DH dropped a bombshell on me last night..

[JESW]

He got a phone call from his brother where he told him that he and his wife (can't put DW..) are having problems and are talking divorce! These two were just married 12/01! 15 months! DH was the best man and DS8 was the ring bearer. They got pregnant on their honeymoon and their DS was born 9/02. Some of you may remember me posting asking for prayers and pixie dust since SIL was diagnosed with pregnancy-induced hypertensiona and they were afraid for their unborn son and dr's took him a week early and he was fine.

I am just in shock and very, very sad! Supposedly sil claims that she was not ready for a committment and should never have gottern married. These two are not young kids - they are both 35. She had been engaged before and called it off. Right now we are only hearing one side, but it seems to be she is the one who wants the split. And what happens to that sweet little 5 month old boy of theirs? They just bought a $425,000. house that they couldn't afford....wait until my IL's hear this! I know my MIL will not be surprised as she and I had talks about them before. Just so sad...

DH & I will celebrate 16 years of marriage in June - we are thinking about doing it at Disney. Last night we were talking and saying how marriage is VERY tough and you have to work at it all the time. I don't know their lives, but it seems like such a short time to just give in. DH's parents were married 50 years last September and my parents celebrated 60 (!!) years. You talk to any of the four of them and they will also agree that it's A LOT of work..

Jill

 

[Big Disney Fan]

Originally posted by JESW
marriage is VERY tough and you have to work at it all the time.

I couldn't agree more Jill. DH & I just celebrated our 9th anniversary at WDW and we're very happy, but we work at it! It think that buying a $400,000 house that they can't afford is crazy! It only adds to the pressure.

I hope everything works out for the best.

 

[Cindy B]

Buying a home you can not afford really does add to the stress.


I've been married going on 12 years this year. It is hard work, sometimes you have to perservere, and you do grow in the process.

 

[RUDisney]

Jill, it's hard for anyone to hear that people whom they care about are calling it quits. For my BIL, it was only 6 months before his wife threw in the towel. You can suggest counciling to your BIL, but if SIL won't go, or won't actively participate, it's pointless. I hope they can work out their differences before they end their marriage. Not wanting a commitment sounds like she needs some counciling or prozac. Maybe she's just overwhelmed by everything. She has a baby... she has a lifelong commitment, whether she wants it now or not.

I hope everything, in the end, will work out for the best for both of them.

 

[caitycaity]

fwiw, dh and i were married 11/01 and we've had our share of rough times, but we've gotten through them. one time the d-word was mentioned, but we worked it out.

either way, i hope things work out the best for them. i don't really know their situation, but maybe divorce is the best option.

 

[grinningghost]

This is really a sad situation. I agree, they may have bit off more than they could chew and it's causing the marriage to fall apart. I think they need to sit down and reassess things before they get a divorce. Marriage is so wonderful when it's going well, but I don't think anyone's marriage is perfect all the time. There will be bumps (sometimes big ones) along the way - I'm sorry they're having serious problems this soon. Good luck to them.

 

[Olaf]

Tales like this make me want to cringe. Dr Laura drives me nuts, but she's dead on about our responsibilities to the children we bring into this world. Somebody needs to kick those two in the teeth a remind them that that baby and HIS needs come first, not theirs.

Sorry to get preachy.

 

[2disneywego]

Just to echo everyone else, marriage is work, but the rewards are endless.

When we were at the Dr on Monday, the Dr turned to my DH and said "You'd better appreciate your wife, she's a great one. You wouldn't believe how many marriages I see break up when something like this happens." I think that's so sad. Doesn't "for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health" mean anything anymore?

 

[Dream]

Guess I'm gonna add a little different perspective to this discussion guys. Sounds like this couple needs the SUPPORT of the in laws....not the "I told you sos". And while it is a shame that a child is involved, a happy life is important for ALL ...not just that child. Life is never perfect...we just have to aim for the best we can do. Mistakes will happen. Hard work HAS to happen. But sacrificing your own happiness and staying together "for the sake of the children" isn't the answer either. I wish this couple good luck!!!

 

[SeaShelley]

I couldn't agree more with your post Dream. Happiness for all should be the key. If parents stay together in an unhappy, loveless marriage it doesn't set a very good example for any child involved. I believe it places an undo amount of stress on a child. IMO, Dr. Laura is a quack.

I do agree that marriage is work, but to classify it as very tough seems harsh IMO. I guess my DH and I view marriage more as a verb than a noun. It's a work in progress. We will celebrate our 13th anniversary this coming October.

Jill, I wish your brother and family all the best.

 

[Miss Jasmine]

There may be things going on in the marriage that you don't know about. I wouldn't jump to conclusions, I wouldn't take one side over the other. I would probably call and say I was there if either of them needed anything.

I agree with Dream, this is not a time for the "I told you so's".

 

[melk]

Jill,
So sorry to hear your bad news. But I'm afraid it's all too common these days. We had a similar "shocking" phone call a few years ago from DH's uncle. Decided to leave his wife on their 25th wedding anniversary ("just didn't love her anymore"). Turned out he had been having an affair for years, divorced his wife and married his mistress. To say the family was in shock is an understatement. I guess my point is that you just don't know what's going on (not to say there's an affair in this case--could she possibly be having some post-partum issues?). Will they at least consider counseling?
Take care.

 

[JESW]

Thanks for the replies. Still don't know anything new. It's true that we don't know both sides of the story - but I don't remember saying anything about "I told you so" in the original post. ??? I would never say that to a couple! My IL's would never say that either. I know that they will be very sad.

Not too long ago DH's sister divorced her husband of over 15 years. They had adopted and that intensified a lot of the issues they had before. It just seems like there is so much of it lately. My brother was recently divorced - and then married for the third time.. One of my nieces called off her wedding less than a month before it when she decided that she no longer loved her fiance. (they had been living together for years) She is now on her third relationship since then.

We don't know if there is another person on either side. They both had ended relationships not too long before they got together. They had been friends before and then became more. And we are not sure if SIL means she does not want a committment with her son - or just not one with BIL.

I'm trying not to be judgemental because I don't know what their lives are about, but giving a marriage just 15 months just doesn't seem like a long time. It's true that they shouldn't stay together just for their son, but what in the world did they think marriage would be like??? They had lived together for over a year so it's not as if there could have been any great surprises??? DH & I were talking about how tough our first years were. We were both 26 - not kids - but it was a BIG adjustment. But for us it was worth fighting for.

Sigh. Just sad all around.

 

[Saffron]

Awww. Divorce affects not only the couple and the children of the couple involved, but the entire family and their friends sometimes, too. I understand why you feel so sad. Once the dust settles it gets better, it really does,

 

[luv2nascar]

my ex SIL threw my brother out after two months of marriage
she moved another guy in 2 weeks later
they divorced needless to say
not taking sides
they need prayers more than anything
but I really don't think some people think before they get married
BIL from above told gf he wasn't ready to get married
when she got in the family way they married two months later
it hasn't been a year yet and baby is here
I'm waiting for the separation or divorce
I figure it can only be a matter of time