Dilemma

[Jamie77]

Help! I've been planning a trip to WDW for next month since March. At the last minute my sister decides she wants to go. She has no job, no money (except a credit card that she is anticipating anyday now with a $200 limit). To top it off, she's bringing her soon to be 10-month old with us. Now, I have a room reserved at Pop Century for me and my two friends (one who's never been to WDW). It's already going to be an extra $10 per day for that extra adult and with my sister coming, that will be an extra $30 that she doesn't have (nor what I want to spend). My friends and I were planning to hit all four parks with MYW hopper tickets totalling $164 each (I have an AP). How do I explain to my sister (without getting her angry) that she can't go? It's not like she has extra money in the bank and she plans to max out that new credit card - which is a bad idea in itself. She cannot possibly afford to buy tickets for the days we'll be park hopping, pay $30 for her share of the room, and have money for food. It will also be hot in July and a baby will put a halt to our mobility. She also has a history of bailing out on paying her share of expenses when we go anywhere requiring an overnight stay or paying for entrance to a park. I love my little neice and would love for her to be there, and if my sister had the money to go without causing me any extra expenses it would be no problem at all. I'm not a Scrooge, I just don't have the extra cash and I don't like to be used. What do I say?

 

[ckoncurat]

Give her a budget. Sounds like you will need an extra room. Itimize the costs for her, and see if she can really afford it it.

 

[AdventurerKat]

If you had this trip planned with your friend, your sister should understand that that's who you had it planned for. No one should feel they have a right to just invite themselves on your trip, especially when then they don't have the money to afford it in the first place.

Just tell her you were hoping to have this trip as an "adults only" trip and that maybe sometime in the future you can plan a trip with her and the baby together.

 

[gypsydoodlebug]

I don't blame you a bit. She's probably hoping you'll "help" out.

I'd use the "this is an adult's only trip" route, as well. Tell her there's no room in the room for her child (esp. since the baby will need a crib) and that you've planned trips to PI, etc. And it's going to be REEAALLYY hot. My DD22mos. sweated a bunch last week.

You can also tell her you'll plan a family trip sometime soon...

So sorry for the additional stress. Is she friends with your two friends as well? It may be that she just doesn't want to be left out.

 

[jltwdw]

I know how hard it is to tell someone, especially family, something you don't want to...I am terrible at this. However, you have all the right reasons to tell Sis "NO". I'm sure she is feeling very left out, but at this point in her life she must put baby first. A commando visit to WDW with all adults is no place for an almost 10 month old. You will have to do baby-swap for rides, she will be miserable in the July heat, and you will be resentful of Sis for slowing you down. Not to mention the fact that Sis can't afford it and you will end up footing the bill. A couple suggestions (1) blame the friends...tell Sis that they just don't want to share this trip (2) promise Sis a future trip with just the three of you, maybe when Neice is a little older and the weather will not be so brutal. Sorry I don't have more to offer you but moral support. Good luck!

 

[Taja]

Definitely go the "adults only," commando touring route and play up the small size of PC rooms. It's going to be a snug fit for 3 adults; adding a fourth and a crib would be absolutely miserable.

As a back-up, put together the costs for her to have her own room, tickets, etc. And some how work in quite gently that you have been saving for your trip for xxx amount of time and can't possibly help her with her expenses.

Then suggest you plan a family trip in cooler weather (next spring?) and work toward saving for your expenses simultaneously. Note I did not say saving together! Discuss it with her, determine number of days, type of lodging, tickets & transportation and set up a budget.

If she whines, let her know you love her but can't afford to support her!

 

[Cheshire Figment]

I agree with everyone else, but also you will need to point out that the value resort rooms are only 260 sq ft with two double beds, including the bathroom. It can be crowded for two,difficult for three (adults) and impossible for four adults.

Second this is that a "poor risk" credit card normally has an application fee, a startup fee, and a monthly fee associated with it; these are normally taken off the top so if she gets it, and checks online, she will probably find that $80 of her $200 limit is already used.

I would tell her that taking care of her sone, and being sure food will be available, is currently her highest priority. Tell her that her share of the room is not the $10.00 extra adult charge but 1/4 of the room and tax (maybe even higher due to the space taken by the crib). Go to www.allearsnet.com and show her some menus from places you are planning to eat, and reminder of the cost of the tickets. I assume you are driving, and point out to her she will be responsible for more than 25% of the gas and also the car may not have room for five with luggage for a long trip.

Last of all, come up with an estimagte for her total share (at least $500) and tell her bluntly that due to her history of bailing out of shared expenses you want the full amount in cash up front.

 

[Shagley]

Also, you don't owe her a detailed explaination. Just tell her that you would love to go with her and your niece sometime, but it won't work out for her to go with you right now. Tell her to start saving her money and you will plan another trip with her and the baby in the fall or spring (whenever you can afford it again) when the weather won't be so hot for the baby. That way she will have time to save money.

 

[Gillian]

You can also tell her that it's rather difficult to go with a baby that age. They can't walk, get heavy to carry & there are a lot of places you can't take a stroller. More than you'd think!

Plan another trip when the baby is walking!

I hope this works out for you!

 

[buzz2400]

If I was your friend and you told me that your sister was now going with us with a small child, I would be outraged. I would definitely not let her go on this trip. I don't want to sound mean or anything but in all fairness to your friends, they are shelling out their share of the costs too. Tell your sister to start saving money and you can start planning another trip with just her.

 

[vanyel]

Jamie77,

Stick to your guns on this one! I agree with the other posters. First of all, you won't have room for another adult and a baby + she has to have the money. Why don't you encourage her to help you plan a trip for the 3 of you in the future? Sit down with her and go over the expenses and start a saving plan.

But, no one will have a good time if you let her come. Your friends will be unhappy and you'll feel like you're responsible for everyone so you won't have a good time. Plus it sounds like you'll end up paying for her expenses and it doesn't sound like you can.

Be strong and don't cave in! Family members don't have permission to push you around!

 

[MKCP5]

No offense, but this is your trip. Not hers. She cannot "decide" that she is coming along. It is not her decision to make. You would have to ALLOW her to come with you. You do not have to be the martyr here. If you don't have the spine to say no to her , blame it on your other friends. They don't want to share w/ another person. They don't want a baby in the room, etc etc etc I would be angry if I were your friends and you said yes to your sister without consulting me. It is their vacation too! Don't be a victim. Your sister will get over it. Particularly if you offer all those nice things everyone else has said like planning a trip together etc

 

[ceecee]

Tell her she can't go. If I had a friend bring a sister AND a baby along on a trip planned for adults, I too would be outraged. Consider your friend's! Or be nice and tell her you will need to get a seperate room (POP has a limit of 4) and she will need to put that on her charge in advance. She will then understand she can't afford it. 3 adults in a value resort is already stretching it!

 

[crisi]

Make SURE this is OK with your friends. I have to say that if I were paying for a hotel room and sharing with my friends and one of their sisters invited herself along with a baby, I'd have a BIG problem. I'm not against sharing a hotel room, but with people I choose. If it isn't, you have a good reason right there - "sorry sis, I'd love to have you along, but I am splitting the room with Diane and Barb and they really don't want a forth (especially with a baby). If you want to book your own room, that's your business."

And if she insists (and your friends don't nix it), make her pay her share of the room up front, including taxes. Before you do that, itemize out her expenses. Be very clear that you will NOT be paying for anything for her, and that if she comes and can't afford tickets, she will sit in the room. If she can't afford to eat, you will pack a few boxes of instant oatmeal for her. She won't starve, but she WILL be responsible for herself and her own expenses.

It sounds to me (and I may be reading too much) that your sister is manupulating you because you "don't want to get her angry." Maybe I'm not as nice as you are, but I don't care if I make someone who invites themselves along on my vacation and I suspect will stick me with the bill angry. I'd already BE angry.

 

[Merandab4]

I agree with the other posters.

I would tell your sister that you don't want her coming on this trip, because you would rather her save her money for another trip when you can devote more time to her and her baby. Tell her that you and your friends pretty much have your vacation all planned out as too what you will be doing and where you will be eating, and you don't want your sister to feel left out.

Also, the room is a huge issue. I heard value rooms are small enough as it is, let alone 4 adult AND a baby. Tell her that you have no problem sharing the room with her on the NEXT trip, but seeing that you planned THIS trip with your friends, you need to be considerate of them as well. And having them share a crowded room with a baby is not how they wish to spend there vacation. besides, when the baby starts to cry, there is not a whole lot of room there to get away from it.

I don't know if I would accuse her of not having enough money to go. I would play up the "Disney is such a magical place and I want to be able to experience it with you and my neice in full. This trip I just can't do that. Besides, just think of all the more money you will be able to save between now and our next trip. You will be sure to show your daughter a nice time"

See how that works. Let us know what happens! Good Luck!

 

[tekmom]

do whatever makes you comfortable and enjoy your trip.

 

[EthansMom]

Either you really don't want sister to go. In which case, you tell her, "I'm sorry, we're really planning a Girls Only trip. Maybe you could go along next time."

I also agree with crisi -- I would not be willing to change from planning a fun Girls trip to suddenly having to put up with someone else's baby crying in the middle of the night and slowing me down. (Don't get me wrong -- I have young kids and love them, but wouldn't want to pay for one thing and get another!) Really, I would tell sis, "My friends and I have been planning a fun trip where we're going to cut wild for a few days and they aren't going on vacation to be around someone else's baby." If sis has a problem, it's her fault for being presumptuous, not yours for saying no.

If you (and your friends) don't mind if your sister and baby go, but aren't willing to pay for her share, tell her now how much it's going to cost: she'll need to pay for 1/4 of the room at X dollars, her park tickets at $164, she'll need about Y dollars per day for food, and she'll need to pay for 1/4 of the gas costs (if everyone is splitting gas and there is room for her and the baby -- if there isn't room, then she will have to meet you down there on her own). Don't front her any money -- tell her you'll need the money for the room up front because you want to pay the room in full before you arrive (ask the same from your friends).

You could add sis to the trip at the last minute since you could add someone else to your room at the last minute and she doesn't have to get tickets until you arrive. But by my estimates, she'll need approximately $450 which it sounds like she doesn't have. Just make sure you don't pay anything for her -- if she doesn't have it, she doesn't go.

Best of Luck!

 

[lynn71092]

I agree, especially since one of your friends has never been to WDW. What a bummer their first time experience would be with a hot and cranky baby crying all the time. And your sister will hardly be able to go on any rides with a small baby. Don't mess up your friends trip. It's their money too. Just tell her NO!!

 

[shakespeare]

I agree with the other posts. Explain how much everything costs and how is she going to pay for her credit card bill when she gets back? Adult only trip is the way to go.

 

[lizziepooh]

Just tell her "sorry, it won't work out for this trip." I too would have very strong feelings about not wanting an "adult friends trip" turning into a trip with a baby in a tiny room. Since Sis doesn't have a job or any money, she probably needs to be spending her time looking for a job instead of taking a trip. It would not be doing her any favors to encourage her to run up bills on a credit card under these circumstances.