Divorce- How do you get through it?

[Experiment_626]

Im not divorced but my sister is. We've had this conversation. She too had 2 small kids. She used to say that you get through it because you have to.

I'd agree. When my wife left me, I was blind-sided. I loved her very much and had only known anything was wrong for three days -- and then she just never came home. For six months I was useless for any normal purpose. About every three days, I'd come home, see that she still wasn't there, and I'd break down and sob like a baby. I thought it would kill me. I put all my energy into trying to save the marriage from a distance. Others thought I was wasting my time. It didn't work, but I realize now that doing everything I possibly could to save my marriage was something I had to do, for my own peace of mind and conscience. I can look back now and say that my marriage failed, but not because I gave up.

Rely on your best friends. Warn them that you know you'll want to talk about it and vent a lot over the next several months and you value their friendship and a sympathetic ear -- and patience. You'll feel you're imposing, but you need to talk. They'll try to comfort you as best they can, and you'll accept it, even though you don't really want comfort -- you things to be fixed.

Moving on with my life was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, and I still think of her often. Divorce hurts -- it is supposed to hurt when something that is supposed to last forever doesn't. But today I have a beautiful wife, a sweet little four-year-old son, and a precious two-month-old boy, I wouldn't trade what I have now for anything. Better days will come.

 

[Disneycrazy!!]

It is totally up to you when you are ready to move on. You are the only person who is responsable to make yourself happy. That's what a friend told me during my divorce and it helped me to realize that I was giving my ex the power to control my feelings.
I'm sorry to say this but if he doesn't love you then there is no way you can make him change his mind. The hard part is realizing the fact. Then you need to learn to move on from there. Don't let him play games with your head. If he doesn't put 100% into changing and wanting to be with you, then he never will and will try to use you.
(((HUGS)))
Whenever you need to chat or vent, come back here and I'm sure several people will be here to support you!! I'm glad you found a divorce support group to attend. They are really helpful!

 

[kellyg403]

OP, many many

I think there is a standard somewhere that says the first thing the leaving spouse should say is I don't love you like a wife anymore. Don't take it to heart. He isn't loving you like a husband should and that is far more the truth. Its an interesting way for them to shift the blame, make you own it and not them. You are not a failure, marriage and divorce are a two way street etc.

Really, in the end, you can't let what he says/doesn't say/acts or doesnt act say anything about how you feel. You can not let him have that control. You find where you want to be, and don't feel guilty if in the end in may not be with him. One of the nicest things the therapist talked to me about was the 'guilt' I felt. I felt guilty, ashamed, mad because I did still love him and he did not love me. She kinda laid it out there for me that there is no shame in still loving him, that after all the hurt and pain I still felt love meant that I WAS a good person. I am a human being and I am allowed to love whoever I want whenever I want and guess what, they don't have to love me back. Its ok to be a loving person. And you know what, I would rather be a loving person than a not so nice one. So, my journey of finding myself instead of just being a wife and mother began. And it has been wonderful. This finding the true me.

I wish you many bright days ahead. Focus on where you want to be in the future. Who knows, it still might be with your husband. Things might make a turn. But, in the meantime, be nice to yourself and find where you truly want to be, how you truly want to be treated and you will find your life and marriage to be so much more than it ever could be. Love yourself first!

Kelly

 

[The Mystery Machine]

That is the strangest part,because my H tells me " I love you like a best friend and family member" and " I can't imagine not doing things with you" "But, I feel like I don't love you like I should, because there is no real passion anymore."

Isn't that what happens after years and years of marriage and children?

Am I wrong to think that if you think your spouse is your "best friend." you should consider yourself lucky? I just don't get it.


Continued thanks to you all.

Wow, that is certainly a psychological bomb thrown on you by your H. Quite frankly what he said was cruel & selfish.

As someone else said he is saying these things to justify his actions so HE feels better.

Time to start reading between the lines. I know it must be very hard to do right now.

 

[LuvOrlando]

I am so sorry.