depressed college student

[Tiggeroo]

I know it seems like alot of child related stuff from me lately but that's how it is.
If you had a child who was away at school and struggling with depression would you bring him home. We've tried some things. There have been alot of improvements such as in academics and with sleeping at night but the depression is still there. He speaks to a counselor sporadically but isn't really good about squeezing the apointments in with school Basically Ithink he's depressed and therefore not getting up and into the office. When I talk to him on the phone sometimes it seems to be getting better, and then it's worst. I'm really starting to get concerned. His recent decision is to finish out this school year and then transfer. The reason he is at this school is because he is running xc and track and this is very important to him. No local schools have this program. He has decided to hire a coach and compete unattached at the races.
I am concerned that even waiting until spring will be too long. And yet I hate to see him leave a school and a running program he loves because he is depressed. I was hoping he would see a counselor regularly, feel somewhat better and be able to make a more objective decision. Now I'm wondering if I should play parent and make him come home, giving him an out that maybe he wants.

 

[christineann]

to you and your family. Has the counselor given him any advice about staying? I hope things get better soon.

 

[Blueeyes101817]

Is it a possibility to transfer after this semester?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Is he in danger? Bottom line that would be my criteria for bringing him home.
If he is not in danger he is going to be depressed there or at home. Location is not going to change that.
It would be more prudent for him to get help there if he can.
But...he is not going to see his therapist, which is not good.

You are going to have to trust your gut, I think, on this one....
{{{{HUGS}}}}

 

[Tiggeroo]

he hasn't seen the counselor enough for them to give him input. He could transfer at the end of this semester but wants to run spring track so he has some times to show other schools. His coach went out on a limb to have him stay in the program when he was placed on academic probation and he feels bad if he doesn't at least run spring for him. I am just wondering if he wants me to interfere. It sounds like he just wants to be home and is exagerating the depression so he can be home. In which case I should bring him home if he's unhappy enough to do that.

 

[Hannathy]

Will he be coming home for Thanksgiving? Even if it is expensive it may be the break and recharging time he needs. I think this is a hard time at school, the newness and excitement has worn off, work is getting hard, roommates aren't on best behavior anymore, it's dark and cold in the morning,etc. Unless he is suicidal I think I'd let him stick it out. It won't help his self esteem if he thinks he quit and hurt his coach and lets everyone down. I'd send a bunch of care packages and pep letters and good luck.

 

[ColoradoBuffaloMom]

Does he live on campus or off campus? If he lives on campus, has he talked to his RA or Hall Director? I'd encourage him to talk to the Hall Director since most have counseling experience. The counselor he is seeing is probably more qualifed but the Residence Hall staff can at least encourage him to see the counselor and they can keep an eye on him.

You could also call the Res Hall office and talk to the Hall Director. Due to confidentiality rules, they may not be able to tell you a lot but my guess is they will follow up with your son.

If your son isn't on campus, then disregard this...

Bottom line...go with your gut feeling.

 

[Caradana]

When he comes home for Thanksgiving, take him to a counselor and have a talk about antidepressants. I spent six months on Zoloft as a college freshman (eight years ago ... wow) and it turned everything around. I found the college adjustment to be really hard initially (I was also dealing with my biological father's arrest and my eventual stepfather's cancer diagnosis ... it was a tough time) ... there is absolutely zero shame in asking for help, and I think if you take control and say "we're going", he'll go.

 

[Hedy]

:: Honestly, it's a really hard call. I'm a recent college graduate who has a history of severe depression; and I moderate an internet community for college students with mental illnesses, and all I can really tell you is that it's hard. It's an incredibly messy call to make of the benefits of school/routine vs. benefits of treatment. I might suggest that you try making a deal with your son-has he gotten treatment at all? Could he try for a diagnosis there?
You'll need it. Familyaware.org might help too.

 

[Buckalew11]

I know you are mixed about what to do and no one can really tell you what is best.

2 years ago there was a boy here who wanted to transfer out and his parents wouldn't let him. He and his girlfriend both came here together and she loved it and he hated it. He begged her to transfer and she didn't want to. He begeed his parents to allow him to leave and they said no. He was losing his girlfriend and losing the fight with his parents so I think he was so desparate he decided to *show them he wasn't kidding around* about this unhappiness. The ending is not good and I do not wish to scare you but I am feel the need to share this. I know your son isn't esp. asking for a transfer but if he really feels the need to leave, because of this situation that I know of, I would really think about it and talk with him.

I also know of another tragic story about a depressed guy on a campus. This young man's depression was the kind that lasts a long time (started at puberty when his folks divorced). (The other boy's was more the situation in his life). But both ended in tragedy and, therefore, I am very sensitive to young people and their struggles and sadness.
Please talk with him at length and try to find out how bad his situation is and how depressed he is feeling. Your boys will both be in my prayers, Tiggeroo.

 

[almacdonald]

When i moved away to univeristy I was home sick and upset and depressed for a long time. I didn't know anyone in the city I moved to and was having a hard time making friends because i was one of the few who weren't old enough to go out to the bars (I was only 17.)

What kept me going was the thought of going home even if it was only for a weekend every month or so. I'd count down the days til my next visit home from the day I got back to school. I'd bawl like a baby when my mom put me on the plane. We would talk on the phone every night for hours and I would cry and tell her I wanted to come home.

I stuck it out because I knew I had to. I am not cut out to do manual labor and I needed an education to have a career that I would find enjoyable. It took me 5 years to get my degree and I honestly wasn't happy at school until after my 3rd year when my boyfriend moved here.

On my graduation day, my mom told me that she had me registered at the college in our home town because she really didn't think I'd go through with moving away (She works in student services at the college so she can do this kind of thing ) She kept me registered as long as possible because she really thought she'd be moving me home before the end of the 1st year.

Anyway, my point is that everyone is different. Lots of people that I lived with loved every aspect of university life but it just didn't appeal to me. I saw it as one of those things I had to do and now I am very glad I did it. Have a serious talk about how your child feels, maybe they feel like I did or maybe they truly want out. It must be really hard to be a parent in this situation, i have no idea how my mom did it. Luckily it's almost thanksgiving down there and soon after that it will be winter break. If you can sneak a trip in before thanksgiving that might cheer him up too. Good luck, growing up sucks sometimes

 

[minkydog]

Yes, if my child was depressed i would consider bringing him home. True depression can turn life-threatening. No scholarship on earth can compete with that.

I was in my senior year of nursing school when my family life blew apart. I was away at school, but it didn't matter; I was affected deeply by my parent's nasty divorce. Pretty soon I was barely functioning. I will always be grateful to the teacher who went out on a limb and called my mother. When my mom came up and saw me herself, she knew immediately I needed help. Thankfully, I got better and the school let me take my exams at the beginning of the next semester.

At the very least you need to take a trip up to school and check things out for a week. Very few kids can hide that kind of illness from their mamas. If he really is depressed, perhaps you can help him get on track with the counselor. If he's severely depressed, then load him up and bring him home.

 

[ThreeMusketeers]

I am SO sorry to hear this! Huggs for you and your family!! While my DH was in College he became Very depressed to for a while. He was so bad that he would blackout at work and wake up in the hall and not remember laying down. It was EXHAUSTION! And the fact that underlying he did not like the track he was on career wise. I would try and find out why your son is depressed. And go from there. If it is severe and he is not going to counceling. What makes you think he is really going to class to? I know when I get depressed I don't do anything. Maybe you could talk to a councelor about his symptoms and get an objective proffesional opinion. Thanksgiving seems a ways away for me if he is seriously ill. If this is mild depression and he is still getting up to attend classes than I would go ahead and let him recharge over break. Talk with him then and see if you can pinpoint a problem area. How old is he? Is this is first year away from home? Were the two of you really close? Was he really close to someone he has just moved away from or lost? What is the Soul of the depression?
Good Luck. Let us know what happens!
Best Wishes and God Bless.

 

[DisneyBlonde]

Is he a freshman? Is he clinically depressed, or having adjustment issues? As someone else mentioned if he's in danger, school shouldn't be a priority. Is the counselor a campus counselor or is he seeing someone privately?

Hugs to you all.

 

[LukenDC]

Depression is very common among college students. I would encourage him to see a psychiatrist regularly for therapy and, if appropriate, medication. Many colleges also have mental health peer support groups.

Pulling him out of school mid-semester might make his life more complicated and lead to even more stress and depression. How would a decision like that affect his GPA? How easy would it be to re-enroll? How would he feel about losing touch with the class that he entered school with?


College is one of life's major transitions and it can be difficult. The most important thing is for you to be supportive and to help him explore the options that are available to him.

 

[Tiggeroo]

He is a sophomore. This started a little bit frosh year. But apparently school was going poorly, he was lying to alot of people about it and developed a serious insomnia problem. He also had a friend commit suicide and another die in a car accident. These weren't close friends but buddies he worked with and played cards with. He was homesick and missed his friends and alot of other things. Then he got hurt and missed a whole season of track, came into spring with no training and so did poorly. I found out about the school thing and acting on concerns I'd had in hs, which his counselor fought me on, took him to a good educational psychologist for testing. She diagnosed ADHD, and some other learning problems as well as bringing up the insomnia and depression as things that needed dealing with. She felt this was all connected to the adhd and academic stress. We got alot of help with this and were recommended to start counseling in student health center where they had a good program. He was also told to work with the educational psychologist to deal with the academic related issues. He got medication for the adhd and support services. Grades have made a major improvement and he's attending classes. But there's a huge amount of pressure here as he needed a considerable improvement for athletic eligibility. He will probably do it but there's a slim chance that it will take an extra semester. Last week was home and told dr about the sleep problem. He gave him a mild sleep med which has helped alot also. He says he's finally sleeping.
He has only gone to the psychologist once, apparently. Never follows up on it. I'm attempting to get a psychiatrist appt. but there are long waits. I am sure he needs an anti-depressant. But I don't want him on one unless he's going to be seeing a counselor as well as I'm concerned that as his depression lifts he might get suicidal which hasn't been a threat.
I'm going to go to his school over the next week and together we are going to the health center. I am going to tell him I need proof that he's getting in to see a psych or I won't ok him sticking out the next semester. Half the time this seems like homesickness that he should tough out. But there are times when I get truly concerned. I would arrange private counseling if the school isn't good enough but logistically it will be alot harder then going on campus. Plus it's even more likely he'll miss that. I'm also concerned about all the meds. He might end up on the adhd med, sleeping med, and an anti-depressant and he won't be home so I can monitor how he adjusts to these.

 

[Tiggeroo]

and academically this decision really doesn't matter. He's getting a lit degree with an art minor along with a teaching cert. He will either go into journalism or teaching. He can do this just as well at local college. But he'll lose some independence being home. I'm also not fond of the kids who stayed home and are in CC. They are generally the unmotivated ones who like to skip class. It's the running he'll lose. He plans to run unattached with a private coach but that just won't be the same as being on a team. Also running for a D1 school will make it easier to get a hs coaching job which is also part of his plan.

 

[rie'smom]

I would say if you can't get an appointment with a psychiatrist,then get one with your family doctor. Have him prescribe an anti depressant and then your son can follow up with the psychiarist. Believe me,I speak from personal experience,don't play around with this. If your son is functioning and able to participate in class and concentrate enough to make decent grades, then his depression may not be severe. True severe depression can make it impossible to function. Still,talk to your son and find out what he feels he needs to do. Let him know that it's ok to come home if he feels like he needs this. He may be waiting for you to let him know that it's ok. You both are in my heart and in my prayers.

 

[noodleknitter]

When he comes home for Thanksgiving, take him to a counselor and have a talk about antidepressants. I spent six months on Zoloft as a college freshman (eight years ago ... wow) and it turned everything around. I found the college adjustment to be really hard initially (I was also dealing with my biological father's arrest and my eventual stepfather's cancer diagnosis ... it was a tough time) ... there is absolutely zero shame in asking for help, and I think if you take control and say "we're going", he'll go.

I'd talk with your doc. The right anti-depressant could help with the sleep issues, too, so that you aren't piling on meds.

 

[I Love Pluto]

Please get some help either from your MD or from a psychologist. Whether or not he stays at school for the long haul is only part of the issue. The depression is what concerns me more.

A friend of mine recently lost her 17 year old grandaughter to suicide. The family ignored her depression. If only they had a second chance to act on some signs that were only subtle, then she may still be here.

Thanks for listening to me. Hug your son.