Did you think things would be less stressful when your kids were out of high school?

[tc]

I did. I thought once they were old enough to go off to college, I would stop worrying about them. I thought that they would make good decisions, you know, since they were adults now. That they would work hard at school, if they went. I was married when I was 18, and didn't bother my parents much after that. Well, we were never close, but still...

Anyway, my oldest broke up with her boyfriend in September (we thought they would get married), she graduates this May from Manhattan Christian College, but now wants to transfer to K-State to get her teaching certificate (three more semesters) or go to beauty school. 4 years of Christian college and now beauty school? What was she doing the last 4 years? She got a great job offer in Oregon, but doesn't want to do Children's Ministry (which is what she went to school for). I'm glad she knows what she doesn't want to do, but couldn't she have figured it out a couple years ago??? And now she has a new boyfriend. I like Matt, but isn't it a little soon? She has been friends with him since Freshman year, but she needs time to heal, but she won't listen to me. And don't even let me get started on her money situation.

And now Kimmi. She turns 20 on Saturday. She didn't take any classes this semester (barely passed her freshman year at the community college here in town; hates school). We supported her decision to take some time off. She has a good job at a daycare here in town, with benefits. She got an idea to move to Ft. Collins and live with some friends, but work here (45 min. drive, one way). We advised against it, but what can we do? She signed the lease and then put off moving. The roommates in FC have someone else (Brock) living in Kimmi's room till she moves there, he has no where else to live. Kimmi has now decided she wants to move to Keystone for the winter and work at a daycare up there. They offered her $9, plus room and board and a bus pass and season lift ticket. Now, she won't be moving to FC (she decided the commute was just too much), Brock will stay in her room and pay her share of the rent (her name is still on the lease till next August), she'll move to Keystone, and then come back to the daycare here in April after the ski resorts close (the daycare here is willing to give her a leave of absence). Then she may go to beauty school too. The kicker about Keystone is a boy that's works at the daycare is also going to move there. Oh, no, mom, we're not dating. Oh, no, mom, I don't like him like that!! But, he is cute, and it will be fun, and.... I know she is capable of making good decisions, and she is firm in her beliefs, but this just feels bad to me.

I guess I can wait till they're married, or at least out of college and holding down good jobs, then I can quit worrying, right? Please tell me that right, please!!!

AAACKKK!!! They are making me very old.

 

[Kitty 34]

My sister and I talk about this all the time!!!

She has two kids in college and I have a son in college and believe me...we've had more headaches with them in college then we ever did in High School!!!

 

[caitycaity]

unfortunately, i think i caused my parents way more stress when i was in college.

but all's well that ends well, right? my parents and i are close now that i am not dependent on them anymore.

 

[Boots]

DD is 26 and been married 7 years. DS is 23 and getting married in July. You actually just have a different set of worries! {{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}

 

[Serena]

Ah come on! When do we get to stop worrying?

 

[browneyes]

I'm 32, and well out of high school, and my mom still worries about me.

 

[SeaShelley]

I'll never forget after my son was born and my Mom and I were talking about raising kids. As a new mom I was worrying about everything and I asked her when you stop worrying so much about your kids. Her response:

"How old are you? 26? Well, then I'd say more than 26 years. Honey, you never stop worrying....and that's ok. It's just part of the job!"

 

[tc]

I was hoping I'd get a reply that said, once they're married, the fun begins !

 

[browneyes]

That only happens in movies, Kelli. But if it makes you feel better, "once they're married, the fun begins".

 

[Lucky4me]

Mine are almost 20 and 21 and I realize that I'd much rather be back to a time when they were 2 and 3 and all I worried about was potty training and thumb sucking. Little kids, little problems. Big kids, big problems. Why didn't anyone ever tell me this? lol

tc, I'm wondering about this college thing myself. Neither seems very motivated to declare a major and figure out what they want to do with the rest of their lives. I imagine something will happen like with your girls and they'll want to go to trade school after college. Oh well, at least no one can take the 4 years away from them.


So does anyone have 30 year olds, or older children and are you still worrying about them? Please give us hope!!!

 

[Miss Jasmine]

I know I still worry my mom and I am 29, out of college, married, and have a good job.

Sorry that I couldn't give you better news.

 

[tc]

Thanks, Shannon, if I keep saying it over and over again, maybe it will come true. How about ruby slippers? Will that work?

Lucky4me, I am glad I am not the only one thinking this. The decisions they make now can affect their whole lives, and they just don't seem to get it. They're both great girls, and I love them and admire the women they've become, but they are just not making good, grown-up decisions.

When I was 21, I was married, had a baby and one on the way. We had a mortgage (on a mobile home, but it was still a mortgage), a car payment, and barely scraped by. It just seemed like I was more mature than they are. Probably was with me circumstances, but still....

 

[Towncrier]

My mom told (warned???) me that "once you're a parent, you're a parent until the day you die". I guess that your experience is bearing witness to her words.

 

[tc]

Towncrier, you are right. My relationship with my parents is so disfunctional, it's not even funny. But, all my life I thought that's the way it was supposed to be. I never thought my kids would still talk to me when they moved away. I guess I should count my blessings!

 

[nativetxn]

Kelli, I think the worrying never stops but it changes. For example, my ds is working about 1300 miles from me. He's making some pretty good decisions right now, but we still "worry" just on general principles. It goes with being a parent, I guess.

I'm 53 and my mother still worries about me too.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

TC we practice the LA-LA-LA-LA, here LOL! You know stick your fingers in your ear and go la-la-la..
{{{HUGS}}}

 

[tc]

 

[bsnyder]

I think as parents we'll always worry. And some people just worry more than others. My mom is a big time worrier and even though I'm grown and think I've turned out fine (and she thinks so too) she still worries! You sound like a mom that cares about your kids a great deal, and that's a good thing!

Also, tc, please remember that even though the decisions your girls are making now will affect the rest of their lives, people can and do overcome poor choices and end up dealing with the consequences of them just fine.

I made some doosies (poor choices )when I was in my teens and early 20's. And they did have a profound impact on my life and where I'm at now. But some of that is a good impact....I wouldn't change a thing, actually, because overcoming those poor choices has made me a better person!

 

[Chattyaholic]

Even after your children get out of school and get out on their own, then come the weddings so then there are sons and daughters-in-law to include in the worrying. Then come the GRANDCHILDREN to include in the worrying. It never ends!

 

[dondiego]

what?!?!!!! tell me this isn't so.....we're in the midst of the middle school and high school years and now you tell me this doesn't subside when they "grow up" and go away (or not) to college!!
help!!!!!!!