Dis Breast Cancer Survivors - GAGWTA!

[laurabelle]

~~~***Happy Halloween GAGWTA sistas!***~~~

Ann- I love the pink ribbon garden!!! We have a cancer survivors garden next to our mall of all places. I keep saying one day I'm going to walk through there with my camera. I agree with your newbie thoughts, we become experts in cancer very quickly...
I know what you mean about the SW fares, that's what got me going in early Dec.! It's very hard to resist...

Lessa- I hope my kids get to bring a "baby" home, I'm not sure if they do that in the schools here, I hope so. You're a smart "grandma" to shut the door!

Linda- I know what you mean about Dr. Love's book. Alot of people hate that book. I appreciated her honesty, she sure doesn't sugarcoat things, and without anyone else to bounce it off of, I needed that. She doesn't have much good to say about younger women with bc, but I didn't take that as a negative, I took it as, I have got to fight back hard if I'm going to be here to raise my kids myself.
Your cruise sounds wonderful! I've never been on one, but if I ever did, it would def. be Disney!

Suzadrew

 

[MerryPoppins]

Hmmm. I love the Susan Love book. Interesting to learn that others weren't crazy about it. I'll think harder before I suggest it. I have to admit that before my surgery I didn't read it. My DH did though and talked me through the info. He is always good about things like that. I couldn't seem to settle down to do research at that point. But I don't think anything could have frightened me more than I was already at that point. Since then I've read it, but her matter-of-fact manner didn't bother me. I'll have to take a look at the Dummies book.

What a beautiful pink ribbon garden! I love it.

Just sent my kids off to school. DD is dressed as a black cat today. Her art club is having a Halloween party during lunch. Tonight DS is handing out candy dressed as Michael Jackson. He wore the costume when his band dressed up for Thursday's football game and it was a huge hit. I'm getting ready to choose designs and carve our pumpkins. We never got around to doing it together this weekend.

GAGWTA!

 

[Amy]

Hi gang! Haven't been here much lately - DH was in Germany for work all last week, so I was playing single mom and running DS13 and DS15 all over the place. Marching band season finally ended Saturday night - DS15's band took first place in their division!! Now we're gearing up for the band trip to WDW in December. Can't wait!

Welcome to our new "sisters" - sorry you have to join us, but we're here to help and listen!

Lovely picture of the pink ribbon garden - I've never seen one before, but what a nice tribute!

Re the Susan Love book - when I was going thru my treatments I used Susan Love's book for the technical medical stuff and a book written in everyday language which helped explain what was in the Love book. For instance, the Love book will say "you'll lose your hair from chemo." The other book would offer suggestions on how soon to expect your hair to start falling out, and how to deal with it. I never would have thought to get my hair buzzed otherwise, and it was one of the best things I did! I can't remember the name of the book, but I'll check when I get home from work and post it. It was sort of like those "What to Expect When you're Expecting" books.

And it's funny how little things bring back memories. We have 2 dogs, one male one female. Sheba, the female, has a lump on her chest that we at first thought was a bug bite, but it didn't go away so I took her to the vet to get it checked out. Today she's having a lumpectomy and the lump will be biopsied. The vet was talking about "clean margins" and all that other stuff that I'm all too familiar with. This morning I was talking to the girl who sits next to me at work about Sheba's surgery, and she's one of those Pollyanna types. "Oh, she'll be just fine, don't you worry." I remember how much I just wanted to punch people who said that to me when I had MY lumpectomy 3 years ago! Wise up people! You're not God, you don't know how things will turn out. Why not say "I hope things will be ok" or something??? It just really bugged me when people would tell me "oh, you're worrying over nothing, it'll be fine." And then when I found out that my lump WAS cancer, those Pollyanna people just disappeared. I guess they can't deal with bad news.

Ok, time to get some work done and watch the clock so I can call the vet later and see how my baby is doing. Happy Halloween everyone!

 

[snappy]

Ooohh, good idea Merry, post what your kids are wearing for Halloween. DD15 had dress up day at school Friday. She was low maintenance, a black eyed pea which consisted of a black knit beanie hat and a large letter P on pink construction paper. DD9 (10 tomorrow!!!) is going to be a devil, red cape, horns of course and a plastic pitchfork. DS17 had mismatched nerd day at school today. He left with varying colors and size of plaid pants, shirt and sportscoat mostly bought at a thrift shop, and his plaid converse high tops. DD9 teased him, just wear your glasses she told him, he said, no I'll just bring you.

An amazing thing happened yesterday to DH. He met up with relatives to search MIL's house for what could be salvaged. My sis in laws rescued the china and silverware. They found MIL's jewelry box, got late FIL's ring and her mother's ring, some clothes they will try to have cleaned.

DH went in to the sewing room (the kitchen before they remodeled back in the 60's). He looked in one upended "sewing" cabinet, saw a box, figured nothing important there, right. Something called him back, so he removes the box, opens it, sees peanut packing material, decides again to leave it alone. Comes back again, decides whatever was in there, probably delicate, I'll check it. He was amazed to find the box contained, very carefully, individually packed, MIL's nativity scene pieces that she made early 80's. She did three beautiful sets, I received one, they are meticously painted with may colors and edged in gold leaf. Can you believe it, not a single piece was broken, they need a serious cleaning of course. I think the Lord led him to that room, that box, DH kept walking away, but he said something led him back. The nativity scene was not something anyone had said to look for. MIL is very grateful, the little victories are precious, especially this one.

Happy Halloween everyone!!! Eat as much chocolate as you can!!

GAGWTA!!!!!

 

[Lessa of Pern]

lots of normalcy around here...

older dd is a cheerleader, and like the rest of her squad she went to school dressed as a "sexy construction worker" -- short denim skirt, white tank top, denim shirt, boots, plastic hard hat and tool belt. tool belt was loaded with "tools" -- her cell phone, blow dryer, hair spray...

younger dd went as a 1960's era go go dancer -- short skirt, boots, a headband in her long hair...

tonight with their friends they're wearing camophlage pants, dogtags, etc.

so they have plenty to think about instead of thinking about my being home for doctor's appointments.

 

[Cruise04]

Here I am Ann.

Unfortunately I'm coming here because of some news I got today at my followup appointment. It's not too bad but it's not good either; I'm sure it's more precaution but it scared me incredibly.

On the 19th I went for my mammogram from the doc appt that I had the previous week (she wanted me to get one since I hadn't had one in about 4 years to followup from the ultrasound and the lumps I had been feeling). I got a call last Tuesday night that they wanted more images on the right side. So I went in on Friday morning. They told me the radiologist wouldn't get a full report to the doc before my appointment but would look at them on Saturday and let the doc know. I get a call at 9:45 this morning (my appt is scheduled for 3pm today) that they want me to come in this morning can I be there by 10:45. I said sure. Didn't think anything of it until I started shaking after hanging up the phone. So I called back and said that I was sorry for calling but did they move me up because the doc needed to leave early or because there is concern and she said apologized to me and said the doc had to be at the hospital this afternoon. I hang up as my boss walks in my office and I'm still shaking. She asks me if I'm okay and I start crying. I had become so anxious that I had worked myself up. I calmed down and ended up telling her why I had been having all of these appointments lately. Her mother died of breast cancer and this is the one that had the scare earlier this fall.

Calm down, get to the doc office and she sees me early. Comes in and I'm in a pretty good mood. Starts off asking how I'm doing (she is really very impressive - I really like her). I told her I was doing okay. Then we jump right into what's going on. She said there is a spot on my right breast (which I know they focused on in the ultrasound both in April and a month ago. In April I did see the surgeon and he wasn't very concerned. Now it's becoming an issue). The radiologist stated he wanted me to have an ultrasound - I told her they focused on that area in both of the other ultrasounds. She said she is going to verbally speak with the radiologist to find out does he want me to have another ultrasound or did he look at the other two. She's pretty sure he's going to want another one to be done exactly in the area of concern. Then she told me we will more than likely do a biopsy. It will depend on what the other ultrasound will show and how concerned the radiologist is. She said he is great and knows he looks what to expect - 8 times out of 10 he's been right on the mark with his feelings.

So she is going to call me back either this afternoon if she gets a break and has had a chance to talk to the radiologist or tomorrow morning. She told me if I didn't hear from her by 10 to call her. I left there feeling that I'm being very well taken care of. Then I got in the car and decided I need to talk to someone - I was starting to shake at that time again. So I called my dh and asked if could meet me at my car (he works 3 blocks from the clinic) and I broke down. Just from plain anxiety I'm sure. And I'm scared. She said depending on what the ultrasound shows we will do a needle biopsy but there is a chance that it's too far down to get an accurate hit that we may have to do an incision biopsy. I think that really sparked my anxiety.

I had been doing pretty good up until Tuesday. I thought no news had to be good news - right. And it probably was. But when they called me back I didn't think much of it - I always had to go back with the mammos I had before. Then when they called me today it was like WHAM for some reason.

He asked me what I have told my dd about my appointments and I told him I was very upfront about them. But now this involves something I didn't even bring up to the doc. The lumps I found appear to be nothing and they are the outlinings that I just haven't felt before because I was so heavy. Losing this 41 pounds is defining areas I've never felt before. And she said it will continue but I should never be hesitant about calling if I feel something that isn't right to me.

I went home and cried. Then I called the hospital that my mom had both her biopsy's in and have requested the pathology reports. I need them, I just do. I also told my dh that depending on the outcome, I'm going to talk to the surgeon about a referral for gene testing. I can't keep going on the rest of my life worrying like this - not that that will definitely tell me anything but I have to do this now. The stress in itself that I'm putting myself through is not healthy at all - and it can spark other problems and issues. I'd rather have it straight up about the genes and possible genetics involved than going through the rest of my life worrying about this. Maybe I'm dumb thinking that but right now that's where I'm at.

So here I am - sitting and waiting like you all have done before. I'm sure this is going to spark 6 month checks for a while and if it doesn't with the docs, it will with me. There has clearly been some sort of change from 6 months ago. I need to keep on top of this.

Thanks for letting me have a place to come and talk about this. I'm still just blah now because of the anxiety and stress that hit me. And the waiting....UGH.

Thanks guys - and

Chris

 

[Pea-n-Me]

GAGWTA and nice stories, everyone. Ann, loved the pictures, too. Laurie, glad your DH found the nativity pieces, I imagine small victories mean a lot.

Amy, I know what you mean about some people.

This morning as I was about to do my workout, three women were talking across from me. The subject of breast cancer came up and I mentioned I was a survivor. One woman says her friend had it and "cured herself" using herbs while the others listening to her story were like "oh, really?". Later, the more I thought about it, I couldn't help but feeling kind of angry over her statement - thinking about what all of us have gone through fighting this beast; because I hate to see other people believe what she said to be true (like my friend in Walmart who's refusing herceptin); and because it somehow seems to imply that those of us who didn't "cure ourselves" were somehow not clever/informed/healthy (you name it) enough to do so. NOT!!

I managed to sputter something to the effect that everyone has to do what they believe is best in their situation (but what I really wanted to say was - those of us who truly understand this beast know that none of us are "cured" until the day we die of something else, really, but I was good and kept that one to myself. )

Keep meaning to tell you guys - remember that Walmart friend I mentioned a few weeks ago - the one that was refusing herceptin and instead injecting herself with some drug she buys off the internet from Canada? I'd asked if you thought I should give her the research articles on the benefits of herceptin...Well, I was going to and then this happened...

Shortly before our trip I ran into her again. She talked on and on (while she was ringing our order, LOL) about how bad the medical establishment was, and how she was now drinking some tea she also found off the internet. I listened to what she had to say, then started to say something when my DH looked at me like, don't bother, she's not going to listen. I did have to say - smiling - that I couldn't agree with her on the medical establishment piece of it because I happen to be one of them, and I know how we operate, etc... but she basically ignored me. Then out of the blue she says "I'm not worried about anything. My tea will take care of me. And even if I get something back I'm not going to do any of it any more". I kind of wanted to cry after I left the store, she bummed me out big time. But I then realized I just had to let it go...

While we were in WDW I saw a copy of USA Today and its headlines about herceptin benefits and I couldn't help but think of her. It makes me sad, but I don't think I can talk to her about any of it anymore seeing that every word out of her mouth goes against everything I believe in - and am. I even went to a different register the other night to avoid her which is not like me. I feel like I lost a friend.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Awww, Chris. It's completely understandable what you're feeling right now, especially after losing your mother to BC. A woman I work with, who's newly pregnant, was talking to me recently about her mother who died of colon ca and she starts bawling and apologizing. I can't even imagine what that must feel like. So to think of the possibility of yourself having BC must be like one of your worst fears coming true.

But let's think this through. First of all, it may not be cancer. But even so, the whole process of investigation is terrifying nonetheless. Your mother's case, if I recall, was metastatic fairly early on, wasn't it? So even worst case scenario, if what you have is cancer, that would not likely be the case with you. I believe it's 80% of all tumors are benign. But let's say it is cancer: your diagnosis is likely early, and treatment is improved since your mother fought her disease. We'll be right here with you as you work this out, what better group to hold your hand than us, right??

As far as gene testing, I believe it's Laura who has a friend who has a lot of information on that. I guess what you need to ask yourself is, is there anything you'd do differently if you knew you had the BC cancer gene? Prophylactic mastectomy? Some people who are at high risk do it regardless, and I believe insurance will pay for it since you've had "issues" with your breasts already if that's what you decide you want. There is some consideration you need to give to being identified if you do have the gene as far as insurability goes (though I'm not one to provide info on that since I don't know enough about it to do so, but just something to think about). I did not do testing but my cousin, who had BC the same time as me, did, and she was negative (there was never any BC in our family that we knew of prior to our having it). She paid something like $1700 out of pocket for the testing. I didn't do it because at that point I didn't see that it would change anything, but at the point your at I suppose it might. Tough decision, good luck with it.

Keeping you in my prayers, keep posting so we know how you're doing.

 

[Cruise04]

Thanks Linda. I have told myself over and over and over today that this is nothing. We are being proactive and making sure that it's nothing. But I'm also telling myself that I need to relax and wait until I hear more and know more. There's nothing I can do right now so I might as well relax and just wait.

We don't know if my mom's metasticized early. According to anything that was seen at first diagnosis it was only in her lymph nodes near that breast (I can't remember which breast it was). It was the second diagnosis and after her death that we found out it has metasticized (from the autopsy).

The size is small - probably about the size of a pinhead. And she said that if it was malignant that it's early and we have done the best I could ever hope for - getting it now rather than in a year. I just did a check on the clinic website and she her specialization is breast cancer surgery and diagnosis. I'm feeling very lucky right now and the headache that came about after I left the clinic, from the stress, now has lifted. It's like the air came into me and I relaxed. Weird, I know.

Thank you again.
Chris

 

[MNSusan]

Hello to everyone, and thank you for your good thoughts. I had my biopsy on Friday. It took much longer than I expected. It was a stereotactic core biopsy scheduled at 1:30p and I got out of there at 4:00p.

Both the tech and the radiologist, who were women, were great. They explained the procedure to me and asked me if I had any questions. I said, "Yes, will you sing Disney songs to me while you're doing it?" They laughed but it started a conversation about Disney World. Both of them had been there and we talked about it during the whole procedure.

The radiologist was able to remove all the microcalcifications and then inserted a titanium marker, in case I need a lumpectomy and/or radiation down the road.

I should find out the results on Wednesday. I'm still feeling very positive. I look at this as information gathering at this point. I made a personal connection with the staff at the Breast Care Center, and if I have to be there alot in the future, well, at least I like them!

GAGWTA

Susan

 

[laurabelle]

Amy- Good to hear from you! I couldn't agree more about what "those people" say...they have no idea how those words bring no comfort or hope.

Chris- I'm so sorry you are going through this. It is awful having this beast hanging over you. I hope and pray you get good news. Don't be afraid to ask for an antidepressant either, alot of my sistas take them. Yes, My friend runs F.O.R.C.E., a wonderful website full of info on hereditary bc and ovarian ca, if you're interested... www.facingourrisk.org

Linda- "My tea will take care of me."
It's tough to argue with someone who puts their faith in tea...

Laurie- Wow! That's a goosebump moment! I love nativities...the Christmas when I was dxed I left mine up until March!

I'm doing candy duty...Shelby, my 9 yr old is a dancer, so basically she raided her own closet! She has a dance t-shirt on and her jazz pants and a cool hat her sister gave her and jewelry! Chloé, 11, is wearing her Corpse Bride t-shirt that has a pic of a little dead girl from the movie and it says "Nobody wants to play with me", with a jean skirt, black& white striped stocking with Jack Skellington on them, a Jack do rag, and fingerless gloves. I told them they must bring me Reese cups, because I gave all mine away!

 

[NHAnn]

Chris...big hugs and prayers to you. That sounds so inadeqaute but comes from my heart

MNSusan...keep up the postive thoughts...I hope the wait goes fast and the news is good!

snappy...the nativity recovery brought tears to my eyes

It doesn't take much tonight....I had a really rough day at work, very upsetting...long story...and stupid really in the grand scheme of things but I left in tears and it has been a very very long time since I got that upset about a work issue. But I'm so tired of my collegues and me personally being treated the way we are by my boss' boss, and I made a comment that made that clear in a meeting and jaws dropped around he table and I'm sure there will be repercussions. I'm not sure WHY this is bothering me so...or if this IS what's really bothering me. SO, now that I've vented and rambled and totally confused you probably...I'll shut up about it.

Came home and three of the grandbabies came to Trick or Treat here in our neighborhood. THAT was fun!! I just don't know why I am still so teary tonight~

 

[MerryPoppins]

Ann, sorry you had a bad day. Hope tomorrow is better.

Chris and Susan you are both in my prayers.

The story about the nativity set made me cry!

Today's discussion has me thinking deeply. I'm thinking I may need to be more careful what I say. When I found out I had cancer my mom was with me. She had an aunt die from breast cancer, so she burst into tears and even though she never said it, I could see in her eyes that she expected me to die, too. What I needed most in the coming weeks was for people to reassure me that having cancer DIDN'T mean I was going to die. It seemed that all of my friends were in such shock that they needed me to reassure them. They were all shattered by my news. The fear in their eyes was almost too much to bear. That's why I'm so big on positive thinking. Staying up and looking at the bright side and laughing whenever possible kept me going. I'm guilty of assuring people that they can beat the beast - that they'll be okay. To me it's just an extension of positive thinking. I sincerely hope I haven't turned any of you off by saying that to you in the past. That's certainly not my intent if I have. And I can see where you guys are coming from. You'll be okay sounds almost like they aren't hearing what you are going through. That's not what I mean when I say that.

Hugs to all of you. I'm pulling for you all. GAGWTA!

 

[laurabelle]

~~~***GAGWTA sistas***~~~
Long and sexy and full of pixie dust...

Susan- I'm glad the biopsy went well. It sounds like you were in good, caring hands! I hope you get good news tomorrow.

Linda- Is this the tea your friend drinks? http://essiac-info.org/ My friend Lisa Porter drinks it, but she also does traditional meds. Her dad was at a produce stand and started talking to someone who swore it cured them. Lisa's onc said it was ok with her, so she drinks it. There is someone in our in-person support group who, except for her initial surgery (lumpectomy) only does alternative meds. The onc who she first saw excused herself from her case! That would be enough to scare the hell out of me! I know it's hard for you...it hurts to watch a friendship suffer over it.

Ann-You sound normal to me! I'm much more emotional now than before bc. I think after cancer, things that are unacceptable are much harder to tolerate. Life's too short and we know it.

MerryPoppins- "You'll be okay sounds almost like they aren't hearing what you are going through. That's not what I mean when I say that."
I think you hit the nail on the head. I'm a positive but realistic person. When I was being dxed, nobody, from the docs, to the nurses, ect, acknowledged that it could be bc, and yet I had to go through the testing, surgery and waiting to find out after my surgeon said he was 95% sure it wasn't bc, that indeed he was wrong. I don't think it helps us to be prepared for the possible reality that it might be cancer. It happens, people get diagnosed every day, and yet everyone acts shocked that it happens...

Having said all that, I think it also has alot to do with who is saying it and the spirit in which it's said. A friend of mine wrote this in her blog and I have said some of these comments myself, and never thought someone else might have taken it the wrong way... (I've edited the bad words, but I'm sure you sistas can figure it out! )

41 things not to say to a cancer patient..
and the comments they had wished they said.

I belong to the Young Survival Coalition. We have a message board on line that we use to discuss treatment, get understanding, talk about all the challenges we face, vent, and also laugh and make new friends. One of the girls started a discussion about stupid comments. What they had to say in return is even more funny. (or what they thought in their heads for the most part)

so, this is for someone that might get these comments thrown at them when going through cancer treatment. don't we always seem to think of stuff to say after the fact. right? so now you'll be prepared. (well, that is if you can remember the comeback with chemo brain and all)..

and its also to help others so they don't stick their foot in their mouths when talking to someone who has cancer. we know you don't know what to say...its all in good fun.


"the past is in the past and the future is unknown. you can only live in the present and that's why its a gift"

"you could step off the curb tomorrow and get hit by a bus" (not a good analogy, its like i'm standing blindfolded in the middle of the ***ing freeway with 100 of them coming at me) or (its like i already got hit by the bus and now its backing up over me)

"you gotta think positively" (ok, i'm positive i had cancer, and i'm positive that it wasn't fun)

"my (fill in blank here) had (fill in type here) cancer and that was (fill in number) years ago. you'll be fine"

"your lucky you didn't lose weight on chemo. (**** you!)

"so, your fine now right?"

"don't worry"

"so things are back to normal now right?"

"my grandmom died of that" (oh really, well **** you!) or (gee, is it hereditary?)

"they burned my so and so's heart and lungs when he had radiation"

"nice fro"

"God gives you what you can handle"

"what's your prognosis?"

"can i see what's going on under that hat"

"if anyone can beat it, its you" (no ****!)

"at least you got a good kind of cancer"

"if its not your time, its not your time" (then why bother with surgery and treatment? duh!)

"life is not fair" (thanks for the heads up, *******)

"every cloud has a silver lining"

"its just a bump in the road" (living with a cancer diagnoses, losing your hair, getting poison injected in your veins, having breast surgery, getting radiation, having old lady bones, being cautious for lymphodema, gaining weight, not sleeping well, having hot flashes, being depressed and anxious..is not just a bump - its a major ****ing mountain)

"remember lance"

"you gotta be like lance"

"lance beat cancer"

"just look at lance"

"wow, that went by fast, didn't it"? (um, yeah, two surgeries, chemo, radiation; 6 months have never flown by sooo quickly for me)

"i had a friend with cancer but i think her chemo was more intense than yours" (maybe i just didn't whine as much)

"just think, your done"! (done? I'm done?..i guess i'm done with cancer everyone. nothing left to do. How about hormonal therapy, all the side effects, more **** surgery and worrying for the rest of my life about recurrence. ****ing done my ***!)

"you look good bald" (***?)

"so was it (the cancer) bad?" (oh no, i had the good kind)

"did they catch it early?"

"wow, your head is really big"

"well, is it working"..(how am i supposed to know, its going to be a ****ing wait and see for the rest of my life, thank you very much)

"this is a treatable disease"

"you will be able to recover from this"

"you have a nice shaped head" (thanks)

"how do you know if its working" ( i die, if it didn't work)

"you know you can eat more curry, its supposed to kill cancer cells" (great tip)

"you'll be fine, you have a great attitude" (if attitude really matters then why did i get cancer in the first place? or does attitude only matter after you get cancer? right now my attitude about cancer is lousy. what does that mean?)

"if you really want to live, you will. just never give up. when people give up, they die" (if i were hit and killed by that bus would they think i died because i gave up?)

"i'll be thinking about you getting chemo while i'm laying on the beach", "have fun while i'm gone" ( i don't know what she was smoking, but i want some of that)

"well, just remember, its only temporary" or "don't worry, it will grow back" (doesn't help ***hole)

 

[NHAnn]

The fear in their eyes was almost too much to bear. That's why I'm so big on positive thinking. Staying up and looking at the bright side and laughing whenever possible kept me going. I'm guilty of assuring people that they can beat the beast - that they'll be okay. To me it's just an extension of positive thinking. I sincerely hope I haven't turned any of you off by saying that to you in the past.

Not turned off here at all MerryPoppins. I think one thing we all need to learn, and continue to learn, as we go along, is to figure out the best way for ourselves how to deal with/react to the comments and feelings of those around us. The close ones family and friends and then the acquaintance types, and even the total strangers. And we are (and they are) human and have moods and things hit us differently on different days too. I hope that for each other, we can say anything here, .....and that those reading will just kind of skip over things that don't sit right with them on a given day. I hope I'm expressing what I mean without offending anyone on this!

Laurabelle...I love some of those comeback comments in parenthesis

GAGAWTA...
....I'm off to work to attempt a better day there than yesterday!

 

[Pea-n-Me]

GAGWTA!

OMG, Laura, those were too funny - I love 'em!!

My personal favorite is #2.

Merry, I agree that it sounds dlfferent coming from someone who's had breast cancer and understands what the implications are. As we've all seen in our support groups and even here, we all have different coping styles and that's ok.

I know what you mean about having to help others be assured while you yourself were in treatment. I myself had a really hard time with that. My head was not in a good place, but I put on an upbeat and positive front for everyone else (I couldn't stand that look on their faces, either). Something inside me wasn't right, though, so that facade eventually came crashing down, and there came a time when I had to acknowledge and work through my deepest fears in order to let them go. Those few months were pure hell for me (and the steroids and menopause only made them worse). The only place I really felt safe to open up completely was in the office of my social worker at my support center because when I talked to most others, they'd (in a helpful spirit) try to "talk me out of it" (using many of the sayings Laura posted above, LOL). I now recognize that what I was going through at the time was a grieving process, and what I really needed was for people to just listen and acknowledge my fears. So I felt very isolated and scared at times in my journey but eventually, with the support of some truly wonderful people (who somehow meshed with my own coping style), worked it all out in my own head thankfully.

I don't think there are any right or wrong answers, it just "is what it is" and we all cope the best we can in our own personal ways, that's all. (I'm used to dealing with all kinds of coping styles and let me tell you, some people don't cope well at all. We're all doing just fine in comparison ).

Ann, I hope you have a better day at work today. I'm sure we all have days at work where we let off steam. A few weeks ago at work I completely lost it too (never with a patient, just with the frustrations of the inner workings of the hospital as they relate to patient care). I was in the right, but it didn't make me feel better later on when I thought about who I yelled at in the heat of the moment. I'm sure it doesn't help that your mother's been ill (how is she, btw?). Let us know how your day went.

We had a fun Halloween here, kids had a ball. Since it's their birthday month we always make a big deal out of this holiday. The house was lit up with orange lights and we placed pumpkin luminary bags all along the walkway. I'm going to try to post a picture of our pumpkins - Tink and Stitch - they came out a little blurry but I think you'll enjoy them anyway.

Snappy, my arm is swollen a bit, same time frame as last time I flew. I'm bumming. Why, oh why, did I forget to wear my sleeve on the plane ride home? I do NOT want to go to PT, I do NOT, I do NOT, I do NOT.

 

[MerryPoppins]

I also hope that none of you thought I was offended by what was said. I wasn't. Just thoughtful that maybe I wasn't saying the right things. I mean, you can't just assume that what helps you will be what helps someone else. And it's sort of hard to know, especially online when I am not talking to you face-to-face, what you really need to hear. Hmmmm. Something to think about. It's interesting to think about.

I LOVE that I can come here and say whatever is in my heart. Sometimes it's more difficult in real life. Thanks for being here for me.

 

[Laurajean1014]

Good Morning All!

Just checking in to say hello and wishing that everyone is feeling great!

 

[snappy]

Sorry, the nativity scene store made you wonderful ladies cry. Maybe this will lighten it up. I told my teens yesterday at breakfast that Daddy saved Baby Jesus. DD15 was mock horrified, she said I was being blasphemous.
I guess I do not have a career in comedy to look forward to in the future.

Sorry about your rough day at work Monday, Ann.

One of my New Orleans friends had dinner with me about a week ago. She had a similar explosion in a meeting when she was required to drive in from Houston for a meeting with no agenda and then drive back to Houston on the same day. She felt like the fact that she was an evacue traveling back and forth was ignored. Well her outburst triggered a change, she is no longer required to try and work out of Houston when she is working for a doc in Covington, LA (north of N.O.). They also moved her up the list to get an apartment uptown in New Orleans. In the meantime she has an unfurnished apartment here in Baton Rouge that she uses to crash in and store recovered household stuff. She is relieved she was not fired. I personally don't think her employer is that foolish, they need her more now than ever.

Laura, loved your post with the things people say to cancer patients. I think MOST people mean well, but honestly sometimes they should pause and think about what they are saying. With all the books about cancer treatments and cancer survivor stories, maybe we need a short, readable book designed to guide people when they try and encourage/sympathesize with cancer patients and survivors. Some docs could benefit from this book as well.

Merry, I agree with you about the value of having a place to post whatever. I don't think we need to walk on eggs here so to speak. Like Linda said we all have a different way of coping, we are all the product of very different upbringings and cancer experiences.

I hesitate a bit to post here about considering reconstruction when several of you are waiting for results or trying to decide the next step. I think I am lucky to be doing well but I am constantly aware of what Linda said (I read this in a book over the weekend) that you know you are cured when you die of something else. Knowing recurrence is possible if not probable in my case, do I waste my energy and quality time with my family trying to recover from major surgery? I saw a plastic surgeon yesterday, He was OK. He siad my best choice is a free tram. I am bothered by the fact he only does about 20 of these a year. He does have a partner assist who also has done a number of these, they assist each other on these whenever possible.
I am going to see doc in another group Friday, I am hoping he does more of them.

There are two docs in New Orleans who do exclusively DIEP procedures, up to 7-8 a week, according to their office. I wonder though how wise it would be right now to try and go with them with all the disruption, they have relocated their offices, they are working at different hospitals, etc. They are also not in network, my out of pocket will be at least twice as much, perhaps more. I may just wait a while, I am hoping that a local doctor will become trained in this. Good thing is time is on my side here, there is no real pressure.

In the meantime I have to get my BP under control, can't have surgery when it is uncontrolled. I have been careful with my sodium, trying to exercise, watching my weight. What I find though is I am not coping well with stress, especially in regards to my teens. My latest stressor is practice driving with DD15. DH has told her a number of times that he will drive with her, not me, as I get so anxious. She still pressures me to let her, and I am the one that is doing carpooling, and she harps on that. She knows about the BP issue, she is just very headstrong.

 

[Amy]

Merry Poppins - I'm not offended by anything you've said on these boards. (I think I'm the one who got this whole thing started about what people say.) I've noticed that the folks on this board are very sensitive when responding. We all realize that everyone's body reacts differently to treatments, and every cancer is different. 99.9% of the responses here usually start out with "when I was being treated, this is what it was like" and don't sound like they're being unrealistically optimistic. The girl I was talking about yesterday didn't have a clue about cancer and how terrible it can be. I, too, like an optimistic approach to cancer treatment, but there's a difference between saying "this is tough, you can get through it" and "don't worry, you'll be fine" if you know what I mean.

Laurabelle - I LOVE your list of comments and replies. Oh, how I wish I'd said some of those comebacks!!

My dog Sheba had her lumpectomy yesterday - we have to wait 5-10 days for the biopsy results. I sure hope she doesn't have cancer! Today we "girls" are just going to take it easy. I might tackle setting up a wireless network between my computer and the boy's computer. If you don't see me on the boards for a while, you know I had some problems with the network!

GAGWTA! Have a good day - it's nice and sunny here in Pittsburgh!