Dh Relocating alone

[Kriii]

Anyone else who has stayed behind when dh relocated? How tough was it? We will join him this summer but will be apart for 4 months. We've relo'd before but always as a family. Just feeling blue I guess...

 

[adventure_woman]

I have never had that situation but I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I'm sure it will be hard. But, can he come back to visit on the weekends? And, I guess the good news is that he has a job. I know in this economy families are having to do whatever they can to get by. My prayers are with you!

 

[ajk912]

We did it before for 2-3 months, I can't remember exactly how long it was. It especially freaked me out because he was due to fly back to help us all move back on September 12, 2001. Obviously, there was no wayyy I was going to let that happen, he ended up paying about $500 for a one way one day rental car, and he got the last car they had.

 

[ilandrazdsw]

Haven't relocated, but DH is a fisherman and is out to sea for 3-5 weeks a time with 1-4 weeks home between trips. It is rough, I won't lie. No internet. No Sat phone. Sometimes it is 2 weeks before I hear from him.
My tips:
Make the most of the time you do have together.
When you do talk/video, don't spend all the time telling him the challenges you are facing at home...oh, do tell him, but make sure you tell him about the fun stuff too.
Remember, as much as you want to be with him...he wants to be with you.
Have a support system at home...friends/family that can help you have some fun or you can vent to if needed. They don't have to understand, just listen!

Good luck! It's not the end of the world. And in today's economy...be thankful he has a job (which I'm sure you are ).

 

[a1tinkfans]

Have no advice that was not already stated, just some HUGS to get you thru!
Best of Luck!

 

[mickilovesmickey]

We did it for 3 months a year ago. Honestly, beforehand I dreaded it. I had to get the house packed, manage three kids (9, 6, & 4) by myself, and I was working full-time. But I was so busy that it flew by. My husband, on the other hand, had a hard time. He missed us. And he was in a new city, where he didn't know anyone and at a new job. So I really think that it was harder on him. Just remember that it is not forever. When we did finally see each other, we appreciated our time together.

 

[cjnix29]

We have done it for four months before. We were fortunate that DH's company paid for him to fly back and forth on weekends. We thought we were going to have to do it again for awhile, but we sold our house today, before he even started his job. So we will only be apart for a couple of weeks. Good luck to you!!

 

[daleswife]

I moved and left my DH in NC until he found a job here in WV. We were apart for about 5 1/2 months. Its tough, but we saw each other every weekend and it made our time together that much more special. You can do it. Just keep positive and it will all work out fine.

 

[mom2travel]

We've done it - 3-4 months. I had the kids' school & activities, FT job, house selling and packing, etc. I had it all pretty organized, but there were times that there seemed like an endless amount to do on both ends. I think it was worse for DH though. The time probably moved faster for me than him. I missed him terribly, but had the kids, work and a million things to do, so was too busy to get stressed. He had a new job, was living in an extended-stay hotel/suite, and didn't have any friends or family nearby. Plus he felt bad that I had so much to do because of my work, the kids, dogs and selling/packing the old house. Years later he still swears it was the worst months of his life, and he would never do it again.

Obviously we all just do what we need to do. My advice would be to talk/email/text as much as possible. Be honest about how you feel - good and bad; sometimes just venting helps (your DIS pals are here too). Have the kids send him cards and packages, maybe monthly countdown chains. Hopefully you'll have opportunities to see each other during your time living apart - that helped me tremendously to have those visits to look forward to. And remember that you will all be back together again soon. Good luck!

 

[brockash]

Anyone else who has stayed behind when dh relocated? How tough was it? We will join him this summer but will be apart for 4 months. We've relo'd before but always as a family. Just feeling blue I guess...

I'm sure most ppl. will think this is crazy, but I haven't lived with DH in almost 2 years. My DH is in the Army and he got orders for a new post about 7 hrs. from where we were living. I had/have a job I love, our kiddo was in school and I had family here. Originally we were going to stay until we sold our house here, but about a month after DH got to his new post he found out he'd be leaving for Iraq for his 3rd tour for 15 months about 3 months later. So, we decided I'd stay here with my job, 2 kiddos and family until he came back from Iraq. While he was in Iraq we found out we'd be getting stationed again very soon after he came back from Iraq, so in about 2 months we'll all actually be living together again. It's been much much harder on my DH than me as I still have the kids and get to see them every day ect. Since he's been back from Iraq he's had a month of leave here with us and we alternate almost every weekend of who drives where and we spend the weekend together. It's been rough, but doable and like I said it's much harder on my DH than myself. Just hang in there and it'll go by faster than you think.

 

[goofyisinphilly]

Not once but twice have we done this. While I was finishing college, we spent our 2 YEAR engagement 400 miles apart. It really wasn't that bad.

Then after 2 years of marriage, my DH got a new job in NC and we were currently in IL. I was in the process of finishing grad school so I stayed for 6 months for the last semester and he moved for the job. We saw each other about once a month, depending on how much plane tickets were.

It was actually kind of fun. I had never lived myself, having gone from college to marriage. And it was like being newly weds again without the frustration of learning someones habits.

Good luck. It is ok to enjoy the new experience.

 

[tinkerlisa]

It hasn't happened to me but I do know someone that is going through it right now.
My cousin is in WA and his wife and 4 kids(one of which is almost a year that he has only seen a few times) live in RI. They were all supposed to move to WA but due to him not being able to find good housing for his family he has been in WA for well over a year now.
And now that the kids are used to living in RI, he feels bad making them move to the pacific. So he has been trying to get transferred out on the east so he can be with his family again. It has been real tough on them all. He comes home when he can and was there for a month around Christmas but it isn't the same.

I hope everything works out for you and remember that you will be together again! Make sure you communicate multiple times daily and always say goodnight.

 

[star sweeper]

We haven't done this but my DH has taken 3-4 weeks international trips often, and I was managing a household and 2 infants with no family nearby. It's really tough, but the time goes by quicker than you think.

We will be doing this sometime in the next 1-2 years as we plan to move near my family. DH will likely get a job and relo while I prepare the house for sale, sell it, move us, and locate a new house. I'm excited but don't look forward to all the hassle on my own. Good luck to you! You can do it and it will pass quicker than you think!

 

[geogirl0626]

We will be doing this sometime in the next 1-2 years as we plan to move near my family. DH will likely get a job and relo while I prepare the house for sale, sell it, move us, and locate a new house. I'm excited but don't look forward to all the hassle on my own. Good luck to you! You can do it and it will pass quicker than you think!

We'll likely be looking at this situation soon as well. We want to relocate near my family in VA. DH requested a transfer with work and his manager is on board, so as soon as a position opens up, he'll go. Our house is already on the market, but it will be a while. No one has even come to see it yet! I'm hoping that the planets will align and we'll sell the house around the same time he gets a transfer and we can all move together. I also need to find a job too, but it's not as urgent because we plan to majorly downsize our lifestyle so we can afford for me to not work full-time anymore.

Anyway, I'm sure a few months apart will be tough, but it's only temporary and if it is going to lead to a better way of life for you then it will be that much easier to get through.

 

[bouncycat]

I'm getting ready to face this, DH is in the military, and is advancing, so they're moving him a year early. We bought a house here, and we like the area, he has over 6 years left before retirement, and wants to be a cop when he gets out. So, we're letting him go on without us, and hopefully he's close enough to home to where he can come home from time to time. We're really hoping on Miami. That would be about 3 hours from here. But, we won't be able to sell our house, I don't want to have to find another job...mostly cause it took me 5 months after we moved here to find this one! And I think it's better to have a place already for when he retires, by then hopefully the housing market will have rebounded. So to everyone who has done this...and is doing it now, stay strong, it's a tough choice, but it's happening more and more with the economy!!!

 

[PrncessA]

We did it for 3 months when DS was a baby. It was hard being 600 miles away from each other but it was what was best for our family in the long run. I still tell him that he owes me 3 months worth of diaper duty!

 

[wdwmom0f3]

We did it for 3 months a year ago. Honestly, beforehand I dreaded it. I had to get the house packed, manage three kids (9, 6, & 4) by myself, and I was working full-time. But I was so busy that it flew by. My husband, on the other hand, had a hard time. He missed us. And he was in a new city, where he didn't know anyone and at a new job. So I really think that it was harder on him. Just remember that it is not forever. When we did finally see each other, we appreciated our time together.

We have done this three times and I did dread it, but once he was gone, I was super busy with the three kids and dealing with selling the housea nd everything else. He would come home some weekends and we would go to him too. It was actually kind of exciting, but I'm weird like that. The thing that was sad for me was that he wasn't there when the movers came to pack us up. He didn't get to say goodbye the way we did.

 

[Kriii]

I really appreciate all of the encouragement and kind thoughts. I am working on counting my blessings and I know it will be super busy while he is gone (someone has to sell the house LOL)! We are excited to be moving back to our home state and we like the home we have purchased there. We don't want to disrupt our child's education at this point of the year and since the economy is so bad, it won't hurt to bank extra money from my paychecks for awhile longer. This is the first time I may actually have some difficulty finding a new job so I'm mentally preparing myself for a period of unemployment. There really is a lot to be thankful for and I will take the suggestions for keeping myself sane to heart. Thank you all so much!