Discipling a toddler

[Mike N Kathy]

My dd is 16 months right now and VERY active!!! running jumping bla bla...she wrecks the house knocks over the lamps big messes im not even going to bother going into detail with what she does...But see she knows she is doing this she will give u that look to see if ur going to stop her and then boom the second u have ur eyes off her she does it. My house atm looks like somebody came in and totally robbed and ramsacked my entire house...I am constantly cleaning and telling her no no no....When i mention this to my mom or any body else im close with they say oooohhh shes a baby theres nothing you can do....If me or dh yells at her she crys and gives u that really sad face...what does every1 do to control their toddlers? Oh also...When we say no or whatever she will throw tantrums now...she will pinch herself or bang her head on the walls, drop to the floor bang her head stuff like that...any suggestions...

 

[mannasn]

Call Supernanny?

Sorry.. I don't have any better advice - other than consistency.

I have a 4 year old son who I've had trouble with since the beginning. He is SO strong willed.

Best of luck. Will be watching the replies with interest.

 

[icebrat001]

Call Supernanny?

Seems the little one started her terrible twos a little early. Continue telling her no. Maybe it's time to learn about the time out chair, she can only sit there for 1 minute though, since she is only a baby after all. Maybe you need to find a way for her to release her energy, have you tried a Mygym, gymboree or another play group type activity?

 

[kristen821]

Just be consistant in your punishment. It is a hard age to discipline. You can try timeouts. Don't give in when she throws a fit she seems to think throwing a fit works. It is really hard. My dd3 is the same way so I am also looking for advice too, but this is what I do sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't. My dd is getting easier now so yours probably will too.

 

[donnajon]

Continue to tell her no and when she has a tantrum or bangs her head, walk away. When mine did that stuff, I just said, "You're only hurting yourself." Otherwise, you are teaching her that if she cries loud enough or hurts herself, you will give in. I put mine in timeout in their cribs. It was the only place I could contain them at that age where they couldn't get out. And they never had any issues with that being their "safe" bedtime spot. They were only put in there for a minute or two. My kids are very well behaved now. My DS9 has ADHD and when I was trying to get the school to give him a 504 (a federal form allowing accomodations for a handicapped child - his has stuff like extra time for test...) they didn't want to do it because he wasn't a behavior problem. (My point being that he has ADHD and is well behaved).
Anyway, the most important thing is to be consistant. If you give in to temper tamtrums, she will continue to try you. Each one will get longer and worse because when you give in, you teach her that if you yell and scream long enough, Mom will cave in. Good luck.

 

[disneymom3]

Well, first off, I would minimize the stuff in your house right now. If it's toys all over get rid of at least half of them and make sure that in the evenings you reorganize every day. I know that seems kind of silly but kids that age can't focus if things don't have an order to them. If it's other stuff, just put it away for awhile.

Kids really don't start to develop impulse control until around 18 months. So if they think of something, they do it and who cares about the consequences. That little look they give you is testing you to see if the rules are still the same....day in....day out. She needs to make sure you are going to keep her within boundaries which is a safe place to be.

The tantrum thing honestly cracks me up at this point in my life. My youngest who is the strongest willed child I have ever known, used to follow me when I left the room to ignore his tantrum. He would get up and walk to wherever I had gone and then throw himself on the floor in front of me.

Good luck. It does get better and anyone who has had kids that age knows how hard they are to keep up with and won't expect your house to be spotless.

 

[FreshTressa]

Not much more I can say that hasn't been said!

Only advice is that they do grow and it doesn't get easier, just different!

 

[JennaTX]

That is just a hard age (although I am starting to believe that all ages are, lol) they are into everything and learning so much.

Timeouts at that age never worked for me.

My DS gets into the most trouble when he is feeling ignored, he then gets into something/does something that he knows will get him into trouble, but his pay off is now that I am paying attention. Which may be part of the problem when you talked about the second you took your eye off her.

My advice would be to choose your battles. There seemed to be times in both of my children's lives where I realized I was getting upset with them all day, over a lot of silly stuff. So pick one or two things that you really do not want her to do, and be consistent with making sure she does not do that.

Good luck! I don't think anyone will have the perfect answer...if they did they would copyright it and be a millionaire!

 

[ImarriedGrumpy]

I'll just echo the words from the others - I studied early childhood as my masters degree, and let me tell you, having a degree doesn't necessarily help in every situation! I taught day care for a while, and once had 4 kids ranging in age from 13 months to 23 months old. Consistancy, consistancy, consistancy is the key! My number one rule with discipline is always follow through on what I say. Don't say anything I'm not willing to or able to follow through on. And yes, a one year old child can be taught the difference between right and wrong in a general sense. A child that age can also learn to help pick up toys a little. My kiddos in my class "helped" me clean up our room before and after snack time - they even "helped" wipe off the table. I just made a routine for our class and included that in the schedule, and I made it clear that the kids were expected to help with the clean up. It took a few weeks of working on it, but once we got through that first phase, it was a lot of fun.Hang in there! If you can find a parent's group in your area (through the neighborhood, library, church, school, etc.) for parents of toddlers, it can be a huge help and support.

 

[beckmrk04]

I have to admit- this thread mademe giggle a little because Iused to do these things... When I waslittle I would hold my breath until my mom gave in or I passed out (which freaked her out- so she gave in) or take a pencil and hold it to my eye and say "I'll do it..." Isn't that awful? Of course, it scared the crap out of my mom, who finally called the Dr.and he said, call her bluff- she'll come to if she passes out and she'll be fine, and it's doubtful she'll poke her eye out. Guess what? When it stopped working, I stopped doing it. I have both my eyes and suffered no permanent damage from passing out (ok- that's debatable... ).

Kids do what works. If it doesn't work, they'll stop doing it. Chances are she gets your attention from running around like a chicken with her head cut off, and she definitely catches your attention when she tries to hurt herself. I'd suggest the small time outs and continue with firm "No"s. When she starts pinching herself, she'll quickly realize how unpleasant that is- let her do it. Just ignore the behavior. Hope this helps!

 

[grlpwrd]

I would first really make sure your home is childproofed as much as you can. I agree with being consistent and having routines, too, and that she can help clean up.

Have you heard of 1-2-3 Magic? www.parentmagic.com/Index.cfm It works well for littler one's.

GL!

 

[golfgal]

Learn the word no and use it often, ignore tantrums or put her in her room and close the door when she is throwing them. She will learn quickly that tantrums are not ok. At this age it is easy to distract them from negative behavior. Wait until she is 3!

 

[Sandcass]

I have watched a few kids like this. It isn't easy. You have to be very firm. And when you say something, you have to show you mean it. If you tell her to not touch something, stay there and make sure she doesn't touch it. For as long as it takes. Some people say to distract or redirect a toddler from what they're doing. I do the opposite. Let's say she's about to knock over a lamp. I would sit there and tell her, VERY FIRMLY, NO! DO NOT TOUCH!. Then wait for her little hand to start moving towards the lamp, stop it, hold it in your hand, look in her eyes and say NO again. Let go of her hand, wait to see if she tries again, repeat as many times as necessary. If she throws herself on the ground or cries, then she probaly got it. BUT if you walk away then she may still get up and try again. You have to be willing to wait it out, watch her like a hawk to make sure she listens. You probably won't get much else done while you're really working on this. But it won't last forever. She will eventually learn that Mommy means it when she says NO.

Since she is such a physical kid, I would hold her physically when you need to control her. It's hard, but I would give her a big bear hug when she's out of control. She will try to head-butt you and fight like heck, but that might be what she needs. They usually will thrash for a minute, then relax into the hug. This is what you do with special needs kids, but it works for average kids too. She might need that physical release.

Another thing I did with my son, and a few other kids that were super-difficult, when I told them to do something, like pick up toys, I made them listen. I would actually hold my son's hand in my hand and use his hand to pick up each toy and put it away. I only had to do that a handful of times with DS, then he realized he actually did have to do what I said.

Ok, I sound like a Super-***ch, not a super-nanny here. But I really believe that even the littlest kids can be disciplined.

I also believe that your home should be a peaceful, loving place and not controlled by naughty toddlers.

My kids are 11 & 8 now and haven't been any kind of discipline problem since they were like 3. I also run a daycare in my home and I almost never put a child in time out. I just don't need to. They know they have to listen to me. I reserve time out for offenses againt another child. Like biting, hitting, etc.

Ok, I rambled a little, sorry! GOOD LUCK!

 

[justhat]

Since regular time-outs are effective yet at that age, when my daughter did something like that I'd hold her on my lap as a time out, which was the worst punishment in the world for a very active toddler who wanted to be on the ground and going. After the minute was up, I'd give her a hug and explain as best I could at her level that she couldn't do X because it was dangerous or whatever, she'd get hurt, etc. then let her go play. She too was a very active child and at that age if I left the room to get her socks (yes, only socks, so how long did it take, we have a very small condo!?!) I'd come back to find her standing on the kitchen table. We did sign up for Gymboree classes (like icebrat suggested I agree that they're a good outlet for energy, especially when it's too cold to go outside) and then as it got warmer we'd spend hours at the park and those things seemed to help calm her down in the house a lot. Also, we rarely used a stroller but had her walk everywhere instead, which I also think helped cause she'd burn off some energy and also get a little tired so when we got back inside she was much calmer.

BTW, it's not too much longer that you have to endure this. My daughter just turned 2 and even though she's only had time-out maybe twice in her life if she's not listening all I have to say is "Do you need to go to time-out?" and she immediately says no and stops whatever it is I don't want her to do. So the end is in sight!