Delayed birthday gifts...

[ChrizJen]

I agree with those who say that once you're an adult, you're responsible for making your own day special. Sure, it's nice when someone makes a little gesture to show that they're thinking about you on your birthday, but I would never expect anything from anyone. Not even my mom. She was always really great about making those days super special for us when we were kids, and I appreciate that. But now that I'm an adult, I've grown to appreciate the fact that she simply gave me life and raised me to be the person I am today! I don't think she owes me anything more than that!

I say for your birthday, plan a dinner out with friends and family, and make it special in your own way! (also a bit of advice, if you do this, make sure you go into it expecting to pay for your own dinner. Your friends and family may offer to pay since it's in celebration of your birthday, but I wouldn't expect it.)

 

[golfgal]

I think that once you get to a certain age expecting birthday presents from people outside of your immediate family (husband/children) is just plain silly. As you get even older, most people don't want any more "stuff" so a phone call or and email is what most people want.

 

[monkeybug]

I just don't get the big focus on birthdays for adults. To me, big birthday celebration and wanting presents for your birthday is a kid thing. I would NOT expect my mother to give me a present for my birthday. Heck, I usually send a card TO her on my birthday that says something along the lines of 'thanks for being a great mom, I love you!'

For the OP, instead of hoping that other people will give you gifts and make you feel good about it being your birthday, turn it around and do something nice for yourself that makes you feel happy to celebrate your birthday. And don't kill yourself trying to find great gifts for other people on their birthdays, most people I know don't expect that, or even feel that it is necessary. Instead just send them a card or give them a call.

Oh, I think birthdays are just as important for adults as they are for children. We are so busy in our lives. Soccer, work, swim lessons, laundry, dinner, and on, and on, forever and ever, until we die. I think it's nice to take a little break from all the hum drum and set aside time to let our loved ones and friends know that we are thinking of them and feel that they deserve a special day. Besides birthdays are fun! Who doesn't want some more fun in their lives? AND there's usually cake involved! Cake=good!
And no presents??? Yikes! I love getting presents! I love giving presents too! Heck, I send presents to my friends sometimes for no other reason then I think it's fun to get something other than bills in the mail every now and then.
I think a nice thoughtful gift is a way of saying "hey, I sacrificed a bit of my money/time and bought/made you this little gift because you are worth more to me than my money/time and when I saw it I thought of you and wanted you to have it." (run on sentence ftw!) It's sort of like saying "I want to make you happy"
Sure...there are much more meaningful ways to make the same point, and hopefully we do those too, but they don't involve pretty bows and wrapping paper. Pretty bows and wrapping paper= good times! (unless you wrapped a box of dog poo, in which case bows and wrapping paper=not very nice and quite smelly!)
I think the OP was venting because it didn't feel like anyone appreciated her enough to set apart a piece of their life to make her feel special, even though she regularly does for them. That would make me a bit sad too...but maybe I'm not as emotionally evolved as some. As evidenced by the fact that I'm not yet "mature" enough to turn up my nose at a party or a present! They both still make me smile!

 

[Nancyg56]

OP- I understand that you are hurt that your special day is not acknowledged in the manner that makes you feel that others are thinking of you. I have to say taht I am not a birthday person, not after kids grow up and I admit that I resent when birthdays are jammed down my throat. My DMIL used to practically force us to celebrate my DSIL, birthday and it got old fast.

I agree that the others who suggest that you turn this around and celebrate for yourself is a great idea. One thing to do is maybe send your Mom flowers on your birthday. Perhaps she will then see that this day is important to you on so many different levels.

 

[GinnyEmma]

I'm sorry but if you depend on a gift to make or break relationships or to justify your actions you are going to be let down a lot in this world, because many people do not see a need for the materialism, or because they are not their love language the people to op is witching about may think they have too much junk already (how many people do you know who at decluttering these days)? Adults who whine about stuff like this just seem like really shallow people. "I'll do something for you if you do it back to me."

 

[bumbershoot]

You know what helps? Facebook! You wake up to a bunch of friends wishing you a great day and it lasts all day.

Of course, you have to put your birthdate out there for public consumption, which I don't do... So I watch all my friends getting b'day messages, and I get 3 from the people who know me and are good at b'day stuff. Oh well! Even though I have my FB as locked up as I can, I'm still not willing to put that out there.

..."I can't afford anything right now, i'll get you something later" which she did for my birthday a month ago, and since then has gone on to buy herself a GPS and a mixmaster for her kitchen, i'm still waiting.

"Wow, thanks mom, I wanted a mixmaster for my birthday!"

 

[kacaju]

Of course, you have to put your birthdate out there for public consumption, which I don't do... So I watch all my friends getting b'day messages, and I get 3 from the people who know me and are good at b'day stuff. Oh well! Even though I have my FB as locked up as I can, I'm still not willing to put that out there.

Do you know you do not need to put the YEAR you were born on Facebook?
It can just read the month and date.

 

[bumbershoot]

Still don't want it there, just in case I'm not as locked up as I want to be. I'm not ashamed of my age, it's just the info all there all together. (mentioning stuff one post at a time is one thing...putting it all there in one spot is another!)

 

[TheIncredibles!]

Really?? How old are you? I could care less about birthday gifts. I like when my kids make me a cake. I don't need presents or cards. We all have too much stuff.

That was my first thought. Oh and my DH's birthday is 3 days before Christmas. Mine is Valentine's week. Who cares. Presents are the last thing on my mind. I don't care if I get a Valentine/Birthday present.

 

[LuvCuteBoys]

Oh, I think birthdays are just as important for adults as they are for children. We are so busy in our lives. Soccer, work, swim lessons, laundry, dinner, and on, and on, forever and ever, until we die. I think it's nice to take a little break from all the hum drum and set aside time to let our loved ones and friends know that we are thinking of them and feel that they deserve a special day. Besides birthdays are fun! Who doesn't want some more fun in their lives? AND there's usually cake involved! Cake=good!
And no presents??? Yikes! I love getting presents! I love giving presents too! Heck, I send presents to my friends sometimes for no other reason then I think it's fun to get something other than bills in the mail every now and then.
I think a nice thoughtful gift is a way of saying "hey, I sacrificed a bit of my money/time and bought/made you this little gift because you are worth more to me than my money/time and when I saw it I thought of you and wanted you to have it." (run on sentence ftw!) It's sort of like saying "I want to make you happy"
Sure...there are much more meaningful ways to make the same point, and hopefully we do those too, but they don't involve pretty bows and wrapping paper. Pretty bows and wrapping paper= good times! (unless you wrapped a box of dog poo, in which case bows and wrapping paper=not very nice and quite smelly!)
I think the OP was venting because it didn't feel like anyone appreciated her enough to set apart a piece of their life to make her feel special, even though she regularly does for them. That would make me a bit sad too...but maybe I'm not as emotionally evolved as some. As evidenced by the fact that I'm not yet "mature" enough to turn up my nose at a party or a present! They both still make me smile!

Agreed. 100%.

 

[diznee25]

Gifts represent that someone cares for you. That you are loved. I love getting gifts, not because I'm materialistic or greedy, but it shows that someone cares enough for me to make me feel special.

Speaking of birthdays---- when I was 17 and still lived at home, my dad and mom forgot it was my birthday. No acknowlegement, no cake, no card, no gift. Nothing. They didn't even figure it out until they found my in bedroom where I had been crying all day. And even when I told them why I was crying, neither of them ran out to get a cake or nothing. That is one birthday that will always stick out to me.

I told that story to my husband when we first got together. And he has never forgotten my birthday!

diznee25

 

[disneychrista]

It makes me sad, I can't remember a birthday where I said "yeah, that was a great day".

I think YOU are setting yourself up to have a bad day. If you know that you aren't going to get gifts (they aren't a requirement by the way) then quit expecting them.

 

[becpee]

Gifts represent that someone cares for you. That you are loved. I love getting gifts, not because I'm materialistic or greedy, but it shows that someone cares enough for me to make me feel special.

Thats what I think

The maybe I just need to open a can of harden the hell up...LOL

 

[GinnyEmma]

But some people do not put that emotion into gifts. They dont represent the same thing for everyone. I could not care less if I get a gift. Ever. You can't expect everyone to feel the same way you do.

 

[goofy4tink]

It's not about the stuff, it's the effort (or lack of)
When you see the same person sends presents interstate to one sibling, and goes to another siblings house for their birthday, present in hand and cooking her dinner it hurts.

When you make effort for others to get them something they will love you hope there will be some sort of something reciprocated.

Okay.....this kind of sounds like my 34 y/o dd's argument. And here's what I tell her...'You can't change everyone to your way of thinking. Not everyone is going to do things the way you do, or the way you think they should be done. Lower your expectations and you won't be so disappointed in the future.'' She is always going out of her way to do nice things for others and those people seldom reciprocate. And then she gets upset.
I can well understand how you feel. Being remembered on your birthday is a special thing and it does show that others care about you. Perhaps if you just mentioned to others that gifts aren't needed, a nice card or phone call would suffice, then maybe things would change??

 

[DisneyScraps]

I have gone years without a birthday gift. My family could care less. My Mom buy gifts for my brother and sister but since I lived out of state and I am more secure than they are I get zip.

I just learned to get over it.

One year my Mom forgot it was my birthday. She called to ask me a question and after a few minutes I said....don't you have something to say to me? That stung!

Lisa

 

[GinnyEmma]

My dad always forgot my birthday growing up. It hurt at 12, but by 20 i figured out that he loved me, and my putting expectations regarding a single day hurt our relationship. And that was my fault not his. He showed me in a million other ways. It is your own fault for having expectations that you have no reason to believe others will fullfil.

 

[WDSearcher]

Gifts represent that someone cares for you. That you are loved. I love getting gifts, not because I'm materialistic or greedy, but it shows that someone cares enough for me to make me feel special.

Not always. I've gotten gifts that were clearly purchased without a thought of making me feel special. (A datebook from 1997 which I received in 2002 comes to mind.) Someone saying "Happy Birthday" with a smile also shows that someone cares enough for me to make me feel special. And honestly? I'd rather have the sincere "Happy Birthday" than the 5-year-old datebook that I opened while the gift-giver was there and then had to try and figure out what she meant by it. I looked at her and said, laughing, "So I guess you think I look five years younger?" because I thought it was funny from that POV. Her (confused) response was, "Oh ... no. I just thought you could use the pictures or something." (The pictures in the datebook were of sheep, with funny captions. ) That gift did not make me feel loved.

Speaking of birthdays---- when I was 17 and still lived at home, my dad and mom forgot it was my birthday. No acknowlegement, no cake, no card, no gift. Nothing. They didn't even figure it out until they found my in bedroom where I had been crying all day. And even when I told them why I was crying, neither of them ran out to get a cake or nothing. That is one birthday that will always stick out to me.

If that had happened to me when I was 17, I wouldn't have spent the day crying in my room. I'd have probably gone out and bought a cake, a card and a gift for myself and put them on the kitchen table for my parents to see. During dinner, I'd hand them the card and ask them to sign it, then I'd seal it and put it by my plate. After dinner, I'd light the candles, bring out the cake, and open my card and present with a huge fanfare and "thank yous" for them. (I can be a little bratty ... )

And the NEXT year, I'd have started reminding them a couple months out -- often and obviously -- just so that I could milk as much out of it as possible. It would have become the one thing that, forever, I could bug them about. ("Remember when I was 17 and you totally forgot my birthday?" said with a grin pretty much any time they would remind me of something I forgot to do or something that I should have known about.)

But that's the point about not being able to change what happens, only how you react to it. You could have reacted so many different ways, and you chose to cry all day. At 10 ... sure. At 17? Take some action!

 

[disykat]

Gifts represent that someone cares for you. That you are loved. I love getting gifts, not because I'm materialistic or greedy, but it shows that someone cares enough for me to make me feel special.

To some people, gifts represent love. Not to all people. Read "the five love languages." It helped me understand why gifts seem to be important to some, while I really don't care. (Actually, I do care - it's just that I DON'T like getting gifts!)

 

[monkeybug]

To some people, gifts represent love. Not to all people. Read "the five love languages." It helped me understand why gifts seem to be important to some, while I really don't care. (Actually, I do care - it's just that I DON'T like getting gifts!)

I think though that the OP was saying that her mom tells her she is going to get her a gift (as a way to make her feel special and recognize her birthday) and then never bothers to get around to it. She said it was the lack of effort on her moms part that hurt, not the lack of a gift. To add insult to injury her mom apparently goes out of her way to make sure the op's sibling feels special on her birthday. Ouch!
And I've read the book.