Do I need to land the chopper?

[clh2]

I have never considered myself to be a helicopter parent. I actually consider myself to be the opposite.

As background - my DD went to Spain at 14 with the HS band, went on church youth group trips to the boundary waters and to New Orleans. She has took a solo plane trip to Florida to visit relatives when she was 15. And before she was in HS - she went on numerous week-long Girl Scout week-long trips (i.e. rock climbing).

So - I am not opposed to my daughter being on trips, away from home. Actually we encourage her to take advantage of these opportunities.

So - this is my dilemma.

DD is in synchronized swimming. This weekend, she is in Indianapolis at a swim meet. The qualifying routines move on to nationals. As DD is an alternate for the team routine, I am not letting her go to nationals. Not only is it a huge expense to go to nationals, since she wouldn't be swimming, seems like a waste.

The main reason I don't want her to go - the kids are not allowed to bring cell phones.

There are other reasons too, but the cell phones is the main one.

Sorry coach...I simply do not agree with this particular rule. (There are also many other reasons, too).

So - what is your opinion - am I being unrealistic on this point?

 

[dbogen]

I have never considered myself to be a helicopter parent. I actually consider myself to be the opposite.

As background - my DD went to Spain at 14 with the HS band, went on church youth group trips to the boundary waters and to New Orleans. She has took a solo plane trip to Florida to visit relatives when she was 15. And before she was in HS - she went on numerous week-long Girl Scout week-long trips (i.e. rock climbing).

So - I am not opposed to my daughter being on trips, away from home. Actually we encourage her to take advantage of these opportunities.

So - this is my dilemma.

DD is in synchronized swimming. This weekend, she is in Indianapolis at a swim meet. The qualifying routines move on to nationals. As DD is an alternate for the team routine, I am not letting her go to nationals. Not only is it a huge expense to go to nationals, since she wouldn't be swimming, seems like a waste.

The main reason I don't want her to go - the kids are not allowed to bring cell phones.

There are other reasons too, but the cell phones is the main one.

Sorry coach...I simply do not agree with this particular rule. (There are also many other reasons, too).

So - what is your opinion - am I being unrealistic on this point?

Did the coach give a reason for no cell phones? Also if she is a alternate, doesn't she need to be there if someone can not compete? I guess I am confused at that part.

 

[mjkacmom]

As much as I insist my kids carry their cellphones, there was a time when they didn't exist. My dd goes on a vacation every year with my SIL (flies there alone), rough camping for a week without water, electricity, or cell service. I admit, it's a bit hard on ME (especially when I see severe thunderstorm forcasts in the area), but it's good for my dd.

What did parents do when we were kids and went on trips without them?

 

[golfgal]

I don't understand the no cell phone rule but it isn't like there aren't other ways to call. Sometimes we get stuck in a rut of what we do most often and forget that she is probably staying in a hotel and can call you on the hotel phone or you can call her at prearranged times. Did she take a cell phone to Spain? DS18 went to China when he was 14 and he did not have a cell phone. It would have been fun for US to call him and find out how his day is going, what they were doing, etc. but it also would have taken away some of the "independence" he had on the trip. If we NEEDED to get ahold of him, we had all the contact information for the hotels they were at, etc.

Even if she is an alternate, I would still send her. Even by watching other girls she can learn things, be a part of the atmosphere and just plain have fun going.

 

[ncmickeyluvr]

To me, the only reason that I wouldn't let her go was if I didn't trust the Coach and other adults going. If that was the case, I wouldn't be letting her go even with a cell phone.

 

[phorsenuf]

Cell phones aside, since it's not a biggie, I would send her to nationals. So what if she's an alternate. It's still important she be there. What if one of the kids get sick or hurt. Then what? Plus (IMHO) not sending her just because she's an alternate is like telling her if she can't be #1, then it's not worth doing. Not sure that's a message I would want to send.

 

[clh2]

To me, the only reason that I wouldn't let her go was if I didn't trust the Coach and other adults going. If that was the case, I wouldn't be letting her go even with a cell phone.

That would be reason number 2.

The last weekend meet they went on - the coaches drove the 15 passenger vans. On the return - I saw that one of them ran a yellow light coming back into town. This weekend's trip they have coach buses, so the coaches are not driving.

 

[phorsenuf]

That would be reason number 2.

The last weekend meet they went on - the coaches drove the 15 passenger vans. On the return - I saw that one of them ran a yellow light coming back into town. This weekend's trip they have coach buses, so the coaches are not driving.

Yellow lights do not mean stop. If the driver felt he could not safely stop the van then that's probably why he kept going. I know that's how yellow is set up.

Plus if it's going to be coach buses, then that's kinda a moot point anyway.

 

[golfgal]

That would be reason number 2.

The last weekend meet they went on - the coaches drove the 15 passenger vans. On the return - I saw that one of them ran a yellow light coming back into town. This weekend's trip they have coach buses, so the coaches are not driving.

Those big vans don't stop like a car, maybe the light turned at a point where it was better to go through then slam on the breaks?

 

[PatsGirl]

Since you asked, yup, time to land the chopper

 

[clh2]

Cell phones aside, since it's not a biggie, I would send her to nationals. So what if she's an alternate. It's still important she be there. What if one of the kids get sick or hurt. Then what? Plus (IMHO) not sending her just because she's an alternate is like telling her if she can't be #1, then it's not worth doing. Not sure that's a message I would want to send.

DD is a lifeguard - and swim instructor at our local Y. The decision to not send her also is somewhat based on balancing her work load for the summer. (When she signed up for hours - there are guidelines as well to "earn" hours to work.) She can only ask for subs under certain criteria, and with being a swim instructor, as the Y wants continuity for their students, she can only miss teaching a certain number of classes. The lifeguarding part of the job has far more flexibility for getting subs.

Next summer, it won't be as big of an issue, since DD will be headed off to college, and will most likely quit the Y, towards the end of the summer, and won't have the same amount of other conflicts that she has this summer.

Also - DD is only finishing up her 2nd year of swim. The other team members have been doing this forever. So - the reality is, she will NEVER be as good as the other team members.

Even DD doesn't want to go on the trip - to literally just sit at a pool for 1 week.

 

[Bob NC]

On the return - I saw that one of them ran a yellow light coming back into town.

Ran a yellow light? How do you "run" a yellow light?

 

[clh2]

Those big vans don't stop like a car, maybe the light turned at a point where it was better to go through then slam on the breaks?

There was PLENTY of time to stop. They clearly sped up to go through.

 

[Bob NC]

There was PLENTY of time to stop. They clearly sped up to go through.

Ok then, my answer is YES, it might be time to power down the whirlybird.

 

[ncmickeyluvr]

Frankly, at this point it sounds like you're looking for excuses for her to not go.... running the yellow, her work schedule, she'll be sitting around, etc. How old is she? How does SHE feel about going? Have you considered letting her decide if she would like to attend and then honoring her choice?

 

[goofy!]

I have never considered myself to be a helicopter parent. I actually consider myself to be the opposite.

As background - my DD went to Spain at 14 with the HS band, went on church youth group trips to the boundary waters and to New Orleans. She has took a solo plane trip to Florida to visit relatives when she was 15. And before she was in HS - she went on numerous week-long Girl Scout week-long trips (i.e. rock climbing).

So - I am not opposed to my daughter being on trips, away from home. Actually we encourage her to take advantage of these opportunities.

So - this is my dilemma.

DD is in synchronized swimming. This weekend, she is in Indianapolis at a swim meet. The qualifying routines move on to nationals. As DD is an alternate for the team routine, I am not letting her go to nationals. Not only is it a huge expense to go to nationals, since she wouldn't be swimming, seems like a waste.

The main reason I don't want her to go - the kids are not allowed to bring cell phones.

There are other reasons too, but the cell phones is the main one.

Sorry coach...I simply do not agree with this particular rule. (There are also many other reasons, too).

So - what is your opinion - am I being unrealistic on this point?

My daughter is on a competitive cheer team. Our gym does not allow cell phones at all either.

Reason: There have been way too many teenage drama incidents which have affected the team. IE: 10 minutes before you go out on the mat and Sally's boyfriend texts her that he is breaking up. Sally falls apart. Sally can't hold it together for the next 10 minutes, drops stunts, falls on her tumbling, something she has never done before. Points are deducted and the team drops several places in standings.

Not only is it the point deductions, but it is also dangerous if she is a base (holding another girl up) or a flyer (the one being thrown up in the air.) The kids have to have superb focus because everybody depends on each other. If the routine is ruined by somebody blubbering, there are 19 other kids on that team that spent huge bucks and worked their butts of for a year that are also affected.

This very scenario (boy breaking up with girl 10 minutes before routine) has happened twice at Nationals over the past years. Thus, no cell phones. They can bring them with them for the traveling part, but once they are on "cheer time" -(usually Thursday at midnight to Sunday at midnight for a weekend competition) - NO phones, period. One competition, the owners saw cell phones out and confiscated all of them and locked them in the hotel safe till the end of the competition.

However, you have to balance that with rules that are going to keep the kids safe. Our kids are under some pretty strict rules while on "cheer time." Everybody must be in the same hotel. They must be with their chaperone at all times. All rooms have an adult in them. You MUST accompany your child or get another parent to agree to chaperone (as long as they fit in the room with them). No outside activities during 'cheer time', ie; no Disney if we are in Orlando or even the hotel pool. Down time (not much of it) is expected to be used for doing homework since our kids would be missing school.

So, since our kids are around adults with cell phones pretty much every minute of their weekend, cell phones are not necessary. Although the teens will tell you differently.

So, unless there is an organized support system, and a high degree of supervision, then I would agree that the rule is unrealistic.

 

[Planogirl]

Ran a yellow light? How do you "run" a yellow light?

That's what I was wondering. The coach did something legal and is for that reason untrustworthy?

How old is she anyway?

 

[declansdad]

I think you are looking for excuses and are over-reacting. I think you should land the chopper and put it in the hanger.

 

[phorsenuf]

DD is a lifeguard - and swim instructor at our local Y. The decision to not send her also is somewhat based on balancing her work load for the summer. (When she signed up for hours - there are guidelines as well to "earn" hours to work.) She can only ask for subs under certain criteria, and with being a swim instructor, as the Y wants continuity for their students, she can only miss teaching a certain number of classes. The lifeguarding part of the job has far more flexibility for getting subs.

Next summer, it won't be as big of an issue, since DD will be headed off to college, and will most likely quit the Y, towards the end of the summer, and won't have the same amount of other conflicts that she has this summer.

Also - DD is only finishing up her 2nd year of swim. The other team members have been doing this forever. So - the reality is, she will NEVER be as good as the other team members.

Even DD doesn't want to go on the trip - to literally just sit at a pool for 1 week.

What came first though, the swim team or these other obligations? If swim team was first then she should be honoring the commitment first.
Is it possible too she doesn't want to go because you've been talking it down?

 

[goofy!]

DD is a lifeguard - and swim instructor at our local Y. The decision to not send her also is somewhat based on balancing her work load for the summer. (When she signed up for hours - there are guidelines as well to "earn" hours to work.) She can only ask for subs under certain criteria, and with being a swim instructor, as the Y wants continuity for their students, she can only miss teaching a certain number of classes. The lifeguarding part of the job has far more flexibility for getting subs.

Next summer, it won't be as big of an issue, since DD will be headed off to college, and will most likely quit the Y, towards the end of the summer, and won't have the same amount of other conflicts that she has this summer.

Also - DD is only finishing up her 2nd year of swim. The other team members have been doing this forever. So - the reality is, she will NEVER be as good as the other team members.

Even DD doesn't want to go on the trip - to literally just sit at a pool for 1 week.

Didn't you know that her work and her team had conflicts?

Your family made a commitment to her team when she signed up. You had to have known there was travel involved.

What happens if somebody gets sick and they need their alternate to step in? Your daughter is ok with letting her team down that way? To possibly jeopardize Nationals because your daughter didn't want to "sit around" for a week? She is part of the team therefore she has an obligation to her team to be there.

Is your daughter the only alternate? If she is the 4th or 5th alternate and named an alternate just because she is on the team, then I would talk to the coach and see how much she is needed. If the coach agrees to let her out of her commitment, then it should be fine to stay home.

However, if there are only 1 or 2 alternates, then she owes it to the team to go. She made a commitment to her teammates.

People who quit and let the team down just because they aren't first string, aren't front and center, aren't on the A relay, because they may have to just sit around for a week, show very poor sportsmanship. Alternates still have a very important role. They are a motivator to their team. They are their reassurance that if something goes wrong, they are there to step in. To say 'I don't want to go because I don't get one of the best parts of the team" is just selfish. To put one's teammates, who also worked so hard, at risk of having to withdraw because of missing their alternate, is irresponsible, self-centered and extremely poor sportsmanship.

So, yes, after reading that your daughter is a graduating senior, your 'other' reasons are witnessing something very legal, and that your daughter doesn't want to honor her commitment to the team, I have to agree that it is time to land the chopper.

You also need to check the guidelines of the team. In our gym, if an alternate decides not to travel just because they probably wouldn't be competing, they would not be allowed to return the following year. Also, word gets around about kids not being reliable, especially in a sport as small as your daughter's. If your daughter wants to continue her synchronized swimming, she may want to rethink her decision about not going to Nationals.

It is well and good to think she will have more time for her synchro after she quits the Y, but she may not be able to return to the team if she does not honor her commitment to the team. You really, really need to discuss this with the coach.