DIS step parent support thread.....a nice one!!!

[Grumpy's Wife]

Steph, I'm sorry you're going through a hard time right now. I don't have any step children so I can't offer any words of wisdom here. Just know that we are all here for you when you need us.

 

[SandraVB79]

I know quite a lot of people with stepchildren, and know about the issues they have, and then I read this thread... and I am SO happy my DBF has no kids (which could have been perfectly possible, seen our age difference).

I hope all your issues will get solved somewhere in time...

 

[tinkerrn]

Good Thread!!!! Thank goodness that there have been no 'flame throwers' yet. I think it is great to be honest and open about stepparenting. It can be very over whelming and lonely. I was having a hard time last year with my stepson and just needed a shoulder to 'cry' on, but all I got were these 'holier than thou' mothers who couldn't understand what was WRONG WITH ME. It is frustrating and deflating at times.

My stepson doens't like me. It is ok though. I tried and tried to get him to like me, but I was miserable. Everything I did was 'wrong'. The way I did laundry was 'wrong', after months of him complaining and putting CLEAN clothes back into the dirty hamper; I taught him to do his own laundry. Some may think this is terrible, but he is 17 yo and needs to learn some life skills. There are just so many things cause stressl at our house.

 

[Keli]

I came from a blended family myself but since my mom was a widow and my sd a widower our issues were somewhat different, and in a way easier to deal with I think.
I don't know for sure if it works this way when both your parents are alive but I will tell you that a big issue for me was a misplaced sense of loyalty.
For the first year or so I gave my sd a hard way to go strictly because I felt like if I were to get close to him it would somehow mean I loved my dad less. After a while I realized it was ok to love him too and things got much better between us.
I know it is hard to step-parent but hang in there, today my dad (stepdad) has a great relationship with his kids (step, adopted, bio) and I'm sure his patience is the reason why.

 

[BabyTigger99]

DH and I married when my DSD was 7 (she just turned 13 in August), and I have been with her father since right after she turned 5. Placement is changing on Saturday, and she will be living with us, because mom is moving out of state. Things should be interesting! I may be visiting this thread quite a bit to vent! She and I do have a good relationship (although she would never admit it!), so that does help.

 

[Ready to go in Ok]

Steph, I'm sorry you're going through a hard time right now. I don't have any step children so I can't offer any words of wisdom here. Just know that we are all here for you when you need us.

Thanks Tricia, my coffee buddy.

Well things have settled down a bit for me today. SD and I had a talk last night, and cleared the air a bit.

I have to walk a tightrope with her because if I make her angry, she won't let me know, but will tell her mom, who then tells her sister, who then tells her dad(DH), who lets me know. Wanna bet how much info is communicated correctly by the time it reaches me? I can totally see the breakdown in communication, but I have no idea what to do about it. I have talked to her and talked to her about coming to me or her dad if she has a problem. She says she feels comfortable talking to us, but then we have to play the game.

Luckily, most days are ok. Ok, enough about that.

How is everyone today?

 

[doxdogy]

Another stepmother here. Thankfully, we have no real issues with DD. Not to say we didn't have our share of heartbreaks with her. At 13 she decided she wanted to live with us. We were thrilled and welcomed her wtih open arms. However, she went from her mother's house with little to no rules. To our house with rules. She lasted about six months and went back to her mother. What hurt the most, was she had her mother call and tell us. She felt that she needed to be with her mother. Did she did admit to me last year (when I was relating the problems my boss was having with his daughter) that she made a mistake. She should have never moved back in with her mother. Her mother allowed her to drop out of high school. Didn't care if she went to school. She realizes that if she had stayed with us, she would have finished school. But it is tough being a step parent. It is a strange netherworld. You are not the biological parent, yet you are an influence in the child's life. DD is now 27 and we have a good relationship. She realizes and fully admits that I treat her better than her mother.

 

[Ready to go in Ok]

 

[Ready to go in Ok]

Just checking in. Happy Thusday all!