Decorating Graves of Loved Ones

[MIGrandma]

If you have loved ones that have passed away are you allowed to decorate their graves?

There is a big issue currently going on with a local cemetery where graves had been allowed to be decorated but as of May 10 the township board voted not to allow it. They posted a small ad about it in the local newspaper on May 27 and said the new rules would take effect May 30. And they put up a paper sign at the entrance to the cemetery.

People are outraged as the board did a clean sweep of the cemetery and took away every decoration on every grave. They put some decorations by a church so people could come and get them but most went into a dumpster. Some decorations were quite expensive, some had much sentimental value. One woman said they even took away the coins that were on top of her Father’s stone. There is a board meeting on June 14 and people are planning to be there to express how they feel about what was done. I feel so sorry for them.

The cemetery where my parents are buried has rules but not to the extent of not having any grave decorations thankfully. My parents’ stone has metal vases attached to the base and I change out silk flowers in them 4 times a year. There are also small solar lights, a hummingbird wind chime, and a stone with a verse. I would hate not being able to decorate their graves. I know some cemeteries have flat stones and no decorations are allowed but the ones here aren’t like that, thankfully. And if they decide to change the rules I think they should give a lot more than a 3-day notice!

 

[lynxstch]

Some cemetery's here have the rule of no decorations, but most of them allow it. Hubby's parents are buried in one at the end of our long long road,,and there are vases built into most of them. Someone in the family puts new flowers there for Memorial Day, Fathers Day, Mothers Day and Christmas.. Anything not taken out before the snow, gets removed by the cemetary caretaker.
3 days notice is not enough notice, I hope people express how they feel and can get someone to change the rules

 

[luvnwdwgal]

We have some cemeteries in our area that don’t allow it too. Fortunately the 2 cemeteries that our family members are buried in still allow you to put flowers and decorations on or around the stones.

 

[BlueStarryHat]

There is once cemetery quite close to my house that doesn't allow decorating graves, and it's a desolate looking place. The dead are in the graves, but grave sites, like viewings and funerals, are for the living. I think people should be able to leave little things and flowers if they want. Also, what about flags? Every year I go with the VFW to plant flags on veterans' graves. Is that also not allowed?

 

[MamaMermaid]

My dad died last May so this is fairly new to me - we have put flowers out at Christmas, his birthday, etc. He is in a Catholic cemetery. The cemetery told us things would ultimately be removed. Especially if things were an "eye sore" (my words, not theirs). But, they're pretty good about leaving it up for awhile we've found. Things were taken down and disposed of by them. These were in the "rules" provided to us so it's no surprise. We have no problem with it.

3 days is NOT enough notice!

 

[fla4fun]

My parents are in a National Cemetery since my Dad was in the military. They are pretty strict, but we do take flowers out every so often. It’s nice when they decorate the cemetery, like with flags on the graves or wreaths at Christmas.

The grandparents on Dad’s side are in one of those flat stone cemeteries where they don’t allow decorations because they mow right over the stones.

The grandparents on Mom’s side are in an older cemetery that is not so strict. Actually, the cemetery was right next to their house, and we used to take walks there after Sunday dinner, and check out the decorations and the tombstones with photos on them.

I can understand why some cemeteries are strict and others are not, but I agree that when making a change the families should have been given sufficient time to take home any mementos they wanted.

 

[apirateslifeforme]

We have one cemetery here in our town where people supposedly can decorate the graves, no restrictions, but they later visit to find that their decorations have been removed and "disposed of." Flowers, statuary...just a month ago, someone placed a small personalized flag on the grave of her parents (with the names and dates, so it was expensive) and it disappeared. The cemetery association admits that when they have workers come out to do the spring and fall clean-ups (not on any particular schedule and without public notice), they tell them to throw everything away

My FIL is in a veteran's cemetery (just this year) and they're pretty strict. For Memorial Day, we are allowed to place a small potted plant/flower over the weekend prior to the holiday, and it must be removed within 5 days afterward. Loose flowers can be placed in a "cone holder" and they can stay until Father's Day. All flowers must be real; no fake flowers and no other decoration is permitted, which I understand in a veteran's cemetery.

 

[neverlandsky]

I don't blame the rules. Some decorations are over the top, full of clutter, turning the grave site into a memorial. Plus there isn't enough man power to maintain it all. Then you have windy days and well, it's a mess.

Ours is just real flowers and basically HOA rules. There should of been at least a 60 day notice of the change. Where change takes place after this year's Father's Day. That would of been the most thoughtful thing to do.

 

[antmaril]

My parents and my husband rest at the same cemetery. My parents are buried, while my husband was cremated and we have a niche (I will join him eventually). The rules are that graves can be decorated with live plants and flowers ONLY. My husband’s niche is in a mausoleum. Only silk flowers are allowed (small vases are attached to the granite). I change out the silk flowers seasonally. Any other kind of decoration whether at a grave or at a niche is not allowed.

 

[AndreaDM]

Rules or not, I can't understand why anyone would put anything of either monetary or sentimental value out in the open like that. I've put flowers on graves before, but never anything I'd be upset about if it were lost/stolen.

 

[ronandannette]

All my people for 3 generations are interred in a private family burial site - we do whatever we want.

 

[Flight]

This will be an open response to a few of the postings here:

Judging, admonishing, criticizing what people do at the gravesite of those they most loved in their life is very bad form.

 

[footballmouse]

The cemetery where my parents are buried allows for decorations. However, everything must be removed by Tuesday evening and they cut the grass on Wednesday. Decorations are allowed back up on Thursday. My sister is in charge of this for the family. If things are not cleaned off by Tuesday evening then it will be thrown away. We always have a vase of flowers and in between their headstones we usually have a pinwheel or something relating to the season. We used to keep a small German Shepherd dog statue on my dad's headstone but it kept getting stolen so we stopped.

 

[Karin1984]

I've never heard that it was forbidden, I am quite sure that is not a thing here in the Netherlands.
To be honest, all my close relatives are cremated, so I don't have a site to visit regularly. I do sometimes wander over a graveyard, as there is something extremely peaceful about them and it's a place to reminisce , regardless if you have a relative / friend there. There are always things on 25-50% of the graves I think, candles, statuettes, plants in pots. With the children's graves usually plushies and toys.

I am quite sure that removing something from the grave would be considered stealing.

 

[Meriweather]

My parents and grandparents are in a small cemetary where my grandparents lived for a very long time. My parents retired there.
You can decorate. My aunt lived there until a few years ago and always decorate all the family graves. Not sure what happened when she moved

 

[PollyannaMom]

And if they decide to change the rules I think they should give a lot more than a 3-day notice!

Yes - I can understand coming up with some rules if the items are making it difficult to take care of the mowing and groundskeeping, but such short notice is not OK, and right before Memorial Day is completely rude!

 

[Kittyblue]

It's not allowed where my dad is buried. You aren't even supposed to leave flowers unless the grave has one of those built in vases. My dad's does not, but I leave flowers anyway. I realize they are probably quickly removed, but I still like doing it.

 

[MIGrandma]

Rules or not, I can't understand why anyone would put anything of either monetary or sentimental value out in the open like that. I've put flowers on graves before, but never anything I'd be upset about if it were lost/stolen.

As is said on the DIS often, might be a regional thing, I don’t know. Any cemetery I have ever been in graves are decorated. Some are so heavily decorated that they do look like memorials though. I think it’s nice when people are allowed to decorate their loved one’s graves. To honor them, to remember them, to feel closer to them.

 

[amcnj]

Yes, it does sometimes have to do with grass cutting. I remember some had rules like anything not right up against the stone would be removed by a certain date in the spring, right around when they need to start cutting the grass.

Some cemeteries even required that in the newer sections all markers be those ones flat to the ground, so mowers could go right over them. Of course that works until ground settles or tree roots push the marked up a little and they start getting g damaged by the mowers.

But I agree that the rules should not change with such short notice. Not all visitors are locals either.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Aww that's awful the way they did it

Adjusting the rules isn't an issue I mean they may have found problems over time with things left and decided it was best to update but geez an ad in the newspaper to take effect 3 days later? They def. could have done better to contact people as best they could in this case. I understand what a task that may be but there's also a sensitivity layer here.