divorce after age 40???

mtemm · Mar 24, 2007

in the last week my life has been completely upturned. there is a chance that soon I may find myself in the middle of a divorce...just in time for my 40th birthday. Not exactly the romantic beach vacation I had hoped for dh and I to take for the occasion. I don't really know what I am asking here...I guess I'm just wondering from those who have been divorced, particularly those who were in their late 30s/early 40s, how you coped and did you end up stronger/better after the divorce than you ever thought you might be? do you see yourself as alone (not counting children)? were you able to love someone and start a new relationship? i have 3 young children, and they will be my priority. I'm a sahm (for now, anyway). I just don't know anyone who is divorced. or, rather, I do have friend who divorced her first husband, no kids, married another man and started her family with him.

at this point I am still in so much shock that I can't imagine my life without my husband. I'm trying to, because I likely won't have a choice in the matter. but I also just can't even imagine my life alone.

how did you cope?

Kitty 34 · Mar 24, 2007

I was divorced in my 20s so I can't help you out with some of your questions. I just wanted to offer a big :hug:

to you for what you're going through.

Serena · Mar 24, 2007

Me.

Whatever you do, don't get caught up in the what if's or why's or thinking I couldn't do it alone. It dragged me down, too far down.

You will be ok. Not today, not tomorrow either, but you will be ok.

MAKmom · Mar 24, 2007

You poor thing. :grouphug:

I divorced in my 20's with 1 child. Could this be a mid life crises for your husband it happens. It may not be over. So many men wig out when they hit the 40's.

Tiggeroo · Mar 24, 2007

hugs to you. I know alot of folks who divorced at forty and up. Better alone then lonely and married. Better then tolerating things you know you shouldn't. One step at a time. Just get in a good place and i'm sure good things will follow. It seems the trick is to challenge yourself, finding new things to do without the ex.

MUFFYCAT · Mar 24, 2007

My best to you. :hug:

RitaZ. · Mar 24, 2007

stinkerbelle's mom · Mar 24, 2007

DisneyfeverTN · Mar 24, 2007

I got divorced when I was in my late 20's and had two children. I have since remarried and now have a third. My life is much better than it was with my ex.

A coworker of mine is going through a divorce now. She is 38 and has a 3 yr old. It was a big adjustment for her because she has been married for 18 yrs. She had a part-time job and is now working full-time. It is hard for her, but she knows it is the best thing for herself and her daughter.

Another coworker of mine got divorced when he was 40. They have two children together. His wife filed and is now remarried and had two more children. My coworker is very happy though. I think the stress in his marriage was very hard and now that it is no longer there he feels like a burden has been lifted. Their youngest is now 13 yrs old.

My divorce was one of the most depressing times of my life. It was so hard, but when I got through it I was much stronger and happier. I'm sorry you might be going through this. It might get worse before it gets better, but it does get better. :grouphug:

mommasita · Mar 24, 2007

marybet · Mar 24, 2007

I got divorced when I was 40. My sons were older, one in high school and one in college.

It was hard for the first two years. I went back to school, worked full time. When I think back on it I wonder how I did it. One day at a time, and some days were really hard. But it got easier, I started to date, life went on.

I never, ever regretted getting divorced. Even during some long lonely nights. If I had spent the rest of my life alone it would have been much better than staying married.

I was lucky, and after 8 years I found the right man for me. We have been married for 9 years now, and we are very happy.

Patty3 · Mar 24, 2007

tiberius · Mar 24, 2007

I feel so very sorry for you. I am 41 with nearly 17 years of marriage and two teenagers. I have no idea what I would do if my DW suddenly wanted to become my ex-W. Keep your head up and you will get through it. I hope in time you will be the better for it all.

darlak · Mar 24, 2007

I was divorced at 35. I had 3 young children; one of them deaf and I had been a stay at home mom. I pretty much felt that the romantic part of my life was going to be over. I thought "Who would be interested in a 35 y/o with 3 children and one of them special needs?" I was wrong. First of all, let me say, your kids will be your priority. However, they will, I assume, spend some weekends w/ their dad. Those first few months, on his weekends, I thought I would go crazy in that big house all alone. Then I spent a few months sort of enjoying my alone time, but feeling a little guilty about it. Then finally, I just enjoyed it guiltfree. You'll find strengths you didn't know you had and didn't really want to discover. It won't be easy, but you can do this. Women have a kind of strenght that most men don't have. When faced with the inevitable, we stop, take stock, get a plan, and move on. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and you WILL get through this. "Wife" is just one job you hold. Focus on the other jobs; mommy, daughter, friend. Give yourself time to grieve the loss, if it happens. Don't close the door yet on possibilities with your husband though. By the way, I'm now 48 and this is the best time of my life! My 20's were great, my 30's were better, my 40's have been the best so far and I can't wait until my 50's!

Darla

nhrenee · Mar 25, 2007

minkydog · Mar 25, 2007

I have not been divorced, but I vividly remember when my mother was divorced at the age of 40. I was 19, the oldest of 5 kids, when my father walked out and left us high & dry. I don't know how my mother found the strength--I guess you can do a lot of things when you have to. My dad had thoroughly beaten her down, made her believe no one would ever want her.

Eventually, she learned there was life after disaster. She didn't really date for a long time. And when the time was right she did. When she was 46 she met Dave, a wonderful man who treated her like a queen. They became inseperable and were married for 16yrs when he died of cancer. He was the love of her life, her second chance. No one was more amazed than my mother.

I wish you the best. No one can really know the pain you feel, but I know you will find a way for you and your kids. You will get through it. Believe. :goodvibes

mtemm · Mar 25, 2007

thanks all. your stories and hugs and words of support mean a lot to me. I just wish I didn't need them.

hastrobb · Mar 25, 2007

My ex left me at the age of 38 with one child in 3rd grade and one in 5th. We had been married just shy of 15 yrs. I was really not sure if I would be able to handle everything myself. I now find myself so much stronger and really loving my life. I have not met anyone else and am fine with that for now. If God leads me in that direction later then I will see what happens. for now I am really enjoying the closeness I have with my kids and the time I get to spend just being a mom without the extra demands of being a wife. I thought our married life was great until he announced just before Christmas he was leaving. Now seeing how happy I am I realize maybe I wasn't as happy as I thought. In the beginning there were lots of tears both from the kids and I had my share. But be strong and you can get through this and be strong. The kids and I find myself laughing much more now than we ever did when he was around. Just another note where I made a mistake...make sure and protect those kids in the divorce decree, that should be your first priority. God's peace to you in this difficult time.

RobInBigKC · Mar 25, 2007

hastrobb said:
My ex left me at the age of 38 with one child in 3rd grade and one in 5th. We had been married just shy of 15 yrs. I was really not sure if I would be able to handle everything myself. I now find myself so much stronger and really loving my life. I have not met anyone else and am fine with that for now. If God leads me in that direction later then I will see what happens. for now I am really enjoying the closeness I have with my kids and the time I get to spend just being a mom without the extra demands of being a wife. I thought our married life was great until he announced just before Christmas he was leaving. Now seeing how happy I am I realize maybe I wasn't as happy as I thought. In the beginning there were lots of tears both from the kids and I had my share. But be strong and you can get through this and be strong. The kids and I find myself laughing much more now than we ever did when he was around. Just another note where I made a mistake...make sure and protect those kids in the divorce decree, that should be your first priority. God's peace to you in this difficult time.

I'm sorry you had to go through this hastrobb but may I say it was so kind of you to share your story and very well put. Great words of encouragement for the OP. :hug: