Do people understand...

[maymom96]

The impact of their words?
On Monday I had a second trimester miscarriage. I was talking to someone and told them what happened. This was their response...
"I gave birth to a preemie. He was born at 35 weeks. Today he is a dentist and has gave me 4 grandchildren. He is an amazing person."
How is this story suppose to help me or even relate to what I am going through? The only connection I see is that we both went into labor too soon and both delivered a son. I will never get to experience what she did with her son because my baby died (and yes he was a baby). I will never get to see my sons first steps, hear his first words, see him start school, graduate, go away to college, get a job, get married and have children. I will never know what it is like to receive a hug, a kiss or hear I love you mommy from him.
If you don't know what to say, how about just saying "I am sorry" or not saying anything at all. If you have experienced a similar event, tell me about it. But don't think telling me a story about your adult child being born early brings any comfort to me.

 

[kbkids]

I am sorry for your loss - truly.

 

[mrsdon]

I'm sorry this happened to you
As for as people, I think that they are just trying to relate.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I am so sorry. I think people just get nervous and don't know what to say and they put their foot in their mouth. I don't think they mean it to be cruel.

 

[disneybound2010]

I am so so so sorry that this happened to you and to your family.

Both my Aunt and a friend of mine went through the exact same thing and there are no words to comfort or explain why something so tragic could happen. I think that the worst part for both of them was having to deal with people around them(my mother for my aunt) and another close friend being pregnant at the same time. While trying to be happy for them,they were still grieving and broken that they could not have their own child with them. It was so hard to watch them go through this.

I know that right now you are still in somewhat of a state of shock and that trying to wrap your mind around anything will be impossible to handle right now. When you are able to, I do hope that you will find a support group,whether in your area or even online. No one knows and understands better than those who have been there. My heart truly goes out to you.

 

[MissyDVC]

I am so sorry for your loss. I had similar experiences to yours and found that most people really did not know what to say. It is a very confusing situation to some and I tried to explain that it was confusing to me as well. Ut is a great loss and should just be treated as such. Hopefully you will few many more who will give you love and comfort.

 

[teacups]

The impact of their words?
On Monday I had a second trimester miscarriage. I was talking to someone and told them what happened. This was their response...
"I gave birth to a preemie. He was born at 35 weeks. Today he is a dentist and has gave me 4 grandchildren. He is an amazing person."
How is this story suppose to help me or even relate to what I am going through? The only connection I see is that we both went into labor too soon and both delivered a son. I will never get to experience what she did with her son because my baby died (and yes he was a baby). I will never get to see my sons first steps, hear his first words, see him start school, graduate, go away to college, get a job, get married and have children. I will never know what it is like to receive a hug, a kiss or hear I love you mommy from him.
If you don't know what to say, how about just saying "I am sorry" or not saying anything at all. If you have experienced a similar event, tell me about it. But don't think telling me a story about your adult child being born early brings any comfort to me.

I'm so sorry. People say stupid things every day no matter what has happened or what you do. I cant imagine what that person was thinking when they said that to you. Look around... they are everywhere.
Hugs to you.

 

[java]

I'm so sorry for your loss. As I have had a late first trimester miscarriage I can only relate in the way the pain hurts. Each person experiences the grief differently. That particular miscarriage was extremely hard on me. Sadness that I never thought would lift. It took several months. But eventually I pulled myself out of it. I still think about it. But it doesn't sadden me as deeply as it once did.
Know that you are not alone.

 

[paintnolish]

Some people just don't think.

 

[MushyMushy]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

People just really don't think.

 

[luvmyboys]

I am so sorry for your loss, and I am truly baffled by the response you got from that woman. It is hard to know what to say, but her comments are just so odd.

 

[JodyLynC]

 

[TomLovesBecky]

I am very sorry for the loss of your precious baby, and also sorry that this self-centered person decided to rub your nose in her good fortune at that moment. If she's someone you can avoid in the future, please do. She is not a nice person at all!

 

[EMom]

I once knew of a widow who was told at her DH's funeral, "Don't worry. You're young and pretty. You'll find another husband very soon." WTH are people thinking? The one that bugged me when I had my miscarriages (I had several) was, "Don't worry. You'll get pregnant again and have another baby."

1. I was having to undergo expensive and exhausting infertility treatments, so NO, I might NOT get pregnant again.

2. Even if I did, that's no guarantee I wouldn't miscarry yet again. (And that's just what happened.)

3. Most of all, I did not want ANOTHER baby. I wanted the baby I LOST.

I think I used #3 a few times. It stopped them in their tracks by making them realize I had actually suffered a great loss and not just another minor ailment.

Again, I am so sorry for your loss and for the insensitivity of others.

 

[Barb D]

I'm so sorry for the loss of your son.

 

[DVCisME]

I am sorry for your loss. People say the worst things. I had a miscarriage six years ago and I can remember exactly what people said to me; they soon forget. I went to grief counseling and it helped some. I still think about my baby alot, as I'm sure you will. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
Know that while some say awful things, there are others who say nothing and are your best support.

 

[wdwcoltsfan]

Rachel

 

[Hillbeans]

I am so sorry for your loss.

 

[KimR]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I experienced a 2nd trimester miscarriage in 2007, so I do understand your pain. Please allow yourself the time to grieve and know that it does get easier with time.

 

[karriemouse]

I am so sorry for your loss.

I had four miscarriages when my elder DD was small, and people said the most stupid things. To answer the title of your post - no they don't understand unless they have been through the exact same thing, and even then they only know what they were feeling, not what you are feeling. Most people say something stupid because they don't know what to say - well I sure would have prefered them not to say anything!

Talk to those people who are supportive, and maybe think about counselling - it did help for me but honestly the pain never went away until my second DD was born. Sending prayers to you.