Do I really want another baby??

[Aliisa]

Hi,
I am hoping for some responses from woman who feel or have felt like me- none of my friends understand this at all! I have 2 beautiful healthy children ages 5 and 2, a girl and a boy- one of each PERFECT! But recently I have been feeling that I want another. I don't feel like my family is not complete at all. My head is telling me no way, I am so busy now, no way can I have another, but my heart tells me something else. Its really been bothering me lately and I'm hoping is just a "hormone thing" and it will go away. I'm truly happy the way things are right now, I just want 2, so why do I feel so sad? I have 2 neighbors that are pregnant and I can't help but feel a little jealous. Sometime I think its just the exitement of being pregnant and the new baby that I miss- Am I crazy?! Someone please tell me this feeling will go away! BTW, I'm 34 so its pretty much now or never time!
Thanks!!!

 

[Minnie824]

Hi. I also have 2 kids ages 5 and 2, but both of mine are girls. DH & I used to always say that we'd have 2-3 kids...if the first 2 were the same, we'd have a 3rd then be done. Well, I've changed my mind. We're finally at the point where we can start doing stuff...more vacations, dinners are easier, no baby stuff, almost out of diapers completely, and to me the thought of starting all that over just makes me say 2 is good. I'm sure DH would like to have a son, but I dont want to just 'try for a boy'. And honestly, I'm so used to girls, its easy now, I dont know if I'd want to do all that. To me, our family of 4 is perfect. The only advice I can give is think thru it and go with what you really want and whats right for your family. If you really want another baby, all the small stuff won't matter. Good luck!

 

[720L]

I feel like my family is complete--a boy and a girl. But when I see a new baby or even kids younger than my kids--sometimes I feel I want another one. But I know I would be even busier, and I want to be able to give my kids as much time as I can. You aren't crazy! I'm 33 and just called yesterday to schedule a tubal ligation. I'm a little sad because it's so final but I know I'm done. I worry about having a baby at an older age so I want to make sure it won't happen.

 

[gabbysmom04]

I have two kids DD 2 and DS 11 months. We are right now working on # 3 ! My DH was hard to convince that we should try for number 3, I just knew that I wanted one more. I felt that I would not be complete without that other baby. I just feel in my heart that there is another baby we are supposed to have

 

[KristiKelly]

I felt the same way a couple of years ago. DS was 7 & DD4 (going on 5) and was getting ready to start kindergarten. It suddenly hit me that I didn't have anymore babies. We had a 4th bedroom that was set up as a guest bedroom but in my eyes was always our next nursery. Our family felt complete but our house didn't - does that make any sense? Anyway, 2 years later and our DD15 mo. is asleep in her bed (in that 4th bedroom) taking a nap right now. I'm so glad we decided to have a 3rd. She is a total handful though and much more of a tester than the other 2 but has the biggest personality. Oh and by the way, she has a cold and was up 7 times last night, does that make your decision any easier . We're going to the dr. at 3:45 today.

Dh & I had a long talk before deciding to have another. I was 33, we knew that we would never regret having another baby but we didn't want to wait and then regret NOT having another.

 

[Luv2trav]

I feel the exact same way. I have a 5 year old and 2 year old. They are 2.5 years apart... Both boys... We always said if we had 2 of 1 sex we would try for a 3rd... Well we still haven't tried and I am not sure I want too.... A part of me would really like to try for a girl. A part of me would really love to have another baby..

BUT... I admit I love the fact that I am almost over all the baby stages. Our lives are finally getting to the point where we are diaper free, bottle free, baby gate free....and I love it..

So I have good days where I am content with my family and don't want anymore.. Especially today when both of my boys are sick and up all night. I also have bad days where I feel like we are missing part of our family.

Then I struggle with the fact did I wait to long to make this decision? If I decide to have one now the age difference between my youngest and the baby would be almost 4 years apart.. Which means it will be another 4 years to get where I am at right now with both of my boys. At 35 years of age I am not sure I am up for that struggle.

If I did have another I know I wouldn't regret it!

 

[Disneymom2AA]

Babies!!! I have 4 children. I love them all so much. My first DS10 was born 10 months after we were married (not planned, but we were happy). His was a difficult pregnancy and my mom thought I would not have anymore. He was a C-section. DS4 soon to be 5 in Dec. was planned. I was very happy to have him GREAT preganancy and labor/delivery. I was ready to have another DD2 lots of morning sickness and again easy labor delivery. We hadn't had the time to discuss more children or NOT before I found out I was pregnant with DS1. But in my heart I know he was meant to be part of our family. I had the same morning sickness as DD but lots of complications during preganancy and labor/delivery. DS1 was 4 wks premature but is doing well and we are now putting our house on the market so we can find a home where we all fit comfortably!!!

I did have a tubal after the birth of my son and sometimes wish I didn't have something so final. I love kids and I wish I had the patience to have more!!!

You know as well as anyone what you should do, but remember that there are lots of material things that can be given at later times in life. Parents have enough love to share over and over again with their children. My children get things they want just not all the time or right when they ask for them. They really don't know what they don't have when it comes to toys, etc.

My DS10 is more shocked about his friends that have parents who don't eat dinner with their kids or give their kids a kiss goodnight than he is about not having the newest PS2 game or the hottest toy at the time!!!

Sorry so long, but hope you can make a choice with your heart and not your wallet. Besides there's lots of AWESOME BUDGET TIPS ON THIS DIS! (if it comes to that)

 

[Luv2trav]

I know this sounds crazy but I worry about my boys growing up, getting married and becoming part of "her" family.. One of the reasons I want a daughter so much is because if you can live through the teens/early 20's they eventually become your best friend.... I know it's not a reason to have another child but it's something that I think about..

 

[carissanboys]

I always knew I wanted 3 children and having 2 boys made it a no-brainer for me that we'd try for a 3rd. My husband was very reluctant but went along with it for me.

We now have 3 boys and I have to say that having 3 has been very difficult. Part of that is because our 3rd son is just plain...difficult! LOL He has a slow-to-warm up personality and had colic. Even though he's almost 2 1/2, life is still difficult at times with him and his tantrums and screaming. I found that going from 2 to 3 children made me lose a lot of brain function! My memory is so bad now.

Personally, I think you need to look at your reasons for wanting another. If it's primarily because you miss being pregnant and the cute newborn phase, then realize that you'll probably always feel that on some level no matter how many children you have. While I haven't had the urge to have another since having my 3rd, there are still parts of me that feel sad about never having more babies. But I tend to focus on the positive things like life getting easier physically as the boys get older...being able to have more freedom and being able to do more fun things as a family. Also being able to focus more on my husband and myself and our relationship. Those young baby years can really be hard on a marriage and I find that as I get more of myself back, I'm more able to give him the attention he deserves.

Of course, only you can make this decision for yourself. Good luck!

 

[Luv2trav]

I Part of that is because our 3rd son is just plain...difficult! LOL He has a slow-to-warm up personality and had colic. Even though he's almost 2 1/2, life is still difficult at times with him and his tantrums and screaming. !

Oh my,,, I think you have my youngest son!! I think if my youngest was more like my 1st we would have had another by now...

 

[liznboys]

Personally, I think you need to look at your reasons for wanting another. If it's primarily because you miss being pregnant and the cute newborn phase, then realize that you'll probably always feel that on some level no matter how many children you have.

Ditto! I think for some of us moms...we will be sad when we know we aren't having anymore babies...no matter how many we have.

We have four and are done. I know I don't want anymore. But as I hold my 6 month old right now, it makes my heart ache to think about how fast he's growing and before I know it he won't be a baby anymore, AND there won't be anymore babies coming. I've got tears forming just typing this! But, I have enough sense to know that those feelings aren't logical. I can't have babies forever...it is time to move on to the next phase and focus on raising the four sons we've brought into this world.

We went back and forth about having our 3rd, and then our 4th. Of course now we are glad we chose to have them!

Good luck!

 

[bartleby1]

I didn't read the rest of the responses so I don't know if I'm being redundant, but I was in the same situation as you. My oldest is a girl, my middle is a boy. Everyone assumed we were done because I had one of each. However, I felt like our family wasn't complete and still got that jealous feeling when I saw an infant or someone pregnant. We did have a third (a girl) and I can't imagine life without her. I can also tell you that now I KNOW that I am done. I don't get that longing feeling when I see an infant now. And when I see a pregnant woman, I now longer get jealous. I now have a "better you than me" type feeling, lol! Don't get me wrong, I am happy for the other mom-to-be, but I really don't want to go down that road again. I can honestly say that I don't want to go through another pregnancy or infant feedings again. I love my children deeply and can't imagine life without each of them, but I am done. I can't really explain the feeling, but to me, if you are still having doubts, you don't feel "done" yet.

Also, having three kids is busy, but I wouldn't trade it for the world! Mine are 6, 4, and almost 2 and they do keep me on my toes! Good luck with your decision!

 

[carissanboys]

And I always say that if we'd had our youngest first...there might never have been 2 more! LOL Thank goodness he's cute and makes us laugh.

 

[Aliisa]

If I had 2 boys or 2 girls, I would problably be pregnant. I think it makes the decision harder when you have one of each. I always call her, "my favorite daughter" and him, "my favorite son" I wish there was no age limit to having kids, then I could say, maybe in a few years!! After I had Lilah I didn't know if I wanted any more children. I loved her so much I didn't know how I could love another child the way that I loved her. I stuggled with that. But the minute I held my son I understood what everyone had told me. You just do!! The first time I held him I fell in love. Now I know that I could have 10 and love them all!! and if I had a housekeeper and nanny I would LOL!! Has anyone ever seen the show on, I think TLC or the Discovery channel, about the woman who has 16 children?! She homeschools them all, they have no T.V. and all of their names begin with the leter J!! Its amazing!! Now I'm struggling with with whether to have 3, imagine giving 16 children quality time?!!

 

[carissanboys]

Just to add...I did feel like my family wasn't complete after having my 2nd. And once my 3rd was born, I felt done. There was a time when I thought I'd like to adopt a girl at some point, but besides my husband never agreeing to it, I realize that I have my hands full with the ones we have.

I'm sure I'd make the same decision if put back in that situation (deciding to have a 3rd). But in hindsight, I wonder if it was the best choice. Don't get me wrong...I love my youngest and he definitely adds a whole new dimension to our family...one that would be greatly missed.

 

[zalansky]

I have 2 kids also, a boy and a girl - who are almost 4 years old and the baby just turned 1. I had my DD the day before my 37th birthday. We always said we'd have three kids, until we had two. They are alot of work and I suppose alot of that has to do with my age? Not quite sure. But as the baby grew out of the newborn stages I found myself missing it if you can believe that. My best friend and I always try to remind ourselves that the pull in our hearts for that newborn baby is strong, but we muct remember they don't stay that way forever! Like someone else said it is just the baby stage that I miss.
We are getting to a point where traveling and going out will get easier soon and diapers will be obsolete in a year or so too. We can start doing things againa nd I look forward to that more than you know. I decided to concentrate on focusing my energy on the kids that I have instead of wishing for new babies. It is only temporary and I can't keep having babies to satisfy that feeling of wishing for a newborn again. They all grow up eventually! And I don't want to be giving allowance money out of my retirement funds.
Good luck with your decision, it is different for everyone.

 

[Desnik]

I was feeling the exact same way! I am 30, and have 2 kids, a boy who is 3 and a girl who is 8. DH and I always said we would have 3 kids. Well, I started getting really comfy with just the 2 kids. And because they are a boy and girl, I thought our family was complete. Then I started to get the feeling I wanted another but was so undesided. My mind told me no way, then my heart told me yes! You know in your heart if you want the 3rd! I'd say go with what your heart is telling you. Raising kids isn't easy, but what a joy they are!
I'd say start trying!

We want another baby so badly and it really hit us how badly we want it because we were recently expecting and we miscarried at 13 weeks. Our hearts are broken, but we will try again when the time is right. There are no doubts anymore for us.

 

[amberdansmom]

Hi,
I am hoping for some responses from woman who feel or have felt like me- none of my friends understand this at all! I have 2 beautiful healthy children ages 5 and 2, a girl and a boy- one of each PERFECT! But recently I have been feeling that I want another. I don't feel like my family is not complete at all. My head is telling me no way, I am so busy now, no way can I have another, but my heart tells me something else. Its really been bothering me lately and I'm hoping is just a "hormone thing" and it will go away. I'm truly happy the way things are right now, I just want 2, so why do I feel so sad? I have 2 neighbors that are pregnant and I can't help but feel a little jealous. Sometime I think its just the exitement of being pregnant and the new baby that I miss- Am I crazy?! Someone please tell me this feeling will go away! BTW, I'm 34 so its pretty much now or never time!
Thanks!!!

I have 2 wonderful children, a DD age 8 and a DS age 7. I have been wanting to have another baby for years now. Back in 2002 when the kids were 4 and 3 I began feeling it. My DH thought it was just the novilty of the idea of being pregnant and the new baby and all the attention so we put it out of our thoughts (well his thoughts anyway) by then next year I was still bringing the issue up. Problem was that I had my tubes tied after the birth of my son. well, we talked about it a lot and finally decided I would go have them untied and try for another. We had the kids at a friends house for the weekend while I went to have the surgery but on the way my DH kind of talked me out of it. (not really, I just decided in y heart that if he wasn't 100% into it it wasn't the right thing to do) we here we are 4 years later and I still in my heart long for another child. I know I am blessed with the two that I ahev and even more blessed with having one of each. My head like yoiu say was telling me that I am crazy that the world is set up for a family of 4 and do you really want to go back to diapers and no time alone and no last minute trips and so on but in my heart, I am ok with all that. I am a sahm and that is what I do. My DH wants me to babysit during the day for someone with a baby, but that is not what I want. I don't just want another BABY I want anothe Child. Growing up there were 4 of us and gosh I have always wanted 4 kids. I don't know if I will ever have more children, but I do know that you can rationalize it in your head to the point of not having more but if in your heart you really truley want more kids, the feeling will never leave.

 

[CathrynRose]

I know this sounds crazy but I worry about my boys growing up, getting married and becoming part of "her" family.. One of the reasons I want a daughter so much is because if you can live through the teens/early 20's they eventually become your best friend.... I know it's not a reason to have another child but it's something that I think about..

I know... I feel this too.

I have a 15 & 11 y/o - my only hope is they meet women who come from extremlely disfunctional families, yet the girl is just fine.

 

[java]

warning warning danger Will Robinson.........
I too was feeling like we were not complete- with our one boy and one girl. So we had number 3- unfortunately it took us 5 years to have him.. so then we started thinking - wow our older two are so close this poor little guy will be left out.... then bam..number 4 came along. So we now have 4*3boys one girl. I wouldn't have it any other way. but just be prepared that adding one sometimes can mean adding two(and I don't just mean twins although that is a possibility too!)
My doctor has said I can't have anymore- *woman problems... but dh would keep going.(sure he is always at work one more to him is just one more cutie running up screaming Daddy when he comes home)