Difficult in-laws

[jdads2]

OK, so I love my in-laws but they have been less than cooperative during these planning stages of our December trip.

Apperently they don't quite understand that some of our reservations and PS's are time sensitive. Just because we gave them several books and websites to look at just to familiarize themselves with the fabulous world of WDW, why would we expect them to do so.

I understand that not everyone has the same enthuisiasm of WDW as we do, but I was hoping that they would get some information so as to make it nicer for their grandkids to share experiences with them. Maybe get some input as to what they wouldl like to do while we're there. You know, maybe what restaurants they would like to try, what shows.

It just seems that they are trying to resist the possiblity that they might have a very good time.

So here is my question:
Should I tell them that they took so long deciding what days they were going to be with us that WDW is sold out?

OK just kidding...really.

I'm not that upset. No matter who comes with us to the world we have 1 steadfast rule:

"It's OUR vacation. We work hard during the year, we work different shifts and different days so that one of us is can be with our kids 24/7/365. When we have family time together we'll be happy to share our time with you, but we do what we want, when we want."

Anyone else have difficult vacation buddies?

 

[Tiggerkeeper]

Your post made me laugh! In 1997 we took in laws to WDW for a Christmas trip. MIL wanted to do every show, watch every parade and sit on every bench or hang out at the resort (not doing anything just hanging out)!! I have two teenagers who were not amused! Okay, so we do go every year and the kids have "outgrown" shows and parades (they say). And I did offer to take the kids elsewhere while in laws went to show etc. to no avail she wouldn't go anywhere we weren't. But the explosion came in Epcot on our last day in the parks when MIL wanted to eat a burger, with all of the fabulous places to eat she wanted to eat a burger. FIL, DH, kids wanted to try something new - an adventure but, no we had a burger and went back to the resort without doing anything else. She is a piece of work when she gets her feelings hurt. We laugh about it now but at the time is wasn't very funny!

We learned an important lesson.....in order to enjoy vacation we go just the four of us or we take a friend for each child!!!

 

[sue1013]

Tigger, I too learned that lesson after 1 trip with my inlaws. We go to WDW at least once a year, the inlaws would always say "why are you going again wish we had the money to go on vacation so much". Believe me these people have no money troubles they are just cheap. Finally my husband said Ok you come with us for a week on us. They himmed and hawed like they were doing us a favor. I had to tell them to make up their minds or they wouldn't get a room. They decide that they'll go. My father inlaw wanted to stay in the room and watch tv the entire time. Mother in law liked to walk or sit on a bench but not do anything. The worst was all they did was complain about the prices of everything and they didn't spend a penny the entire week!! Never again with them. I felt bad for my husband trying to keep the peace sometimes I would just have to walk away. We have gone with brothers and sisters in law but upfront told them don't feel they have to be with us every moment and we all had a great time (alone and together).

 

[LadyAurora]

We often wish my parents would come to Disney with us, but after reading this thread, maybe it's best that they don't! I do wish they chould see how much Disney has changed in the 20 years since they visited, but Mom doesn't like to walk much, doesn't like to be hot, and won't ride anything fast or "spinny." Dad used to ride all the coasters but had heart surgery this year. I think they would enjoy the different foods at all the nice resaurants more than we do (being fussy eaters), but I can't see them paying the prices. I guess we just have to realize that not everyone is going to love WDW as much as we do. And that's OK.

 

[Growin'upDisney]

Let me say that from my own experiences and reading some posts here that it's not just in-laws that cause these problems. My DH and I have traveled on several vacations with my mother and step-father (which I guess are my DH's in-laws when you think about it) Now I have a young mom who had me at 20 and then she re-married a younger man, meaning my step-father is only a few years older than me and my husband. So we all enjoy many of the same things - Disney is an obsession in my family. As a CA resident I have been to Disneyland over 30 times - most of those time with my mom. But to put it kindly - my mom can sometimes be...moody. and it makes others feel like they have to walk on eggshells. Not a great way to spend any of your vacation. But you have to be prepared for things when traveling with family.

There are two mentalities you can take. 1) that everyone will do everything together and just "go with the flow" and be compromising or 2) that you do what you want when you want and whoever comes along can come along as long as you are doing exactly what you want to do. But remember while it is "your" vacation it usually is the other parties vacation as well. Take into account that if you asked them to come along or vice versa, its usually becasue they want to spend time with you or you with them.

If you feel you are going to run into problems with others, my suggestion is to plan a basic itennerary and schedule together time and "free" time so that everyone gets a little of everything on the trip.

Good luck!!

 

[Steve Hurley]

Had the same situation and ... left them home. No time for BS when you are spending that much money. DW (her parents) said it was the 2nd best decision I ever made... after the one to marry her of course!!!!!!!!!

 

[ryansmom]

So I'm not the only one dealing with difficult relatives!!! The minute they found out we were planning a Disney trip they wanted to come along. Next time we will keep our mouths closed and send them a postcard!!!!

 

[safetymom]

I wish I had inlaws that wanted to spend time with me and my kids. They never really bothered when my husband was alive but hoped after my husband died they would.

Why not just mention that you have dinners planned for your family? Ask them if they want to join in. If they don't let them do their thing while you go off to have family fun.

You all don't have to do everything together to create wonderful memories at WDW. Sometimes it is the simple unplanned things that create the wonderful memories.

 

[Selket]

I wouldn't mind the inlaws that like to sit around at the hotel all day as long as they'd take care of my youngest son! I'd be happy to have a babysitter along

But seriously, my husband isn't a big fan of disney so having him along is kinda like your problem. However he tries to grin and bear it!

 

[jwsqrdplus2]

I am kind of in between on this one! DH's dad and step-mom will do anything I plan. Mainly because I am an anal retentive planner and I have the only blood grandkids (step mom has kid and grandkids from her previous marriage). Of course, they also love me to death, so that helps (I love them too!). DH's mom will also follow me anywhere (that only grandkid thing weighs in pretty heavy; I'm screwed when SIL has kids! LOL)

On the other hand, my parents are set in their ways. Despite the fact that I have the only grandkids there too, my folks will not bend to the kids schedule. So with them, I would be better off setting a few "family" things during the vacation, then letting them (and us) do their own thing in between. My folks would probably hang for a day with us totally, then they would want to do their own thing, but would meet us for dinner.

Either scenario, I can deal. As anal a planner that I am, I can deal with (plan for??) spontanaity. Our most recent trip (Aug 2003) consisted of which park which day, 5 PSs for a 6 day trip, and a list of things DD4.5 wanted to see/ride. We managed to do everything she wanted (and several I was not expecting), as well as time to soak in the Disney magic. We were not in a hurry, ever, sinc we had planned our PSs well enough. In fact we checked in early most of the time without a worry.

Bottom line: know your family and work with/around them if you are going to vacation with them.

 

[franw]

There are some people who go to WDW and add to the great time and there are others that suck the joy out of it, either by complaining or indifference. If I were you I just wouldn't say a word until they make up their minds. The way WDW ressies are filling up you might not have to worry about it. I don't think there is anything worse than going on a trip to WDW, all the planning and money spent, and have to worry about whether someone else is having a good time. My husband, who has many wonderful qualities, is only invited under special circumstances much to his relief. When he does go I plan the entire trip around his idea of a good time which is golf, golf, golf. He doesn't need to get on any of the attractions because he went on them in 1982. But there is no such thing as too many times around those courses. I am not bitter mind you -- simply a realist. Fortunately I have many others who love the parks as much as I do.

 

[onecoolmama]

I did what Steve did. When I first posed the questions to my mom and stepfather two Easters ago, my mom was sooo excited. She had never been to Disney World and she wanted to leave right then. My SF (not dear or disney) ws practically yelling abotu how hot it is and how much he hated amusement parks and how they had no money (of course they were planning trips to ireland and paris.) So when the FTP came out..we were soo happy. It fell over DS's 3rd b-day so we planned the trip that he would start out at two and turn 3 there.

I called my favorite aunt who loves disney and asked her to go first. I knew with such a great deal, there was no way that she would pass it up. So, she said..hey you don;t have to convince me..I'm there. So I called my mom and told her that my Aunt really was excited about going and was really excited to go with my mom for her first time. So SF was not invited! The best decision I could make! My DH and I love disney and DH has said that he will not go with SF becuase of his attitude. DH says it is not worth spending all that money for someone to ruin your vacation.

So I would give an itinerary that says free time a few times. if they don't want to read up on disney and educate themselves..they are just SOL on their free time! (Can I say SOL?) But I agree put it in the itnereary so that you have time that doesn't include them!

 

[jdads2]

Thanks for all the replies!

Yes, we consider ourselves VERY lucky to have parents that love their grandkids and ussually can't get enough of them.

We also consider ourselves unlucky when it comes to my in-laws and WDW...LOL!

Well, they plan on being with us for 4 days of our vacation, not too long. We have let them know that they are more then welcome to join us when we hit the parks and attractions or head back to the resort whenever they like. We ussually hit 2 parks and the resort midday or 3 parks per day. I doubt if they want to keep up but hopefully they will.

Now that we have their dates I was already to book a room for them. Wait FIL is a smoker and would probably like a smoking room. That means that we will probably be iin 2 different bldgs, what do they want to do? How does wait to give me an answer sound?

...the wait continues

 

[dawgfan]

This is great stuff. I too took my in laws on a trip to WDW. It was my kids first trip. I had been lost when I went as a 9 year old so I was sweating the possibility that I may lose one of my kids. I felt that the more eyes on them, the better and the less chance of losing someone. I became a real study of WDW. I bought a book and read it cover to cover. I logged on to WDW4Adults.com (what ever happened to that site??? Whatever I am happier here). I learned almost everything you can about WDW in a few months time and continue my education to this day. The start of the trip was me getting very ill. I was sick the first few days before we left and the day we were to leave I was at my worst. Deathly ill! I drug myself out of bed to leave. Nothing could stop me after all the planning I had done. I attempted to plan and lay everything out for us and the in laws. I discovered that they have an agenda to themselves that they are reluctant to share with you. They are on vacation too after all. I also thought that they would watch the kids at least one night while the wife and I did something. Nope! Never happened. Oh well, they held up very well for most of the trip and hung with us for the most part. Unfortunately, FIL was in worse health than any of us expected. He began to have heart trouble toward the end of our trip. Of course no one knew exactly what was wrong with him. When we got him home we learned that he had a massive blockage in his heart and he ended up with a quad by pass. This has made them gun shy of going back to Disney again. We had planned on them going with us in the summer. They never seemed to be enthusiastic about the trip especially MIL. Later they decided to back out. Who could blame them? At first I thought this was a horrible thing. I love my in laws and dearly wanted them to go to the second trip with their grandchildren. They backed out. After this settled in I realized that this was not so bad. The planning was tremendously easier! I guess the only thing I can say here is that you have to plan things as you see fit. My family thinks I am nuts for all this Disney obsession. They are actually happier just doing whatever I have planned. They like the idea that I have all these PS's taken care of and the room taken care of. Plan everything for them and they will probably do most if not all of the things you plan. If they back out so what. Let them head to the room and you continue on as planned. Believe me everyone will be happy just the same taking it at their own pace. At least they have a "menu" to choose from. How about me. Lost at age 9 and I go back for more. Deathly ill last year and my FIL has a heart attack and we are still headed back. I wonder what potential tragedy awaits us this year? Oh well I am hooked!!!

 

[kalicokat]

ok now i'm kinda scared (j/k) I am also taking in-law's with my husband and I to WDW for the first time for all of us. We are all excited about the trip, but I am doing all the planning. I did loan them my Birnbaums and they bought their own WDW for couples book and they are reading them. We have discussed certain things and I told them by this date i needed what restaurants they wanted to eat at, then spent about 2 hrs with them working on it. I have been fortunate that they do read the material. I also typed up a tentative itin and gave them a copy and asked for any suggestions, which there weren't any, but they know what and why i was thinking what I was when I have planned things for. I guess the higest praise I got was from my MIL who said I was doing a good job. They are use to Disneyland but have never been to WDW and lo and behold my MIL has not been on a plane since my husband was born 29 years ago and is willing to do this. So all in all i am hoping for a good time and not any of the horror stories (LOL) i have heard.

Best of luck to you jdads2 and hope it all turns out for you

 

[Montana Minnies]

What a great topic! I have really enjoyed reading the postings, maybe because I can relate to the frustration of having to deal with a difficult relative/relatives. There have been some wonderful suggestions. We will be going with a party of 8, ( hopefully) if all decide to come with us. My brother will be the the only male with 7 females, his wife and their 3 daugthers-(ages, 26,22,& 14) along with myself, our sister and our 84 year old mother. He wants to see things that my sister and I are not interested in and that would require traveling outside of the Orlando area. His youngest daughter has never been to WDW before, where as the rest of us have seen it. The trip is basically for her as a middle school graduation gift that my sister has been planning for at least 5 years. The 26 year old also does not seem to enthusiastic about going since she is attending law school in Washington DC and will be taking the bar exam around that time period. Then there is Mom, who at 84 wants to go one minute and the next is undecided. The rest of us are very thrilled about the whole thing. So you can see I deeply emphasize with the rest of you as to how to plan and coordinate to the needs of all. It is a challange. My sister finally told my brother he could just stay home if he felt like he did not want to go, which he responded with he had to go because his wife wanted him to and besides he wants to see the Hoop De Doo Review again! Secretly I think he really does like the place, but is just to afraid to admit he does.
Anyway that is part of our story. It's nice to know that others share some of the same obsticals and to read how they go about resolving it. I don't really have any more suggestions, just felt like contributing a story from Montana. Sorry if I got a little lenghthy.
"Montana Minnies"
Enid

 

[faith]

Sorry JDads, but sounds like you are starting off on the wrong foot...
It's OUR vacation, etc. Remember your inlaws are much older, probably can't walk as much as all of you etc. Plus, some people have no clue how big WDW is. I hope you take a kinder approach to your joint trip. Try another meeting with them, and ask them what they expect from the trip.

 

[Kallison]

My ILs ruined our first Disney vacation with kids. Just got back with my parents, no problem, they met up with us when they felt like it, no guilt at all. We all had a great time. My Dad is 70 and did the slide at STorm-A-Long bay, but other than that they didn't do many rides, but were happy to sit on a bench to wait or head off and do their own thing. I will be so happy if my kids ever ask me to vacation with them as adults, I can't imagine why people want to be difficult. It truly amazes me.

 

[Eeyore2003]

This is for the people reading this thread and planning a family vacation with their parents. We went once with my MIL and FIL and then once again with my MIL after my FIL passed on. They were both wonderful times and I would have to say that the time with ALL of us was my most memorable Disney vacation to date. My sons were 12 and 6 and have wonderful memories of their grandparents at Disney. I'm also a big planner and we adjusted each time here and there, but then I also think you always have to do that no matter what. My MIL was 79 the second time she went with us and was a realy trooper, I did have to cut out AK because she just "pooped" out, but she LOVED TOT, Splash Mountain and TT, as well as all the "tamer" rides. I thought that's pretty good for being 79 and she absolutely loved it. It DEFINITELY depends on "the person" I think. Hope you have a wonderful time too, you "Might" be pleasantly surprised.

 

[Cleokitty]

Last time we went, my in-laws went. What a disaster! NEVER AGAIN. FIL berated us for wanting to take kids to Fantasmic because it was "dark and had evil characters." He blew his top at a character breakfast because the girls (ages 2 and 4) were so excited they wouldn't quiet down so he could say grace. He actually got up and moved. Every dime we spent on the girls was questioned. They wanted us to plan everything but then complained about everything. AAAACK!

Now, my parents would be a different story. They would be a blast!

It just depends on the nature of the individuals you are traveling with. I just laugh about our doomed trip now--now that I know better! My advice is to just let them know what you are planning to do (ie with a general itinerary) and then let them choose to join you, or not. On these lovely family vacations that we all have taken at one time or another, sometimes the time apart makes the time spent together sooo much better.