Decipher this from my psycho Father

[Microcell]

I just have no idea what to make of him and the things he says. One day I hope not to care.

My father and I are pretty much estranged, and my take on it is basically that he is selfish and only thinks of himself. I don't want him around because he snaps at my kids, like me before them, and I don't want his negitivity or his wife around.

I just wrote him a month ago a further explination because he told my sister he didn't understand why I could not move on from my anger toward him. It was not really a pleasant note. FYI I can't forgive what he has refused to apologize for.

Anyway, keep in mind that he is clinically depressed, some would say mentally ill on top of that. He has said cryptic things in the past, so if you think I am overreacting, it might be because of that.

Tomorrow is my birthday, and he sent a card ( he is all about the dog and pony show- can't be said he missed an event in my life) and he hand wrote this:

"I'm smiling because you're my daughter. I chuckle because there is nothing you can do about it- Your dad"

I took it as him being mean, as if to say, "Too bad, so sad you little witch you can't change that which plagues you". No I would not put it past him to think that way. He has said and done worse.

Am I too close to it to see anything good about it? Some of you might remember me talking about him telling me that if my stepmother and I were in a boat and he could only save one, it would be her, and not me, and was I clear on where his allegiance lied. I was 16 and my mother had just died. It is exceedingly hard for me to think positively about the man.

Thanks in advance for any insight.

 

[Queenie]

Just an opinion but I have seen this line on many shop bought cards. Maybe an optimistic over-simplification but there's a chance he just saw the line on a card in a store or heard it said somewhere else. I don't know the man to know how his sense of humour works but as a total outsider, that's how it appears to me.

 

[Planogirl]

It sounds like he might have just been joking but without knowing the man, it's hard to know for sure. I'm sorry that you've had such a rough time with him.

 

[TSR6]

....

He smiles because you are his daughter: meaning he is proud of you?

He chuckles because there is nothing you can do about it: Meaning he knows you are pushing him away.... but he's glad that there is nothing you can do to keep him from being proud of you?

 

[TinkerBess_SnowTori]

I am not sure how your father meant it -- seeing what he said about saving your step-mother over you he could have meant it that way.

But I gave my father a card like that a while back and I certainly didn't mean anything but that I thought it was a fun little silly card... I hope he didn't take it the wrong way.

 

[C.Ann]

I've seen that on many, many cards - sometimes it's "daughter", sometimes it's "sister", sometimes it's "brother".. I wouldn't read too much into it.. It's meant to be funny..

 

[Chicago526]

Either he meant it in a mean way, or not. Since you'll never know, just blow it off. Easier said than done, I know. But living well is the best revenge, and he only has as much power over you as you give him.

 

[imsorry]

Don't know what to say about your father, but:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! (my birthday is tomorrow too!)

 

[disneynutt1225]

"I'm smiling because you're my daughter. I chuckle because there is nothing you can do about it- Your dad"

Maybe I just like to look on the sunny side of things, but I don't see it as being mean. He's smiling because you're his daughter means he's happy you're his daughter, and he knows you're upset with him and thus "stuck with him" as your father so that's where the "there's nothing you can do about it" comes in.

Edited to add: Happy Birthday!

 

[mjc05]

Sorry you're going through this.

But- my dad has said stuff like that before when we would fight- nothing as bad as what you have been through with your dad, just normal father/daughter brat moments. He meant it as "Even though you hate me right now, I love you and no matter what, I'm still your dad."

But, my dad has never done anything in the same universe to any of us like what your dad has done, so I can't say what your dad's intent was. I can just say that my dad has said stuff like that, but didn't mean it to be cruel or a snipe.

I love my dad, he's a bit of a smart aleck, though.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

"I'm smiling because you're my daughter. I chuckle because there is nothing you can do about it- Your dad"

I will take a crack at it....

I am smiling because you are my daughter. I think he is happy for you that you built a life despite the crappy life he gives you.

I chuckle because there is nothing you can do about it. You still have not figured out how to give up your anger and that you torture yourself over him.
He knows that is within your power to do so, but you won't do it. The day that you give him up and you are at peace is when he will be sad.



Negative attention is better than none.

 

[poohbear1029]

I have seen this on things regarding being a sister. I have been temped to buy for my brother as a joke....as in I am pleased to be your sister, but know I drive you nutty, so I chuckle! Hee hee....but I have a good joking relationship with my brother. In fact, this years birthday card wishes him a Happy BIrthday Butthead!

 

[inaminute]

"I'm smiling because you're my daughter. I chuckle because there is nothing you can do about it- Your dad"

It sounds as if you've been through a lot with your dad. It also sounds as if your feelings were really hurt by the card. Whether it's meant to be funny or not, your feelings are hurt.

Here's what I would do with that card. You hold it out in front of you so you can see the cover. Hold it at the top--firmly, in both hands. Quickly move the right hand down. If done right, the card will tear in half, lengthwise. Now, tear both halves again. Repeat until the card is in little tiny pieces. Next, take the card into the bathroom. Yes. The bathroom. Lift the lid on the toilet and deposit the pieces of card into the toilet. Flush until all pieces are gone.

Stand up. Wipe your hands. And don't give it, or him, another thought. Don't give him the power to make you feel unhappy.

Oh...and...HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I'm smiling because you're on the DIS. I chuckle because I am too!!!!

 

[Microcell]

Wow, you get a kid off the bus and get her some cottage cheese and look at all of you responding!

I'mSorry, Happy Birthday to you too!

I suppose it is how you look at it. I try to live well, but it amazes me how quickly all those bad feelings come back and I try to figure out everything he says when he communicates. I doubt he even gives it a second thought, but the week of my Birthday is always so hard for me, my mom passed 17 years ago on the 16th. I get so emotional and take things hard. This week just stinks for me, and has for a long time. I wonder if the day will come when I can make it through the week of my birthday without crying.

So how would you send a thank you? What would you say? He sent me money too. Would you take it or return it if there were bad feelings? It was 33 dollars, my age as of tomorrow. I sit here thinking, man I will be hurting him financially when I turn 70!

 

[inaminute]

So how would you send a thank you? What would you say? He sent me money too. Would you take it or return it if there were bad feelings?

Return cash? No way!

Honestly, I'd just send a quick thank you note. "Hi Dad. Got your card. Thanks for the gift. Have a great day.--Microcell" Nothing fancy. Just enough that he can't say you didn't acknowledge it.


(Edited to correct a spelling error!)

 

[Microcell]

Return cash? No way!

Honestly, I'd just send a quick thank you note. "Hi Dad. Got your card. Thanks for the gift. Have a great day.--Microcell" Nothing fancy. Just enough that he can't say you didn't acknowledge it.


(Edited to correct a spelling error!)

Hey! I don't want him to know my screen name, it is bad enough he knows my real one! Hee hee

I will commence to ripping up the card as you have instructed. Already, male or female you have been more of a dad to me than he has in 33 years! I am really not kidding.

 

[inaminute]

Already, male or female you have been more of a dad to me than he has in 33 years!

This is so great! I've never been a Dad, before!

I'll have to tell DH that I'm now entitled to Father's Day cards as well!!!!

 

[Microcell]

This is so great! I've never been a Dad, before!

I'll have to tell DH that I'm now entitled to Father's Day cards as well!!!!

I am so excited that I will have someone to send one to!

 

[luvmy2sams]

So sorry you're having to go through this.

Speaking from very personal experience, it sucks to have a nutjob for a father. Knowing that about my life, you can probably guess how I interpret the card. He's probably just a little tickled that he can still get a rise out of you. I think the previous poster's instructions for tearing up the card are perfect. I'd also perform the same task on the check.

to you!

 

[Feralpeg]

Sorry to hear you have such a sad relationship with your father. IMHO, it sounded like he was joking with you. I actually sent a card to my brother not long ago that said basically the same thing. The difference being, I have a good relationship with my brother. It may be that because of your past, you are taking it wrong. If you can, let it go.