Delimma and I'm not bothering with an alias UPDATE -page 4

[PrincessKitty1]

It's a tough thing to do, but I agree you need to think about the fact that they are trying to use you, and let that put steel in your spine so that you are not so worried about hurting feelings. The person you invited KNOWS she was rude to invite the 2nd person.

Of course you don't want to be rude because you want to maintain a professional relationship with these women as much as possible, but I agree with what Green Tea said-just explain you can only take one person, period. No extensive explanations or anything to give them wiggle room.

 

[ColoradoMom!!]

. . .that the co-worker I invited would invite the other one without my consent.

This is the bottom line, and it actually has nothing to do with feelings. She was wrong to ask without your consent period.

The broken record technique is the best because you don't owe them an explanation. Just say, "I'm sorry, but I have decided that I should take this trip by myself." If they ask why you say, "I am really sorry, but I have decided that I will be taking this trip by myself." But, but, but, and you say, "I'm sorry, but I have decided that I will be taking this trip by myself."

 

[Buckalew11]

Deals off- you invited one person not 2. Talk with the person you originally invited and explain that it was a one person deal. She made the mess now she gets to clean it up. If not- go alone.

Go with this advice and do it tomorrow.

See, I've read your posts here for awhile I can't believe you even feel stuck in this situation. You always sound like a take charge type lady. So, put on your DIS face and DO IT!!

If you don't, you'll be sorry. I can't believe your co-worker did this to you w/o asking. Let her know this is NOT OK with you.

 

[robinb]

I might just tell her that my Mom will keep the kids and hubby is coming. I'm thinking that might be the only way. I did tell her there was ONE king bed and they both cheerfully said we could all squeeze in, b/c "we would be so drunk it wouldn't matter where we slept". Ummmm, no, I won't be getting snockered with 7 am classes.

Oh my goodness! You are in a pickle! Given that they are perfectly happy with 3 to a bed, or one on the floor or whatever I think you simply need to tell the truth. You invited the first friend and three is a crowd. Good luck!

 

[Jillpie]

Tell me, how exactly did coworker #1 explain how she invited this person without your okay first?? Common sense always strikes me first when I read posts like yours, and this just doesn't make sense to me. So she just went completely behind your back, had a discussion with her and then invited her, thinking that was okay? Help me here.

 

[kidzmom3]

I think you missed your best opportunity to deal with this when it was first brought up by the second co-worker. This was your time to say flat out that this is a work conference not a vacation. I am inferring from your subsequent posts (ie the bed) that you have had a least one additional conversation about this trip. They are probably thinking you are as excited as they are about the trip. Hurt feelings will occur and your relationship with them will be forever changed. The question now is, would uninviting them now be worth it to you? (not to me or anyone else on the board)

 

[Rebelmom67]

Go with this advice and do it tomorrow.

See, I've read your posts here for awhile I can't believe you even feel stuck in this situation. You always sound like a take charge type lady. So, put on your DIS face and DO IT!!

If you don't, you'll be sorry. I can't believe your co-worker did this to you w/o asking. Let her know this is NOT OK with you.

Thank you, I do usually have more brains than this. I just don't want any hard feelings because they could both make my life very miserable if they get too mad. One schedules appointments and one is the infection control lady. If they got too mad at me, I could have a big headache. I am going to tell them that they can't go. It will probably be ugly, but they didn't think of me.

Tell me, how exactly did coworker #1 explain how she invited this person without your okay first?? Common sense always strikes me first when I read posts like yours, and this just doesn't make sense to me. So she just went completely behind your back, had a discussion with her and then invited her, thinking that was okay? Help me here.

Co worker #2 just came up to me and told me her intentions of going with us "to have fun", and that Coworker 1 invited her. They both started in on "how much fun we would have". NOT.

 

[kaytieeldr]

I recently had this happen to me, but we're teenage girls so obviously it was a different story. I didn't really care as the other girl I've been casual with for a long time, but we're not best friends. It irked me for a bit as I totally didn't remember saying it was okay for her to come.
But when business is involved, you need to cover YOUR butt and not THEIRS. Don't feel bad about hurting their feelings because they don't have any remorse about hurting yours.

So how is it that you, as a teenager, have a better sense of what's acceptable than the poor OP's coworkers do?

The broken record technique is the best because you don't owe them an explanation. Just say, "I'm sorry, but I have decided that I should take this trip by myself." If they ask why you say, "I am really sorry, but I have decided that I will be taking this trip by myself." But, but, but, and you say, "I'm sorry, but I have decided that I will be taking this trip by myself."

! No excuses, just keep repeating this one response. Any time you provide an excuse, you give the conversatee* the opportunity to refute.

 

[imabrat]

So how is it that you, as a teenager, have a better sense of what's acceptable than the poor OP's coworkers do?

I was raised with manners.

No, I just would NEVER dream of doing that because it would feel so out of place and rude, and I hate upsetting people most of the time. I'm a little bit more observant than most so I kinda get what's "socially acceptable".

OP, I totally understand your point about them making your life miserable. However, I think you can't really make friends in this situation, you need to cover your butt first and foremost. Some people may not like it, but I wouldn't give a damn. Your job and learning to your potential is more important than pleasing your coworkers.
I hope everything goes okay.

 

[JR6ooo4]

In diplomatic words, tell the first guest that this is a CE trip FIRST. Early mornings means dinner and early bed. (well not super late bed)... I mean, we are not in our 20s anymore are we?

and not trying to get some sleep with two drunkards in the same bed. And if they are really that drunk, they will probably fart!

Mikeeee

 

[disykat]

"Gee, I'm so sorry. X must have misunderstood when I invited her. This is a business trip for me and I won't be able to party and will be getting up early for class. I guess I'll have to just go by myself this time. Maybe we can do a just for fun trip sometime. (Not!) Sorry it didn't work out."

Remember, you are not apologizing about not taking them, you are only saying you are sorry they can't go on this business oriented trip with you. You are STUCK going by yourself because they've made it clear they don't want a business oriented trip. Make it clear by your behavior that YOU are the injured party because they don't want to accompany you on a business trip.

There is no way they can turn this one around on YOU. You have the room, you need a good night's sleep for your classes. THEY are the ones not willing to go under those circumstances. If they try to turn it around on you, act confused and turn it right back around on them. "I am so hurt that you are treating me like a way to get a cheap party weekend when you know I have business classes. "

 

[FireDancer]

Most hotel rooms charge extra for a 3rd occupant (even if this one doesn't they don't know that) and since work is paying there is no way your accounting department will approve the extra charge.

What's that, you'll pay the difference. It is booked on the corporate card and with all the cut backs from the economy you wouldn't want to appear to be taking advantage of the system. I guess you will have to just go alone...darn economy and cut backs.

On a side note. I work with friends and in no way, even if I was just going with them, would I be drunk on a business trip. There are just things you don't do in the business world once you are a big boy or girl.

 

[2BigKIdz]

Un invite them. There really isn't room for 3. Especially if its only one king bed. Tell your friend that the room is for two, and the other person can't stay there. If she backs out, find another friend. I find it rude that she invited someone on her invite. And I woulnd't want to go bar hopping after classes either. Maybe wind down at dinner with a drink, but no clubs or anything.

That is exactly what I was going to post.

 

[ma2jr]

Deals off- you invited one person not 2. Talk with the person you originally invited and explain that it was a one person deal. She made the mess now she gets to clean it up. If not- go alone.

I agree... or just tell her your husband/sister/sister-in-law/best friend just free-ed up and wants to come and you invited them first and now you can't get out of it.

 

[Renesmee]

I don't know, I guess I never would have invited co-worker #1 in the first place. Why do you need company for a business trip? If I had invited a co-worker, and then that co-worker went behind my back to invite her friend, I would not even hesitate to correct the problem. You are not paying for this trip, so how these two can think it is just a grand 'ole opportunity for one big party, is mind blowing.

Lesson learned, when your boss pays for you to take CE classes, go alone.

 

[Darsa]

Wow, I truly cannot imagine having the you-know-whats to be able to just up and invite someone else in a situation like this! Just... wow. I'm pretty sure that feelings wouldn't concern me too much at that point.

Personally, I'd welcome a solo trip. Being able to do what I want, when I want... my own shower, my own sink, no clothes other than mine to worry about... Oh my, it would be HEAVEN

 

[Sandy321]

If your boss is paying for it - and he is aware of it - you might have a conversation with him - I'm uncomfortable can I talk to you about something.... then is it ok if I "uninvite" the other 2 co-workers, I want to CE not bar hop and I'm now uncomfortable having 2 other coworkers in my King only room!!

then hopefully he gets involved and helps you - or you just have the sit down with the coworkers and say the trip is off.

or take a camera and post the pictures for us here!! (3 in a bed, and the little one said, roll over, roll over...)

 

[npmommie]

I don't know, I guess I never would have invited co-worker #1 in the first place. Why do you need company for a business trip? If I had invited a co-worker, and then that co-worker went behind my back to invite her friend, I would not even hesitate to correct the problem. You are not paying for this trip, so how these two can think it is just a grand 'ole opportunity for one big party, is mind blowing.

Lesson learned, when your boss pays for you to take CE classes, go alone.

I agree with this.

and how would your boss feel if he found out you invited others to join in the room he is paying for and its a big ole party? he is going to know they are not at work, and he will know they went with you because word travels in work environments.
it might cause you some headaches.
I would tell them both they cannot come, the plan has changed, no excuses. the deal is off.

 

[EthansMom]

"Gee, I'm so sorry. X must have misunderstood when I invited her. This is a business trip for me and I won't be able to party and will be getting up early for class. I guess I'll have to just go by myself this time. Maybe we can do a just for fun trip sometime. (Not!) Sorry it didn't work out."

I completely agree with this. I would say, "I'm sorry if you misunderstood. This is a business trip and I will be working each day. It's probably best if I just go on my own. But let me know if you would be interested in doing a Girls' Weekend some time!"

 

[NHdisneylover]

"Gee, I'm so sorry. X must have misunderstood when I invited her. This is a business trip for me and I won't be able to party and will be getting up early for class. I guess I'll have to just go by myself this time. Maybe we can do a just for fun trip sometime. (Not!) Sorry it didn't work out."

. "

I completely agree with this. I would say, "I'm sorry if you misunderstood. This is a business trip and I will be working each day. It's probably best if I just go on my own. But let me know if you would be interested in doing a Girls' Weekend some time!"

I think the above two posters are right on the money IF the co workers still keep pushing, then I would go to the boss as mentioned by the PP below IF the boss was fine with the idea of you ahving "company" on the triip at all and I would not mention the King only room (you don't want to appear to be asking for different accomidations) I would mention the plans went from one person keeping you company to two who want to party (without you consenting to hte change in plans in any way) and you feel it will interfere with your ability to learn what you need to learn and are having a hard time getting out of it now (and let him know what you have done to try to make it work up to that point).

If your boss is paying for it - and he is aware of it - you might have a conversation with him - I'm uncomfortable can I talk to you about something.... then is it ok if I "uninvite" the other 2 co-workers, I want to CE not bar hop and I'm now uncomfortable having 2 other coworkers in my King only room!!

then hopefully he gets involved and helps you - or you just have the sit down with the coworkers and say the trip is off.

or take a camera and post the pictures for us here!! (3 in a bed, and the little one said, roll over, roll over...)