Santa's Workshop Bought Out By Disney Corporation
Written by KDAnteater
NORTH POLE- Fox News and CNN have reported that Santa's Workshop, a family run opperation that provided benefits and good wages to it's elves has been bought out by the Dinsey Corporation.
Santa announced the take-over after years of having to compete with Wal-Mart, Target, GAP, Costco, and other big chain stores. He saw no point in competing with them only to lose money every year.
"The holdiays used to be about togetherness and children," said Santa, "but now it is about greed and money. That is the bottom line. Christmas has changed. It isn't what it used to be."
The CEO pushed Santa aside, screaming, "Out of my way, old man! It's all about the profits! Isn't Santa hilarious? Now buy our cheaply made products made by our children for your children!"
The corporate giants have admitted that there will be a few changes around the workshop. For example, the elves will be sent to the unemployment line and new workers will be utilized.
"We are going to replace elves with slave children," said one enthusiastic Disney CEO. "Atleast we will not have to replace the knee-level conveyor belts this way." They are also outsourcing jobs from the North Pole and America to China, India, and other third world countries, saying that "Americans and elves will be willing to lose their jobs if they recieve cheaper products."
Another factor for Disney executives was that the workshop had environmental standards to deal with.
"There was a conflict about Global Warming, you know, with the workshop so close to the North Pole. Santa was afraid it would melt the polar ice cap. But rest assured, that minor technicality does not concern us. I say release as much CO2 as humanly possible, because if the world floods, sales of our water toys will skyrocket."
Santa's sleigh is to be replaced by a plane fueled by Saudi oil, and the reindeer have been shot dead by gun-activist Ted Nuggent. Children's eyes were glued to their televisions screens as Ted opened fire on the flying crittlers. "Merry Christmas, you worthless animals," screamed the gun-toting singer.
"We were just lucky he didn't shoot Mickey Mouse," said Michael Eisner. "Oh, I spoke too soon," Mickey limped away with a bullet in his right leg.
Most of this year's toys were made by Santa, but Dinsey is scapping them for toys with bells and whistles on them, and stupid dancing robots. Dinsey is expected to make a huge profit off the deal, while Santa will be homeless becuase he invested his retierment savings in Santa's Workshop stock.
Please visit SweatshopDisney.com for more information and product details.
Printed from: http://www.thespoof.com/news/print.cfm?storyID=7129
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Written by KDAnteater
NORTH POLE- Fox News and CNN have reported that Santa's Workshop, a family run opperation that provided benefits and good wages to it's elves has been bought out by the Dinsey Corporation.
Santa announced the take-over after years of having to compete with Wal-Mart, Target, GAP, Costco, and other big chain stores. He saw no point in competing with them only to lose money every year.
"The holdiays used to be about togetherness and children," said Santa, "but now it is about greed and money. That is the bottom line. Christmas has changed. It isn't what it used to be."
The CEO pushed Santa aside, screaming, "Out of my way, old man! It's all about the profits! Isn't Santa hilarious? Now buy our cheaply made products made by our children for your children!"
The corporate giants have admitted that there will be a few changes around the workshop. For example, the elves will be sent to the unemployment line and new workers will be utilized.
"We are going to replace elves with slave children," said one enthusiastic Disney CEO. "Atleast we will not have to replace the knee-level conveyor belts this way." They are also outsourcing jobs from the North Pole and America to China, India, and other third world countries, saying that "Americans and elves will be willing to lose their jobs if they recieve cheaper products."
Another factor for Disney executives was that the workshop had environmental standards to deal with.
"There was a conflict about Global Warming, you know, with the workshop so close to the North Pole. Santa was afraid it would melt the polar ice cap. But rest assured, that minor technicality does not concern us. I say release as much CO2 as humanly possible, because if the world floods, sales of our water toys will skyrocket."
Santa's sleigh is to be replaced by a plane fueled by Saudi oil, and the reindeer have been shot dead by gun-activist Ted Nuggent. Children's eyes were glued to their televisions screens as Ted opened fire on the flying crittlers. "Merry Christmas, you worthless animals," screamed the gun-toting singer.
"We were just lucky he didn't shoot Mickey Mouse," said Michael Eisner. "Oh, I spoke too soon," Mickey limped away with a bullet in his right leg.
Most of this year's toys were made by Santa, but Dinsey is scapping them for toys with bells and whistles on them, and stupid dancing robots. Dinsey is expected to make a huge profit off the deal, while Santa will be homeless becuase he invested his retierment savings in Santa's Workshop stock.
Please visit SweatshopDisney.com for more information and product details.
Printed from: http://www.thespoof.com/news/print.cfm?storyID=7129
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