Dinner Guest Question - WWYD?

[MareQ]

There's someone coming over to our house for dinner, a friend of the family, so we are all eating together. This lady is a vegetarian, but the only thing she does not eat is red meat, she will eat poultry and fish.

Anyway, my mom's cooking, but is making it with a mixture of ground beef and turkey. This is not something our friend would eat if she knew there was red meat in it, but my parent's don't plan on telling her, and have told me not to.

So my question is should I listen to my dad, and not say anything, since according to him, she "won't notice." Or should I tell her, since I know eating meat is something she's against?

She is not against eating meat she doesn't eat red meat. She is also NOT a vegetarian.

 

[dzneprincess]

tell your guest

 

[SpaceGirl]

I would remove myself from the diner, I would let your Mother be responsable for the deception.

 

[Carly_Roach]

I would but she already mixed the two before I knew what she was doing.

I just read this. OK, so your mother's determined to go on her route of tricking the guest. You now have a few choices:

Excuse yourself from the dinner.

Tell the vegetarian guest and create a further rift between you and your parents.

Say nothing and suck it up, knowing that you'll be part of the deceit.

This is life. Some choices are not easy. But complaining about something someone else has done without taking action to correct the situation isn't one of them. If you're expecting me to pile onto your mother when you could have altered the situation (and still can before the guest arrives), I'm sorry but you're not going to get that.

You are not a helpless victim in this: you can STILL correct the situation.

 

[bicker]

Okay, please ignore this message if you find it upsetting.... (highlight to view) I was a little unsure about my earlier concerns and advice, and here's why. A vegetarian eats no meat: No fish, no chicken, no pork, no beef. So this guest isn't really a vegetarian; her dietary choices, therefore, probably don't have an ethical underpinning, but perhaps have a preferential or health-oriented underpinning. I know a lot about both of those (see my personal website for details regarding my own health-oriented concerns). I personally equate a health-oriented foundation with an ethical foundation, and believe that hosts should conscientiously and honorably seek to respect both. However, if this is just a preference, I think it is not inappropriate to ask a guest to a family dinner to partake of what the family is partaking of, rather than expecting a meal customized to the guest's personal preferences. When in Rome... Making a guest feel welcome in a family home does not extend to changing the family's normal fare, in response to a guest's preference. Now, that doesn't excuse being deceptive: The guest shouldn't be tricked, either by misinformation or by omission of information, into eating something that the guest may prefer to simply pass on. The guest should be told what is being served, before the meal, and have the choice to partake of it, or just partake of the other dishes (presumably there will be vegetables and such) solely. Okay, all done here. Again, apologies, in advance, to those who feel that they are what I have said they're not, by implication.

 

[HelenePA]

Please tell. Its making me sick that people would trick this person.

 

[disneyfav4ever]

This is life. Some choices are not easy. But complaining about something someone else has done without taking action to correct the situation isn't one of them. If you're expecting me to pile onto your mother when you could have altered the situation (and still can before the guest arrives), I'm sorry but you're not going to get that.

You are not a helpless victim in this: you can STILL correct the situation.

Do you think I'm looking for sympathy? I'm not. Nor am I complaining, I'm simply looking for advice.

 

[disneyfav4ever]

I think I am definatly going to say that there is meat in the dish. I know my dad told me not to tell, but I just can't sit there and say nothing. My sister agrees with me on this one too.

 

[Carly_Roach]

I think I am definatly going to say that there is meat in the dish. I know my dad told me not to tell, but I just can't sit there and say nothing. My sister agrees with me on this one too.

Then you have your answer and advice. Good luck.

 

[disneychrista]

Yes you must tell her. If this was me, you would no longer be my friend if you didnt tell me.

 

[JR6ooo4]

Yes you must tell her. If this was me, you would no longer be my friend if you didnt tell me.

whomever knows and does not inform may no longer be able to consider the guest a friend.


Mikeeee

 

[KikiFan]

A) Tell the friend. What your mother is doing is wrong, deceitful, really dirty.

B) Tell the friend she's not a vegetarian - they don't eat meat. period.

 

[autumnbaby9]

I didn't know vegetarians could eat poultry and fish .

 

[disneyfav4ever]

Okay, I didn't start this thread to argue about what makes a vegetarian a vegetarian. Regardless of what our friend does, or does not eat, my mom was well aware of the fact that this friend does not eat red meat, when she made the invitation. It shouldn't be a problem to make something else, but my mom's just stubbron with what she wants to make.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I know several people that are allergic to ground beef. She may not it for health reasons.
Your parents are clueless.

 

[ckay87]

Okay, I didn't start this thread to argue about what makes a vegetarian a vegetarian. Regardless of what our friend does, or does not eat, my mom was well aware of the fact that this friend does not eat red meat, when she made the invitation. It shouldn't be a problem to make something else, but my mom's just stubbron with what she wants to make.

I think people were just correcting your terminology, no big deal. I am curious, so you'll have to come back to let us know how everything turns out.

I'll just say that, for me, eating the wrong types of foods (often including hamburger) can put me in the ladies room for a while. This is the reason that I sympathize with your friend. If she is not a real vegetarian (in that she does eat other types of meat), she just might have health issues which prevent her from eating red meat. And hamburger is especially nasty on the digestive system if you're not used to eating it.

 

[bicker]

I think people were just correcting your terminology, no big deal.

I wouldn't assume this was the OP's terminology in question, but rather that of the friend-of-the-family's. Many people call themselves vegetarians without meeting the actual criteria. Heck, you can call yourself what you want AFAIC -- I think the only distinctions that are important is the one I highlighted in my earlier message (the one you needed to highlight to read, i.e., ethical versus health versus preference).

 

[Talking Hands]

There's someone coming over to our house for dinner, a friend of the family, so we are all eating together. This lady is a vegetarian, but the only thing she does not eat is red meat, she will eat poultry and fish.

Anyway, my mom's cooking, but is making it with a mixture of ground beef and turkey. This is not something our friend would eat if she knew there was red meat in it, but my parent's don't plan on telling her, and have told me not to.

So my question is should I listen to my dad, and not say anything, since according to him, she "won't notice." Or should I tell her, since I know eating meat is something she's against?

First she is not vegetarian. Second she will notice the hamburger and what your Mom is doing is just plain rude and mean. Let Mom explain why she lied to her friend. It's not your responsibility.

 

[Mkrop]

I would tell the guest. Your mom is being ruge. Is dinenr tonight? Cant you run out and get something to add to the meal that would be suitable for your guest?

 

[disneyfav4ever]

I wouldn't assume this was the OP's terminology in question, but rather that of the friend-of-the-family's. Many people call themselves vegetarians without meeting the actual criteria. Heck, you can call yourself what you want AFAIC -- I think the only distinctions that are important is the one I highlighted in my earlier message (the one you needed to highlight to read, i.e., ethical versus health versus preference).

Exactly. I do know what a vegetarian is. And while our friend is a "vegetarian," she is not a "real" vegetarian, if that makes any sense. I had a friend in college who called herself a vegetarian, but she would eat bacon and pepperoni.

I also know what a vegan is - no dairy or anything like that either, and I have friends who are vegan as well.