Divorcing, Looking for Advice

[abdmom]

Yes..it's a mess. I am almost certain that even if bio-mom did notice something or we happened to actually find her, i doubt she would not sign her over. Bio-Mom sent ME a mother's day card one year telling me that I was now her "daughters" mother.
But crazy things do happen.

I will try to find out some legal information.. It sounds like my best bet is to try and adopt her before we actually divorce. I'm just wondering if there is actually a lawyer that would do the adoption..and then follow it up with a divorce? lol... I'm panicking a little bit here, although DH and I are "amicable" I don't think he sees the whole picture when it comes the situation surrounding her...he believes it should be simple, when it is definitely sounding anything but..

You didn't happen to save that card, did you? That could be proof of her intentions for you to be your stepchilds mother. But, i'm not a lawyer.

 

[kellyg403]

FWIW, I am not a lawyer either, but you will have no rights at all once you divorce. Nothing.

Since you are and biodad were married and living in the same house, you were considered a legal guardian. You are able to take her to the dr, enroll her in school etc. My dh and I separated, I am not biological parent to sdd who lived with me. One was going thru some things and ran away, etc. Anyhow, I was allowed to file a police report but when she was picked up, I was not allowed to have her released to me because I no longer lived with or was considered a legal guardian.

It would be best to get things taken care naming you legal guardian without a biological parent present. You should see an attorney as he *may* be able to do something along with the divorce. It will be more expensive since it will be a separate issue.

I didn't catch where you live (what state) but legal advise will save you grief and heartbreak later...for you and sdd.

 

[MickeyCrazedMom]

2) I think you will have to post a search, maybe in a newspaper or two, looking for the real mother. This is the scary part. You do not want her to show up, but I think you have to prove to the courts that you both looked for her.

No advice for OP (lots of hugs though), and this is not meant to be snarky, but had to respond quickly to the comment regarding looking for the "real mother". OP is the real mother , the ad would be looking for the biological mother!

 

[*BTMRR*]

Respectfully, I think that even in the midst of this (or, maybe, especially in the midst of this), it's time to have a heart-to-heart with DD about the fact that you are not biologically her mother. I think she deserves that, and sooner rather than later, as there are going to be court proceedings that discuss this fact when you petition for legal guardianship or adoption.