Dilemma re visiting relatives??

[amystevekai&bump]

Hi!!! Having booked all my hotels and planned my itinerary down to the last detail, I am now feeling very guilty that I haven't allotted any time in to visit my half brother and step mom in Clearwater.

Last year we ended up meeting them at a dude ranch for the day, (somewhere they were staying on their own holiday) and it was fine as there was lots to do, and we didn't have to do much sitting around talking!! (I know it sounds bad, but we rarely speak on the phone, so haven't a lot in common - our only real link was my dad and he unfortunately died in 2001, so the day was also quite sad as it brings up a lot of upsetting memories )

Anyway, I don't feel I can be in Florida and not tell her, but I know Steve especially won't want her deciding to join us in Orlando for days at a time!!

Do you think it would be acceptable if we just chose say a Saturday and drove down to Clearwater to surprise them?? I know we run the risk that they won't be there, or are busy, but at least we won't have them taking over the rest of our holiday??

As I am writing this I feel really selfish, and wondering whether I should just phone her and tell her our plans and ask to pop down for the day?? (although it will be their school holidays too - so there is a real chance she will want to come to Orlando too!!)

What do you think???

 

[stevechase]

Hi Amy

To be honest, it is your holiday, its cost a lot of money no doubt, so you should really do (and tell) what you want. You say you speak to them, so you keep in touch and you know they are ok I guess. I wouldnt worry to much and enjoy your hols.

I think we all wory and concern ourselves sometimes with other people and should concentrate more on our own lives. oooh, bit deep that!

Just my thoughts as I scoff my B&E sarny!

Steve

 

[scottish mum]

No I don't think you are being selfish. I would be doin the same as I wouldn't want to be stuck with people on holiday I didn't know very well.

I would maybe go and just give them a call a few days before your holiday finishes and see if they are able to meet up then. That way even if they decide to come over to you, you will only have a couple of days left so they can't then spoil your holiday. Just tell them you got a real late deal and didn't know you were going.

 

[amystevekai&bump]

thank you both for your replies!!

Steve (DH) agrees that it should be just our holiday, although he does always relent and agree to seeing Maria (my stepmom), but only if we do so early on - he likes to get it over and done with so that he can enjoy the rest of our holiday!!

I guess my guilt comes from how she really looked after my dad when he was sick, and I know that my dad would want me to visit her. Its just a shame its such hard work!!!

I was thinking of asking if we could pop to see her for the day before we join the cruise (she has mentioned in the past that she would like to go on the DCL with us!! - Steve is REALLY against that!! - So I guess I would have to hope that the extortionate christmas prices will put her off that idea!!)

Maybe you are right, I could leave it really late to tell her and then she might not be able to book anything??!!

thanks again!!

 

[stevechase]

I understand how awkward it is, but we all do so much throughout the year for other people or with other people in mind, worry about upsetting and all that. When we go away, thats it, me, Jac and the 3 sprouts, just us no one else, its our time together.

I know its difficult, but look at the rest of the year, and I 'd like to bet you that most of us do very little just for ourselves.

To be honest, the bloody world could end for me, when I'm on holiday (well apart from 47sq miles in central Fl).

Steve

 

[Shazzie B]

thank you both for your replies!!

I guess my guilt comes from how she really looked after my dad when he was sick, and I know that my dad would want me to visit her. Its just a shame its such hard work!!!

I was thinking of asking if we could pop to see her for the day before we join the cruise

Maybe you are right, I could leave it really late to tell her and then she might not be able to book anything??!!

thanks again!!

I think the 'guilt' (not that you'd have anything to be guilty about - but you know what us women are like!) would spoil your holiday if you didn't pop and see her-I'd do what you suggest and let her know a couple of weeks before you go and ask if you can pop and see her for a couple of hours.

 

[Pinky166]

I personally would either not tell them or call them whilst you are in WDW & say can we pop over to see you (on whatever day you choose) that way if they are busy then you have tried but oh well theres always next time or if they say yes then as you are going to them you can leave when you want to and are not tied in to spending a whole day.

At the end of the day as others have said, it's your holiday & it costs a lot of money so why spend time doing things that a) are uncomfortable b) make you sad & c) something you clearly don't want to do.

I understand you feel your dad would have want you to visit but things are different now he isn't there too. I am sure he would want you to spend your holiday doing what you enjoy.

 

[DVC_Princess]

Hi! I personally don't think you should feel guilty at all and I prob wouldn't call them or tell them. You said that you don't talk that often so it doesn't seem necessary that you would tell them your travel plans.

Also if it makes you feel any better, we have tons of relatives in Florida (in-laws, uncles, cousins, etc.) all in different cities (some closer to Orlando than others) and we very rarely stop by to see them when we're in the state (maybe once or twice over the last 15 yrs).

The way we see it is that it's our vacation and we don't want to spend it visiting family. I know some people think visiting family is a vacation, but personally we'd rather be in Disney than sitting around watching TV w/ our relatives. We do visit them occassionally (and they visit us), but not as part of our "real" vacation. It's a personal choice, but don't feel guilty about doing what's best for you

 

[Ware Bears]

call them whilst you are in WDW & say can we pop over to see you (on whatever day you choose)

This is what I'd also suggest.

 

[Clare D]

What a tricky dilemma to find yourself in. I wouldn't feel guilty if you don't tell her. As you mentioned she looked after your dad when he was ill but she was his wife so that shouldn't leave you feeling guilty, especially as you don't speak with her that often.
Seeing family should be something that you look forward to and if it is something that you are going to dread doing is it worth really doing?

We have a family wedding in Chicago before our family holiday where we will see the MIL but then we all head down to Florida after. I have told DH I don't mind arranging the odd night out (we are staying on site them off) but nothing more as this is our holiday.

Hope you decide on what's best for you

 

[amystevekai&bump]

thanks everyone for their kind replies!!

You are right, this is our family holiday and I need to consider them first and foremost.

I have had another look at the itinerary and there are a few days when we have a hire car that I have condensed a little bit, so we can have one free day at a weekend that I have pencilled in as a possible day trip to Clearwater!!

Steve isn't keen, so as you suggest I am not going to tell my stepmom anything about the trip, and then if when we get there I still feel the need to go down there (and if it doesn't stop us doing anything else) then I may take a trip down there to 'surprise' her!!

That way I have made an effort, and if they have appointments etc I won't be able to get upset (they are just as likely to have appointments even if I tell her we are coming!!) - plus if they aren't even there we could drop off some christmas presents to show we had been there and then go to the beach for the day!!

Whether as it gets nearer the trip I will be able to NOT tell her is another thing, but I will hold out as long as possible so that she can't all of a sudden book the cruise (DH REALLY would HATE that!!)

thanks again for all your comments and support - much appreciated!!