Deep Breath! Invited the ILs to WDW!

[micheleq]

So my in-laws were down visiting us this weekend and DD4 told my MIL she wants her to come to WDW with us next time we go. My MIL was estatic

DH & I have talked about planning our next trip for November/December 2010 and since my parents came with us last year, we wanted to invite his parents this time along.

My MIL and I have a hot and cold relationship, but I know that she and my FIL would love a trip with the grandkids. It's not about me, it's about the kids, but I'm already hoping that I can survive the week with my MIL!

Any good advice or experiences with the inlaws at WDW? I already know that we would get two rooms as opposed to the two bedroom villa like we did with my family (we also had my brother along on the trip).

This may all be a moot point as my MIL needs a second knee replacement (she had one done last year) and it would be hard for her to keep up without using a scooter (which I don't think she'd use). She has also promised two of our older nieces that are graduating high school next year each their own trip to NYC, and another niece that is turning 21 a trip to Vegas. I don't think 2 of the 3 girls will actually go on these trips, but I wonder if they will have money leftover for WDW!

FIL is a sweetheart and LOVES amusement parks, so I know he'd have a blast and go with the flow. MIL is the type to spend 24-7 with you. My parents did their own thing for a few days of our trip, so we never felt crowded.

Thanks for listening! I know if this works out, it will probably be ok. It would be good to hear how others handle family at WDW.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Start drinking.
J/k

 

[Microcell]

Tee hee..

I don't have that issue as I am more ok with my in laws going than their own son is! I haven't ever traveled with them though and he has (of course), so maybe he knows something I don't!

Deep breath and as my coworkers have a tendancy to say "Let it roll off you like water on a duck's back"!

 

[puffkin]

Out of 15 trips, our worst trip was the one with the inlaws. They didn't really do anything horrible or major, but it just was a miserable experience for all of us. We just realized we are not compatible to spend that much time together Some tips:

1. Go over prices of EVERYTHING before hand. My inlaws balked at every restaurant even though we had shown them menus with prices months in advance. Put a damper on us enjoying things because we felt guilty that they didn't want to eat there due to prices (BTW, my inlaws had the money, they are just cheap).
2. Plan time away from them. My inlaws stuck to us like glue. They complained that they were tired, hot etc. We told them to go back to the room but they wouldn't. So annoying. In hindsight we should have planned time away from them to regain our sanity.
3. Make sure they have their own room. We had a 2 bedroom villa (our treat) and they had the one bedroom. It was still too close for comfort. We needed more separation.
4. Do not expect anything in return from them. We used up all our DVC points for the next two years to get the 2 bedroom. I planned all the details and spent a lot of time organizing everything. We didn't really expect anything monetary from them but we thought they might treat us to dinner one night or something as a way of thanks. Nope, nothing. Not even a thank you. And when we got home they complained to everyone who listened about how expensive it was...yet they didn't even have to pay for their room! Its been 5 years and they still have never once thanked us for the very nice accomodations.

Twice since that trip they have asked when they will be invited again and we have told them here are the dates we are going, here is the number to call if you want to go at the same time. But they will never be going "with" us again.

 

[Twoboysnmygirl]

We went with my IL's this past October and had a good trip with only a few issues. Check out my trip report in my signature, it might make you feel better about it...or worse!

 

[micheleq]

Thanks everyone for the advice/moral support! My MIL and I have a history of not seeing eye to eye on alot of things, esp. on how to care for children. She recently got a speeding ticket doing almost 90 mph with our youngest niece with her in the car. She is good-hearted, but lacks common sense. DH knows how she can be, so that is good.

I def. agree on having two rooms And maybe on order of wine from GG!

 

[tractortippin]

So I dont have a positive experience to share w/ you, however we have found out a few things about traveling w/ family/friends.

We have friends we have done Disney w/ several times and its gone great and we will go w/ them again.

Took MIL last yr and it was the worst thing ever.

Took Aunt, cousin and cousins DD8 this year...again terrible.

I will say what I have learned is its all about vacation styles.

We had never been on a trip w/ MIL before, we learned the hard way that our vacation style is VERY different than hers. We like to go early stay all day and do it all over again the next day. She wants to walk the slowest pace possible and doesnt care if she misses an attraction, wants to roll out of bed at noon and is in no rush.

Same thing w/ Aunt and Cousin, they have a different vacation style.

Its not a bad thing it just something to consider before you vacation w/ someone. Honestly I hadnt thought too much about it because we had been w/ other people and it had always worked out fine. Once we did the trip w/ MIL I didnt want to do the trip w/ the Aunt and explained this to her but she assured me she wanted to go and was fine w/ our plan. We now know that we wont vacation w/ those people again. We just arent all looking to get the same thing out of a vacation. No offense and no offense taken.

That would be my only advise, reguardless of how your relationship is w/ this person, how do your vacation styles relate.......

Goodluck!

 

[budbeerlady]

Start drinking.
J/k

Really, drinking.... Helped alot!


I think IF you have vacationed with them before you are a step ahead. Our trip with the inlaws was not fun.... it had some fun moments but more bad than good.... Everyone spend their money differently and we had different expectations. My father in laws idea was beer, food and bathroom, then repeat.

 

[Mrs. Charming]

Bring Xanax. Seriously. That, or like a PP said, start drinking. That, and DEFINITELY get separate rooms... better yet, separate resorts!

 

[samshane]

My FIL and I did not speak for 10 yrs (we last spoke about six months before DH and I married and he insulted me and my family - took his own son 4yrs to speak with him)... then they met us at DisneyWorld for 4 days before we moved from FL. Needless to say I was incredibly nervous about it.

Now - with my parents, it was a difficult trip I wanted to forget (and I would NOT do it again). But with FIL, his wife, and DH's sister (FIL is remarried and DSIL is 15 yrs younger than DH) - we had a great time. I was amazed - I think cause I had no expectations. We all got along and everything went smoothly.

They are meeting us there for 4 days of our trip this time as well - and they are all super excited. All the animosity of the past has been left there... and my kids adore them. Things aren't 100% - we'll never be best friends. And for us, it is nice to meet on neutral grounds!

Good luck - it can be done!

Edited to add - we stayed in separate rooms and will do so again this time! That is a little too much... LOL!

 

[sunnyday123]

Rum. Lots and lots of rum.


My Mom and step-father went the last time, and they stayed in CR and we stayed in Pop. They are very low key, let's sit here and think about what to do, and DD and I are big planners, and honestly do Disney a little bit commando.

So when they were going back to their resort, we stood in line at our bus and waved, and when they got on, we got out of line.

Definitely plan some alone time. I really would try to come up with a way to have seperate resorts, even if I had to downgrade my resort to stick them some where else. The only person I can travel with is my best friend because we have the same sense of humor and can let stuff roll off our backs.

Let this be your mantra: I am a duck, I am a duck. Let it roll off my back.

Follow it with rum.

 

[Girlie1]

All I will say is that I think you are very brave, courageous and generous. I have no intentions of ever attempting to invite extended family. Call me selfish but I have too much fun on my vacations at WDW with just my DH, DS9 and DS5.

 

[happymommy]

I did Disneyworld (well, sort of) with my parents and my sister's family in 2007. I would have planned it, but my sister (who had never been, except the weekend when we were kids) insisted on AKL. I knew my folks would prefer the Boardwalk, but heck, what do I know? I've had annual passes a few times, go usually average twice a year, but hey, let's go for it. UGH. My dad smokes. We were put in a connecting room with my parents! My son has asthma, and I cannot stand the smell of smoke (would never let anyone do that in my home). He smoked in the room. My mom can't keep up with anyone, and I don't think I did any park with her. My dad spent the whole time at the resort - he hates crowds, Disney, and well anything fun. So, I wondered why the heck did they come? Oh, yeah, they PAID for my sister's two bedroom concierge level suite. For a week. Spring break. I paid for my room. With an AP discount it was still more than I would have spent ($350 a night) and I got my folks a discount on their room as well (the discount wouldn't apply to suites, and hers was over $1000 a night, plus they added the tickets and water park option....). I don't really care, it's just that is the only reason they really came. They stayed for only 3 nights or so, my sister stayed 6, we stayed 7.

I have never and would NEVER go to Disney with my in-laws. My DBIL and his wife and their two girls went once. They took his parents (my husband's parents) as well. For the weekend. Memorial Day weekend. I told them to stay onsite. No, they needed a rice cooker (my DH is Korean, I'm Caucasian). They rented a house. And a minivan. For the weekend????? I think they only did the MK. My DBIL said all they did was wait in lines. No planning. They have no idea why we go. I would never vacation with them anywhere. Ever. When we lived on Oahu, my DSIL brought my DMIL, and we went to Maui for a weekend. We just wanted to enjoy the resort. They were a total pain. I don't know how to explain it. We will do holidays, but never travel anywhere together. When I have a vacation time with my family, I want us to enjoy each other.

So, if you can back out of this, I honestly would! Your kids will enjoy a stress-free vacation with their PARENTS. It is the time that you reconnect as a family.

If you can't, I second (or third, fourth...) the drinking suggestion. Xanax. Trust me, there is a reason we end up at Epcot every night....

 

[mom of princess]

We took MIL, FIL, BIL, and other BIL's DD10yr old with us 2 trips ago. Keep in mind it was MY DD first ever trip to WDW!! and the ILs hadn't been there since it was just Magic Kingdom. We went in July (strike 1), MIL wouldn't get a wheelchair even when her knees started bothering her (one was already replaced and the other was to be replaced just a few weeks after we got home) so she poked along, and FIL just kept wandering off. They kept wondering why they couldn't see the "big golf ball" while in the Magic Kingdom - or the tree while at Epcot; needless to say, they were a tiny bit unprepared for the size of the parks.

My DH (son of the wanderer & anti-wheelchair) is very much a Type-A WDW traveler. He even started to get irritated several days in. These two groups didn't mesh well at all. In fact, we all disliked each other immensely after this trip.

So my tip, get 2 rooms (whether connecting, same resort, different resort, different state - sorry...just slipped) so you don't have to be together 24/7. And you MUST plan time away from each other, for your own sanity!!! Do not feel bad if you say that you want to go back to your hotel to nap and really go to a different park!

HONESTLY -- Take a reaaaallly deep breath, plan for the worst & hope for the best. Good luck & God Bless!!

 

[micheleq]

Yeah! Good to know I am not alone out there!

My ILs have been to Disney once -- about ten years ago they took my MIL's adopted brother (then about 40, has down's syndrome) to WDW. They stayed off site at a house. They also paid for my DH's three siblings honeymoons in Orlando -- again, they stayed in an off site house. Those weddings were about 19-20 years ago. Maybe if I'm lucky they will just stay off site! I've been lucky to get the 40% off code, so we'd like to stay in a monorail resort and that may be more than they want to spend.

MIL was hurt when we went to WDW last December and went so far as to tell DH "It would have been nice to have been invited." I was angry about the guilt trip because my brother and I were the ones that planned that trip. In the weeks leading up to the trip, MIL never mentioned the trip to us or to my DDs. Never called to wish us a safe flight (which I do every time they fly). Just that kind of pettiness. I've gotten past that and know it's the right thing to invite them, but it will be a challenge.

I've never travelled with them, and DH hasn't travelled with them since he was in grade school. I've made it clear to DH if they come along, he's going to be his mom's "travel buddy" and I'll stick with FIL.

Thanks for all the advice and support. If they come along, it will be a once in a lifetime event. I don't plan on going back with my parents (even though we had a good time). We'd actually like to go alone with our girls, and perhaps with some other friends who have children the same age and we travel well with.

So, separate rooms and lots of booze! It's all part of the plan...

 

[Minnie]

Bring Xanax. Seriously. That, or like a PP said, start drinking. That, and DEFINITELY get separate rooms... better yet, separate resorts!

ITA!!!!!!! No way in HEdoublehockeysticks would I ever take someone to my happy place that I was worried about "making it through the week"

 

[disneymom06]

Take a deep breath, I like the alcohol comment.

We did it with my IL and it was only three days but I couldn't wait for it to end. (We are civil to each other, disagree on alot but the grandkids like them.) We get two rooms, they tagged along because there are 6 of us so they fit to total 8. They spent nothing, we paid for everything and all they did was complain about the crowds, sun and cost of food. It was Florida in April, what did they expect.

Had to get her a wheelchair because she wouldn't use the scooter that we got her. She has really bad knees. She didn't like any of the food available so she picked pizza, we live in NY, You can eat pizza at home. My FIL commented, what am I going to do with a salad. I kept my mouth shut. Then MIL went on about the price. She wasn't even paying for it !!!!!

They wanted to leave the parks after 3 hours, no buses, we drove to the parks and then drove back to the hotel. We left and they watched TV. It was about to scream.

The kids were glad they came but I have to tell you to be prepared. In-Laws tell everyone that they had a great time. Everyone has a different definition of how they vacation. Frankly, I don't want anyone raining on my way enjoyment the happiest place on earth again.

I wish you much luck, just be prepared, the vacation is for the kids, not you. Make the next one about you and your family.

 

[*Toadstool*]

Start drinking.
J/k

My advice is lots of prayer.

 

[micheleq]

Thanks everyone! As disneymom06 said, this trip is totally about the kids, who adore their grandparents.

We'll each take care of our own expenses (as my parents and brother did -- my mom treated me and the girls to one character meal, I paid for Garden Grocer, but that was it). MIL & FIL will probably offer to babysit so DH & I could have a few dinners alone, so I can't complain about that It will be getting some alone time with the kids and the fast pace that will be the challenge. I am hoping this will be an incentive for MIL to have her other knee replaced early in 2010.

Thanks again. I'll keep everyone posted on how this plays out when we go to book sometime in the spring