Did I do the right thing?

[TigerCheer2009]

I think that one of the people I sit with at lunch has a problem. She's lost an awful lot of weight (thirty something pounds since Feb.). That's not healthy. I also know that she says she's hungry but she doesn't want to eat.

So after school Friday, I went to the Family and Consumer Sciences teacher (that's Home Ec/Life Skills etc. for those who don't know) and I told her about it. She told me to ask the girl about it.

She was in the musical Cinderella with me...and when we had cast dinners she wouldn't eat. Or she'd take two bites and be "stuffed". I did notice that she did eat a lot lot lot when we went to a restaurant to celebrate Cinderella's opening night with the rest of the cast...

I don't even know her that well! I mean, I just don't like to see other people hurting or doing things that are bad for them. I just want her to know that there is someone who cares that she may or may not be hurting herself.

So, did I do the right thing?

 

[kristen821]

You did the right thing. When I was in highschool I was always embarrassed to eat in front of people. I was able to drop weight like nothing too. I lost 16 pounds in 2 weeks when I was 15. I was eating healthy, but not starving myself. There might not be anything to worry about then again there may be a lot to worry about so I think so did the right thing. It is better to be safe then sorry! It takes a strong person to do that and you should be very proud of yourself.

 

[TigerCheer2009]

Thanks, Kristin. I just wanted her to know that someone cared because she may/not be hurting herself. I'm actually going to *tell* her my concerns tomorrow.

 

[VSL]

I don't know...

She may be ill (and I'm not talking ED ill) - I know that when I'm ill I feel hungry but really don't want food.

She may be stressed and lost her appetite as a result.

Also, people suffering from ED's (from my experience) do not appreciate interference - it is something that has to be accepted by them before they'll even consider doing something about it.

Of course, it may be that you definitely did the right thing.

I just think it's difficult to assess - especially as you said that you don't really know her that well

 

[mtemm]

when I was in high school one of my friends pretty much just stopped eating. she was having issues at home and she was always thin, but then suddenly she lost a lot of weight (that she didn't have to lose) and we noticed at lunch she would eat maybe 3 bites of popcorn and drink a diet coke and that was it. we never saw her eat. a few of us ended up going to one of the counselors and talking to her about it. She, in turn, talked to our firend. was our friend annoyed with us, yep, but we needed to do it and she needed the help she ended up getting.

I'm kind of surprised that the teacher you spoke with just put the ball back in your court.

 

[kristen821]

when I was in high school one of my friends pretty much just stopped eating. she was having issues at home and she was always thin, but then suddenly she lost a lot of weight (that she didn't have to lose) and we noticed at lunch she would eat maybe 3 bites of popcorn and drink a diet coke and that was it. we never saw her eat. a few of us ended up going to one of the counselors and talking to her about it. She, in turn, talked to our firend. was our friend annoyed with us, yep, but we needed to do it and she needed the help she ended up getting.

I'm kind of surprised that the teacher you spoke with just put the ball back in your court.

I agree I think the teacher should say something to her. She wouldn't have to mention your name.

 

[TigerCheer2009]

She told me to ask her about it first. She said she was going to notify the councelor (sp?).

VSL-I totally understand where you're coming from...sometimes when I feel sick I don't feel like eating either. Thanks for the opinion, though.

I also talked to some of her more close friends and they've noticed what I notice, too.

 

[Michie]

She told me to ask her about it first. She said she was going to notify the councelor (sp?).

VSL-I totally understand where you're coming from...sometimes when I feel sick I don't feel like eating either. Thanks for the opinion, though.

I also talked to some of her more close friends and they've noticed what I notice, too.

I think you should let it go. Talking to her friends about it, that is almost being gossipy. Like I said I dont mean to sound harsh, but there is a fine line between being concerned and being a meddler.

One of my boys had a hard time keeping on weight when he was in school. And believe me he ate all the time. I think he was in junior high and one of the mothers who volunteered a lot at school said something to me about it, at a school function nonetheless. It really wasnt any of her business, nor was it the time or place to be talking about it.

I have been having dental work/problems and have lost almost 20 pounds the last 2 weeks maybe that is her reason Maybe she has a medical problem that she has under control

 

[Sparx]

you did the right thing. I know, because I did the same thing on friday. Except this girl wasn't starving herself, she was cutting herself. Two of us got really scared about it and I spent nearly two hours in teh counselors office on friday with two other people and the girl. Trust me, you did the right thing.

 

[Twinkles6892]

I think you did the right thing.

 

[ilovepcot]

The one thing that leaps out at me is this: Did this person *need* to lose the weight? Is this something that she possibly worked hard at and is sensitive about and doesn't really wish to discuss? Or....is this a person that lost 30 pounds that they *couldn't afford* to lose? Big difference and also the deciding factor (for me) as to whether I'd involve myself in their personal business.

 

[minkydog]

you did the right thing. I know, because I did the same thing on friday. Except this girl wasn't starving herself, she was cutting herself. Two of us got really scared about it and I spent nearly two hours in teh counselors office on friday with two other people and the girl. Trust me, you did the right thing.

I agree. when you see a friend who is obviously struggling you offer a lifeline, not a rock. Caring never goes out of style.

Sparx, I'm really proud of you for getting involved. You may not know what a difference you have made, but let me tell you from a parent's perspective what a difference you might make: My son was cutting in HS, only we didn't know it. One day he went to school and showed some people his cut up arms--87 cuts from wrist to shoulder. A concerned friend told a teacher and we took him to the hospital. It turns out he was suicidal and had tried to kill himself in his room the night before. He spent a week in a psychiatric facility with severe depression, followed by about a year of treatment. I will always be grateful to the unidentified friend who stuck her neck out for my son. She risked the friendship to save his life.

 

[gradtchr]

You did the right thing IMO. Eating Disorders are very scary things and in a young persons life the sooner that help is found the better. She might never speak to you again but in the long run it could help save her life.

 

[What the Heck]

From what you have posted it sounded like you did the right thing for the right reasons. That doesn't mean you will get the right results. Be prepared for that potentiality.

There may not be a problem, she may get pissed at you "butting in", etc., etc. Or, it's possible that what you have done may help save her life. Or anything in between. As long as you did what you did for the right reason, let that be your guide. How would you want it handled if it was you?

 

[disykat]

You did the right thing. When I was working at a national park one summer there was a girl (a) who lost all sorts of weight. She wasn't eating anything. None of us knew each other very well, but the girl (b) who was closest to (a) did some digging and was able to contact (a's) parents and tell them of her concerns. They came and took (a)home. I'm convinced (b) was a hero and hopefully (a) was able to get the help she needed.

My boys (and my dh too) are all very thin. I would rather ward off a few comments from concerned people than feel like no one would express concerns to me if they sincerely thought something was wrong.

 

[tiggersmom2]

I think you should let it go. Talking to her friends about it, that is almost being gossipy. Like I said I dont mean to sound harsh, but there is a fine line between being concerned and being a meddler.

One of my boys had a hard time keeping on weight when he was in school. And believe me he ate all the time. I think he was in junior high and one of the mothers who volunteered a lot at school said something to me about it, at a school function nonetheless. It really wasnt any of her business, nor was it the time or place to be talking about it.

I have been having dental work/problems and have lost almost 20 pounds the last 2 weeks maybe that is her reason Maybe she has a medical problem that she has under control

Amen Michie...there are many explanations besides an eating disorder. There are just too many "ifs" here to make a diagnosis.