"Did Pluto Just Give You A Lap Dance?" 10 days of Naughty & Nice!

[Born 2B a Princess]

We should plan a massive trip with a bunch of us - it would be great! I of course would make everyone sign wavers so I don't get told telling tales with some creative leeway.

AKA - You might have danced with Goofy in Toon Town but in the final production you would have possibly been involved in a 6 year fling with 2 kids who are bi-species.

Just Sayin... Ha ha... (I hate when they limmit my smilies)

How bout some stilleto's? I hear they sell them for kids now a days?

If our kids ever got together and dated - our grandkids would be hellions! That is before we became their booking agents for Comedy Central!

If the new voice is lame I am gonna be mad. It was lame before but in a kooky sort of way - not a lame Star Trek "I am trying to be a cool nerd" sort of way. (Sorry to all you Trekkie's. Send your complaints to my ex MIL - she will appreciate them.)

I think i shared that Baylor got kicked out of that class last year - laughing at Captain Condom. Have I told that story here?



Congratulations! You are a big girl now!! (Sung to the pull ups tune from their commercials)



Diet or with a Twist of Lime perhaps?

How's Thanksgiving - I am actually doing a small Dis Meet this weekend here at the Mall of America!

One Nation, under God, with Liberty and use of Cooter for all.




Amen.

So I got Treyner from the airport yesterday morning - I will give a whole weekend rundown tom. - but it was so good to see him and I busted out bawling at the airport. I have never cried at the airport and hugged someone so hard. I try to keep my emotions in check but man - seeing that boy head to me after almost 3 months was harder than I thought.

Gone all day but promise to get a lot or writing done tom.

I am so blessed by you guys being here.

Nope -- no diet or twist of lime for me -- just regular Coke, fully sugared and caffeined all the way!

 

[29apr00]

[COLOR="Purple]They had an audience of normal people just wanting to get a normal picture with their normal behaved children. I explained we had just adopted them from Siberia and they had never seen people or fake animals before. In their country they ride real animals like this so they were fearless.

One lady behind me actually nodded like she understood and muttered "poor kids."
[/COLOR]

You're kids are awesome and you have a wicked sense of humor! Loving it!

OMG EW EW EW EW EW on the mold all ove your room! Ugh! We are staying at the cabins at Ft Wilderness in less than 2 months and I have seen a few bad reviews on their cleanliness too. I'm taking my tub of clorox wipes to prepare but no way am i up for what you had! EW!

Hope you had a wonderful visit with Treyner!!

 

[Dizneydawn]

Day 5 - A Wookie and a Whale

We left the Shamu statues and began to head to the main stadium to see Shamu. Dan had never seen the show and I was excited for him. Nothing says Sea World like a big ole Orca splashing millions of gallons of water on spectators. My favorite is watching the idiots who get splashed and did not want to.

There is obvious splash zones color coded and marked in English. That on top of the fact they tell you 100 times over the loudspeaker that "YOU WILL GET WET," might lead the average m0ron to gather your expensive audio/video equipment and cell phones and head up if you are not waterproof.


I get the fun of it and my kids have gotten soaked before.

What I cannot fathom is the people who get wet and then swear at Shamu the entire time they are ringing out Grandma Bertha's underwear.

I am a big girl. If I jump in a pool by you, chances are you will get wet.

If an Orca whale jumps in the water by you and you cannot figure out basic math... you deserve to drown.

On our walk - don't ask me how...we lost Carsyn.

Remember all the stories I tell about Carsyn? They are true.

She will walk away from you and then blame you when she is lost.

It scared me when she was 4. She was 15 at the time of this trip. I knew she was not in perril.

We tried to walk back a bit and retrace our steps but it was no use.

She knew where our next stop was and I figured the 4 of us would split up and sit in 2 different sections of the auditorium and look for her because she would eventually come in - looking around for us.

The boys agreed and left muttering comments about..."leave it to Carsyn," and Treyner saying, "Maybe they thought she could add dimensions to the park and kidnapped her for a new attraction, "The missing link." "

(Now a side note that will either make you laugh or hate me.)

Carsyn has a huge head of hair. It thinned out after her surgery this past spring but it has it's own zip code. So the boys sitting next to her in the morning at the table, before she would have it tamed, would ask her to move her hair so they could eat. It is a running joke and she knows it and she usually uses it as a weapon. She has been known to ratt it like the 80's had never seen and come up to embarrass the boys with a 10 foot fro and a yetti yell when they have friend over - esp. girls.

So last Easter they went with their Dad to Iowa. Treyner was driving and Carsyn and Baylor ran from Wal-Mart (a pit stop) to the car to get the passenger front seat.

Baylor was faster and Carsyn claimed she had called, "squatters" so she should still have first choice at that spot.

Baylor said, "no chance," and took his place locking the doors.

Carsyn proceeded to plant her tukkus on top of the car hood, lying down and telling God and country she will not move.

Treyner starts honking the horn, flash his lights (it's night-time) and using his wipers to hit her head and spray her with wiper juice.

Within seconds, her hair gets tangled in the wiper blades and now her head is going back and forth with the wipers.

She is yelling for them to stop.

Their father who has zero control, is laughing so hard he is about to pee himself and is hunkering down in the back seat.

Treyner shuts down the wipers but Carsyn is totally stuck.

People who are walking by are now stopping and staring.

Carsyn says she is going to call the cops if Treyner does not get out to help her.

Baylor then rolled down his window and yelled to her that he has already called animal control and they are on their way because he told them they had hit a huge, rabid raccoon and it was stuck on their windshield. He asked for backup and tranquilizer darts.

Now I was not there but I heard everything from the point of the wipers being turned on because their Dad had called me so I could hear everything over the phone.

I could not tell at first if he was crying or laughing because all I heard was soft gulps of air and screaming in the background.

I then hear the boys get out of the car. Baylor telling people who were bystanders and gawkers that he had the situation under control. To please step away from the vehicle and leave plenty of room. He explained they had just picked up their cousin from a nearby mental hospital and she apparently forgot her meds. She has killed a coop full of chickens in New Mexico and could be violent.

Their Dad is now yelling he is going to have a heart attack - his breathing is so short he is in gasps of air trying to hold it together and Treyner is telling Carsyn to hold still or she is riding the rest of the drive like that. they have pictures on their cell phones of her hair and it is like a commercial for some frizz shampoo.

So yeah...Carsyn as an exhibit is perfectly in our corner of normal.

So while waiting for her...


We sit.

And sit.

And enjoy the preshow with informative info and a "Are you smarter than an Otter" game show.

Then the show begins.

Still no Carsyn.

Now I am beginning to worry.

And I am mad she has me worrying. Because I know and you know she is fine but it has been 30 minutes now and maybe she has ran off with a Sea World carnie whose ex-wife carries tampons in her purse - opened - for the whole world to see.

Then I start to rationalize a few things.

Her cell phone was broken and so she did not have one.

2 bazillion other people do.

so...
A. she can ask a stranger for a phone a friend
B. she can ask Shamu's assistants to use their conch shells and call us
C. she will be mad we did not send out a search party and will be waiting for us at the car when we leave.

the show starts and I am scanning the walkways. I am not enjoying Shamu. She is nowhere to be seen.

I miss the angry people getting wet.

I miss Grandma Bertha ringing out her underwear with the family.

Then - a phone number I did not know from Florida calls.

Guess who?

Yup it is Carsyn.

Her question,
"Where did you guys go?"

How did I know?

I gave her our location and she was there in 3 minutes. The show ended and I stopped the boys from throttling her. Which is their way of saying they were worried too.

We saw the shark tank and the penguins

and went through the Tom Hanks "The Polar Express" Christmas Train adventure. I liked it. I know that people don't but I am a big believer in the Claus. It is not a huge thrill ride but if you sit back and close your eyes and feel the journey - maybe you will believe too. The part of believing isn't in magic for me. It is in the goodness and unexplainable blessings that I look for every year. The Claus is there all year not just one day in December if you want to believe. It is a choice.

Took a few more shots of the kids (some indoor ones did not turn out) and then went back to the condo to get ready for Kona!

 

[CantWaitToGo2007]

Oh my god you just totally made my morning! That story about the windshield wipers almost made me cry I was laughing so hard.

Nanette

 

[Dizneydawn]

Oh my god you just totally made my morning! That story about the windshield wipers almost made me cry I was laughing so hard.

Nanette

Hey! Aren't you new here? Maybe not or maybe you another of them stalkers er I mean lurkers?

 

[Normangirls]

I think i shared that Baylor got kicked out of that class last year - laughing at Captain Condom. Have I told that story here?

You have not. Please, in the name of all that is Holy, help me salvage this horrendous Monday afternoon, and share!

 

[Dizneydawn]

You have not. Please, in the name of all that is Holy, help me salvage this horrendous Monday afternoon, and share!

You are new here as well no? You talk like me! And you actually have been taking the time to pay attention to what I post!

My future BIL is a pastor in Montpelier OH (sp?) How far is that from you?



Baylor and Captain Condom.

I get a call from the principal last spring. Mr Z. He and I are long time friends with Baylor.

He says he is in his office with Baylor who got sent down to his office by a substitute during sex ed in Facts class.

I say - "umm okay. What happened?"

Baylor it seems was laughing innapropriately during a movie they were watching. He thinks it is best that Baylor tell me the situtaion.

Baylor gets on the phone and says, "This is so stupid."

Sweet.

He then explains that they were watching a video with the star of the show being a cape wearing crusader named, "Captain Condom."

I started laughing and asked if he was serious.

He assured me he was.

I got a pillow to stiffle my mouth and asked him to proceed.

"So in the video Mom, Captain Condom is talking to a guy and girl downstairs in the guys bedroom. He is telling them facts about condoms and to make sure to use them. Then his pager goes off and he says he has an emergency to head to." (I wanted to ask where a man named Captain Condom would store a pager but figured it might not go over well with Mr Z on speakerphone.)

"The guy asks where is the emergency.

Captain Condom says, "Real close. Actually upstairs in your parents bedroom. They are about to have unprotected sex." That's when I started laughing Mom and the sub kicked me out."

I was howling into the pillow at this point and wondering why Mr Z if it was so NOT FUNNY could not have told me the situation.

Then Baylor ends the conversation by saying,
"The teacher knows it was stupid too. Why do you think she is absent today. She didn't want anything to do with this either."

So Baylor got detention and I spent the afternoon researching Captain Condom. Go ahead I dare you.

He has a full fledged website. He has a Halloween costume (Baylor thinks since it was a school approved mascot - he should be able to wear it this year.) and clothing you can buy with his logo on it.

He is a pink combo of Patrick from Sponge Bob and a Teletubbie looking guy.

My favorite is him standing with snorkle mask on and flippers on a pair of underwear saying.
"Locked and Loaded."
This is proof you can create anything and someone who does not know kids will buy into it. I want to know how much of my tax dollars went into this great idea of how to tell kids about abstinence and safe sex. My school board probably sits at Sea World in the bottom row with our school video cameras in tow.



I almost forgot about that site. I need to get some for Treyner as a gag gift for the Holidays! Thanks for helping me remember!

 

[MICKEY4EVER!]

YOU. ARE. SO. FUNNY!

Seriously, I can barely answer the phones I am laughing so hard at you. You just know how to tell a story so well, I can just picture poor Carsyn on the hood of the car, her hair tangled up in the windshield wipers and screaming in the parking lot. And then they tell her they've called animal control! OMG!

I love the story of Captain Condom too. Seriously, you can't tell me Baylor was the only one laughing at the story. I immediately laughed at the thought of a condom wearing a cape! And I also laughed when he said he had an emergency to "head" to! (Was I the only one who got that? )

The update on the TR was great - sorry you lost Carsyn, but so glad you found her! My little Mitchell has taken to walking away from me lately, and I've told him time and time again to stay with me, but he doesn't listen to a word I say. Sound familiar?

 

[Normangirls]

Yeah, that was definitely worth it.

I started to wonder if Captain Condom had a catch phrase, but when I came up with a few ideas they weren't DIS friendly, so never mind.

Montpelier is just a few miles down the road! We are in Wauseon (don't worry, no one else has heard of it, either).

Well, that ends my stalking, um, I mean, lurking.

Thanks for the giggles!

 

[Dizneydawn]

YOU. ARE. SO. FUNNY!

Seriously, I can barely answer the phones I am laughing so hard at you. You just know how to tell a story so well, I can just picture poor Carsyn on the hood of the car, her hair tangled up in the windshield wipers and screaming in the parking lot. And then they tell her they've called animal control! OMG!
Some people might think it was mean - we call it family bonding!
I love the story of Captain Condom too. Seriously, you can't tell me Baylor was the only one laughing at the story. I immediately laughed at the thought of a condom wearing a cape! And I also laughed when he said he had an emergency to "head" to! (Was I the only one who got that? )
Nope - totally got that as well...
The update on the TR was great - sorry you lost Carsyn, but so glad you found her! My little Mitchell has taken to walking away from me lately, and I've told him time and time again to stay with me, but he doesn't listen to a word I say. Sound familiar?

Carsyn meet Mitchell. Mitchell meet Carsyn!

Yeah, that was definitely worth it.

I started to wonder if Captain Condom had a catch phrase, but when I came up with a few ideas they weren't DIS friendly, so never mind.
We are twins or you are a ghost standing in my office because I literally wrote that exact same thing than erased it. I have a whole sleu of new phrases for that class and other marketing schemes!
Montpelier is just a few miles down the road! We are in Wauseon (don't worry, no one else has heard of it, either).
If I am there anytime - I will have to look you up!
Well, that ends my stalking, um, I mean, lurking.
Hey now! Have you read all along? Or did you just find us today? Why leave? I am really a nice person!
Thanks for the giggles!

Take my giggles and run - I see how you are!

 

[Normangirls]

NO, I mean I can't just now that you know who I am. Are you used to running people off?

I've been with you from the beginning, and love your updates. I especially love that your kids have the same (awesome, slightly off-kilter) sense of humor as their Mom.

And anyone who can include a Captain Condom reference in their trip report? Well, you had me at hello. (Or does that sound too stalker, not enough lurker?)

DIS meet in Montpeiler! There's not much else to do there (yes, that is the town motto).

 

[Leajess99]

OMGosh Dawn, I was literally crying from laughing so hard about Carsyn and the winshield story. Thank you aain for sharing your family and adventures with us.

 

[Dizneydawn]

NO, I mean I can't just now that you know who I am. Are you used to running people off?
I think the last line should be Montpelier's slogan...
I've been with you from the beginning, and love your updates. I especially love that your kids have the same (awesome, slightly off-kilter) sense of humor as their Mom.
See...now I can mail you a Christmas Card!
And anyone who can include a Captain Condom reference in their trip report? Well, you had me at hello. (Or does that sound too stalker, not enough lurker?)
Perfect combo...like a Resses Smores!
DIS meet in Montpeiler! There's not much else to do there (yes, that is the town motto).

I will let you know!

OMGosh Dawn, I was literally crying from laughing so hard about Carsyn and the winshield story. Thank you aain for sharing your family and adventures with us.

I am glad you laughed. I am equally glad it was not my hair. I only wish they had it on video because I would have loved to send it into AFV!

 

[MICKEY4EVER!]

I am glad you laughed. I am equally glad it was not my hair. I only wish they had it on video because I would have loved to send it into AFV![/QUOTE]
Then you'd be a millionare! Because there's no way something like that wouldn't win!

 

[CantWaitToGo2007]

Hey! Aren't you new here? Maybe not or maybe you another of them stalkers er I mean lurkers?

OK you caught me, I'm a lurker. I think I've posted once or twice, but it was a long time ago. Maybe even as long ago as the ptr.

 

[Leajess99]

After watching the Captain Condom on Youtube I can understand why Baylor could not help but laugh.

 

[Dizneydawn]

Argh...
went to bed at 9p.m. and here I am fully awake...hate insomnia...

I think that darn kidney infection never went away...

I hope to get the next installment up tom...

If I am awake!

 

[princess_momma]

I'm also dying of laughter from the windshield wiper incident and Captain Condom! How hilarious!!

When I was in 8th grade, we had sex ed and my particular teacher would make us do the spell cheers for the sex organs. No joke. One time we had just spelled V-A-G-I-(you know the rest) and as soon as we scream out what that spells, a male teacher walked in! He was so embarrassed by all these 8th grade kids screaming out that word! It was classic!

Anywho, love the rest of you Sea World update. I love the pic with Treyner and Carsyn holding their killer whale stuffed animals! HAHA! You guys are so fun...Thanksgiving sounds great!

 

[MICKEY4EVER!]

Argh...
went to bed at 9p.m. and here I am fully awake...hate insomnia...

I think that darn kidney infection never went away...

I hope to get the next installment up tom...

If I am awake!

Awww, I hope that you managed to get some sleep and are feeling better. I've had one kidney infection in my life and it was HORRIBLE.

Get well!

 

[Stacybaeasm]

Yay! Back from vacation and all caught up. Love the story of Carsyn's hair in the windshield wipers. I feel her pain. When I finally get my trip report started, you'll see I had to resort to a hat to keep my hair under control in the horrible Florida humidty. Postcards are on their way!