Divorced/separated parents

[snowwite]

No, he hasn't said whether it's serious or not. I brought that up and told him when it is serious, then it becomes a different story, but in my dd's eyes, she's a stranger right now. If it serious, then he's sending mixed signals to my dd, b/c he told her the woman is not his girlfriend, she's just a friend.

I informed him last night that I do not mind if they take her places or watch movies together or whatever, but absolutely no sleepovers while my dd is there. I told him if he's serious about her and she plans on moving in, they get engaged or married, then it becomes an altogether different story. He claimed there is no difference. It's just like having a guy friend sleep on the couch while she's there.

Oh, I've been biting my tongue on alot of things for over a year now. I'm used to it.

Every now and then they do some bone head thing to make you realize Ah, this is why I divorced him!

 

[Duckfan-in-Chicago]

Is it possible the child was sensing the mother's attitude regarding the matter, and responded according to how she thought the OP wanted her to??

I don't have a poll in front of me, but I'd guess the vast majority of little kids that watch their parents separate have an outside hope that their parents are going to get back together. When this illusion is shattered in a rather violent way, I think it would be pretty disturbing to the kid.

 

[summerrluvv]

So, for arguments sake, would it be okay if the OP brought home some random guy and had him spend the night?

From the sounds of it, this wasn't a "random" girl. It's obviously someone he was having a relationship with if her PJS were there from before. And....he did make the GF sleep on the couch, so it wasn't like he was IN BED with her while the daughter was there. The more I think about it, I honestly don't think it's as bad as some are making it out to be. Not my cup of tea on a first introduction, but men are known to not think sometimes. Of course the ball is in OP's court. If she doesn't want her daugther around her ex's gf's, like someone else said, don't allow sleepovers anymore.

 

[sweet angel]

So if he has been seeing her for some time, yet it was the daughter's first time meeting her it's okay for her to sleep over.

So, if was seeing a guy for say a few months, and introduced him to my son...it's okay for that guy to sleep over the same night?



Sorry. I just don't get that. Nothing like giving the child a chance to adjust...

 

[summerrluvv]

So if he has been seeing her for some time, yet it was the daughter's first time meeting her it's okay for her to sleep over.

So, if was seeing a guy for say a few months, and introduced him to my son...it's okay for that guy to sleep over the same night?



Sorry. I just don't get that. Nothing like giving the child a chance to adjust...

I didn't say it was okay, but there are worse things in life than your ex husband's gf sleeping on the couch.

 

[sweet angel]

That's true, but it doesn't make it appropriate. Heck, things can ALWAYS be worse.

 

[SillyMe]

From the sounds of it, this wasn't a "random" girl. It's obviously someone he was having a relationship with if her PJS were there from before. And....he did make the GF sleep on the couch, so it wasn't like he was IN BED with her while the daughter was there. The more I think about it, I honestly don't think it's as bad as some are making it out to be. Not my cup of tea on a first introduction, but men are known to not think sometimes. Of course the ball is in OP's court. If she doesn't want her daugther around her ex's gf's, like someone else said, don't allow sleepovers anymore.

Yes, it could've been worse, but when my dd comes home crying because she's upset about it, then it becomes an issue with me. She had a hard time with this separation and was finally coping better, until he pulled this stupid crap. And that's exactly what it was...stupidity and selfishness. As usual. He never puts her first, and that's pretty much why I'm extremely ticked over this. He puts his own needs and wants before his daughter, at pretty much any expense.