Did your expectant dads get stressed?

[Fishbone†]

I'm just wondering if it's normal for an expectant dad to stress about the "whole kid thing"? I know I get scared sometimes, but also excited. My DH is excited too I think, but also pretty stressed. I can just tell, and a couple of times he's said it. I really try to acknowledge his feelings, because 1) I feel scared too sometimes, 2) I don't want him to not tell me how he's feeling, and 3) I think it might be normal, but sometimes I'm scared he won't enjoy being a dad, even though I KNOW he's going to be a great dad (you should see him with our nephews). So, I'm just wondering if this is normal, and if I'm right about it being all different when they hand him that little man in the hospital room?

I know some of the stress comes from knowing life will be different, and that kids cost money. I'm just thinking that even though our routine will change, and we won't be "as free" as we are now, that it our focus will change and it won't be as big a deal as it seems. Also, financially we are comfortable - not over-abundant, but comfortable, and I don't really like to spend money, in fact, I LOVE the challenge of finding a good bargain, and hate shopping, so I don't anticipate being over-board in that area, but I do know kids are expensive.

So, please tell me your experiences. I keep telling DH, I haven't met one single person who would give their child back, or wish they hadn't had one.

And to clarify, we wanted children, and while it happened easier than we thought, were ready for this step..... it's just a little scary going in, and I worry about his stressing.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Awww... I can't believe you are going to have a baby!!! I remember when you were taking nieces to WDW.

Let's put it this way, with the state of the union you will be hard pressed to not find anyone stressed about any changes in life.

Our dd will be going to college in the fall.....So, ack.

I take a deep breath and try and move forward as positively as I can. Some days I am good and some freaking out.

 

[Laura]

Oh, I'm in the same boat. It's 3 months to my due date and I'm alternately thinking, "Hooray! Babies are great!" and "OMG what the [bleep] have I gotten us into?!?!?!"

 

[TEENEE]

I think it's perfectly normal for both of you to feel stressed. Dads have a lot to be concerned about. Your hubby is probaly worried about your health and your baby. Not to mention the new financial responsibility. He also needs to know that you'll still love him. Sometimes dads feel like they are kicked to the curb when the baby is born. You will both be fine. It sounds like you have a great relationship. The fact that he expresses his fears and feelings speaks volumes for your relationship.

 

[Barbossa]

Speaking for myself (I'm a father of a DD8 and DS6), I think I was more stressed after our babies were born then during the pregnancy, especially after our first born. As most parents know, having a child completely changes your life and your reasons for living. Things that I paid little mind to all of sudden became critical: my job so that I could support them, my health so that I'll be around to raise them, the health of my marriage so that my kids will have a healthy family life and that I'll always be with them etc. etc. If your DH is stressing, he certainly has good reason to. It means that he knows the importance of what's about to happen and wants to make sure that he fulfills his responsibilities.

 

[beckmrk04]

Oh, I'm in the same boat. It's 3 months to my due date and I'm alternately thinking, "Hooray! Babies are great!" and "OMG what the [bleep] have I gotten us into?!?!?!"

I have an almost-2-year old and I still think both these thoughts daily.

OP- My husband was kind of freaked out too. We both wanted kids and I think I was more ready than he was. I think DH envisioned a scary future where we never got to do "our" thing ever again, and that our lives would change drastically and it couldn't be undone. He was also scared because he didn't have much experience with babies and he was pretty sure it was going to be boorrring.

But, he has loved it. Of course it has been stressful at times, and overwhelming and amazing at others. I let DH do his thing when we brought home DD- I didn't tell him "how" to do everything, I let him figure some of it out on his own. They bonded. He bought her Star Wars outfits and toys- and she loves them.

I think guys get more "into" being Dads when the babies start doing things, you know? Don't get me wrong, DH loved DD when she was a little baby, but I think he enjoys her more and more the older she gets because they can really interact.

Personally, I miss that teeny little body curled asleep on my chest.

And you're right: we'd never go back to our pre-child days. Not for anything in the world.

 

[Fishbone†]

Oh, I'm in the same boat. It's 3 months to my due date and I'm alternately thinking, "Hooray! Babies are great!" and "OMG what the [bleep] have I gotten us into?!?!?!"

That's funny, because I thought those exact words Friday night as I lay trying to go to sleep. When's your due date? Mine is February 15th, so I'm guessing we're close to same date.

It sounds like you have a great relationship. The fact that he expresses his fears and feelings speaks volumes for your relationship.

We really do, and maybe that's what scares me too. It's so perfect, that I often wonder why we wanted to add a variable to it. The baby is due 2 days before our second anniversary. We've been together 4 1/2 years, and we've never had a fight. We don't always agree on everything, but so far we've always been able to compromise or resolve it easily. We're both pretty easy going, so I'm really hoping for a kid with the same trait.

By the way, I do know why we wanted to "add a variable" to it - I kid about that. We wanted children, and we feel very blessed that we were able to get pregnant - it's very exciting, and just a little scary.

 

[beckmrk04]

We really do, and maybe that's what scares me too. It's so perfect, that I often wonder why we wanted to add a variable to it. The baby is due 2 days before our second anniversary. We've been together 4 1/2 years, and we've never had a fight. We don't always agree on everything, but so far we've always been able to compromise or resolve it easily. We're both pretty easy going, so I'm really hoping for a kid with the same trait.

By the way, I do know why we wanted to "add a variable" to it - I kid about that. We wanted children, and we feel very blessed that we were able to get pregnant - it's very exciting, and just a little scary.

You guys sound like us! We have always just got along really well.

I have to admit, we've fought much more since having DD, BUT- we also talk about it and we both know we're just tired and crabby. Having a child introduces so many new responsibilities, it can be overwhelming. And we bicker more about little things than we did before. But, there is also a new level of love and commitment between us as parents and husband/wife. We're a team.

Having a child is scary! It's a big step. And it isn't always easy or fun. But those hugs and smiles more than make up for it. I promise!

 

[mjkacmom]

I think guys get more "into" being Dads when the babies start doing things, you know? Don't get me wrong, DH loved DD when she was a little baby, but I think he enjoys her more and more the older she gets because they can really interact.

Personally, I miss that teeny little body curled asleep on my chest.

And you're right: we'd never go back to our pre-child days. Not for anything in the world.

You are right - DH loved his babies, but became MUCH more into them when they were a little older. For example, if he was in the room with a baby, he'd be completely quiet - wouldn't occur to him to actually talk to a baby, who wasn't going to talk back. He did all of the mechanics - feeding, diapers, rocking, etc., but I could tell he just wasn't all there yet. However, once they started walking/talking, etc., he was 110%!

 

[*Seanaci*]

My DH was cool as a cucumber when I was pregnant with our son. Never stressed out at all really that I can remember.

Though, now that DS is a year old and independent, DH gets stressed at times.

 

[Laura]

That's funny, because I thought those exact words Friday night as I lay trying to go to sleep. When's your due date? Mine is February 15th, so I'm guessing we're close to same date.

Yep, I'm due on the 19th of February--I'm right behind you!

And it's funny--I was also very surprised that it was so easy for us to conceive. I was mentally prepared for a long, drawn-out process or the possibility of being infertile (my mom had fertility issues). Little did I know it was only going to take two months! A very pleasant surprise, I must say.

By the way, I didn't mention how my DH is reacting--he's completely unruffled and not at all apprehensive. I can't stand it; he has to be stressed along with me!

 

[HumanLegs]

My BF was stressed when we found out I was pregnant. I was too! We were young and we don't own a home and we thought a kid would eat up all our free time. Yeah it was a bit selfish but it was how we felt. Then the day came when DD was born. Firstly my BF almost passed out during delivery. (too gory he said) Then after we got into the swing of things babywise it all worked itself out. Yeah having a baby changes your life but it's for the better.

 

[Camicar]

My dh was very stressed before dd was born. To be honest, he had a lot of trouble adjusting to us being a family as opposed to being a couple. One thing that helped a lot was by making him a full partner in her care. That way he had a greater investment in being a parent.

 

[pdchris]

In a way, I'm more stressed now that my DD is 30 and DS just turned 20. When my daughter told me her and her boyfriend of 6 years were breaking up, that bothered me. And I stress out worrying if my son will get thru college (he's finishing up his 2nd year) all the way to a Bachelor's degree and will he be able to get a job, etc. etc.
When they're very young, they are around so you can protect them better but when they leave the house, the worry "doesn't go with them."

 

[cmonroe]

Father of two here.

Had my daughter back in 2001. She was my first. I have to tell you I wasn't nearly as stressed before the baby came than I was after the baby came.
Let me explain. I wasn't stressed because the baby was going to "ruin" our life or anything like that. Like others, we wanted kids. My stress arrived once the baby came home. My daughter had a hard time breast feeding, so it often took hours. I would stay up with my wife and help position her so we could get her to latch on, etc. Then our daughter didn't sleep through the night for a 1 1/2. I think parents should nicely make expecting parents aware that things can go real easy, and they can be difficult sometimes. And that mother and father can lose their temper at times because of sleep deprivation, etc. All you can do is support eachother and know that you are both going through it. And ultimately your baby will be better for it. Kids don't realize the sacrifices parents make for them until they have kids of their own. That's just the rite of passage. Your hubby will be a great dad. You will be a great mom. I can honestly say that there are times you will want to strangle eachother, but most of your times will be in amazement at the amount of love and caring you all have for eachother.