DH is just not supportive!!!

[FreshTressa]

My adorable husband loves the 'fat' me. He says I was always fine before and he loved how I looked.

Now, he says I feel hard and not cozy and that I am not fun, since I don't make wicked desserts or go to fun restaurants anymore. He also hates that I don't stay at the dinner table and that I leave in the evenings to go to the gym.

It is getting to be quite a contention in the relationship.

I try to explain to him that it is for my health, but he says that I wasn't that big before, and it is normal for women to be a little pudgy.

Argh, I do not know how to make him feel better about this!

 

[thotfulspot]

I think it's wonderful that he was so accepting of the rounder you, but it sounds like he's feeling threatened by change. Maybe he's afraid that he can't keep up with the hot babe he's married to?

I would suggest sitting down with him where there are no distractions and no time pressure, and tell him how you feel about the lack of support that you see from him. I'm almost positive there was more to your relationship than decadent desserts and cool restaurants -- try reminding him of all the things that you do together that are even more fun when your self-image and confidence are better than before.

I'm a big believer in shared mealtimes, so would it be possible for you to linger at the table longer so the two of you can talk, even if you've long since finished eating? If time is a problem, maybe starting your dinner earlier would help.

And how about if he joins you at the gym in the evenings? Maybe he feels that all the positive changes you've been making don't include him, and he doesn't know where he fits in anymore.

Some people just dislike change -- he might just need some help finding his way to adapt.

Good luck!

 

[webray]

Is your hubby on the pudgy side???

You can still make great desserts..within the guidlines of whatever plan you are following..which one is it???

You should give yourself a little time after dinner before rushing to the gym....gym/dinner times can be adjusted to make you both happy.

Usually when a hubby is not supportive..it is his own low self esteem or jealousy over your accomplishments.

 

[FreshTressa]

No, he is at a good weight...around 150. I don't think he feels threatened by it, I think part of it is just change in general.

He won't work out with me, he hates gyms. Well, hopefully he learns to adjust!

 

[Hollyann]

Best of luck. I wish I had some magical advice for you. I agree with thotfulspot....hash it out! Let us know how it goes.

 

[LAinSEA]

It's about looking the best you can for him and yourself.

Being healthy so that you will have a long life together.

Being supportive of your goals as well as his goals and your family's goals - now and in the future.

Hang in there...I got hijacked and taken out for mudpie last night. (I forgive him.)

-Laurie

 

[septbride2002]

First off it sounds like it is time for a nice long chat. It sounds to me like your hubby might be missing you socially. He hates that you get up from the dinner table and leave him there still eating, and he misses going to fun resturants. I don't think he is worried or jealous about your weight loss - but that he is just missing spending quality time with you.

It is important to talk this through - that you need to do what is good for you physically but there also still needs to be room for your relationship as well. Maybe you could do date night one night a week - if you are prepared for it then you should be able to make it fit into your plan.

Explain the desserts and that even though he is happy with you no matter what your weight - that you were unhappy with yourself and therefore not happy at all. And that it is important that you be happy therefore you have given up desserts in order to be happier 24 hours a day rather then the 10 minutes of enjoying the dessert.

Good Luck to you and be sure to tell us how it goes!

~Amanda