

I believe FMLA is a federal program, not state. I'm not sure there are different rules for different states.

 

[crisi]

FMLA simply means you can take 12 weeks off unpaid with no benefits to care for a newborn, adopted or ill child (or other dependant) if your employer is of a certain size. Not everyone is covered. And they don't need to pay your or give you any benefits. Its Federal. And they can force you to use up vacation time and maternity leave and count that as twelve weeks - i.e. it doesn't have to stack on top of existing maternity leave.

 

[maxie]

Do new moms in the USA get any $ either from the state or federal government such as maternity leave? On our maternity leave here you quality for Employment Insurance where you get 60% of your salary paid to you from the Federal government,. Some employers top that up to 90-100% of your salary. Moms can take the full year or take 6 months and let the father take the other 6 months and he would get Employment Insurance for those 6 months.

 

[WDWorBUST]

Like Crisi said - FMLA is a federal law that requires a company that is bound by that law to have your job waiting for you when you come back. Here it is in a nutshell:

Synopsis of Law
Covered employers must grant an eligible employee up to a total of 12 workweeks of unpaid leave during any 12-month period for one or more of the following reasons:

for the birth and care of the newborn child of the employee;
for placement with the employee of a son or daughter for adoption or foster care;
to care for an immediate family member (spouse, child, or parent) with a serious health condition; or
to take medical leave when the employee is unable to work because of a serious health condition.

OH - Amanda - I don't think you are wrong for waiting in any way. And there are a lot of little babies out there who need loving mommys and I think it's great that you would choose that option if necessary....or even if it isn't necessary I just never thought that having a baby would be a problem and want to make sure that others realize that it isn't always as easy as it looks

 

[crisi]

No, in the states Maternity leave is privately funded. Usually its your short term disability insurance through your employer. Unless you are a government employee, the government isn't paying it.

(But our taxes are lower than yours. No VAT).

 

[maxie]

Taxes are higher but we don't have to pay for medical insurance. What's VAT?

 

[crisi]

Value Added Tax - don't you guys have a pretty high national sales tax? I could be wrong.

(BTW, I like your system better - I'd love socialized health care, decent maternity leave, etc - and would pay for it in higher taxes - unfortunately, many Americans don't agree with me).

 

[maxie]

Here we pay 7% Goods and Services tax and a 7% provincial tax (varies from province to province). Yes we do pay more personal income tax as well I think. But regardless of what the whiners out there say we have an EXCELLENT health care system.

Bit of trivia for you...Keifer Sutherland is the grandson of Tommy Douglas who was the founder of the Canadian healthcare system and the socialist movement. Kiefer actually campaigns for the socialist party up here.

 

[crisi]

Here there is no federal sales tax or property tax. Sales tax by state varies by quite a bit (and item to item as well - in Minnesota we don't pay sales tax on clothing - making us a shopping mecca)

There are federal taxes on some things like cigarettes and gas, IIRC.

 

[septbride2002]

I pay property tax here in Missouri - every year I have to pay a tax on any vehicle, boat, etc that I own. This year is should be about $700. I am charged sales tax on food, clothing, accessories, cars, everything! I pay Real Estate Tax and Federal Income Tax - I'm tired of being taxed! However for socialized health care - I would pay more.

~Amanda

 

[floridagirrl2]

Originally posted by septbride2002
I'm tired of being taxed! However for socialized health care - I would pay more.

Couldn't agree more! What a shame we (as American citizens) aren't holding our elected representatives responsible for initiating a single-payor health care system.

This is very pertinent to our discussion--I've read many times that the two most common reasons for filing bankrupcy are divorce and poor health. Many people put off their health concerns until they become emergent. In my state, there is basically no health care for uninsured people between the ages of 21-65 unless they are pregnant, have recently given birth, or are 100% disabled.

 

[MinnieGi]

Originally posted by maxie

So why doesn't the USA get their butt in gear and get a one year maternity leave in place?? Canada is already talking about a 2 year maternity leave!!!!

That is so wonderful you get a year off for maternity leave and they actually pay a percentage of your wages and benefits. I think alot of new moms in the USA would love this and would make their decision whether to be a SAHM or working mom easier. I know quite a few women who had planned on going back to work quit their jobs after 8 weeks of maternity leave b/c they could not bear the thought of leaving their children in daycare. For some of these women the SAHM route proved to be the right path, for others after that first year was over they were itching to get back to jobs that helped them feel fulfilled, but now they had to start looking for employment instead of being able to go back to their old job.

Personally I am a SAHM and love it - however I'm more of an "on the go mom!" I totally understand when women say they are better mothers b/c they work. Even though I am a SAHM, I could not be at home all day or just go to the park etc. After DD and I got through the hurdles of newborn and new mom, I would take her to the Y many a morning so I could workout and she could go to their babycare center. It was just for an hour but the workout and seperation period helped me make the rest of our day go very smoothly and very enjoyable. I also signed DD and I up for mommy and me classes at the Y and joined a mom's group with playgroups, tot activities, mom's night out etc, we go to the library's story time and other events. We keep very busy! I believe children need social interaction with their peers as well as time with mommy and daddy. And I need social time with other parents too! DD started preschool last year and loved it and also took up dance, swimming, and gymnastics at the Y. This summer she attends camp at her preschool two days a week and in the fall will do preschool five days a week. I feel it is a great balance for her and I. Preschool is only in the mornings and at that time she gets lots of social and learning stimulation but in the afternoons we have lots of mommy/daughter time. Next week DS will be born and I plan on doing the same set of activities and schedule with him.

I know we are lucky to financially be able for me to SAHM yet still able to afford activities for DD and myself. We are also able to max out DH's 401K, both of our Roth IRA's, and put additional money away for retirement in mutual funds and stocks we own. We also contribute monthly to a 529 college plan. Since I am not working and able to have my own 401K plan DH and I both feel strongly about saving the additional money for retirement in after tax accounts.

Being a SAHM or working mom is such a personal deicision. Its a shame so many people feel they need to critisize the other side when what is right for one family may not be the right thing for the next family.

 

[ceecee]

Originally posted by septbride2002
Amanda .

As far as fertility measure go - I'm not really worried about it. I am a huge proponent of adoption and while I respect anyone that goes through fertility treatments to have children - I would not want to do that. So if I can't get pregnant then we will just adopt all of our children. We are already planning on adopting at least one.

Part of the reason we are debt free today, is the saving regime we started to pay for our adoption/infertily txs. Certain types of adoptions can be very costly. Unless you want a child with certain handicaps or health problems. Our state agancies placed very few healthy infants of any race, they also had a 2 child limit and the age of 40 was a cut off. We decided to do a private adoption with a wonderful CA attorney (after being on 3 state agency lists for 6 yrs) and adopted our beautiful daughter. It was not easy or cheap! I was 26 and DH was 35 when we discovered infertility issues. (those txs are not easy or cheap either). Our friends just returned from China with a beautiful daughter as well and that was just as difficult and costly as well.

Thankfully, we had the funds to build our family and the saving we started then carried through so I could be a SAHM! Which is the BEST job I have ever had!

 

[crisi]

Our son is from South Korea. As adoptions go, it was cheap (he is 6 now, so it was a while ago) and easy and fast (6 months start to finish). He is a healthy child and arrived home at 6 1/2 months. He is (of course) not white, but that wasn't important to us.

BTW there is an adoption tax credit - look up Hope for Children Act.

 

[septbride2002]

Crisi,
I think that is awesome! We have already decided that we are going to adopt from Guatemala - we know some friends that did this and we have all their information and know that this is a good group. We also do not care if the child is the same ethnicity as us - we would be happy with any child.

~Amanda

 

[punkin]

Boy, has this thread strayed from it's original content.

 

[crisi]

Originally posted by septbride2002
Crisi,
I think that is awesome! We have already decided that we are going to adopt from Guatemala - we know some friends that did this and we have all their information and know that this is a good group. We also do not care if the child is the same ethnicity as us - we would be happy with any child.

~Amanda

One of my girlfriends has a daughter from Guatemala. I have other friends with one from Peru and other friends with one from Khazikstan. I always think its facinating how a country "calls" you.

 

[Goobergal99]

I'm sorry but I just feel compelled to post here, I know it has been awhile since someone added to the discussiom but my strong opinions are just dragging me to respond.

I can't believe someone would actually declare that being a SAHM is the best choice in child rearing. Why has becoming a mother always indicated giving up your job aspirations outside of the home? I thought that having lived through a post feministic society would allow women to make the choices which best suit their individuals wants and needs. I just never imagined that women in todays day and age would settle for being typecasted into some preconditioned gender role. Why can't women be good mothers and good employees?

I do agree that parenting is the most rewarding and demanding job there is. I have been very busy in raising my own five yearold daughter, however I can't wrap my head around the idea that this is the only job a woman should undertake after conception.
Sure women who want to stay home should be able to and without ridicule from those who have chosen the working path. That is why women fought to introduce choice to those with ovaries, now we can choose to be a SAHM or to work outside the home. I personally choose to work and to attend college which I also enjoy very much. Neither of those choices are as wonderful as being a mother to my child, however I feel just as compelled to be sucessful and independent in the career world as I do at parenting my child.

An another thing, I am incredibly tired of hearing the argument about SAHM's providing better safe havens for their children then working moms. I personally had a mother who worked to support me (father passed away when I was young) My DF, however had a mom who stayed home and raised him and his 3 siblings. Guess what I still got pregnant at 17 and guess what he was my daughters father. Neither parent's choice in anyway reflected on our scenario, we just fell in love and 9 months later had a suprise addition.

I also feel compelled to add that although I had a child very young, I have been an adeqaute caregiver to my child. She is happy, healthy and gifted, just like her mommy and daddy. Both of whom were recently accepted to an Ivy league institution for the pursuit of their masters degrees.

Just wanted to add my 2 cents!!

 

[Amirah95]

Why adopt children from another country when we have many children here in the US needing good homes? When we inquired about adopting an Asian child a few years ago (when they said we couldn't have children--go figure!) they said the entire bill can come out to 25k not including the several trips you need to take over to there to those other countries.

What is the process?