Death of family member while on vacation?

Nutsy said:
My Mum passed away just over a week ago and hasn't been well for the past 18 months, we normally take a family holiday in September, but this year didn't...one reason being that after being away (non even in the same country) when my Dad passed away, I was reluctant to go away when I knew my Mum was far from well. I didn't want history repeating itself.
I'm so sorry about your mother. :hug:

I was SHOCKED when my MIL and FIL went on a planned cruise when my MIL's mother was very sick. They had already been called to the nursing home a couple of times. But Granny didn't die for a few more years. Really gave me something to think about.

My Dad had his 3rd heart attack in August '96. After that, his health was a roller-coaster of good days and bad days. It was extremely stressful for us all, and with 3 kids of my own...8, 6, and 3 at the time...and trying to juggle being there for Mom and Dad too, I desperately wanted to get away from it all and focus on my own family. So, we went on our 1st trip to WDW in November '97. I told Mom, and my sister who was staying there, that I wouldn't be calling to check in...I knew already that things weren't good and it would only stress me out completely, and that in turn would affect the kids, and we all needed a break and some stress free enjoyment in our lives...but gave them every available way of contacting me. (They had an excellent support system of wonderful neighbors too.) Had he passed away while we were on vacation, I would have flown back immediately, and had DH and the kids come back in time for the funeral, or all of us together...whatever we could work out. And Dad thought it was great that we went to WDW. :)

As it turned out, Dad passed away 10 months later, in September '98.
 
It all depend on who it was....if my mom was that sick I wouldn't go on vacation but if it was sudden and she died while I was away I would fly directly home....same for father,brother, sister and grandparents...Aunts and Uncles I would go and may/may not come home for their funeral..depends on a lot of things...
 
MaryAnnDVC said:
I'm so sorry about your mother. :hug:

Thanks..........big shock at the time, but getting back to normal again now:flower2:
 
My father in law died on our honeymoon. It was quite unexpected. We flew home the next day.

The whole thing is still one big blur and I'm not sure we received any money back from the cancelled part of our trip. We weren't staying at Disney and we only had two more nights. Our passes didn't expire and we went back for our ten year anniversary and used them.

I know that I will probably never eat in the Coral Reef again but I look back on that day with a lot of bittersweet emotions.

Now I tell my family, don't call us on vacation.

You just have to put some safe guards in place, plan for the worst, maybe buy insurance and then go and have a good time.
 

Cruisin said:
If you did that you might never go anywhere.

Case in point, my inlaws. They have been waiting for her brotherinlaw to die for over 3 years now. Oh, can't go away because Uncle Bill might die :rolleyes: Ummmm, okay.

What a waste of life :sad2:

That is so sad.

In April of 2004, my brother was fighting a brain tumor. He had been hospitilized in Feb. because he did not know who he was, or know who anyone esle was, and quite frankly, he seemed retarded. His brain was having seizures. It was the 1st time we were faced with the seriousness of his illness. He was losing his battle.

In April, I had a 4 day Wonder cruise planned for my DH and kids and myself, and I booked a 2 bedroom volla at OKW for my sister and her family while we were on the cruise, and we all moved into a Grand Villa when we got off the cruise.

My sister seriously wanted to postpone her trip. She was petrified my brother was going to die while we were down there. I talked her into staying with the trip. I pointed out that she was not cancelling her trip, she was just moving the date. What if he didn't die? (chances were good he wouldn't, he was still pretty active) She moves the date a few months out, and she has the same predicament then. There are no guarantee's in life. We can't stop living because of a "what if".

My brother died in September of 2004. August was the beginning of the end. So, it turned out, April was the best time for us to go.
 
You never know when the end will come. My Grandmother has been in and out of hospitals since 1995--taken off life support following a stroke in 1998, she rallied to live independently for 3 more years before moving into assisted living. She has fought infections, and battled back--we just celebrated her 90th birthday.

In contrast, my MIL went Christmas shopping at age 59 and never returned, because of a car accident. My FIL died 3 years later after playing a round of golf--we had just celebrated his 62nd birthday. My brother was diagnosed with cancer on Thursday, before we left for WDW on Sunday, and my parents left for Alaska--he insisted we go, just as he insisted DH and I go to Chicago, later in that month--we were called back from Chicago because he was not doing well--and arrived in time to see him alive one last time.

My point is that we are all living on borrowed time--if we waited around for our family members to die, we would spend all our time focused on death--this is not living.
 
There are many things that would influence my decision:
1. What family member is it?
2. What is our relaitonship?
3. How close are we?
4. How will I feel if they do die when I am away? Will I feel really guilty, as if I somehow "failed" the person?

When DMIL was sick, we had a vacation planned for WDW. She was not in dnager of dying imminently when we were scheduled to be away, but I knew that neither DH or I would enjoy the vacation, because we'd be worrying about DMIL & feeling guilty about leaving DH's siblings with the responsibility of caring for her while we were gone. So we postponed our trip & went about a month or so after DMIL passed away. In the ned, that turned out to be better, because it was really the first time we had had the chance to relax in about 4 months, there wasn't the stress of checking home 5 times a day to see how things were, there wasn't the stress of trying to decide what to do if we were in WDW and she took a turn for the worse. But this was DMIL. An aunt or uncle...I might not be so quick to cancel or postpone...I might roll the dice and see if I could get the vacation in.
 
My brother passed away when we were on a Disney cruise last month. We knew he was dying, but the doctor figured he had a month or two.
I spoke to my mother and asked her if she felt we should cancel the trip. We were more than willing. She said that she wanted us to go.
During the cruise, we got a call that my brother passed away. DCL was extremely accommodating in allowing us to make as many calls as we needed back home free of charge. Fortunately, we made it back home after the cruise in time to attend the funeral. If I could'nt call home, I would have been devastated, but due to DCL's generous service of allowing us to call home several times, it made it better.
 
Since my DH's grandmother is getting up in years we face this every time we go away. It doesn't stop us from going, but we think about it. Last year we did a 10 day cruise and before going talked about what we would do if she passed while we were away. She's still with us thank goodness.

We did have to cancel a trip to WDW 2 weeks before we were to go when my mom was diagnosed with lung cancer. She lived 5 months after that. On the anniversary of her death we were at WDW. Some of my fondest memories of her are the times we spent there together.
 
Not while I was in WDW, but I was at an out of town wedding when my favorite cousin died unexpectedly. We got back to the hotel after the reception and there was a message from my husband, I thought he was going to tell me his Grandfather died, but he tells me about my cousin. I was there with my Mom and my older sister and the ride home the next day was the absolute worse car trip I have ever done.

My Mom got sick when she was on vacation in WDW, she ended up having to have emergency gallbladder surgery because it was very infected, so I ended up having to get down there fast.

My middle daughter (at the time she was in 5th grade) has a very close friend. Her Mom was diagnosed with a brain tumor after collapsing at home, she never regained conscienous (sp?) and we had no idea how long she would linger. She died 3 days before a family trip to WDW, her funeral was the morning we left. Catie was a mess that day and felt guilty for enjoying herself when her friend was so upset.
 
I guess it depends on your family, the family member who is ill and how everyone feels about it.

My father lived 3000 miles away when he died....he knew I was coming the next day but I truly do not think he wanted me to help take care of him. It is not his death I missed but I do have regrets about not taking more time when I had him (I was in denial big time).

Is your family member lucid and knows who you are? Will they continue to be....what would they want?

No matter what decision you make you will double think yourself from now until forever.

Best of luck!
 
I thought about this too (actually for the past 4 years), my dad is dying but for some reason, continues to hold on. I worry every year he'll pass away while we're on vacation, but he doesn't. If it was my dad, I would go home and lose the vacation unless my mom insisted I finish my vacation (gee, what fun that would be).

My grandma is 81 and had some health issues so I was worried about her dying this year while we were on vacation. But she didn't.

Bottom line for me is: Dying is a part of life-you never know who it will be or when. You have to live your life and not base your decisions on guessing the length of someone else's future. May seem callous, but my dad was given a brief period of time to live and he has lasted years beyond that. I had a 28 year old cousin die this spring in a car accident-totally unexpected. The future is unpredictable-plan yours and the rest will all work out in the end.
 














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