DH needs to GROW UP.

[krcit]

Man I love the dis!! Ten pages of nothing but speculation about other's speculations.

From the OP's previous thread, I would guess that she is close to her aunt or more so worried about her own grandmother's reaction to the illness or death of this aunt. Sometimes it's about more than the dead person; it's about the ones the death affects.

Was it handled badly? Sure. Sounds like a good airing out needs to happen but I also know that stress can cause some ugly conversations. I understand that I'm the only imperfect person here that says ugly things during stress but I'm good with it.

Some would hate my marriage. There are days that we flat out tell the other what to do and how it's going to happen. We have the weird marriage like that. This morning at 1am my husband's phone rang and at 1:10am he was telling me to wake up and get dressed that he needed my help. Not alot of time for discussion about me not wanting to get up or that it was cold out or that I didn't know why or who or what but I did the odd thing of supporting my husband by dragging my behind up and dressed and out the door no questions asked.

Last month I called my husband and told him he needed to be dressed and ready for something on a particular day and time. He didn't ask questions. He simply said done. I kinda like having a marriage where we can just tell the other to do something. It does work.

 

[declansdad]

If it's that important for the dh to go to Disney World, then he could go by himself, if he really wanted to. Might be more ideal for the family to go together, but if he's that intent on going NOW, then send him on his way.

I also don't think it's a big deal to postpone the trip until May. Yes, there may be non-refundable costs involved, but if I had a relative who I was REALLY CLOSE TO, whether it were a parent, sibling, cousin, aunt/uncle, etc., I probably wouldn't want to be a long distance from home if they were pretty ill, which it sounds like this great aunt may be. And maybe the great aunt has been ill for a lengthy period time, as well.

The dh sounds a bit spoiled, IMO. If my dh behaved this way, under these circumstances, I would not be very pleased with him.

Are you not simply making a judgment about the husband based on what the op said? The posters who have made a judgment about the wife based on her post have been told they are couldn't possibly make that call based on the info given.

.

 

[Luv'sTink]

Man I love the dis!! Ten pages of nothing but speculation about other's speculations.

From the OP's previous thread, I would guess that she is close to her aunt or more so worried about her own grandmother's reaction to the illness or death of this aunt. Sometimes it's about more than the dead person; it's about the ones the death affects.

Was it handled badly? Sure. Sounds like a good airing out needs to happen but I also know that stress can cause some ugly conversations. I understand that I'm the only imperfect person here that says ugly things during stress but I'm good with it.

Some would hate my marriage. There are days that we flat out tell the other what to do and how it's going to happen. We have the weird marriage like that. This morning at 1am my husband's phone rang and at 1:10am he was telling me to wake up and get dressed that he needed my help. Not alot of time for discussion about me not wanting to get up or that it was cold out or that I didn't know why or who or what but I did the odd thing of supporting my husband by dragging my behind up and dressed and out the door no questions asked.

Last month I called my husband and told him he needed to be dressed and ready for something on a particular day and time. He didn't ask questions. He simply said done. I kinda like having a marriage where we can just tell the other to do something. It does work.

Me too!

 

[ols386]

Are you not simply making a judgment about the husband based on what the op said? The posters who have made a judgment about the wife based on her post have been told they are couldn't possibly make that call based on the info given.

.

Yes, I am making a judgment about the dh based on what the op said. Since I don't know him or his side of the story, so to speak, then I can only go by what the op said. If I heard his side of the story, then I might change my mind. In the scope of thing, I hardly think my judgment or opinion really matters anyway.

I don't believe I said anything about other posters' remarks. What does that have to do with what I posted.

 

[padams]

OP and her spouse need to work on their communication skills. They both have some growing up to do. Medical school (and residency) is a huge commitment, and can be a rough road for even the best of marriages.

 

[declansdad]

Yes, I am making a judgment about the dh based on what the op said. Since I don't know him or his side of the story, so to speak, then I can only go by what the op said. If I heard his side of the story, then I might change my mind. In the scope of thing, I hardly think my judgment or opinion really matters anyway.

I don't believe I said anything about other posters' remarks. What does that have to do with what I posted.

Other posters were called on it, why not you?

 

[Poohforyou]

OP I was VERY close to my great aunt. She and my great grandmother lived together on the same street as me growing up... She was an amazing woman, one of my favorite people in the world. I lost her about 8 years ago. I would have been very mad if my dh wanted to go on vacation in stead of be with her during her last days... my 2nd dd is named after her... I miss her a lot. she was one of the best people. I hope your great aunt gets well soon.

In a healthy, happy marriage, partners support each other in a time of need. They don't throw tantrums when plans have to change due to a serious illness.

I just asked DH (via text) about the situation and having to reschedule a vacation due to an ill family member. His answer? "Of course...wouldn't anyone?".

Obviously not. I'm glad we're on the same page when it comes to a situation such as this.

The trip has been rescheduled for a few months away, not canceled...which many people seem to be ignoring.

So you asked your dh what he thought about rescheduling a vacation because of a sick family member, if only the op had done the same. . .

 

[marmalade]

I just want to point out that being a "great" aunt doesn't mean you are old. My cousin is a 38yr old great uncle. I have a 18yr old niece that even if she has a baby at 25 would make me a 40yr old great aunt.

 

[wvjules]

I must have missed the post where the OP said her aunt was actively dying.

 

[ols386]

Other posters were called on it, why not you?

Ah, so it's about calling out others.

Whatever.

I didn't call anyone out. Was just giving my honest opinion.

 

[ols386]

DH and I were supposed to head to Florida yesterday for Disney, however prior to us leaving my great aunt fell ill. She ended up passing out and vomitting and her status is deteriorating. I told DH back on thursday to be on notice to change the date of our trip. Much to my dismay, she has gotten much worse since and I told DH on friday that we needed to put the trip on the back burner. He wasn't happy! We rebooked for May.

He threw a fit like toddler and went on this entire rant that I'm putting my needs before his (his need being a trip...) and that we weren't going to get a trip in this year. (I was accepted into Med school this fall! ) It was all soooo irrational, and it got to the point that he slept on the couch.

He got to have his superbowl sunday with his buddies, but man, his attitude is awful!

Sorry, needed to vent that out.

I must have missed the post where the OP said her aunt was actively dying.

She said the aunt's status was deteriorating. Not sure if that's the same as saying that one is dying, but it doesn't sound particularly good either.

 

[timmac]

It's always the woman who's at fault in threads like these...

On the contrary, it's the woman who seems to think it's all the man's fault, and posts about it on a public message board.

Reality is, we have one side of the story, and even that, is from the mouth of someone who is clearly in a state of frustration and very upset... not a recipe for getting a good factual account of much.

From what little we do know, though, it does somewhat like the OP made a commandment of how things would be, when perhaps more discussion would have been more fruitful. It also sounds like the husband's reaction may have been over the top. But really, we don't know too much. In reality, there's usually a bit of fault on both sides.

 

[declansdad]

Ah, so it's about calling out others.

Whatever.

I didn't call anyone out. Was just giving my honest opinion.

Simply making a point. If it is wrong for one side, why isn't it for the other?

I have no idea what the op did and she hasn't returned to explain so there isn't eough information to decide what kind of person either of them are.


Here is a question for you (general you):

When is a vent a tantrum and a tantrum a vent?

 

[wvjules]

She said the aunt's status was deteriorating. Not sure if that's the same as saying that one is dying, but it doesn't sound particularly good either.

No but it also doesn't mean that she is dying. My pappy is in the hospital right now. From the time he got to the hospital until the time they got him checked-in to a room, he deterioriated. As far as I know he's not dying. He's not well but also not dying, KWIM?

 

[luvmy3]

Other posters were called on it, why not you?

Called out on what, reading the words in the OP and basing our opinions on that instead of filling in the blanks of what we think they did/said? Yes, I am guilty of reading the OP and basing my opinions on what she said, you caught me, what was I thinking.

 

[timmac]

Just adding, now having read through 12 pages... even if the OP's account of what happened was 100% spot on factually accurate, there's still the fact that not every detail of the story is presented here; more than likely, that's going to portray things in a light that isn't 100% accurate. Probably best (in my opinion) not to pass too much judgment based on those events.

What we do know, however, is that OP came to a message board to badmouth her DH. I don't know how many people would be okay with their partner badmouthing them.

 

[luvmy3]

Just adding, now having read through 12 pages... even if the OP's account of what happened was 100% spot on factually accurate, there's still the fact that not every detail of the story is presented here; more than likely, that's going to portray things in a light that isn't 100% accurate. Probably best (in my opinion) not to pass too much judgment based on those events.

What we do know, however, is that OP came to a message board to badmouth her DH. I don't know how many people would be okay with their partner badmouthing them.

I'd be okay with my dh badmouthing my behavior on an anonymous message board. Heck, I'd even be okay if he called his brother to vent too. Call me crazy like that, I don't feel that my dh should never utter a negative word about my behavior if I do something that bothers him.

 

[BillSears]

I know my Mother would throw a fit if I canceled a Disney vacation because she was sick. She would want me to go no matter what. For a Great Aunt I wouldn't even think of cancelling.

Unless you're a primary care giver I think you shouldn't cancel.

 

[ols386]

No but it also doesn't mean that she is dying. My pappy is in the hospital right now. From the time he got to the hospital until the time they got him checked-in to a room, he deterioriated. As far as I know he's not dying. He's not well but also not dying, KWIM?

Yes, I know what you mean, and I think it depends on the situation.

Also depends on how close one is to the individual who is "deteriorating".

As stated earlier, if it's someone I'm close to, no matter what my relationship is to them, then I might decide that I don't want to be far away, during the time when they are ill and/or deteriorating.

Simply making a point. If it is wrong for one side, why isn't it for the other?
I have no idea what the op did and she hasn't returned to explain so there isn't eough information to decide what kind of person either of them are.


Here is a question for you (general you):

When is a vent a tantrum and a tantrum a vent?

I didn't say it was right or wrong for either side. I just thought it was interesting that you had to call me out, for the sake of calling me out.

Since you asked the question about what is a vent and what is a tantrum, what is your personal opinion about the difference, if there is a difference?

 

[sunshinehighway]

What we do know, however, is that OP came to a message board to badmouth her DH. I don't know how many people would be okay with their partner badmouthing them.

Where else is she gonna vent to about it? "Hey mom (or sis, aunt, etc) DH is mad that Great Aunt's health problems are interfering with his Disney trip" Yeah that sounds like a good idea.

I have a close family, I understand that some people don't, but I do. If someone, who is important to me and my family, was dying there is no way I could go on vacation and enjoy myself. The only opinion on whether or not to go that would matter, would be mine. That doesn't mean I'm a control freak or self centered. It simply means that this is something so important to me that I have to do what is best for me. Sometimes you have to put what you want first because you have to life with your decisions.