S. C.
The mitten state
- Joined
- Nov 17, 2002
- Messages
- 26,705
Deep Thoughts
> a.. Last night I played a blank tape at full blast.
>The mime next door went nuts.
> b.. If a person with multiple personalities threatens
>suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
> c.. Just think how much deeper the ocean would be if
>sponges didn't live there.
> d.. I went for a walk last night and my kids asked me
>how long I'd be gone. I said, 'The whole time.'
> e.. So what's the speed of dark?
> f.. After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour
>before getting OUT of the water?
> g.. Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
> h.. If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do
>you pack it in?
> i.. Why do they sterilize needles for lethal
>injections?
> j.. Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped
>people at the Special Olympics?
> k.. Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because
>they taste funny?
> l.. If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
> m.. Isn't Disney World a people-trap operated by a
>mouse?
> n.. Whose cruel idea was it for the word `lisp' to
>have an 's' in it?
> o.. If it's zero degrees outside today and it's
>supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to
be?
> p.. Why do you press harder on a remote control when
>you know the battery is dead?
> q.. Why are they called buildings when they're already
>finished? Shouldn't they be called builts?
> r.. Why are they called apartments when they're all
>stuck together?
> s.. If the universe is everything, and scientists say
>that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?
> t.. Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
> u.. When two aeroplanes almost collide, why do they
>call it a near miss? It sounds like a near hit to me!
> Why are there five syllables in the word
'monosyllabic'?
> v.. Why do scientists call it 'research' when they are
>looking for something new?
> w.. If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do
>humanitarians eat?
> x.. Why is it that when a door is open, it's ajar, but
>when a jar is open, it's not a door?
> y.. Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and
>he'll believe you.
> z.. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch
>it.
> aa.. How come Superman could stop bullets with his
>chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
> ab.. Why is it fake lemon juice contains mostly
>artificial ingredients, but dishwashing liquid contains real
lemons?
> ac.. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when
>we use them?
>
> ad.. Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put
>garments in a suitcase?
>
> ae.. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the
>bottle?
> af.. What do little birdies see when they get knocked
>unconscious?
ag.. Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
> ah.. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we
>still have monkeys and apes?
> ai.. Is boneless chicken considered to be an
>invertebrate?
> aj.. Do married people live longer than single people
>do, or does it just SEEM longer?
>
>
> ak.. I went to a book store and asked the saleswoman,
>'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me it
would defeat the purpose.
> a.. Last night I played a blank tape at full blast.
>The mime next door went nuts.
> b.. If a person with multiple personalities threatens
>suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
> c.. Just think how much deeper the ocean would be if
>sponges didn't live there.
> d.. I went for a walk last night and my kids asked me
>how long I'd be gone. I said, 'The whole time.'
> e.. So what's the speed of dark?
> f.. After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour
>before getting OUT of the water?
> g.. Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
> h.. If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do
>you pack it in?
> i.. Why do they sterilize needles for lethal
>injections?
> j.. Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped
>people at the Special Olympics?
> k.. Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because
>they taste funny?
> l.. If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
> m.. Isn't Disney World a people-trap operated by a
>mouse?
> n.. Whose cruel idea was it for the word `lisp' to
>have an 's' in it?
> o.. If it's zero degrees outside today and it's
>supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to
be?
> p.. Why do you press harder on a remote control when
>you know the battery is dead?
> q.. Why are they called buildings when they're already
>finished? Shouldn't they be called builts?
> r.. Why are they called apartments when they're all
>stuck together?
> s.. If the universe is everything, and scientists say
>that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?
> t.. Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
> u.. When two aeroplanes almost collide, why do they
>call it a near miss? It sounds like a near hit to me!
> Why are there five syllables in the word
'monosyllabic'?
> v.. Why do scientists call it 'research' when they are
>looking for something new?
> w.. If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do
>humanitarians eat?
> x.. Why is it that when a door is open, it's ajar, but
>when a jar is open, it's not a door?
> y.. Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and
>he'll believe you.
> z.. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch
>it.
> aa.. How come Superman could stop bullets with his
>chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
> ab.. Why is it fake lemon juice contains mostly
>artificial ingredients, but dishwashing liquid contains real
lemons?
> ac.. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when
>we use them?
>
> ad.. Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put
>garments in a suitcase?
>
> ae.. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the
>bottle?
> af.. What do little birdies see when they get knocked
>unconscious?
ag.. Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
> ah.. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we
>still have monkeys and apes?
> ai.. Is boneless chicken considered to be an
>invertebrate?
> aj.. Do married people live longer than single people
>do, or does it just SEEM longer?
>
>
> ak.. I went to a book store and asked the saleswoman,
>'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me it
would defeat the purpose.
