dissapointed in DD

[dsnymomof4]

OP - I feel your pain. I was devastated last year when DS12 said he didn't want to go to Disney - he was getting tired of it and would rather go to the beach on vacation. What? My reaction was the same as youre - who wouldn't want to go to Disney? We have such a great time when we're there. So, last year, we incorporated a day at Daytona Beach before our Disney stay. He still says he likes Disney, but just doesn't want to go every year, but that once he gets there, he always has a good time. So, I would talk to her and find out exactly why she doesn't want to go - will she be missing something at home thats important to her? Is she tired of doing the same vacation every year? Does she think she won't have a good time because she's getting older now? There could be many reasons why she said she doesn't want to go. I think once she gets there, she will have a wonderful time. Just address her feelings and try to get her excited about the trip - maybe let her plan a day of the vacation or something like that. I just wanted you to know you are not alone. Sometimes, our DDs and DSs have different ideas of a fun vacation than we do. Don't take it personally. I think it's just part of growing up and being more independent. Good luck!

 

[perd]

If she were the only child going, I'd suggest letting her take a friend. But I see you have a 14-year-old DD too. Just tell her she is going. Once you get there, I'd give the two girls a little freedom to roam instead of just having to be with mom and dad constantly. Once she gets there I'm sure she'll have a good time. I can remember being 13 and my parents making me go to the state fair. I HATED it, and I didn't want to go, and I really didn't have a good time. It's normal at that age to want to pull away from the parents. I'd just give them a little space and a little freedom and they will be fine.

 

[Kaler131]

I also have a 12DD year old (aren't they just so much fun? LOL!) and she is moody a lot of the time. Your dd might just be "saying" that she doesn't want to go to get a reaction out of you. I swear that my daughter must lie awake at night thinking of ways to make my life more difficult (LOL). Try to get her more "into" the trip by asking her if there is anything that she would like to do at WDW that maybe she was too young to do in the past...something more "grown up" and make her feel like she has a little more control, then maybe she will be more into it.
Good luck and have fun!

 

[betsywdw]

I vote for her to go too. I can't imagine her not having a good time once she's there and experiencing the "magic"!

 

[missmun52]

I would talk to her and find out why she does not want to go. I think around that age kids start having Boy friends (these days more than ever) and it would not be crazy to think she does not want to leave him for a whole week especially if its a new relationship. Just try to talk to her to find out wahts going on in her life, then explain to her that you put alot of time and effort into planning this trip and though you understand why she does not want to go that you would really like her to join the family. Let her make the decision and hope she makes the right one, then if she says NO you say, I am sorry you dont want to go but YOUR GOING!

 

[BlondeAlligator]

I remember being 12 and not wanting to have anything to do with my "very uncool" parents. I would talk to her & aks her why she doesn't want to go. Maybe her friends are giving her a hard time about going on a "kiddie" vacation...maybe she's just embarassed to be with her family...maybe it's just hormones starting to kick in.

There are a lot of cool, fun things to do at WDW that don't involve kid-stuff. You mentioned that you had a little extra $$ this year...maybe involve her in planning something cool. They have the water parks, surfing lessons at Typhoon Lagoon, parasailing, waterskiing, all kinds of sports. The spas also have treatments for the teen set...she might enjoy that "grown-up" time with you. Just a thought.

Under no circumstances would I let her stay home alone...you'll just be setting a precedent for all future vacations and family activities. Tell her that she is a part of the family, it's a family vacation, and that you all want her there, and that she's going to go with the whole family. Be sure not to make it sound like a punishment. She should understand that you want her to have a good time on her vacation, too, and that you want to help her find fun things that would make her time there great for her. Her staying at home would open up doors for all kinds of worry for you, and even though she wouldn't admit it now, she'll regret it later. Kids who have lost their parents would give anything for one more family vacation.

Good luck & keep us posted!

 

[laura001]

I can't imagine any of my kids saying they didn't want to go either, but I guess it does happen. Being 12 though, there is NO vote here, it is a family vacation and by the age of 12 she needs to realize that sometimes you have to do things that you don't want to do (how bad can going to WDW be?), or do things because it will make other people happy (part of the giving and taking). If you let her get away with this, look out, you are in for much bigger problems, IMHO.

You haven't posted as to why she doesn't want to go.....perhaps involving her in some planning or being responsible for something would help. What about making sure that you do 1 thing that each person in the family wants to do?

Hope it all works out and you have a great trip!

 

[BlondeAlligator]

Let her make the decision and hope she makes the right one, then if she says NO you say, I am sorry you dont want to go but YOUR GOING!

Oh my gosh...bad idea! You can't tell her she can decide and then go back on your word if she doesn't make the "right" decision! That sends so many mixed messages I don't even know where to begin! You are the parent...you make the decision of what to do!

 

[themudd4]

My DD13, decide she didn't want to go back to WDW next year...she wants to go to the beach instead. She had her reason, we listened...we told her we would vote on it...this made her happy. She was out voted 3 to 1. The next day she asked me when we were going next year and if she could help me plan things. She likes helping me pick ADR's (which I let everyone pick one meal, and then I fill in the rest of the plans. Maybe you can give her some responsiblility for the vacation and she will show some more interest.
It is probably something like she don't want to leave friends behind or something...or maybe she has a new boyfriend or something that she can't bare to be away from!

 

[summerlandjeff]

I too have a DD12 , and I too have had to face the "I don't want to" attitude. I have found that this attitude is usually a cover up for a problem she doesn't know how to solve. This is her way of asking for help.
Example; Last year we were preparing for Disney and she announced she wasn't going (sound familiar) and that she just wanted to stay home or with a friend. Okay I say, why ? A shrug of the shoulders and a few tears later she asks me (dad) to leave the room so she can talk to mom. Twenty minutes later we find out the problem. She got her first period and was to embarrassed to tell us. Also she didn't know how to handle swimming, dressing, etc.
Mom gave her a long heart to heart talk about her "new" experience and how to handle things. Suddenly, things were not so bad, and she was back on the Disney band wagon.
Maybe just try to find out the "why" and you can get her back on track...
Good luck!

 

[tarheelmjfan]

Sometimes as parents & WDW addicts it's hard for us to imagine our kids getting bored with going to WDW. That doesn't mean they don't. I really think our generation feels more nostalgia for all things Disney than the younger generation does. The Wonderful World of Disney was the only thing good on tv when we were growing up.

We had APs for a few years, then it got to the point where I was dragging both my DH & DS along. It got to the point that I was no longer having fun either. Our DS finally spoke up & said he was sick of going there could we please go somewhere else.

He loves going to UO, so we now go there at least once a year for 5 nights or so, always staying onsite. We've also started seeing the rest of the country, as well as other countries. He has finally come around to being okay with going to WDW occasionally to ride the new rides, but would not want to go every year or for a long stay. When he's grown, we'll go more often. My DH can just get over it. Right now it's more important to go on a vacation the whole family looks forward to & enjoys. Just because I could go to WDW once a month, doesn't mean they want to.

Not that it matters, but if it were me, I'd take her along this year. Before I planned another trip, I'd see why she didn't want to go this time & maybe plan a destination everyone wants to go to from now on.

 

[dixie lolly]

Gosh, thanks so much for all the responses. I do know that one of the reasons it that we are leaving one day b4 school gets out and the day school is over her class is having a huge party to celebrate going to jr high. she disent want to miss it. she also is very strong willed and loves to get a rise out of mom. IMAGINE THAT... her sister is going as welll and they are usually at odds about everyting because they are like night and day. i tried to get them a friend to go but like i said schol wont be over and most people have plans as well soon as school is out. i did tell her that if one of her sisters friends who wants to go is able to go ( i will know today) then i will let her stay with grandma. i know most people think that is not a good idea but i think that it is vacation not wwIII and i want to relax....

 

[Jill in Chicago]

Wow, this is a tough one. I think I would let your DD stay with her grandparents. I would hate to take someone along on vacation that didn't want to be there. One person with a negative attitude can drag the whole group down. I am not sure I would want to chance that. If she has a tendency towards moody, downer behavior it would seem so freeing not to have to worry about that for an entire week and just concentrate on your other daughter.

I do not think letting her out of this family outing means she has the upper hand in all future family outings.I don't know if this is something I would want to draw the line in the sand about. If you firmly explain the family expectations for future outings, (You will continue to go out to dinner with us when we are celebrating. You still have to go to your sister's band concerts.) it really does not have to be an issue. Family dynamics change as the kids get older. What worked years ago does not mean it continues to work now.

I also think families have unrealistic expectations of what a family vacation can do. Staying in a room together, eating together, sharing one bathroom... magnifies everyone's personality; it does not turn everyone into a sympathetic, kinder, more patient personality. Reading trip reports shouts this to me over and over. People are who they are. They do not change on vacation.

And just like everyone else said make sure you totally understand her reasons, and emphasize that you would love for her to come along. Perhaps taking this week long break will be good for all involved.

When my oldest DS was a h.s. freshman he decided he no longer wanted to go on the family camping trip. Instead my brother came and stayed at our house with him, and we camped with just younger DS. We had spent two summers camping with a moping, bored, unhappy older DS. This year it was just the three of us and we had a blast, and DS had a blast with his uncle. Win win situation.

 

[dixie lolly]

This is the only time she has not wanted to go with us. we are also going camping this summer and she is going. i have no idea what is up but i think sometimes they need some independance. she is usually great about ding family things so i think it is just something she is not into right now. i can remember not wanting to do some things my family did but i was older. but times are changing and kids are different now. i think if we dont make her go then we are going to talk about expectations with her and will make up for it on the next trip.

 

[BlondeAlligator]

I think that if you decide to let her stay home, it should come with a long discussion about family responsibilities, what it means to respect other people's needs and wants, and I think that she owes you an explanation other than "I just don't want to go". If she wants to be treated like an adult and make the decision not to go on her own, then she needs to act like an adult and give you a rational explanation. If she can't, then I would tell her that she has to go. You have spent time and money planning this trip for the whole fmaily, and at 12 I think that she should be going with you...she is just a child still...but if she doesn't go I think that a long talk has to be had about why she isn't going and what you expect from future trips and activites. I hope you aren't setting yourself up for some difficult teen years by letting her out of this trip...you say she has always been good about family things, but then again, she has always wanted to go to WDW too and now she doesn't.

If you give a mouse a cookie...you know how that goes...be careful with this one.

 

[MagicAddict2178]

Definitely a tough situation! As a parent, I would totally want all of my children to come along on a vacation. However, I can remember being right around that age and being forced to go on a family vacation to the Bahamas. I was miserable and spent the entire time in the hotel room. And that wasn't fun for anyone! (Yes, I was a spoiled brat ) As long as you have a talk with her about her reasons for wanting to stay behind and you set some ground rules, I don't think letting her stay home will be a huge problem. No matter what, have a great trip!

 

[papabear4]

Gosh, thanks so much for all the responses. I do know that one of the reasons it that we are leaving one day b4 school gets out and the day school is over her class is having a huge party to celebrate going to jr high. she disent want to miss it.

Hmmm...that's too bad she has to miss the big party. Our DD would hate to miss something like that. I'm sure your daughter will get over it, but still....

 

[Cass]

How times have changed, if I had tried something like this when I was a kid I never would have been taken on another holiday.

I think kids today take a lot for granted and don't appreciate things.

This from experience, my DD said to me the other day that a kid from her class had never been on a holiday before, she was aghast.

I told DD that she didn't realize how lucky she was and not every family can do the things we are fortunate enough to do.

 

[easleygrls]

OMG, I was h#ll on my mom when I was that age! I remember my skin crawling when I got dragged along to do family things. It didn't matter what, I just didn't want to be seen with my family or do things with them. I was an awful teenager. And when we did go somewhere (no way I could've ever gotten out of a big family trip like this!) I was usually pouty and moody. My mom's solution was to just ignore me and have a good time despite my mood. It might take a while but I eventually realized I was having a good time and snapped out of it.

The ironic thing is that in retrospect I completely understand why my mom did the things she did, and I am soooooo grateful! The older I get, the smarter she gets!

 

[abbybeth]

The ironic thing is that in retrospect I completely understand why my mom did the things she did, and I am soooooo grateful! The older I get, the smarter she gets!

haha that's so true isn't it? I'm moved out in my first apartment and my parents are just about geniuses! They've gotten so much smarter the past few years .... it's like magic

This is a tough situation - I know my parents would have said - we're family, we're going as a family - granted, I never would have tried to pull something like that with my parents. We also never were able to afford to take a family vacation. We're taking our first ever family vacation this fall and it'll be a month before my 24th birthday, so I suppose my viewpoint is a little skewed!

Enjoy your trip to Disney one way or the other!